Chapter 26
Tanner
One more day. I reported back to practice tomorrow—Nicole had checked me out the day before and even complimented me on my discipline.
But that meant I’d be playing in games and practices, focusing all my energy on the sport that would secure everything in my family’s future.
Baseball, draft, MLB, helping my mom. My chest hurt, thinking about being with Kenzie one final time.
Technically, we had two more times on her list, but we’d agreed that once I returned to play, we’d end our fling.
I took a deep breath, trying to calm my pulse, when she smiled at her phone from her position on the couch.
It was a lazy Sunday morning and Aaron had chosen to stay at the house last night.
It annoyed me, but he hadn’t noticed me sneaking into my room early this morning. God, I love sleeping next to her.
She mumbled in her sleep and never moved once she was out.
Yeah, I was a fucking creeper and had watched her sleep a couple of times.
She was cute. She could talk baseball with me, give me attitude when I deserved it, make me laugh and we had the best sex I’d ever experienced. Why couldn’t we prolong it?
“TJ, you pumped to get back on the field tomorrow?” Aaron asked, reminding me why today would be the last day with her. He plopped down on the seat next to me. “Nice, watching Stepbrothers?”
“It’s a classic,” Kenzie said, looking up from her phone with her glasses perched on her nose. “It’s one of those movies you can’t skip. You know? Like Wedding Crashers or Superbad.”
“The Godfather is a movie you don’t mess with. Not those.”
“Incorrect, you weirdo.”
“Anyway.” Aaron directed his attention back to me. “I was thinking—I know you report back to the field tomorrow, but we should celebrate you feeling better.”
“Celebrate?”
“Yeah. Let’s go out tonight. Get a couple beers, enjoy the summer before our senior year. Zade’s already in. Carter and Felix said a couple of the other guys want you back. We could call it team bonding or something if Coach gets pissed.”
I glanced at Kenzie. She had her bottom lip sucked into her mouth and her eyes were wide—we hadn’t explicitly made plans, but it was unspoken. Our last night. “I don’t know, man, I don’t want to overdo it.”
“TJ. Dude. You’re going. This is to celebrate you, fucker, so you can’t back out. What would you do anyway? Watch a dumb movie with my sister for your class? Do that another night.”
I gulped, trying to think of anything that would make sense for me to get out of it.
But the longer the silence went on, the more I sweated.
Shit. Shit! Nothing came, and Aaron gave me a confused look just as Kenzie chimed in.
“Are you guys getting together here? I might hang out with my new roommates tonight and can crash there if you want to have it here.”
“Sweet, we might just do that. Then precious TJ over here can’t worry about overdoing it.
” Aaron hit my shoulder and I did my best version of a smile.
“Dude, you need to get laid. You’re cranky.
I can’t recall the last time I saw a chick sneaking out of here.
You still hooking up with that girl…Mickey something? ”
I froze, but Aaron didn’t notice. He kept talking, asking, “Kenz, have you seen any of his hook-ups recently?”
She slid me a coy look before responding. “You know…there was one redhead girl a couple weeks ago, right around the Fourth of July. Saw her sneak out after that night of beer and blowing shit up. She seemed really nice.”
“A redhead? Nice work, dude.” Aaron reached out his knuckles and bumped mine, and it took all my self-control not to react.
Kenzie snorted, the traitor, and I narrowed my eyes at her, but she did a great job of ignoring me.
She moved her dainty fingers over her phone, chuckling at whatever was on there, and I was struck with something like jealousy.
I wanted to make her laugh, make her smile like that and I had no idea who it was. “Those your roommates?”
“Yup. They’re a fucking hoot. Lorelei has a dare with one of her friends of who can get the most dates from Tinder this month, but only using pick-up lines that reference America.
Like, baby are you a national treasure, because you look like the constitution.
My favorite though—baby, I’ll make you see stars and stripes.
Rachel and I are contemplating joining the competition.
Winner gets an American-themed basket and while that doesn’t sound great, I like winning things. ”
I tried smiling, but all I could focus on was her going on dates, letting other guys touch her, kiss her, hear her sounds and make her happy. Shit, did we forget to turn on the air? “Is it hot in here?”
