Chapter 5 Ryder
RYDER
Even though he’d agreed to let me be his cat, he still treated me like I was a pup.
I didn’t know what to make of that, except for wondering if he was going to go back on his word.
A few days passed, and everything he did with me — right down to exercising by chasing a ball around — was straight out of the puppy playbook.
I didn’t want to bring it up again, but when he told me to bark, I meowed — just in case he’d forgotten what he’d agreed to.
He let it go, but I wasn’t sure how long I could handle the puppy crap when I’d gotten so hopeful about being a cat.
A little too hopeful, to be honest, and now I could feel that safeguard being crushed.
I thought I could handle this as something other than a pup, but he kept insisting on treating me like one instead of giving me a chance.
I moped, but he didn’t seem to notice. As long as I obeyed, he really didn’t seem to give a fuck, which was disheartening to say the least. The depression that had seized me since I’d realized no one was coming to save me started to rear its head again, and I started to retreat into myself once more.
My body obeyed, but my mind just wasn’t there.
I think he knew it, but he wouldn’t accept it — or at least, if he did, he wasn’t showing it.
Days later, when he let me out of the kennel to stretch, I didn’t even bother looking up at him.
I could nearly feel his frown upon me, but I couldn’t bring myself to care.
I’d tried with him, I’d told him what he could do to get me more interested, and he’d shown interest…
only to ignore it once it was no longer in the forefront of the conversation.
“Toby,” he said quietly, that warning note in his voice. “You’ve been so good. Let’s not ruin that streak now, okay?”
Like I had much of a choice.
I nodded, still not looking up at him.
He exhaled slowly, then set something on the bed.
My eyes flicked toward it. A box. I didn’t know what was in the box, but I’d learned to approach them all with wariness because he’d been creative in what he’d ordered.
I mean, fuck. A dildo waterer? How had he found those things?
Fuck, who came up with these things to begin with?
He fished around in the box, coming out with a…
My heart started to race. It was a fluffy tail, long and gorgeous, made up of a color that nearly matched my hair.
I swallowed hard, remembering I’d told him I’d wear a butt plug with a cat tail without complaint.
I had meant it at the time, but seeing it now…
He dangled it by the end of the tail, letting me see the plug.
It looked impossibly large, especially compared to the smaller puppy tail.
I knew on a logical level that it wasn’t much bigger, but I was still practically a virgin there — unless the enemas counted, in which case I’d been violated beyond measure.
I had been. So many times now, one day after another, I’d submitted to them… and they’d gotten easier to bear as he’d made sure the water was warm and I was in the right position to avoid the pain of it.
All I had to do was behave.
All I had to do was sell my soul, one bit at a time, until there was nothing left.
“You know what I want,” he told me, letting me get a good look at the plug and the tail as it dangled near my face. “I’m going to clean it, then you’re going to do what, Toby?”
Fuck, he was going to make me say it. What was worse, he was going to make me humiliate myself all over again so he could revel in my torment. He loved it, and I knew he loved it. That was never going to change, even if it got easier to bear…
“It’s too big,” I whispered.
“You told me you’d wear it without complaining,” he said, dangerous edge returning to his voice.
I flinched. I had. I had been willing to agree to anything if it meant I could be something other than a puppy. I just… hadn’t thought about what it would mean when he actually got the kitty supplies.
My stomach clenched. What else was in that box?
I was pretty sure I didn’t want to know.
I didn’t trust myself to speak. I nodded.
His features softened until his scars no longer looked threatening in the corner of my vision. “Good boy,” he told me, smoothing his fingers through my hair.
I didn’t let myself flinch again, even though I wanted nothing more than to jerk away from his touch. But he loved touching me, and I was already treading water as it was, trying not to let the monster beneath me pull me under the surface.
“Stay.”
That wasn’t going to change. He was still going to treat me like that. But… But I could do something, couldn’t I? I could remind him that I wasn’t really a dog, that he couldn’t treat me like one as long as I was his cat.
I waited until he disappeared into the bathroom then rolled over, sprawling out across the floor like I owned it.
When he returned, he stopped for a moment, staring at me.
I meowed.
He let out a little grunt then continued toward me, grabbing a bottle of lube from his nightstand before stopping just beside me. “Here,” he told me. “Ass in the air.”
So he could watch, of course.
“You may need to stretch yourself out first,” he told me. “You haven’t been wearing the other one.”
