22. Jamie
jamie
. . .
I ’ve always been the girl who falls in love first, asks questions last, never thinks about the consequences and ends up ass over tea kettle because I’m not cautious. As much as I want to roll around in the sand with Ajay, to add sex in the sandy cove to the list of “Stupid Shit Jamie Does”, I can’t. I’d love to be foolish right now, to blame my emotions on making rash decisions but I owe it to myself, to Logan, and to Evelyn to proceed with caution and to not be that girl . But being that girl, the one who doesn’t care, can be nice. I hate being a responsible adult right now, and I blame Ajay. It’s his fault. He brings this reckless behavior out in me. If it weren’t for him, I’d be sitting behind my desk, processing inventory, or standing behind the bar, pouring drinks, and listening to people’s problems.
Except, I’m here with my legs between Ajay’s, my fingers digging into a muscle on his back and looking into his eyes. He asked me to give him a chance at being my husband. Do I owe him that? I’m not sure that I do. Do I want to be married to him? Again, I don’t know, but I’m not positive giving up on a chance to be with him again is something I want either. Life with and without him is complicated. He’s never been far from my mind especially with his band doing so well — plus Dhara, despite being my best friend, made sure I knew everything even though I had no desire to know.
“Whiskey?” he says my name and it echoes all around. “Whiskey, look at me.”
My eyes shoot up to his and I’m lost in the deep sea of blue. I’m waiting for him to say something profound, like to tell me he loves me again or wants to make love to me… maybe tell me that if he’s not buried inside me immediately, he’s going to die or something like I’ve read before in a book or two, but he doesn’t say anything. He leans forward and kisses me softly. After years apart I’ve never forgotten the way his soft lips feel against mine. That must mean something right?
“I think we should get back,” I tell him before any of my fantasies start to come true and I’m left with no option except to tell him no. I don’t want to have sex with him on the beach… the Wrangler, maybe… but not here. Not now. Not tomorrow either. I have to get my life in order. But I can’t lie and say I don’t want to have sex with him, and yet I know I shouldn’t.
On the way back to our spot on the beach, he holds my hand and our arms sway as if this is the most common thing between us, as if we’ve been doing this for years not minutes.
Ajay stops down by the water, away from his friends. We’re ankle deep in the water when he turns to face me, blocking me from seeing the people behind us. “I’m freaking out a little. It’s starting to feel like the cove wasn’t reality and as we walk closer to our friends, we’re also going back to our real lives.”
“That doesn’t make any sense, Ajay.”
He sort of rolls his eyes. It’s not because I’m being a smart ass, but because he’s showing me his frustration. He’s never been particularly good about expressing himself.
“I don’t know what I’m trying to say, Whiskey. I just want you to know… look, I kissed you, told you that I love you. Those things still exist for me when my friends are around.”
“Okay?”
His eyes roll again, and I place my hand on his cheek. “Are you trying to say?—”
“What I’m trying to say is that the person I was in private is the same person I am in public. I won’t hide my feelings for you, not from anyone.”
His words bring a smile to my face. I like that he’s open and honest about things and that if we were to stay together, everyone would know it. Our relationship wouldn’t be a secret hidden behind a closed door.
All of this is great, but I still haven’t told him about Evelyn. I don’t know why I can’t bring myself to do it. Mostly due to fear of what he might say, do or what questions he might ask. I don’t want to see the hurt on his face when he finds out I have a daughter, not because I moved on but because she’s not his. He used to tell me he only wanted children with me, and while I don’t know if that still holds true to this day, I used to say the same thing to him.
Ajay squeezes my hand and directs us back to our spot. Nola’s making lunch and offers us some as well.
“Actually, I need to go make a phone call,” I say, without looking at Ajay for his reaction. I rifle through my bag and pull out my cell phone, thankful that no one has been trying to reach me.
I walk toward the parking lot and cross it to where there’s a shelter with picnic tables. Sitting down, I press the button and wait.
“Hey,” Logan says. “What’s up?”
“I kissed Ajay,” I blurt out.
“Oh,” he says. That small word lingers on the line between us.
“I’m sorry. It was stupid. I just got caught up in the moment.”
“You had a moment?”
“Nostalgia.”
“Tricky little thing nostalgia is, isn’t?”
“Yeah,” I sigh. “Especially when you don’t have closure.”
“And yet, another tricky word.”
“Logan, I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be, Jamie. I’m not mad. I get it. But listen, I’ll be down in the morning, okay?”
“Okay.”
“Jamie?”
“Yeah, Logan?”
“I don’t want you worrying your pretty little head about what happened, okay? After everything you’ve gone through the last couple of days, I know your emotions are running high.”
“You’re too good to me.”
He laughs, which means he’s probably agreeing with me. “You should tell him about Evelyn.”
I shake my head even though I know he can’t see me. “He’ll bail by the time our ninety days are up. I’m just going to wait him out.” Despite Ajay telling me he’s in this for the long haul, I’m not sure I trust him.
“I gotta run, Jamie. Are you working tonight?”
“Technically, no. I took the night off, but Ajay doesn’t know that. He brought me out to the beach with his friends. I figured I should make an effort if he is.”
He laughs. “Be nice, tiger. I’ll see you tomorrow.” Logan hangs up, leaving me very confused. He’s not mad about the kiss, tells me I need to be nice to Ajay, and thinks I need to tell him about my daughter. It seems like Logan is pushing me toward Ajay when he should be standing between us.
