Chapter 6
six
. . .
N ew Year’s came and went, as did every nanny Aubrey and I interviewed. Well, I did most of the interviewing because she was busy, but nonetheless, we are still without someone to care for Amelie when Aubrey is away—which is way more than she said it would be. Not that I can do anything about that since she wants to live her life—a life with our impressionable daughter at her side.
Thankfully, Mack understands why I have had to delay my trip back to Beaumont. Not that he cares much at the moment. Not with Liam stepping in and filling the void I left. I’m trying not to be jealous, but it I can’t lie, it hurts to know how easily adjusted my son is. Or maybe he’s only telling me things are okay, so I don’t worry. I miss him, but the worrying is at a minimum. I know he’s in safe, capable hands, and Liam and Josie are treating him like their own. Josie even sends daily videos, even though I talk to Mack every morning before he goes to school.
Still, it’s not enough and I want to get back. Preferably with my daughter but Aubrey fails to see that Amelie being in Johannesburg isn’t what’s best for her. And it’s honestly not best for Aubrey. I’ll be happy when she wakes up and sees the damage she’s doing to Amelie.
After dropping Amelie off at school, I head to another meeting at yet another agency in hopes of hiring a caretaker. This will be my third agency. The first person we hired worked for two days, and on the day I was set to leave, she quit. The job was too hard. We hired another from the first agency but they didn’t show up. It’s pretty much the same bullshit from the next agency.
“Mr. Ashford?”
I stand when my name’s called and follow the woman through the open door and down the hall. She points to a chair inside a small cubicle and introduces herself as Sar Newell. Sar types on her computer, asks what Aubrey and I do for work, and then asks me what we’re looking for.
“Someone dependable, who drives. They don’t need a car as we’ll provide one. We’d prefer them to live in the home, but elsewhere is fine as long as their time is flexible. My wife is a nurse with Doctors Without Borders and currently working in Tshwane. There will be times when she doesn’t return and whoever we hire will need to stay the night.”
“And what do you do for work?”
“I’m a pediatrician, but I live in the U.S. I’ll be returning home as soon as possible.”
“You’re not a doctor here?”
“No, at one time I was, but I live in the States.”
She frowns and continues to type. “I have three women who suit your needs.”
“Great.” That’s a relief.
“Come back in one hour. They’ll be here for you to meet and talk with.”
I extend my hand and shake hers. “Thank you.”
As soon as I’m in the car, my phone rings. “Nick Ashford,” I say when the number doesn’t look familiar.
“Nick? How are you doing? This is Kirk DeBartolo. I heard you were back.”
I groan and tap my hand against the steering wheel. DeBartolo was my boss when I did my stint with Doctors Without Borders. He was angry when my contract ended and I wouldn’t renew, but I had just married Aubrey and I wanted to get back to my practice. Plus, we wanted to start a family, and that wasn’t something I wanted to do in a remote village with questionable resources and no viable drinking water.
“Hey, how are things?”
“Good, could always be better. So, it’s true, you’re back?”
“No, not really,” I tell him. “Aubrey’s here working. I came with her to help get her settled.”
“You’re not staying?”
“Nope.” I shake my head even though he can’t see me. “Our sixteen-year-old son is still stateside. As soon as I hire a caretaker for our daughter, I’ll be heading back. I was hoping to be gone already.”
“Ah, bummer.”
“Why, what’s up?” As soon as the question is out of my mouth, I regret it. I know what’s coming and I’m not looking forward to it.
“We’re short staffed and could use someone as skilled as you.”
“I wish I could.”
“The money’s good, Nick. Better than it was the last time you were here. And with your experience, you’d have your pick of locations.”
“It’s not that I don’t want to help, Kirk. It’s that I can’t. With Aubrey staying here, someone needs to be back in the states with our oldest. He’s staying with friends right now and I don’t want him to wear out his welcome.”
“I understand. Let me know if you change your mind, though. Like I said, we need someone with your expertise, Nick. Especially with children.”
And there it is, the knife to the heart.
“Yeah, thanks for calling.” I hang up and toss my phone onto the passenger seat. DeBartolo couldn’t get me with money, because let’s be honest, no one works with the program to get rich. The program is privately funded or done so with donations. Most of the time, doctors use their salaries to buy supplies for patients because there is never enough. But the kids—that’s where he gets me, because healthcare is inadequate, and where there’s a high rate of tuberculosis and HIV where we are. With the right medicine and treatment, one is curable and the other can be maintained.
I push the conversation out of my mind. There’s no way I can do it, not for another two years, and honestly, I’m not sure I want to do it. I love my practice and my staff, and I love watching my patients grow from tiny little humans to rambunctious toddlers to moody teens. I’ve built a strong foundation in Beaumont and I’m not about to throw it away.
