32. Jamie
jamie
. . .
E velyn and I only spent a week in California, which was enough to realize that wherever Ajay is, is home, at least for me. Evelyn’s still on the fence about it all, but she’s giving up a lot leaving her grandparents behind. I wish I could tell her that moving is easy, but I’ve never had to pack up my stuff and move across country. I can’t promise her that she’ll make new friends, although I’m confident she will, or assure her that her teacher next year will be as nice as her kindergarten teacher. I can only hope and convey those feelings when we talk about our new adventure. She’s scared, but so am I. I’m scared that I’m making the wrong decision about moving forward with Ajay even though it feels right. I wish I could go back to the beginning of our ninety-day sentence and start all over. I’d force myself to spend every waking minute with him, to tell him the truth about Evelyn from the onset, to make sure that he understood what staying together meant. I’d use those beginning days to get to know him, understand his life and immerse myself in it. Right now, I’m getting the crash course of what it’s like to be with someone in a full-time band, and not a garage band that plays for a case of beer on a Saturday night. Those days of sitting on a milk crate and watching Ajay play were pretty amazing — I’m proud of what he’s accomplished, though part of me would give anything to go back and beg him not to leave for Nashville. Our lives would be different, but I don’t know if that’s a good or bad thing.
The sound of someone clearing their voice brings me back to my reality. I’m about to leave a job that has kept me financially afloat and the thought of being dependent on someone else has my stomach in knots. I look up to find my boss in the doorway. He’s come back from Florida to hire my replacement.
“You look deep in thought, any chance you’re changing your mind?” he asks as he comes in and sits in the chair across from my desk, which is now technically his. He’s tan, probably from his many hours out on the golf course, making me look like a ghost compared to him.
“I wish I could find a way to stay here and move.”
“Me too, Jamie. I hate the idea of losing you.”
I nod and choke back the lump in my throat. Everything about this job has been great and my boss has treated me fairly. He’s taught me a lot about being an adult and was there when Evelyn was born. He felt responsible, in a small way, since it was a convention he had taken me to where I met her sperm donor.
“I have everything in order,” I hand him a manila folder containing my day-to-day activities, schedules for the staff, time off requests, and delivery schedules. “I hope my notes are detailed enough but if not, you, or whoever you have coming in to replace me, can always call me.”
“What are you going to do when he goes on tour and leaves you home for months on end?”
Worry my ass off for no reason because I know Ajay won’t do anything stupid. He won’t mess up what we’re trying to build. “Explore California, lay in the sun, and help take care of Chandler.”
“His son from another relationship?”
“No,” I tell him while shaking my head. “Chandler is the daughter of one of Ajay’s bandmates. They live next door and I told Keane that she can stay with Evelyn and me when they go on tour next or have a late night in the studio.”
“And you’re okay being a stay at home wife?”
“And mother,” I point out. “I can work if I want to but I don’t have to. Ajay said the decision is up to me. I think if I do, I’ll find something part-time because I want to make sure that Evelyn is adapting well and our life there isn’t about school and work. Besides, it’ll be a bit before the band goes on tour. Keane doesn’t want to tour during the school year because of Chandler and the band is going to start work on a new album soon.”
My answers seem to appease him since he turns his attention to the folder. He opens it and thumbs through the pages, nodding and saying “uh huh” every so often. As I sit here, I feel like I’m facing a teacher with a final test, my fate in his hands. Do I pass or fail? Story of my life when I was in high school.
He sets the file on my desk and sighs. “You’re going to be hard to replace.”
“Thank you. That means a lot.”
“I’m going to conduct some interviews today and would like for you to sit in on them, maybe tell the applicants about how you handle everything. Do you think of any of the current staff would make a good manager?”
I shake my head slowly. It’s not that I don’t love my staff, I do, but every single one of them has something going on and they’re always missing work for some reason or the other. No one is committed beside the head chef and he only wants to cook.
“Yeah, I didn’t think so when none of them applied for your job.” We stand at the same time and he waits for me to walk out of the office. He follows behind until we enter the kitchen and he heads off in another direction. Out front, the crowd is light and even though I know Ajay won’t be here until tomorrow, I can’t help but scan the faces for his. Tomorrow we’re going to withdraw the petition for our divorce. He offered to have his lawyer do it, but I thought it would mean more if we ripped the papers up together. It’s unnecessary but ceremonial… a life changing event.
As soon as I see Fletcher walk in, I pull the tap for his beer. He sits down and sighs. We haven’t spoken much about me moving, but I gather the news isn’t sitting well with him. I set his pint down in front of him and rest my hands on the edge of the bar. “Where’s Dhara?”
“Dunno, she had some meeting tonight.”