I continue to sit under the shelter, needing a few minutes to get my thoughts in order. A limo pulls into the parking lot and stops. The doors open and a wedding party gets out, followed by the groom and his bride. Her dress is mermaid style and I find myself laughing as she tries to keep up with her group. It’s when her husband scoops her up into his arms that my heart skips a beat.
“Are you sure you want to do this, Whiskey? You don’t even have a dress.”
“I’m tired of my daddy treating you like crap,” I tell Ajay as he drives us to the courthouse. “Besides, it’s my birthday and I can’t think of a better birthday present.”
“Your daddy’s going to kill me,” he mutters.
I wave him off. “Eh, after today he won’t be able to chase your naked ass down the road with a shotgun anymore.”
“Don’t remind me. But he can tell me I can’t live with you.”
“Then we’ll move to my grandpa’s. He’s got that trailer on his property, we could live in that. Hell, we could pull it with the truck and move someplace else.”
“I don’t want you living in a camper, Whiskey. Not with the baby coming.”
I look down at my stomach. There’s a tiny bulge there, but only Ajay and I notice it. After we’re married, I’ll tell my parents. I know they’ll be pissed but there isn’t anything they can do about it. I’ll be Mrs. Ajay Ballard and they’ll just have to accept my choices.
Ajay reaches across and places his hand under my shirt, his palm on my stomach. Every night since I failed the most important test of my life, he’s laid in bed and spoken to our baby. He even bought me a book on what to expect and we’ve read it together.
I am so in love with the man next to me. I can’t wait to be his wife and the mother of his child.
“We’ll be fine, Ajay. My daddy will come around. Once I tell my mom she’s going to be a grandma, she’ll force Daddy into submission. You know deep down he’s just a big ole softie, like a bear.”
“Like a grizzly, while they’re cute and fluffy, one swipe with a paw and I’m out cold.” Ajay pulls up along the curb and shuts my truck off. “Are you sure about this, Whiskey?” He asks me again, “Marriage… it’s forever.”
“Stop fighting me on this, will ya?”
Ajay looks out the window and finally back at me. “I have nothing to offer you, Whiskey Girl. I’m barely passing school and my job stocking shelves at the mini mart doesn’t pay shit.”
“It pays enough to feed me and our baby. I’ll worry about putting a roof over our heads.” I take his hand in mine. I expect him to get out and drag my ass up the stairs of the courthouse, but he lets go of my hand and turns the truck back on instead.
“Where are we going?”
“Look, I can’t afford much, but I do have a couple hundred saved up.”
“For what?”
He looks at me and smiles. “For a ring.”
“I don’t need one, Ajay. Besides, I have a math test in fifth period that I have to be back for.”
He doesn’t listen and continues to drive us to the superstore. We walk hand in hand to the jewelry counter, all the while I’m looking over my shoulder for a sighting of either of my parents. They’re going to be pissed I ditched out on school today, but not as angry as they will be when I tell them why.
The clerk comes over to help and Ajay asks to see the rings in his price range. I can tell he’s a bit embarrassed but I’m not. I’m in love with him and want to be his wife.
“Which one do you like?”
I point to one of the three he’s showing me. It’s small, simple, and beautiful. He pays for the ring and a band to go along with it.
“What about for you?” I ask.
“Maybe next month, I don’t have enough to buy all three.”
“I should buy yours.”
“Nah, I’ll get it. Besides, after today, my money is yours.”
“And mine is yours,” I say, giving him a kiss in the parking lot. Standing at the truck, his hand rests on the handle. “Everything okay?”
He nods and drops down to his knee. “Whiskey Girl, will you marry me?”
I throw my arms around him and we almost fall to the ground. We’re laughing as he slips the ring onto my finger.
“Come on, we gotta hurry.” He helps me into the truck and makes his way back to the courthouse. Inside, we have to show our driver’s licenses to prove we are of age.
“Does your daddy know what you’re doing, Jamie?” the desk clerk asks.
“Sure does. Told this boy to start acting like a man. What a better way to be a man, right?”
She cocks her head to the side and gives us an ‘uh huh’ as she continues to process our paperwork. We sign our names and she tells us that Judge Harvey can see us in ten minutes. Frankly, that’s too long but I can be patient.
As we wait, Ajay’s leg bounces up and down. “Cold feet?”
“Nah, just scared she called your daddy and he’s about to burst through that door with his shotgun loaded and aimed at my head.”
“Well at least you’re dressed this time.”
“Funny,” he says, but he’s not laughing.
“I’m an adult and this is what I want.”
“Most eighteen-year-old’s ask for a car.”
“Got that already.”
“Jameson Foster and Ajay Ballard, you’re next.”
I stand up and drag Ajay behind me. Judge Harvey doesn’t look too pleased to see us standing in front of him and I suppose it’s because he knows I’m the one that teepeed his house not too long ago. I have no doubt that it was a bitch to clean up because his stupid sprinklers came on, soaking that tissue right where I left it. Plus, it rained for the next few days which meant he couldn’t really clean it all up.
“I don’t even want to pretend I know what’s going here.”
“Works for us,” I tell him.
“Do you, Jameson Foster, take Ajay Ballard to be your lawfully wedded husband?”
“I do.”
“Ajay Ballard, do you take Jameson Foster to be your lawfully wedded wife?”
“I do,” he says proudly.
Judge Harvey sighs, scribbles his name on our marriage license and looks at the both of us. “I hope to hell you both realize what you’ve just done,” he pauses to shake his head. “I now pronounce you husband and wife.”
He doesn’t tell Ajay he can kiss the bride, but Ajay does anyway. “Mrs. Ballard,” he whispers against my lips.
“Best. Birthday. Ever.”