“Nope. I’m cold,” Aaron replied, scrutinizing his sister. “You’re not going to do that dumb shit, right? That’s…I mean, it’s funny, but not for my sister.”
“Aaron. You did all the drugs, did all the girls and you’re trying to tell me what to do? Nah. No thank you.”
“But it’s different.”
“Why? Because I’m a girl? I can like sex, bro. Don’t be sexist. It’s a double-standard.”
Oh my god, I hated this conversation so fucking much.
Sweat pooled on my forehead and I got up to get a glass of water.
What was happening? I should be pumped, ready to return to the field and get back on the grind of reaching my goal.
I should not be fucking thinking about Kenzie and especially not about her having sex with other dudes.
The cup fell from my hand and spilled water on the floor. “Shit.”
I used a washcloth to pick up the moisture and leaned against the counter as though it would help me find my bearings and tell me how to stop acting like this.
Just because we were having a party, it didn’t mean I couldn’t sneak into her room after it was over.
Yes! That’s it. We could still be together one, maybe two final times before I reported back.
It fit the timeline and would complete her list. I knew how she felt about that list.
Relaxed and content with my decision, I walked back out and Aaron was gone. “Where’s your bro?”
“IHOP. He’s meeting Greta there for their bimonthly pancake obsession. You know how they are.” She set her phone down and gave me a funny smile. “You okay?”
“Yeah. I think so.” I joined her on the couch, immediately putting my arm around her so she could rest her head on my shoulder. “I don’t want to do that shit your brother was harping on me about. I’d rather spend my night with you.”
She relaxed against me and lifted her face up to mine. She kissed the spot right where my cheek met my lips. “Aaron won’t let you get out of it.”
“I fucking know.” I sighed, hating the pinching feeling around my heart. “We didn’t talk about it, but tonight is…”
“Our last night. I know.” She sat up, a seductive smile forming on her lips. “They’ll be gone at least an hour. We could make sure to knock off one from my list. You up for it?”
“God, if I ever say no to that question, know something’s wrong.”
She took my hand and the two of us ran up the stairs, laughing.
She pulled me into her room, shoving my back against the door and giving me the sexiest look I had ever seen on her.
“Just when I think I can’t get enough of you.
You’re the handsomest guy I’ve ever had the pleasure of being with. Let me show you how much…”
She showed me all right. Holy shit.
We knocked off one more time for her list and all that remained was one final time—the last chance I had to explore her.
So when she kicked me out of her room, I tried not to panic.
We still hadn’t talked about it. Not one word about what would happen when I woke up the next day.
I wasn’t sure I could…that was what I told myself when she popped in to say goodbye, declaring she’d be out for the night.
Zade passed me my second beer, his fourth, while a handful of our teammates howled with laughter at something Aaron said later that night.
It was great—nine of us chilling together somewhere other than the field, and I should have been relishing the entire thing.
My teammates had bought me beer and wanted to hang out to celebrate me getting to go back on the field. How cool is that?
I needed to stop acting like a dick. “Thanks, Z.”
“Dude, you seem down. Why aren’t you bouncing off the walls with excitement? You get to be back at it tomorrow. Is everything good?”
“Yeah, for sure. Just enjoying the moment.” I scanned the living room and made sure to smile. It probably looked like a wince, but Zade seemed pacified and I sighed in relief. “How do you balance baseball and Callie?”
He snapped his head in my direction, his intelligent eyes alarmed, and he moved closer to me. “Uh, why?”
“Curious.”
“Okay, uh, well, she knows it’ll have to come first. It’s that simple.
It also helps she fucking knows the sport and can talk to me about it.
Her family are huge baseball groupies—it’s in their blood.
I used to worry about her getting in my head, but, shit, it never happened.
Honestly, she’s the first person I call when something good or bad happens. ”
Kenzie can be that. She can. “Cool.”
“You’re not…seeing anyone, are you?”
“No.”
