Chapter 5
Kenzie
Monday morning was not off to a fantastic start.
I deleted two texts from Sean asking me how I was doing.
No thanks, Sean. Goodbye. My biology class posted the syllabus and it was a shit ton of work for just an eight-week summer course and my mom sent a quick update that Dad was battling a terrible fever, again.
It also didn’t help that I’d tossed and turned the entire night, replaying the argument with Aaron.
Why is he mad at me?
What triggered it?
Do I have to find a new place?
I went without contacts for the day, putting on my thick-framed glasses, and chose an old tie-dye shirt and black cut-off shorts.
The rain from the day before had barely cooled the temperatures and instead made the humidity seem worse, as if my hands would stick to my skin if I touched it.
Gross. The weather was disgusting and I fought a groan when I grabbed my laptop and headed downstairs to make coffee and eat some food.
I was still hungry despite the two slices of pizza I’d gotten with Tanner the night before, and my chest felt lighter. Tanner.
My first friend at Central State.
I fought a smile, my already warm skin becoming a degree hotter, and narrowly avoided Zade on the stairs. “Oh, hey. Morning.”
“Morning, Kenzie,” he replied in a deep, sleepy voice. He wore plaid pajama pants and that was it. “You making coffee?”
“Yup.”
“Thank god.” He yawned, stretching and showcasing his hard-earned muscles, but his body was different from Tanner’s.
His was leaner, more toned to fit a pitcher’s needs rather than for power to hit the ball out of the park.
It didn’t prevent my face getting red or my slight flustering. “Pour me a mug, would ya?”
“Uh-huh.” I scurried down the steps, hating my reaction to him, and came to an abrupt stop when Aaron sat on the couch with an expression I could only gauge as concern.
My anger from the night before returned and the sight of his stupid face had my jaw clenching.
Unless he said the words I’m sorry, I had no reason to speak to him.
My heart raced and I put one hand on my hip, waiting.
It didn’t take long. He pointed to a large steaming mug of coffee on the table.
“That’s for you.”
“Thanks?” I chose to sit in the recliner and tucked my feet under myself before grabbing the cup in my hands and facing him.
We were close enough now that I saw his stress, the strain around his eyes and the worry lines on his forehead.
My first thought surprised me. He needs rest for baseball.
He can’t play if he’s stressed. “Aaron—”
“No, let me go first.” He cleared his throat and leaned forward so his elbows were on his knees, putting all his attention on me. “I’m fucking sorry.”
My throat tightened and I nodded. “Good start.”
He laughed, the sound only lasting a couple seconds. “You’re too good to go through all the things I did. You’re so smart, Kenz, funny, and…innocent.”
“I’m not—”
“I don’t mean innocent in a bad way, not like you’re thinking.
” He gulped and his knee bounced up and down, shaking the mug on the coffee table with his strength.
“College is a lot to handle and I didn’t know how.
I partied too hard, made a lot of mistakes…
ones that almost cost me my entire future. ”
“You still make mistakes. Take last night, for example.”
He winced and ran a hand down his face. “Dad called me yesterday and asked how you were doing and read me the riot act. Don’t let her drink, don’t let her follow your crazy path, Aaron. I need to know my baby girl is safe in college. You might be the force of the family, but she’s the light.”
My eyes stung when he changed his voice to match our dad’s, the impression uncanny with the rasp and timbre. “And being an asshole to Greta, Tanner and me was the move you chose?”
“I wasn’t…hell, I guess I was to them, too.
” He sighed and leaned back into the cushion as if the weight of the world was on his shoulders.
“I just want you to have anything in the world you want. Dad scared me. He might not be around in…a couple months.” His voice broke just enough for me to reach out and place my hand on his arm.
“Who’ll be there for you once he’s…gone? ”
“Is that what you’re worried about?” I let out an incredulous laugh.
“You’re my brother, Aaron. I consider you one of my best friends, but I can’t have you trying to replace Dad, especially when he’s still here.
If you do that, you’ll ruin our relationship and if I’m honest, I love what we have.
We bicker, we support each other and we don’t have secrets.
I mean, come on, I helped sneak Frannie out of the house when you were a junior.
Why would you think me seeing Tanner’s hook-up would be something new? ”
“Christ.” He released something between a groan and sigh and smiled. It was the first sign things were almost back to normal. “I’m such a dick.”
“No, you act like one, but you aren’t one.”
“Is it hard, being my sister?” he asked in a small voice, so unlike the boisterous, larger-than-life personality the world was used to. “Tanner said something that kinda fucked me up after you left the bar and I can’t get it out of my head.”
Is it hard being my sister? I thought of a million different ways to answer that question, but the horror on his face stopped me.
He was actually worried about my answer.
I moved from my chair to sit next to him and put my arm around his shoulders.
It didn’t reach, so I looked like a kid next to a giant, but he leaned into me for a quick second.
“I love being part of your group, Aaron. It has challenges and if you ever talk to me again like you did last night, I’ll kick your ass. ”
He chuckled at my lie, and he reached over to ruffle my hair. “It’s been three years since we lived together, huh? I’ve forgotten how to be a brother.”
“You just needed a little reminder. I’m here to find happiness, have adventure and figure out life for me.
Let me, even if that means I make a mistake.
Just, be there as my brother and friend.
Bring me tissues if I cry or beat up some guy if he fucked me over.
Don’t insult the only friend I have, either. ”
“Tanner.” He said the word with a growl, but I pointed my finger at his chest and poked. “What was that for?”
“He’s been kind to me, more than you can say.” I stood and felt so much better at our conversation. “I gotta ask…did Greta lay into you about the working at the bar comment?”
