Chapter 5
five
. . .
Christmas Morning
O f all the places we could be, I’m happy it’s in Johannesburg and not some remote village, although the people there need the most help. The house my contact at Doctors Without Borders found for Aubrey and Amelie is in a gated community, which was one of my concerns. Had I left it up to Aubrey, they’d live in the village where she plans to work, and this didn’t sit well with me. When I leave, I need to make sure Amelie’s safe. That she has a car service taking her to and from school, and that someone is home when she is. Unfortunately, that won’t be Aubrey. The second we arrived in town her new employer whisked her off to assist with a delivery an hour away. As much as I hate thinking ill of my wife, or soon to be ex-wife, I want our daughter to see how absent her mother is going to be and ask to come home with me.
The rental is a cluster home, and has what Amelie calls the oddest swing set she’s ever seen in the backyard. The rooms are nice size. Mack will have a bedroom for when he comes to visit his mom. The cabinetry needs to be replaced and the bathrooms are in desperate need of remodeling, but this is what Aubrey wanted. Actually, no. It’s what I required if Amelie was going to live in South Africa. If Aubrey had her way, Amelie would be running barefoot in some remote village. Even though I’ve done it and it’s where I met my wife, it’s not what I want for our daughter.
Amelie wants to play out front. She’s waiting for her new friend to come outside. I’m homesick, missing my son, and wishing we were back in Beaumont opening presents. Amelie doesn’t even realize it’s Christmas since she opened all her gifts before she left. Thank God for smartphones and the clock app otherwise I’d be lost on what time it is here when it’s nine a.m. eastern in the U.S. I press the video button to call Mack. I expect him to be awake since he’s one of those who wakes up at five a.m. on Christmas Day. His phone rings and by the fourth ring I’m about to hang up when his face fills my screen. An instant wave of emotion washes over me. Regret, sadness, and longing. I miss my boy.
“Hey, Dad!”
“Merry Christmas,” I tell him. “How’s it going there?”
He shrugs. “It’s pretty cool. The lodge is huge. JD’s a riot. He said I can call him that instead of Mr. Davis. And Mr. and Mrs. Westbury said I can call them Liam and Josie. I never realized how popular Liam’s band was until we got there. Dad, the ladies were going crazy, screaming his name. It was sort of embarrassing. I mean, I was embarrassed for the women.”
“I’m sure Liam appreciates you taking his side. I can’t imagine living like that.”
“Yeah. Same with Quinn, too. Only a couple people recognized Noah and that was after someone went gaga for Liam. I never want to be famous.”
I laugh. “I hear ya, bud. How’s everything else?”
“It’s good. We’re going on this really long snowmobile ride tomorrow. Elle found a diner but it’s only accessible by snowmobile, so we rented some and went there. The food was okay, but the ride was fun.”
“Have you opened your presents yet?”
He nods. “Yes, thank you for everything. I don’t how you managed to get the Griffey cleats, but I’m so grateful. And of course, the new phone is awesome. Peyton said she’d help me set it up later.”
“You’re welcome. Did Liam like his gift?” Mack has taken a liking to photography and captured a moment between Liam and Betty Paige. When I saw it, I told him he should print it and give it to them, but Mack had a better idea.
Mack’s face lights up. “He loved it. He says he has some camera equipment back home and we’re going to look through it when we get back.”
“That’s great. What else have you done?”
“Lots of snowboarding. We met, like, an Olympic snowboarder. His name is Rush. He’s pretty cool. I think Eden likes him.”
“How’s Noah?”
“He’s good. He plays with the baby a lot because he doesn’t want to get hurt. He and Peyton have to leave before everyone else, I think.”
“Baby? What baby?” I’m not aware that any of their crew was pregnant. Surely, Josie would’ve said something, or Paige would’ve told Mack.
“Uh, Peyton’s mom and dad are adopting, but not yet. It’s whatever comes first. His name is Oliver. He’s pretty cute, and has chubby cheeks. But he cries a lot.”
“Yeah, babies do that.”
“Where’s Mom?”
I should’ve been prepared for this question, but I’m not. “Mom’s working,” I tell him. “She should be back in town in a few days and then she can call.”
“Doesn’t she have her phone?”
“Cell service is spotty at times.”
“Where’s Amelie?”
“Hang on, let me get her.”
I walk back into the house and call for her. “Come outside, please.” Service is better outside and too unreliable once I go in doors. “Mack’s on the phone.”
Amelie beams, which I find funny. Days ago, she wouldn’t look at him. I hand her the phone and step back to give her some privacy.
“Hey, Mack. What day is it there?”
“Christmas,” he tells her. “So, Merry Christmas.”
“You, too. They don’t really celebrate it here. Dad and I did presents by ourselves.”
“Do you like it there?”
“Oh yes, there’s lots to do. Guess what!”
“What?”
“I don’t have to go to real school. I’m going to learn with the locals.”
“That’s cool. I’m jealous.”
Amelie giggles. She’s definitely going to school at the American International School. This is one thing I won’t give in on. Amelie needs an education.
“One of my friends is coming. Here’s Dad.” Amelie waves and then brings the phone over to me.
“She’s already popular,” I tell Mack. “But she misses you.”
He laughs. “I’m sure she doesn’t. At least not yet. It’s like she’s on vacation.”
“That’s true.”
“I should probably go,” he tells me. I want to ask him what he’s doing or why he has to get off the phone, but I don’t. I have to trust that Liam and Josie are treating him as their own and have set some rules down for him.
“All right, well tell everyone I said hi. I’ll call you in a couple of days.”
“Okay. Hey, Dad?”
“Yeah, bud?”
“When are you coming back?”
