25. Elle
elle
. . .
W e’re on day three of Ben being in the hospital. Yesterday, the doctors started weaning him off the drugs that keep him asleep. They said he could wake up at any time, which is great, but it’s not good enough for me. I want him to wake up now, not later. I’m so eager to talk to him, to see his eyes, to see his smile, to hear his voice, the waiting is making me incredibly anxious.
Not to mention, I’m stressed. More stressed than I’ve ever been. Brenda let me know she’s on her way and made it very clear that I should pay for her travel expenses. She’s probably right. Maybe I should’ve offered, but she’s made zero effort to see her son in all these years, until she needed a place to crash, and she hasn’t called Ben once since we came back to Beaumont. I said she could figure it out herself.
The nurse comes in and tells me she needs to give Ben a sponge bath. I want to tell her to take a hike, but the infection on his leg needs to be cleaned. I thought about asking for a male nurse, but I don’t want to be a pain in the ass. She’s doing her job. It’s not like she’s hitting on him or doing anything inappropriate.
Outside, in the waiting room, my dad sits on one of the love seats. I will say, these seats are somewhat comfortable and made from pleather cushions. They’re much better than the normal hard plastic the hospital subjects visitors to. I sit down across from my dad with a heavy sigh.
“Where is everyone?” I ask. By everyone I mean my sister and mom. They’ve taken turns looking after Oliver so one of them can always be here. My dad hasn’t left though. The Westburys come and go. Liam stops by in the morning and after he closes the studio, and Josie brings us lunch. I’m super grateful because I hate the food here. You’d think after the hours I’ve spent in a hospital I’d be used to it by now.
My phone rings and John’s name appears. I answer immediately. “Hey, John.” Ben and John have such a deep connection. It’s like they were meant to meet.
“How’s our boy?”
“Still asleep,” I tell him. It’s better for me to say Ben’s sleeping, instead of being in a coma. Coma sounds so formal and scary. “He’s getting a sponge bath now.”
John laughs. “You know, I’ve always wanted one, but I’d rather not be hurt enough that I can’t bathe myself.”
“I hear ya.” I let out a sigh. “He’s going to wake up,” I say. I don’t know if I say this for John or for myself.
“Of course, he is.”
“Have you given any more thought about coming out here? I know Ben would love it. My dad’s band has a private jet. The offer still stands. If you want to come to Beaumont, I’ll make all the arrangements.”
“Your offer is very kind, Elle. But I have patients here that need my attention.”
“I understand,” I tell him. “I’ll keep you updated on Ben. The doctor’s hoping he’ll wake up today.”
“Thank you. By the way, do you know how he hurt himself?”
I take a deep breath. It took me a solid day to replay everything we’d done in the past week to get where we are today. “We went to the lake last weekend,” I tell John. “He put his feet in the water and then complained he got bitten by a fish. My brother went out to the dock we sat on and found rusty nails protruding from the posts. We’re assuming Ben scraped his leg against the nail and because his leg was in the water, we never saw the blood.”
“Damn. Freak accident.”
“I should’ve known better, but I was just so happy he felt well enough to go out.”
“It’s not your fault, Elle. Accidents happen. Trust the staff to take the best care of Ben and everything will be okay. As you said, they caught the sepsis early. He can have a nice recovery and live a long, happy and healthy life. Remain positive and call me if you need anything.”
“Thank you, John. I really needed to hear those words. I’ll call you later.”
We hang up and pull my knees up to my chest and hug my legs.
“John seems like a nice guy.”
“He is,” I tell my dad. “He’s been a great advocate for Ben.”
“Sometimes those are the people that get us through the challenging times. We don’t have to impress them, and they have zero expectations of us. They’re there for us, regardless.”
“Ben needed John when all of this started. I’m thankful for him. Grateful he was there when Ben needed someone to stand up for him and guide him through the process. He literally held Ben’s hand when the diagnosis came in. I should’ve been there . . .”
“You’re here now, princess. These are the moments Ben’s going to remember in the long run. He’s not going to talk about the time you weren’t there. Besides, it was his decision. If I had to go out on a limb, I’d say he regrets it now.”
“Regret is such a harsh word, Dad.”
He shrugs. “Maybe, but nonetheless, I’m willing to bet he wishes you were there when the doctor told him.”
“I feel like I should’ve insisted we stay in Los Angeles.”
My dad comes and sits by me. I lean into him and lose myself in his cologne. He’s worn the same one since I’ve known him. It’s comfort. It’s home. “I’m scared. I’m scared he’s not going to wake up or that when he does, there’s so much damage he can’t recover.”
“I know, sweetie. All we can do is hope and pray the doctors caught the sepsis in time and he’ll be okay.”
“If you’re out here, who’s in with my son?”
Brenda’s snarky voice rings out over the waiting room. Thankfully, it’s empty so no one else has to listen to her.
“Hi, Brenda,” I say, trying to sound pleased that she’s here. “It’s nice to see you again.”
She looks at my dad and smiles. My stomach twists. I will never let Brenda be alone in a room with my dad or even Liam or Jimmy. I know she’d try something and when rebuffed, she’d freak out. She’s untrustworthy. I know she’s Ben’s mom and has every right to be here, but having her here makes me sick to my stomach.
“Stop with the niceties,” she says. “I know you don’t like me.”
Because you just love me .
“You’re Ben’s mother. Of course, I like you.”
She scoffs.
