Chapter 16
Sebastian slept little that night before rising at dawn for a long ride across the grounds. While he considered departing off to London to give his wife some distance, he was resolved to make amends before he took his leave again.
Or at least, that was his hope.
There was no one to box with out here in Eastwynd, nor wrestle.
Sebastian made an early trip through town to gather supplies to make his own boxing bag, one that garnered the curiosity of the household.
He invited two footmen to assist him and before noon, had it set up in a corner of the mews to enjoy a quick practice.
“Goodness gracious.”
He was dripping sweat and nearly worn down when the yelp of his housekeeper brought him to a halt. Staggering back a step, he turned and raised an eyebrow at her.
“Did the household not alert you to my activity?”
A short huff escaped her. “Certainly they did.” She eyed him curiously before hastily looking away. Glancing down, he realized his shirt was entirely stuck to his body. “Only I didn’t think… Well, who am I do understand what Londoners do?”
Picking up the towel set aside for him, he mopped his face. “I don’t think many Londoners enjoy this.”
“No, I cannot imagine they do. But here you are all the same, Your Grace. I do hope this endeavor is… well, what you desire.”
“It is, thank you. We’ll keep this bag tucked away in the stables when not in use. But I’d like it to remain. Should the servants like to test out their mettle at any time, of course, they are welcome to it,” he added.
“Very good, Your Grace, thank you.”
Sebastian set the towel back down and waited for her to go, only to find she hadn’t budged. Instead, the housekeeper swished her skirts lightly and glanced at him once more before darting her gaze away.
He waited some more. Though he was a patient man, he wasn’t particularly interested in standing here forever. Eventually someone had to speak up or do something.
“Do you wish for a turn?” he asked mildly.
“Good lord, no! I only…” Mrs. Maple stammered for a moment. “That is, I shouldn’t have, but perhaps… Well, I wished to see if you might desire to decorate.”
He frowned. “Decorate?”
“Yes, for Christmas.”
Which is less than a week away. How could I forget? I was just exchanging fits at the supper party last night… Apparently, I am much too distracted. And boxing here was supposed to help me clear my mind.
“Of course for Christmas,” Sebastian huffed slightly. “I knew that.”
She shot him a pointed look but said nothing.
He was about to agree it might be a fine notion, and yet… “It seems like an exorbitant amount of work since everything would be removed within a few days. Is that something the household wishes to do?”
“Perhaps so, yes. Everyone likes the holiday season, don’t they? I think Her Grace might appreciate something festive,” Mrs. Maple added.
That made him pause. His mind raced along as he considered what the woman was up to.
But then he wondered if that was the truth.
Would Isabel like it? He still wasn’t certain how to approach her.
However, this might appease her. He hadn’t done much to enjoy the holidays for himself––it was always doing what his friends desired––and he wouldn’t mind some festivity under the roof.
I can do more than protect her. If only she had let me say something… If only I could have found the words. It isn’t much. But won’t this be something? Perhaps even special. I don’t wish to upset her. Certainly don’t seek to lose her…
Nodding slowly, Sebastian offered a short smile. “I think that would be a fine idea, Mrs. Maple. And I’d love to help.”
Her eyes widened in surprise. “Help?”
“We’ll need a tree, won’t we? Garlands?” He nodded his head out toward the trees. “After I bathe, I’ll take a few men and a wagon to find us something good. Make a list if you know how much we need. Yes, that’s a fine idea.”
“That is, well, yes, I can do that…” Mrs. Maple hurriedly followed after him as he swept inside. The boxing could wait another day. There was other work to be done that had him eagerly on the move. “What of ribbons? We might need some more.”
Warm certainty rushed through Sebastian. “The list, Mrs. Maple. Use what we have and let me know what else we need. I’ll be happy to assist.”
For the next two days, he enjoyed the busy nature thrust upon him with the housekeeper’s help.
They covered the main two floors in garlands, settling trees of all sizes in all the frequently used rooms. Even the kitchens had a small one.
During this time, he noted how many of the rooms remained with closed door and closed windows.
So much of the house remained shuttered.
“No one has asked for any such changes,” Mrs. Maple told him with a pointed expression. “Her Grace has only rearranged the front parlor, the drawing room, and the dining room.”
She uses those rooms most of all, I would assume. Here I had thought she had attended the entire house… Where is she hiding out? Is it still that painting room of hers?
He had nearly forgotten about that. “We need one more tree for the sunroom where the duchess paints. Any room the household seeks to brighten, feel free to do what needs to be done. Worry not about the expenses. This house should be more festive than anything any of us have ever seen, Mrs. Maple.”