A quick glance at the clock tells me it’s time for me to return to the agency. I check in at the front desk and wait for Sar Newell. When she opens the door, she motions for me to follow her. We go to a room, where a young woman sits on one side of the table.
Sar conducts the interview, asking the basic questions, and then I get to ask mine. We do this three times, and then I decided on an unmarried woman in her forties, named Talisa. She doesn’t have children and has been a caretaker before. She also doesn’t have a problem staying at the house when needed and doesn’t need us to provide her a car even though it’ll be there for her if and when she does need one.
Finally.
Now I can make arrangements to go back home.
After my interviews, I stop and pick Amelie up from school. She’s not a fan because it’s nothing like her mother promised, and she hates wearing a uniform. Also, being the new girl is hard work, according to her.
“How was school?” I ask as soon as she comes out of the building.
“I hate it.”
“Want to go home?” I ask her this every day or every time she tells me she hates something here. It’s probably a shitty thing for me to do but I don’t want her here. She needs to be with her brother, back at her old school, and in her room where all of her things are.
“Yes, I’m tired.”
Wrong kind of home. I don’t correct her as I hold the back door open for her. She crawls in and tosses her backpack on the seat.
“Why can’t I sit in the front?”
“Same rules apply regardless of where we are.”
“Dumb.”
So is living here, but I don’t say that to her.
“I hired a caretaker,” I tell her as soon as I’m behind the steering wheel. “I think you’re going to like her.”
“Why can’t you stay with me?”
Because you want to stay with your mother.
“I can, in Beaumont, Amelie. That’s where my job is.”
“Tashia’s dad is a doctor, and he works here.”
“I’m sure lots of your classmates have parents in the medical field.”
“Her mom is in the government. I think she’s a spy.”
I fight hard not to roll my eyes. Amelie sees one show about an American spy working for the government and now everyone is. Including the President and First Lady.
“You probably shouldn’t say that out loud to anyone,” I tell her as we turn to head home. “Some people take that word very seriously and it could cause them a lot of trouble. You remember in the movie what happened, right?”
“Yeah, they kidnapped her family.”
“Right, you wouldn’t want Tashia kidnapped, would you?”
“No, that would be scary, and I’d be sad.”
“Let’s try and keep our government conspiracies to the house, okay?”
“Okay.”
We pull into the driveway just as Aubrey’s being dropped off after being gone for two days. She looks haggard and doesn’t wait for Amelie or me to get out of the car. I try not to let that bother me, but it does. I get not waiting for me, but to not wait for her daughter? I don’t care how exhausted she is, Amelie should come first.
Except deep down, I know she doesn’t.
Amelie and I get out of the car and head into the house. I can faintly hear the water running in the bathroom and figure Aubrey’s taking a shower. After getting Amelie set up at the table to do her homework, I make my way down the hall and knock on the bathroom door.
“You okay?”
“Not really,” she says loud enough for me to hear.
“Can I come in?” I expect her to yell or bite my head off for being intrusive, but she says yes. Opening the door slowly, mostly out of fear she might throw something at me, I peek my head around the door and find her sitting against the tub, which is filling with water.
I step inside and sit opposite her. We know from experience this job is hard, and after a few weeks of it, the evidence is written all over Aubrey’s face.
“Wanna talk about it?”
She shakes her head slowly and wipes away tears from her dirt-stained face. “She was ten. The same age as our daughter. Gang raped and held until she went into labor. They dumped her in the village last night. We did everything we could.”
“I’m sorry, Aubrey.”
“She was just a baby,” Aubrey cries out. “She kept asking for her momma, but we didn’t know where she was from so no one could find her. I held her so she wouldn’t be alone and told her that where she’s going, no one would hurt her again.”
“The fetus?”
“Not viable. Her cavity was riddled with sexually transmitted infections and diseases. Neither of them stood a chance.”
“You can only do so much, Aubs. You know this. You’re there, you’re working and teaching these young women how to care for themselves.”
“And who teaches the men, huh? Who teaches them right from wrong? Who teaches them not to rape?” Her voice raises and I shake my head slightly, hoping she understands that Amelie can hear her.
“I don’t know,” I say quietly.
“She was Amelie’s age, Nick. Just a baby who needed her mother, and she wasn’t there for her.”
“Do you know her mom’s name?”
Aubrey shakes her head. “She didn’t say. Or she didn’t know.” She pulls her knees to her chest. “Does Amelie know our names?”
Her question gives me pause. I’ve never thought about whether Amelie knows our names or not. She’s rarely away from us, but Aubrey’s question has me thinking.
“I honestly don’t know but I’ll change that now.”
Aubrey stands and reaches for me. I let her even though it’ll break my heart. She wraps her arms around my waist and rests her head on my chest. I inhale deeply and then relax before pulling her closer and resting my chin on top of her head. I don’t know how long we stand there, just holding each other, but it’s enough for me to question whether we’re making the right decisions about our lives together.