I look down and see her suitcase. Either she didn’t book a hotel, or she came right here. I’m going to think her son means more to her than anything, and she came here from the airport because I’ll be damned if she thinks she’s sleeping in Ben’s room.
“It’s good to see you, Brenda,” my dad says, and she lights up. I get it. Most people are charmed by him. Still to this day, my mom will say my dad can charm her out of her socks with just one word or wink. Of course, these are things a daughter doesn’t want to hear, but I’m happy for my parents.
“Won’t you come sit,” he suggests. Brenda takes the seat across from us and makes eyes at my dad. I swear I can see her eyes turn into hearts.
“Ben’s getting a bath right now,” I tell her, breaking her concentration. “When he’s done, the nurse will let me know.”
“Us,” she says as she gives me a pointed look.
“Right.” I look away from her, unable to engage her in her antics.
“I want to know what you’re doing about his healthcare.”
“What do you mean?” I ask her.
“He was in one of the best hospitals in the country and you moved him here, and now he’s sick. I looked up what he has on the web. He’s going to die from it.”
“He won’t die,” my dad butts in. “The doctor is certain they caught it in time and before the infection did any real damage.”
“Certain is not matter-of-fact,” Brenda fires back and she’s right.
“You’re absolutely right, Brenda.” As much as I hate saying it, I want to give her credit for looking things up about her son’s illness. She deserves that much. “We can only go by what the doctor says, and he feels like Ben has a strong chance of recovering with little to no side effects. Of course, only time will tell, but he’ll have care, regardless. As for being here—it’s what Ben wanted. After the first infection in his port, he didn’t want to stay in Los Angeles or Malibu and asked that we come here. He’s happy in Beaumont. It’s where he’s comfortable. And while Beaumont General may not have the best of everything, Ben does because I make sure of it. The doctor here has been in constant contact with his oncologist and urologist. I can assure you I’m not taking any of this lightly and I only want the best for Ben.” I finish what feels like a sermon and close my eyes. I’m tired. Exhausted. The ICU doesn’t like overnight visitors but when you promise to make a sizable donation, they seem to forget you’re in the room. Only, there isn’t a place to sleep, and the only option is a chair.
“The best for Ben?” Brenda shakes her head. “The best for Ben was when I was taking care of him. Everything was fine until you showed up and started waving your money around. Ben, Brad, and I were doing just fine. I would’ve made sure he made all his appointments.”
“You couldn’t even keep the house clean.” I sit up a bit straighter. “You expected me to pay for a cleaning service because you felt it wasn’t your job. The house was a walking Petrie dish of crap because you and Brad refused to clean up after yourselves. I don’t want to hear that you would’ve taken care of Ben because we both know that isn’t true. You didn’t even take care of him in high school, you certainly weren’t going to take care of him now.”
“How dare you!” She stands and steps toward me until my dad stands in between us.
“I think you need to cool off, Brenda,” Dad says. “I get that you’re worried about Ben. We all are. But arguing with Elle, when all she’s done is make sure he’s being taken care of, isn’t going to make him heal any faster. I assure you, everything that can be done, is being done.”
“He should’ve stayed in California.”
Dad nods. “And maybe that’s true, but we’re in Beaumont now and this is where Ben wants to be. Now, I suggest you go in and see your son or sit down. Regardless, you’re done speaking to my daughter this way. Ben loves her and it’s about time you respect his feelings.”
Brenda leans to the side and looks at me. I expect her to sit down but she reaches for her suitcase and walks down the hall. I don’t know where she’s going or where she’s staying, and part of me doesn’t care. When Ben wakes up, I’ll tell him she’s here or was here and he can decide if she wants to see him.
Dad sits back down and reaches for my hand. “She’s incredibly jealous of you.”
“I don’t understand why.”
“Because you have money and are able to provide Ben with a lifestyle and family. Two things she couldn’t ever give him. She knows, deep down, he’ll choose you over her every single time whether he’s in your life or not.”
“I don’t know about that.”
Dad chuckles. “Elle, that man loves you. Whether you end up together or not. He’s never going to love another woman the way he loves you. In fact, I feel sorry for anyone who comes along if you two aren’t together. The next woman, if there is one, will have to compete with the ghost of you, and that’s wholly unfair to her.”
“You’re silly and just trying to make me feel better.”
“No, I’m telling you the truth. He looks at you the same way I look at your mother. There’s no one else in this world for me, but her. I’m willing to bet Ben feels the same way.”
“Thank you for always standing up for me and knowing just the right words to say.” I lean into my dad and give him a hug. He squeezes me back, showing me how much he loves me. “As if I’d let anyone talk down to you. You definitely don’t deserve the way she treats you.”
“Yeah, I know. Still, I appreciate it. I’m going to go check on him. If she comes back, shoot me a text. I don’t want you to be alone with her. I don’t trust her.”
Dad laughs again. “I can take care of myself.” I raise my eyebrow at him, and he shakes his head. “Fine, I’ll text you.”
After another hug, I head back to the ICU. I stand in this doorway and look at Ben’s sleeping form. The thought has crossed my mind to start poking and prodding at him to get him to wake up, but I know his body needs the time to heal. I sit down next to Ben and sigh.
“You sigh a lot,” his groggily, scratchy voice says.
I jump out of my seat and get right up close to him. “Are you awake?”
He nods slowly.
“Oh, Ben! Oh, God I’m so happy you’re awake.”
“Me too,” he says with a smile. “Dog? What happened?”
I roll my eyes. “Of course, you’d ask about the dog.”
He smiles again.