As always, her eyes widened in surprise over his words before she hastily nodded and went off with one of the servants to enact his request.
Sebastian had been so busy that he forgot to attend supper for two days, and desired to make up for it the third night.
Once he had bathed and shaved and dressed, he made his way down to the drawing room to find Isabel already there. She had a wine glass in one hand while the other was gently brushing fingertips over a garland framing the doorway.
This was what he was seeking. A connection with her. A tentative apology so she knew they were…
Well, he wasn’t entirely sure yet. There was only so much of marriage that he understood.
Even less that he desired. Sebastian simply wanted to make amends.
For that short spell while dancing at the baron’s supper party, he had thought they connected well.
He wanted that again. It wasn’t much he asked for, so he hoped, and he certainly didn’t want Isabel bitter towards him.
This isn’t war, you fool. What of friendship? Can we not have that?
Bracing himself, Sebastian stepped forward and found his voice. “Do you like the decorations?”
She twirled around quickly. The wine swirled in her glass without dropping and the dress fluttered around her ankles. Tonight’s gown was a new one, a deep green with a festive trim. They made her eyes shine. “Vale.”
“Sebastian, please.”
With a single nod, she looked him up and down before turning back toward the garland.
“I very much like the decorations. Thank you for asking. It was very thoughtful to have them put up. Winter has always been such a beautiful season, at least for those of us willing to seek the beauty. Whoever decided to put these up?”
His heart skipped a beat. “I did.”
Finding strength in the way she gazed up at him in pleased surprise, Sebastian tried to keep talking.
His voice was soft as though he didn’t wish to scare her off.
But he noted the tight grasp on her wine glass like she was cautious, and he wanted to be gentle.
“Eastwynd deserves a fresh start, I realized. It shouldn’t feel so dark, like a tomb.
It deserves to be a home. To be lived in, especially now. ”
As Isabel’s grip loosened, she slowly nodded. Her tight smile loosened into a genuine one. “That is a lovely thought. Thank you.”
“Of course. I do aim to… to be a better man.”
Better than my father.
The thought came to him unbidden, not realizing just how harsh he still felt about the late duke. His stomach clenched for a second before loosening as he found his wife didn’t ask any follow-up questions.
Instead, her gaze lifted over his head to share a tilted smirk. “Is there something about being better that means standing under a mistletoe?”
“What?” He jerked his eyes up to see a particular fig of greenery nearly blending in with the rest of the garlands. No one had asked him about hanging mistletoe.
“Don’t you…” Isabel asked hesitantly while slowly leaning forward.
Promptly stepping backward, Sebastian gave a sharp shake of his head. The household was not supposed to have done that. And he didn’t mean to confuse Isabel. Frustrated and suddenly on edge, he balled his hands into fists.
“I wouldn’t have hung that.”
Freezing where she stood, one foot forward, Isabel blinked. “No?”
“We have already discussed this, Isabel. This isn’t that sort of marriage.
” Even as the urge crossed him to take her up in his arms––how warm might she be, he wondered, and how soft––Sebastian forced the dream away.
He knew how cruel marriages could be and would have no part in them, being hurt or causing hurt. “It can’t be.”
Isabel’s eyes flashed. She didn’t cringe or back away, which most women would do.
But she had never shrunk in front of him.
Even as he respected her for her courage, he couldn’t ignore her words.
“If I am to share your name, your home, then I deserve to know the man behind it. I have the right to know the man I swore to spend the rest of my life with, to know you.”
There was a stinging sensation in his eyes even as he let out a sharp bark of a laugh.
Who was to know his past? Some days, he hardly knew it.
The shadows were too quick to creep in should he think on it too long.
While his friends knew the basic details, they didn’t know the extent of everything.
No one would. It had hurt then, and it would hurt now.
I won’t destroy someone like Isabel with the truth.
His entire body stiffened as he stared her down, muttering in a clear and stern tone, “There is no need to bring the darkness of my past into the light of your soul.”
“But––”
“No. You do not know what you ask.”
Inhaling sharply with a quivering breath, Isabel finally pulled back and stared at him. Her hand trembled and splashed wine on her glove. While the gaze in her eyes was difficult for him to read, he hoped it meant she understood.
As for Sebastian, he pulled back. He hated himself for the cruelty even as he told himself this was necessary. “I beg your pardon. I find myself no longer hungry for supper. Please enjoy yourself.”
He bowed and left immediately, hoping she hadn’t seen the shaking in his own hands either.