“Yes,” he said into his hands. “That might be a reason I stayed here, alone, last night.”
“It’s so tough being you.”
“Asshole,” he quipped, and our banter was back to normal. “Do you want to hang out today? I’m free all afternoon. Maybe I can show you some of my favorite places on campus, the dorms, you know, whatever you want to see?”
I tried to hide my smile from him. “Sure, I guess.”
“Cool. Be ready around four.”
Aaron showed me around the entire expansive campus.
It all blurred together in my brain, the geology building, agriculture, education, art, blah blah blah.
There was no way I’d remember all the buildings, but the three hours we spent walking around and talking were great.
We had the same sense of humor and I realized he needed to get to know me without the shadow of Dad’s sickness surrounding us.
That was how he saw me, the girl holding herself together for her parents’ sake, but that wasn’t who I was anymore.
We walked into the house around seven and found Tanner lounging on the couch in a cut-off shirt and red athletic shorts.
God, he made my mouth water in an irrational way.
“Hey, Hilly one and two,” he said without removing his eyes from the TV. The Cubs were playing the Sox and it was extra-innings from an afternoon game. I knew because Aaron had checked it on his phone every ten minutes on our tour. “You get your student ID, Kenny?”
Something like guilt clogged my thoughts for a second, which was stupid, before I nodded. “Yup. Check it out.” I tossed it at him and he caught it, grinning when he saw my picture. “I know. My hair is…”
“Awful,” he finished for me.
“I know. It was the humidity.” I plopped on the couch and took the ID from his hand. “But I might claim to lose it so I can take another picture.”
Aaron snorted and paused at the door. “I’m going to head to G’s. I’ve been working on my groveling and I think it’s time I try it.”
“Good luck, Hilly. You’ll need it,” Tanner said, earning Aaron’s middle finger.
But before he left, his face turned serious and he stared at me. “And we’re okay.” It wasn’t a question.
“We are.”
“Cool. Okay, bye.” He left, leaving Tanner and me alone on the couch. It was silly how my neck got hot or how my pulse quickened when he shifted to look at me. His brown eyes were soft, almost golden, when he snorted at me.
“Are you just dying to check off your ID from your list?”
I punched his arm and let my smile stretch as far as it needed. I wasn’t embarrassed by his question. If anything, I was proud. “You bet your ass I am.”
“Go get it, then.”
I ran upstairs and got my laptop, pad of paper and my favorite pen before rushing back down toward the living room.
The game was still on in the background, but Tanner’s gaze was on me and, if I wasn’t mistaken, it lingered on my legs for a second too long and my stomach did the swoopy thing.
“God, it gets me high when I cross something off.”
“You’re goofy as hell.”
“So be it. I got my ID, got a tour of campus and am still speaking to my brother. Today might’ve started off bad, but it’s better now.” Instead of setting the pad of paper onto the coffee table situated between us, I held it against my chest so he wouldn’t be able to see all the items on my list.
“I thought I was going to give you a tour of campus today, hm?”
I winced and covered my face with the pad. “I knew I felt bad. Were you waiting around for me to come back? Please say no. I’d just feel awful if you were waiting on me.”
“Nah, I stayed at the gym longer than I usually do once Aaron texted me what was up. I’m real glad you two chatted. I’m sure you know this, but your brother has an odd way of showing how he cares.”
“Yeah, he does.” I plopped down on the couch, both of us in what I considered our usual positions, and studied my second bullet point. “I planned on making a work schedule for biology, but not our film class. What’s your schedule with baseball this week? Still want to watch movies together?”
“Absolutely.” He pulled out his phone, frowning at whatever met him on the screen, but it was fleeting.
He transformed his face, erasing the sadness from it and plastering on a fake smile.
It was so close to the real one I’d grown to know in the week I’d been there, and it bothered me that it wasn’t real.
He ran his tongue over his bottom lip a couple of times before he frowned.
“Shit, it looks like tonight is the only night I have open. We’re leaving tomorrow for a three-day tournament. ”
“All of you?” I hoped my voice didn’t come out alarmed. It would make me look weak and pathetic, but Tanner didn’t give any indication I did and I relaxed a bit.
“Yeah,” he replied, giving me a coy smile. “We’ll be back soon enough. You can do whatever you want for three days. Run around naked, watch girly movies—you name it.”
I crossed my eyes at him, hoping he couldn’t see the slight blush on my face. “You nailed it. That’s exactly what I’m going to do.”
“Good, take pictures.”
“Pig,” I said, without any heat. His real smile returned and with it, all his charm and energy that drew people to him. “I guess tonight it is? I checked my calendar and I can fit you in between…stalking Sam Hunt online and painting my toenails.”
“What a busy night you have.” He glanced at my toes and his smile grew. “I like the lime-green polish.”
I wiggled my bare feet. “Yeah? Green is my favorite color. It’s the color of summer.”
“And also the color of the outfield.” He stretched and motioned upstairs with his head. “I’ll get it ready and you get popcorn?”
“We’re watching it upstairs?”
“Yeah, you have a nice TV in your room. I’m assuming you can hook up a streaming service to it?”
“S-sure,” I stumbled, suddenly nervous at the thought of watching a movie with Tanner in my room. “We could watch it down here?”
“It’s Monday. Zade’ll be back and he hogs the TV every Monday. He has his own set of shows and it’s the one TV he likes. You don’t get in the way of Zade and his shows.”
Cool, cool, cool. I was about to sit on a bed, with Tanner Johnson, and watch a movie. I was totally chill.