“Why ask then?” Zade leaned onto his knees, his lips twisting into a scowl. I couldn’t think of a reason why I would want to know without mentioning Kenzie. The silence grew, just like his glare, and he barked, “Answer the question, Johnson.”
Shit. His tone had changed and my entire body tensed with anxiety. I wasn’t sure how he figured it out, but the way he flared his nostrils and moved his gaze back from Aaron and me had me worried. “Come to the kitchen with me. Now.”
I got up and followed him, close to a full-blown panic. If he tells Aaron… “Zade, listen.”
“Shut the fuck up. Wait.” He pushed open the patio door, shoved me outside and slammed it shut with a menacing glare.
He crossed his massive arms and looked nothing like my friend from the past three years.
He was pissed. “His fucking sister. I thought I was crazy, even thinking it could be a possibility. Fuck. How? When? God, why?”
“How did you know?”
“I didn’t piece it together officially until Felix mentioned Kenzie and you snapped at him. That put me on guard, had me thinking about other times you two were together. Can’t believe I didn’t catch on sooner.”
“It’s been over a month.”
He groaned and hoisted himself up to sit on the edge of the porch. “Why would you do that to her, or Aaron?”
“It’s not what you think, man. I’m not fucking with her. She’s…the best.”
“Yeah, no one’s going to believe that. You’ve never had a relationship longer than three days.
Jesus, we can’t afford this on the team.
Not this year. Aaron will lose it and he just got everything settled down the past year.
You asshole.” Zade pinched the bridge of his nose and each one of his exhalations felt worse than a punch to the gut.
He was right. “Tanner. I’m more than average in the brain department.
I cannot rationalize why the hell you think this is a good idea, at all. ”
“I didn’t mean for it to happen, okay? It just did. We both wanted it and agreed it was just a fling. For fuck’s sake, she’s starting school and I’m planning to get drafted. There couldn’t be a future there.”
“No shit, there couldn’t. Aaron would murder you. Rightfully so. She’s been through enough. God, you’re going to break her heart and I’m going to have to pick sides when Hilly comes after you. Fuck!” He got up and kicked the railing. “Why? Tell me why.”
“She gets me.” I think I’m falling for her, hard. “I like her.”
“Doesn’t matter, man. Don’t you see it?” he asked, desperation on his face.
“Aaron has seen you do way too much shit to ever give you his blessing. If you ask for it, he’ll blow up.
If he finds out there was even a chance of you two, he’ll blow up.
I’m protective of my sister and I’d never let her date any of you. But Aaron? He’s worse.”
“Doesn’t Kenzie get a say in this? Aaron doesn’t get to make this decision for me.”
“Well, yeah, but, Tanner, why would you chance fucking anything up on our team? This is our year, the one we either get our dreams or don’t.
” He stood and shook his head. “I’m not going to tell your secret.
But you need to think long and hard about this.
I love you like a brother, so take or leave my advice.
Relationships are hard. You give and take, make sacrifices.
You need to be willing to do that. You cannot hurt her.
Ever. Would you cause a rift between and her brother, the only family she has nearby? ”
He left me out the porch, alone, at my own low-key party, feeling like shit.
I wasn’t ready to say goodbye to her, but I’d be risking too much to try for more.
I have to be willing to make sacrifices—and I can’t do that.
My shoulders felt as if a million pounds rested on them and when Kenzie’s text came through, I had never hated myself more.
Kenzie: Let me know when it’s safe to come over. If tonight is our last night together, I want to be with you as long as I can.
Tanner: I’ll kick them out at midnight, but come whenever you want.
Kenzie: Great. Also, no pressure, but I have a creative solution I want to run by you.
Tanner: Solution?
Kenzie: Yeah, I think I found a way for tonight not to be the final night for us. Trust me. It’s an amazing idea and I bet you’ll go for it.
Fuck. This is what I want. More time with her, laughing and being with her. But Zade’s words buried themselves in my chest and I swallowed down the hurt and regret.
Tanner: Sure, I’ll hear it.
Kenzie: See you soon, TJ.
Our fling was supposed to end on good terms, like a fun memory we’d never forget. But I knew, without a doubt, she would hate me after we talked. And I deserved it.