“In a couple of weeks. I need to get your sister registered in school and make sure she has a nanny available.”
“How come Mom doesn’t take care of her?”
Good question. “Mom’s going to be busy working. There will be times when she can’t come back to where they’ll be living right away. Besides, whoever we hire will be able to help with your sister’s homework and dinner.”
“Then why doesn’t she just come back with you?”
I do my best to keep my expression neutral. “She wants to try living here with your mom. We’ll come visit though. Once baseball season’s over.”
“Okay.”
“Is Noah around?”
“Yeah, one second.” Mack drops his phone and then yells for Noah. “Dad wants to talk to you.”
I smile at Mack’s use of the word “dad” when he talks to Noah. When Liam returned, I thought I’d lose the boy I had raised. I wish Aubrey could see how much she was a part of bridging the gap between Josie and me, when it came to Noah. He taught me how to be the father I am today. His face and torso appear on the screen and Peyton waves behind him.
“Merry Christmas, Nick.”
“Merry Christmas,” I tell her. She steps out of the frame, but I can hear her talking to Mack. She’s so loving and caring, treating him like he’s part of her family. I suppose with Mack’s connection to Noah, he is.
“Merry Christmas, Noah.”
“Thanks, you too. How are things?”
I shrug. The truth of how things are, are for another time and place. Not Christmas morning. “Things are . . .” I pause and search for the right word. “Unexpected.”
He nods, as if he gets it, which he absolutely does not. What he and Peyton have is one of a kind. I saw it when they were little. Their bond was immediate and unwavering.
“Mack filled me in a bit,” he says. “I’m sorry to hear about all of this.”
“Yeah, me too. I’m just thankful for your parents. Them helping me with Mack right now is a huge relief.”
“You know I’ll help him in any way I can. He’s always welcome at our place,” he tells me.
“I know, but I’ll be home soon. Just have to get Amelie settled in school and then I’ll be back.”
“This is going to be hard for you,” Noah points out.
I nod. “That’s the understatement of this year and next. But what can I do?”
He shrugs.
“Anyway, I wanted to wish you a Merry Christmas.”
“Merry Christmas. Don’t hesitate to reach out if you need anything, especially with Mack.”
“I will and hey, good luck through the playoffs. I’m so proud of you.”
Noah beams. “Thanks. I’ll give you back to Mack.”
Before handing the phone to Mack, Noah pulls him into the screen. “Take a pic,” Noah says. Before I do, I call Amelie away from her friend, which is almost like starting a nuclear war.
“Come here and smile for a second.”
She says hi to Noah and then Peyton, then finally, we smile, and I press the button to take a snapshot. I already know this is going to be my new phone screen saver. Noah hands the phone to Mack after saying goodbye again.
“All right, go have fun, bud. Merry Christmas.”
“Merry Christmas, Dad. Love you.”
“Love you, too.” I do my best to keep my expression happy but I’m dying on the inside.
I wait for the screen to go black before putting my phone down. My heart’s heavy and in pain. I’m torn in two. I want to be with my son, celebrating the holidays, but I can’t leave my daughter. The fear of not knowing how things are going to go weigh heavily on me. She’s not like Mack. He’s resilient, a go-getter. Amelie’s so dependent on her mother, it’s not funny. Granted there’s a slight age difference between them, but at ten, Mack had a good head on his shoulders. If someone told Amelie she could fly like a bird, she’d try it without weighing out the consequences.
Staying in a chair in front of the garage, I watch Amelie learn how to double Dutch jump rope. I remember girls doing that when I was in elementary school, and I guess I always thought it was something every girl learned. Amelie tries, fails, and gets frustrated. There isn’t anything I can do to help her, and I don’t know if Aubrey knows how to do it.
She comes toward me, pouting.
“It’s not easy,” I tell her. “We can watch a video on it later if you want.”
“Can you do it?”
“Nope,” I say, shaking my head. “But by watching those girls, I can tell you it’s all about coordination. Your eyes have to watch the hands of the person you’re facing while your feet do the jumping.”
“I can’t do it.” She crosses her arms over her chest and lets out a huff. “It’s not fair.”
“You have to practice, Amelie. Not everything’s going to be easy in life.”
Amelie sags against me. I pull her onto my lap instead of going inside. “Where’s Mommy?”
“At work.” She knows this.
“When is she coming home?”
“I don’t know, kiddo.”
“Can I call her?”
I shake my head. “You can, but you’ll have to leave her a message. Chances she has cell service where she is are slim.”
“Daddy,” she whines.
“Not much I can do about it, but it’s something you have to get used to,” I tell her. “There are going to be days when your mom doesn’t come home until after you’re asleep, or not at all. Tomorrow, we’re going to go visit a service that’ll help us find a nanny for you.”
“I don’t want a nanny.”
“Then you have you to come back to Beaumont with me, Amelie. You can’t stay here by yourself and you’re not going to go live in some remote village. It’s not safe.”
“How come you don’t stay here. You can be a doctor here, can’t you?”
“I can, but I need to go back to Mack. He’s with Noah’s parents right now until I get you settled, then I’m going back. I’ll come back and see you in about six weeks, but Mack won’t come until after he’s done with baseball.”
“That’s forever.”
“I’m sure it does seem like a long time for you.” It’s going to feel like an eternity for me.
Amelie lays on me, with her back pressed to my chest. She’s a wiggle worm and pushing on all my sensitive organs.
I tap her side. “Come on, let’s go find some dinner.”
“Can we have rice and beans?”
I nod. “Yeah, I’m sure we can find some rice and beans.”
We lock up the house, climb into my rental, and head out to find dinner. All the while, I’m hoping she realizes life isn’t going to be that great here.