I whimpered, slowly moving onto all fours. He let the soft fur of the tail trail along my ass cheeks, letting me feel it. I didn’t want to feel it. I wouldn’t be able to escape it soon enough.
“Hold out your hand,” he directed me.
When I did, he drizzled some of the lubricant over my fingers. I swallowed hard, knowing what was expected of me. I had to… stretch myself out before I tried to put this plug in place.
Tears welled up in my eyes, but a desperate glance cast in his direction told me he was reveling in this already. He probably wanted to see me cry.
I reached around, trying to get settled as I slowly started easing one slick finger against my hole.
I didn’t penetrate myself, not at first, instead getting used to the feeling of it being there.
He hummed beneath his breath, his hand going to the tent in his pants, and dread settled over me all over again. How was I going to deal with this?
Slowly, I pushed inside, feeling the rings of muscle, tight around my finger.
I’d only penetrated myself with the enema nozzle and the smaller plug.
This one was different, and I wouldn’t be able to just take it quickly.
I didn’t know how many I’d have to put inside of myself before I was stretched enough to take the plug.
Two? Three? Probably three if I didn’t want to hurt myself.
My cheeks burned as I slid my own finger into my ass, and the tears spilled down my cheeks as I stifled a sob. It didn’t hurt. If anything, it felt surprisingly good, which I hated. I hadn’t wanted it to be painful, but I hadn’t wanted it to feel good, either.
It hadn’t felt like this last time.
A second finger joined the first after a moment, and I wished so much that I wasn’t defiling myself all over again.
I would even have preferred him doing this to me even though his fingers were large and even one would probably feel like two of my own.
It would’ve been easier, though. I wouldn’t have had to fight my own mind as I forced my own fingers into my ass.
I wiggled them around, feeling strange as I did, and I squirmed under my own touch.
I tried to figure out how long to wait until I should add a third finger, but I didn’t have a fucking clue.
I ended up just shoving a third one in there, only to cry out because I definitely hadn’t been ready for that.
He palmed his erection, squeezing himself through his pants. Unsurprisingly, he was getting off on my discomfort. It made me want to hurry through this, to get the damn plug inside so I wouldn’t have to keep showing him my ass.
It was the first time I was grateful for the enemas keeping my ass clean.
Damn it. I’d never wanted to think anything positive about the fucking things.
I took my time with the third finger wriggling inside of me, still squirming as I tried to figure out if it was good or bad. I didn’t know, but I didn’t want it to be good. I was scared of it being good.
I’d expected him to rush me, but he was quiet the entire time but for the soft sounds of pleasure coming from his lips. He was enjoying this entirely too much, and it made my cheeks burn as the tears left trails on their way down.
“Okay,” I said, my voice cracking on the single word. “I’m… I’m ready.”
I wasn’t ready. I was never going to be ready.
But I’d said I wouldn’t complain, and I didn’t want to see what punishment he had waiting for me if I failed. He’d probably change his mind about the whole cat thing and force me back into being his puppy, which was something he’d be able to hold over my head as long as I was there.
Forever.
He wordlessly grabbed the plug, pouring more of the lube over it and making sure it was nice and covered before he handed it to me. I had to feel grateful for that. Even though my fingers had forced slickness inside of me, I didn’t think it was enough to help me bear the plug. This would be better.
Easier.
Maybe.
I took a deep breath then took the plug from him, teary eyes threatening to spill over once more. I tried to blink it back, but my vision was blurry anyway. I swallowed hard, then pressed the plug to my ass.
I hissed in discomfort as it started to penetrate me, the push relentless as it seemed to take forever to slide in, centimeter by centimeter. Then it brushed something inside of me that made my cock instantly hard, and I gasped, partially out of pleasure and partially out of shock. What the fuck—
No, I wasn’t going to get off on wearing a goddamn tail, on violating my own ass, on submitting!
I let out a strangled sound, pushing it deeper. It kept brushing that damn spot, and I couldn’t make the pleasure stop washing over me little by little, bit by bit, until I was finally full and it seated itself in place.
I could feel the tail brushing against me between my ass cheeks, and I whimpered. I felt impossibly full, and knowing it was still on the small side didn’t make me any more comfortable. What if he felt like putting a bigger one in there?
What if he decided to fuck me there?
How would it feel if he touched that spot—
No. No, no, no.
I was not even going there.
Not now.
Not ever.