“Is she meeting you later?”
“Didn’t ask.”
“Don’t lie to me, Fletch. I know you, you asked.”
He shrugs, picks up his glass and takes a drink. “She’s out of sorts since you told us you’ve decided to move. I think she’s been trying to process the fact that she’s losing her best friend.”
I lean forward and tilt my head slightly so he’s looking into my eyes. “You can’t give me a guilt trip here, Fletch. I’m doing exactly what you would do if Dhara decided to move. You’d follow her and you wouldn’t think twice about it.”
“She hasn’t hurt me the way he hurt you.”
“We grow from hurt. If I thought Ajay was going to do it again, I’d run the other way, but he won’t.”
“How can you be so sure?”
“Because, Fletcher… I’ve known him most of my life. I’ve seen him at his worst and now at his best, and he’s seen me at mine. We’re not the same eighteen-year-old’s that don’t have a clue about being adults. We needed to grow up. It’s easy for me to see that now and to admit that getting married so young was a mistake.”
“Aren’t you supposed to follow your heart and all that?”
“Oh, Fletch. Are you following your heart? Have you told Dhara how you feel? Asked her out? You had the perfect opportunity while in Los Angeles, but you didn’t take it. Why not?”
He shakes his head and turns his attention to his beer. I feel like a shit for bringing up Dhara, but he’s in the same boat as I used to be.
“She doesn’t feel the same way.” He sets his empty pint glass down and pushes it toward me. I leave him there, with those words lingering in the air, while I pour him another and help a couple that just sat down.
In the few minutes that I’m gone, I’m hoping life has smacked him in the head. “Have you asked her?”
“Nope,” he says, drinking from his new glass.
“So how do you know she doesn’t feel the same way?”
He shrugs. “Has she said anything to you?”
“We don’t sit around like school girls, giggling about boys. Those days went out the window after I had Evelyn. But it’s clear that she cares about you. She hasn’t dated anyone in a long time. She spends most of her free time with you if she isn’t with me. I would think that there’s something there. Tell me, where did you sleep last night?”
“On her couch.”
I shake my head and go check on my other patrons. They tie me up with a food order and a group of guys sit down at the bar, asking if I’ll put the baseball game on for them.
When I finally get back to my friend, I ask him, “Do you want to order?”
“My usual.” I put his order in and try to keep myself busy. Word is spreading that I’m leaving so people are asking questions and giving me words of encouragement. Of course, there are those few who are snubbing their noses up at me, but it doesn’t matter. People like Jolene Johnson-Johnson will always find a way to be negative about a situation when it’s a good thing for someone else. She was this way in high school and hasn’t changed much during adulthood. I’m not going to let people get me down. My happiness — and Evelyn’s — is far too important to me.
I continue to work the bar, checking in on everyone and giving Fletcher some time to think. I know our dynamic is changing but the only other option is for me to stay, and that’s not possible. I want to be with Ajay. I want to grow our family and raise children together. Unfortunately, for that to happen, I need to move. Honestly, I’m looking forward to a fresh start with Ajay, in a place where people don’t know us as a couple, and there isn’t anyone around to give him the side eye for his previous actions.
When I head back to check on Fletcher, he’s in the midst of taking a bite of his burger. I stand there and laugh at my impeccable timing. Contrary to popular belief, we are not trained to approach people while they’re eating.
“Can I get you anything else?”
He nods and wipes his face with his napkin. “Can you ask Dhara how she feels about me?”
“You want me to do your dirty work?”
“I’m afraid of ruining my friendship with her so I’m thinking if I have a little inside information before moving forward, I won’t look like a fool.”
“And what if she doesn’t like you, Fletcher? Then what?”
He sets his napkin down and grips the handle of his beer before looking me dead in my eyes. “Then, I move. I’ve been offered a spot in the DA’s office in Raleigh and I’m thinking about taking it.”
My mouth drops open. “Fletch, that’s amazing and heartbreaking.”
He drinks from his glass, finishing off his beer. “I’d like to give them a valid reason why I should stay here or else tell them I’m coming. I want her to come with me, but what type of friend follows another for a job transfer?”
“None that I know of,” I say sadly.
“So, if you wouldn’t mind asking her or snooping around, I’d know how to proceed.”
I rush around the bar until I’m standing next to my friend and pull him into my arms. “I feel like all these life changes should’ve happened years ago, but they’re all happening now, and everything is moving so fast.” Fletcher hugs me tightly before releasing his grip.
“Will you talk to her?”
“I will, Fletch. I believe you’re supposed to be with each other so yeah, I’ll find out what I can.” I’ll have to work fast, but one way or another, it’ll happen.