Chapter 19
Kenzie
I eyed my list, adding more to it and crossing off the stuff I’d already done.
Getting a job, getting a schedule, hanging with Greta.
Those were all completed and the new addition to staying at Greta’s place was written under the last one.
Finish biology homework. I wasn’t looking forward to having the guys away for a week, but I could use the time to get as much work as possible done for that class.
It was brutal, tedious and not even a sliver of fun.
Ruled out majoring in science.
I tapped my favorite pen on the edge of the notebook and waited for Tanner to return.
With Aaron and Greta staying here ruining our secret fling, I had no idea what to expect.
We had been close to getting caught, the fear and adrenaline from that almost out of my system in the thirty minutes since my brother had asked if I was taking a shit. God, I could wring his neck.
How mortifying. No. Just, ugh. I shook out my hair and my glasses didn’t fall off. Shit. Oh my god. I’d left them in Tanner’s room when I’d snuck out. If Aaron had seen…
Tanner chose that moment to come through the shared bathroom with my glasses in his fingers. “Figured you were missing these.”
“Mind reader.” I stood from my bed and went to grab them, but he unfolded them and put them on my face. It was…sweet. “Thanks.”
“Don’t take this the wrong way, but I’m starting to hate your brother.”
I snorted, my shoulders shaking at his exclamation. “Join the club.” I nervously looked at my closed door and the bathroom and cringed. “Do you think we’re good?”
“Yeah. I went to grab a snack, chatted with them for a bit about the Fourth of July tournament and made my way up here with the excuse I was tired.” He jutted his chin toward the bed and grinned. “Ah, the list is already out. Excellent.”
I jumped onto the bed. I held the list against my chest when he joined me a second later. We leaned against the headboard—like we’d done a handful of times before—and he reached for my pen. “You are not authorized to use my pen. We can discuss addendums, but you cannot change them yourself.”
“Disagree.” He was much stronger, bigger and faster than I was and he had the pen out of my hand in a heartbeat. “Now, let’s see what I should change.”
“Tanner, your handwriting isn’t the same as mine.
If you write, I’ll have to redo it all. Trust me, my insane quirks know no bounds.
” I pleaded with my eyes, holding out my hand for him to return the pen.
He did not. I blamed that for why I leaned closer to him, why he put his arm around my shoulders and why we sat cuddled together like a… couple. Because he took my pen.
“I see you added some stuff and shit, there’s your reminder to watch Delicatessen. Safe to say neither of us watched that movie.” He laughed, the deep sound vibrating in his chest, against my shoulder. He was so warm. “Ah, yes. This is what I wanted to discuss. This line.”
He pointed the tip to the line, do it with Tallen eighteen times. “I’m adding, in your bed, to the list. So we know it’s more specific.”
“And if it’s in the shower, or your room, in doesn’t count?”
“Exactly. When those fuckers are gone, we have the whole house to explore.” He winked and squeezed his arm around me, forcing me to snuggle closer. I didn’t hate it. Nope. Not at all.
“Okay, I can add that part to it so the writing stays the same.” He let me snatch it back, because we both knew he would overpower me. I added in my bed to it and sighed. “Now that we have that taken care of, anything else?”
“Yeah.” He stilled, using his free hand to run through his messy dark locks. His muscles tensed, that action showcasing his delectable jawline. “I, uh, we both know this is a fling, right?”
“What we’re doing? Yeah. I know.” The pressure came back in my chest, and I made a mental note to drink some orange juice and buy vitamins to prevent any more sickness. “Why?”
“You’re not seeing, uh, anyone else, right?”
“Tanner, why the hell are you nervous right now?” I would’ve laughed if he didn’t look so uncomfortable. “No, I’m not seeing anybody. I’m free as a bird, having all sorts of adventures before college.”
“Can you add the words with only to that bullet point?”
I frowned, thinking about what he meant when I stared at the line more. Do it with Tallen eighteen times in my bed.
Do it with only Tallen eighteen times in my bed.
“Ah, I get it.” I added the two words for him, not entirely sure why my heart hammered behind my ribcage to the point my throat hurt. It felt heavy, like this awkward conversation wasn’t what I was prepared to do. “Noted. Just you.”
“I hated seeing you flirt with Felix.”
He said it in such a soft voice, I would’ve missed it if I hadn’t been pressed right next to him.
It wasn’t jealousy, or a passive-aggressive comment meant to entice.
It was how he felt. I remained quiet too long—or just the perfect amount—because he continued, “I have no right to ask this of you, so tell me to fuck off if you want, but while we complete your genius to-do list, I don’t want to share you. ”
Damn.
“Do you tend to ask this of all your hook-ups?”
“No, that’s the thing.” He repositioned me so I stared straight into his gorgeous eyes. “I’ve broken a couple of rules with you, Ken.”
“Are these rules like the speeding limit, where you’re kinda allowed to go five miles over? Or like unforgivable curses? I need specifics.” Yes, use humor because I’m uncomfortable with my emotions. Real mature.
“Such a dork. My rules have always been pretty simple. Don’t hook up more than three times, don’t have sex the day before a game and baseball is life.”
“So you’re saying your rules are your version of my list.”
“Yeah. I guess, yeah. So how would you feel if your list went to hell?”
“Disorganized. But, Tanner, I’m still confused what all this means.” I chewed on my bottom lip, hating the haunted look in his eyes. If he wanted to end this…thing, it’d hurt. More than I cared to admit.
But that doesn’t make sense.
He exhaled, his breath hitting my face and a sliver of a smile popping out.
“I don’t know what this means, and I’m not able to try and figure it out.
All I know is I enjoy spending time with you.
It’s selfish of me to ask you to not see other people, so I won’t ask it outright.
