Chapter 28
Tanner
Seven days without kissing her, talking about the future, laughing at something stupid or sleeping next to her.
We didn’t talk more than a casual greeting.
She joked with Zade and talked shit to her brother, but never me.
I even texted her when we were away on a trip, asking how her shifts at work had gone.
She always responded the same, that it had gone well and she hoped I’d played great.
No more inside jokes, flirting, teasing or acknowledging what we had. Just…existing alongside each other without our paths crossing.
Nothing in my life had felt like this before—empty. It was longing and a craving, but not just for sex. It was…more. Every night before I fell asleep, I thought about her, and when I woke up in the morning, I wished it was two weeks ago where I could sneak into her room and kiss her.
I’m a fucking sap from the movies.
I can’t cause drama for our final season. This is for the best. She deserves more.
I worked the machine at a furious pace, pumping iron faster and longer than I tended to—something Aaron and Zade noticed.
Coach said something too, but I disregarded it.
It wasn’t the drive to get better that fueled me.
It was her, the need to work out hard enough so I could sleep easier when I got back to the house and not think about her being a wall away.
She was silent in her room. She could be out, or not, and I had no right to know about it.
What happens when she moves out?
No. I won’t think about it.
Sweat dripped into my mouth and I tasted the salty combination.
Two more sets of repetitions and I would call it a day.
Before Kenzie, a workout like this would have lit the fire to head to a party, hook up with someone or stay out all night.
But now, that sounded unfulfilling. Awful.
An act, when the person I wanted to be with wasn’t an option.
She wanted to prolong it. I’m the reason it’s over. The way her eyes dulled, looking at me. Fuck, that hurts.
“Yo, Johnson! You played fucking good last weekend. Why are you going so hard?” Aaron asked, whistling as he approached the workout bench. “You look like a maniac.”
“Bigger, better, stronger,” I mumbled. He didn’t realize how close he’d come to finding out about me and his sister last week after she’d fallen.
Zade had helped me out by stating he would’ve rushed to help her too, that we’d all grown to care for her.
Aaron had bought it and I’d almost confessed, I felt so fucking bad.
It was a shit-storm and I wanted it all to go away, but that meant forgetting about my time with Kenzie and that wasn’t something I was ready to do. I lied to her…about everything.
“You’re a beast. Whatever’s got you fucked up is working, my friend.”
“Thanks.” I wasn’t sure what he wanted me to say, and I hated to admit it even to myself, but I was glad when Carter and Felix walked over to us. They would direct Aaron’s attention and I could sneak off. But, before I could, they said a name that caught all my attention. Kenzie.
“What the fuck did you say, Felix?” Aaron snapped. “My sister?”
“Aaron, I’m being honest with you. I respect you as a captain on our team, but I’m not asking for permission. I’m informing you. It’s just one date.”
Aaron pinched the bridge of his nose, exhaling real loudly, and I swore I saw red. I had to have misunderstood him. No fucking way he’d said date and Kenzie in the same sentence. It wasn’t—no.
“Why. Her,” Aaron fumed.
“We get along, like the same TV shows, we’re both new here.
Dude, I don’t know. I asked, she said yes and I’m really excited about it.
” Felix didn’t wait for Aaron’s reaction.
He walked away with a small shrug, and while I would’ve admired his confidence at any other moment, I didn’t when it involved Kenzie. The girl I loved.
What the fuck? Love.
Aaron slammed his fist against the metal bar of my machine and turned his lethal gaze to me. “Who the fuck does he think he is?”
I couldn’t answer. My thoughts wouldn’t come out. He stared harder, letting out a slew of curse words before he rubbed his palms over his eyes. “I’m acting wild, aren’t I?”
Still no words. He took my silence—one filled with spiraling thoughts of regret—and nodded to himself. “I hate this idea, but that took balls telling me. Kenzie’s got a good head on her shoulders and if he hurts her, he dies. Yeah. One date. I can handle one date. Thanks for the talk, TJ.”
He didn’t acknowledge the fact that I hadn’t said a word.
It was for the best—I wasn’t in the right mind to talk to him and I rushed through the rest of my workout, followed by my scalding hot shower and grabbing a bag of ice from Nicole for my leg.
It didn’t pull or hurt, but I needed to rest it and take care of it so it didn’t happen again.
Something like the panic I felt when I missed a fly ball and had to rush after it went through me.
Without thinking, I sent her a text to see if she was home.
Tanner: Are you at the house? Can we talk?
Kenzie: I’m here and sure.
I hitched a ride with Zade and hated the silence between us. He glared at me when I entered the car, and I did nothing to ease the tension. If anything, I got angrier with him. He’d demanded I ended this, saying that this could never happen. Now Felix was asking her out…instead of me. Fuck.
“I noticed you haven’t been hanging out with Kenzie anymore. Things finally end between you two?”
“Yup.”
“You don’t seem real happy about it.”
“Great observation. Gold fucking star for you.”
“Don’t be a dick. It’s not my fault—”
“Yeah, it is! You fucking went off on me about how it’s a terrible idea and that it’ll cause tension on the team. Well guess what, Felix asked her out and Aaron accepted it.”
Zade gripped the steering wheel tighter and gave me a menacing glare at the stop sign. “Our team doesn’t need fucking lies. If this shit is for real for you, then tell him. It’s that simple.”
I didn’t respond as we got closer to the house.
My chest felt like a million pounds, my heart racing at the thought of telling Aaron.
What would I say? I wanted to date his sister for real?
That I loved her? That we’d make it work despite him?
My breathing came in pants and all thoughts of baseball left.
I don’t have to give up baseball and her.
Zade’s expression softened and he spoke with a calming tone. “Dude, this is more than just a fling, huh?”
“Yes. I don’t know when it happened, but it did and my life’s been pretty fucking sad since we ended it. No, I ended it. She wanted to keep it going but after our convo… I stopped it.”
“And hearing Felix asked her out kicked you into gear?”
“Yeah.”
Zade groaned, a reaction I didn’t appreciate, and turned onto our street. “Don’t tell her that. Trust me, chicks don’t want to hear about some jealous thing.”
I snorted, my nerves bubbling up my chest and into my throat. I’m going to try to get her back. Relief. Happiness. Hope. So many positive emotions ran through me at the thought of kissing her again. “Thanks, Z.”
“I hope I didn’t make the wrong call. You gotta do what’s right for you, man, but you owe it to Aaron to come clean.”
I nodded just as he parked in the driveway, and I didn’t wait before jumping out of the front seat and heading inside.
The screen door squeaked like it normally did, the TV left on like Kenzie preferred, for background noise, and my breath caught in my throat when I saw her sitting on the couch with her glasses.
She set down the cup of coffee she had and gave me a worried look.
“You look like an insane person. Are you okay?” she asked, moving her legs from the couch to the floor.
“Can we talk?” I pointed upstairs.
“Sure?” She hesitated, her lips curving down into a frown and darting her gaze from me to the front door. Zade strolled in, whistling, and went right into the basement. Good man.
“Come on.” It took a lot of effort not to pick her up and carry her up there, but I managed. I let her lead and I admired the way her black shorts hugged her every curve, her gorgeous skin teasing me. I knew how it felt, how it warmed when I touched it, and, fuck, I needed her.
She went into her room and ushered me in, shutting the door behind us. “Okay. Tell me what’s going on.”
I didn’t wait before I cupped her face in my hands and kissed the hell out of her.
Coffee. She tasted like coffee and perfection.
Her plump lips softened against me and she moaned.
God, yes. I couldn’t get enough of her or kiss her long enough.
Our tongues collided, her sucking mine into her mouth, and I wanted to spend hours with her, just like this.
Like we used to.
“God, I fucking missed you,” I breathed into her, moving to kiss her neck and earlobe. She bucked beneath me, and I licked one of her favorite spots. “This has been hell.”
“Wait.” She stopped and put one hand on my chest, pushing me away a couple of inches. She adjusted her glasses and looked at me with swollen lips. “Why? Why now?”
“What do you mean?” I tried to hug her, pull her against me, but she shook her head. “I’m sick of pretending I don’t want you every minute.”
She closed her eyes, her face softening for a second, before she opened those green eyes and glared at me. “We’ve said no more than ten words to each other since that night—the one you said you couldn’t prolong this. That was almost two weeks ago. Why now?”
“I just realized I didn’t want to pretend anymore.” The nerves came back at her expression, the flutters in my gut that had words coming out real choppy. “It’s just—with baseball—and your brother—I heard him today with Felix and—”
“What?” she seethed, giving me a look I wished I never had to see. She moved from the door to the other side of her room, her cute little ass swaying as she paced. “You know Felix asked me out.”
“Why did you say yes?”
“Because I’m sick of being sad and it is something to do,” she responded, her eyes turning darker the longer she stared at me.
“Don’t go with him. It’d kill me to know you were with him…no, just, please.” God, I’m begging. I sound pathetic and I don’t care.
She sucked one of her cheeks into her mouth and stared me down. I had never felt so small in my life. “When did you find out, exactly?”
“A couple hours ago at the gym. He approached Aaron and told him he’d asked you, and your brother yelled at him, but didn’t kick his ass.
It got me thinking, if he could do it, then maybe I could talk to him or something and I wouldn’t feel bad about what Zade said, causing problems on the team.
” Oh god, she’s not smiling. No, her face lost all traces of happiness, even though my lips had been on hers less than two minutes ago.
I didn’t understand. “Kenzie, I want us to go back to how we were, more than anything.”
“Have you felt this way since we stopped?” She crossed her arms and tapped her foot on her hardwood floor. The sound echoed, and each tap felt like I was losing hope.
“Yes, no, kinda. I’ve missed you, our talks, everything, but—”
“The catalyst was hearing that Felix asked me out,” she said, all emotion gone from her voice.
“And your brother didn’t kick his ass.”
“Tanner, you don’t get to come back into my life after leaving it for your own reasons.
This is fueled by jealousy, not…whatever you’re spinning this into.
I can’t—I won’t settle for this. I gave you a chance to continue and you said you couldn’t because of baseball.
Your dedication to the team hasn’t changed, so, really, there is nothing telling me you won’t disappear again. No. You hurt me.”
“Kenzie…” My voice broke a little at the end. “I think I love you.”
“Don’t you dare,” she seethed, giving me a scathing look.
“We could’ve worked out, Tanner. It would’ve been incredible but…
we would’ve gone on pretending this summer didn’t happen if you hadn’t heard Felix asked me out.
I’m going to ask you to leave my room. Maybe we can be friends in a couple months. ”
“Is this… it?”
“It has to be.”
Her expression remained unmoved, and I did what she asked. I left her room, shutting the door and hating every emotion in my body. Sadness, regret, heartbreak. She’s going out with another guy and it’s my fault.