I will say, I don’t plan to see anyone else while we’re under your to-do list contract. ”
“I dig that.” My entire face felt on fire and I held out my hand. “Let’s shake on it. Just us, hanging out and not thinking about anything but having fun until we finish my list.”
His grin grew, those goddamn dimples peeking out, and he took my hand. “Remember, those are only in your bed.”
“Yes, Tanner, that is the most important thing of this discussion. Thank you,” I replied, my sarcasm not lost on him. “This felt heavy, huh?”
“Yeah, I don’t like heavy.” He chuckled and released his grip on me. “Shit, it’s late. We leave early tomorrow. I should get some sleep.”
“Of course,” I said, hating the slight break in my voice. “Good luck. You’ll play well. You always do. Just, get on base more, would ya?”
It was the right thing to say. His eyes lit up with humor and he flipped us so he lay on top of me, our mouths aligned so he could easily drop his to mine. He kissed me, all playful and light, before moving to the floor. “Such a pistol. I’ll see you in six days, then.”
“See you in six days.”
He stared at me a little longer, my cheeks heating at his attention, and shook his head before leaving my room. I had no idea what that look meant, but it made feel weightless. It took no time for me to set my list and glasses on the nightstand, close my eyes and fall asleep.
I was dreaming about thunderstorms and dancers—not related to my life at all—but it didn’t matter.
It startled me when the bathroom door opened.
My room was still dark and I squinted at the figure entering.
My pulse raced in my ears and fear shot adrenaline through my veins until I realized it was Tanner. “What are you doing?”
“Shh, go back to sleep. I was saying bye.” He smelled freshly showered, a combination of soap and his aftershave tingling my nose, and I wanted to spray that smell on my pillow. He turned on the lamp next to my bed on and peered at me. “You look like an angel sleeping. A messy one.”
“Oh god, what a line,” I mumbled, covering my mouth with my hand. Morning breath was the worst.
“Not a line.” He approached my bed, sat on the side and dropped down to kiss my lips. It was tender, totally out of the blue and it felt as though I was falling. “Where’s your phone?”
“On my desk, I think.”
“What’s your password?”
“Seven-one-four-three.”
“Great.” He moved his fingers over the screen and gave me a huge smile. “I wanted you to have my number. Feel free to use it.”
“You woke me up for that?”
“Sure did. Now go back to sleep, Kenny.” He pushed my hair off my face and pressed his lips to mine for a kiss that was way too short. “We’ll talk soon.”
I overestimated being cool about staying in the house alone.
For one, I didn’t take into account how boring it was not having sounds around me.
Sure, watching the house when my parents went from appointment to appointment hadn’t been fun, but I could entertain myself in my room with movies and favorite TV shows.
This place wasn’t mine, and even after spending five hours doing Biology homework, I was bored. I itched to do more.
Like text Tanner.
No. Chill.
It wouldn’t hurt anyone for me to talk to myself, but that would cross a personal line of losing my mind.
Instead, I made a nice pot of macaroni and attempted to watch Delicatessen again.
Dressed in sweatpants, a ratty shirt that had seen better days and not an ounce of makeup on, I lounged on the couch.
I got halfway through the movie, the unsettled feeling not sitting well with me.
What did I need? It sure as hell wasn’t orgasms. Nope. I’d had more than enough the past week.
Holy shit. Only a week?
I rubbed my eyes and hated the self-doubt consuming me. Did I text him, did I not? Why did I need to? To see how he played, duh.
Right.
I found my phone and typed the message three times before perfecting it.
Kenzie: I’m watching this weird movie again, wishing you were here. Let me know how you played today.
Three dots appeared right away and my stomach did a somersault.
TJ: Are you thinking about my hands on you?
Kenzie: Most of the time, yeah. It’s not healthy.
TJ: Glad it’s not just me then. I played well. Hit a triple and got two singles. We’re back at the hotel now. I’m sharing a room with your brother.
Kenzie: Well, that scrapes my idea of phone sex.
TJ: I just spit my drink out. Thanks for that.
Kenzie: Anytime. I’m glad you played well.
TJ: Missing me yet?
Kenzie: I barely notice you’re gone.
TJ: Riiight. I’ll try and call you later if I can. We’re going to fuck with some of the younger players. I’ll be the big man here and admit it. I miss your face.
That sent an unrecognizable thrill through me. No one had said that to me before, ever. It was stupid. It wasn’t some compliment or declaration of love, but it made me feel…desirable. Liked. I’m being a dumb girl with a crush.
Kenzie: I do have a nice face.
TJ: And a nice ass…
Kenzie: You know how to make a girl blush, that’s for sure.
TJ: I know you blushed when I licked my fingers after being inside you.
Kenzie: Jesus, TJ. You went from level one to ten real quick. How is it possible to be turned on, again?
TJ: Shit. This backfired. I wanted to tease you, not get you hot, because now I’m gunna have a fucking boner in front of the guys.
Kenzie: **shrugs nonchalantly**
TJ: We’re heading out. FYI—the guys think I’m hooking up with some chick named Mackenna.
Kenzie: Mackenna? Of all the names to come up with, you chose one that similar to my real name?
TJ: It’s clever, I know. Okay, talk soon, babe.
Babe.
Babe.
I shouldn’t read into it. It was a pet name for people who fucked.
Yeah, I’d heard him use it on other girls before.
It wasn’t not a big deal. “Ugh, get a fucking grip.” I tossed my phone onto the other couch, out of my reach, and forced myself to finish the movie and do my assignment.
Shoving emotions down to where I didn’t actively think about them was a talent I’d mastered living with my parents the past two years.
This was no different. I didn’t think about Tanner or whatever feelings I had for him.
I certainly didn’t think about the disappointment when he never called.