Chapter 33
12 Weeks
Size of Babies: a lime
The weeks have passedin a blink of an eye and for some reason, Arizona is pulling away. I was hoping it was just an off day, but the off days turned into weeks. We had her second scan today, the twelve week one and I get to see the twins on the screen, and I would be lying if I said I wasn”t excited. My chest aches with nerves and my stomach knots tight, but excitement beats every other emotion that is currently swarming through my veins.
I”m sitting in my office, tucked away in the corner with my book. Not usually one for reading, but I need to silence the noisy voices in my head. Arizona is upstairs getting dressed and all I want to do is sit and watch her, basking in her beauty. I”m a sap, you don”t need to tell me. She has my heart, wholly. I would shout it from the rooftops if I could. Who would have thought, playboy Keaton head over heels for his best friend’s daughter.
Sickening.
But it”s true.
I love her so fucking hard.
My thoughts wander back to two weeks ago when we last slept together. It wasn”t just sex with us. It was so much more; it was a connection that I had never felt before. Something tying me to her, pulling me in constantly. But since then, she hasn”t let me near her. I would never force her into something she wasn’t feeling. We”re married but it still doesn”t feel real. We went from a hook up before getting drunk and married. Running my index finger across my bottom lip, my book half closed on my lap and my eyes are pinned to the door, wishing for her to walk through.
But she doesn”t.
My phone pings and it takes me a while to actually let my eyes fall and my hands to move before I even slip it out of my pocket, and when I do, I sigh.
Lucy
Hey stranger, I’ve missed you. Come see me tonight? It”s been far too long. X
I mull over my answer for just a moment, fingers hovering over the on-screen keyboard.
Me
Not tonight, Luce, maybe another.
Eyes are back on the door. My skin crawls and my palms sweat at the thought of not being close to her, an addict waiting for his next hit but knowing full well it”s unobtainable. Out of reach. So, so far out of my reach.
Get a grip.
I finally let myself out of my head, then my face falls and I lose myself in my book for just a while, well, long enough for me to let the minutes slip by.
I am so desperate to talk to my friends about it, but I can”t. The only one I could talk to is Kaleb but honestly, I don”t want to. I don”t know why, but I feel judged by him. He has always been so put together. He was never a playboy, a drunk, a loose cannon... he was level-headed and grounded. His job was everything to him, dedicated his life to it until Connie. He always swore off love after watching my mom and dad”s shit show of a marriage, whereas believe it or not, when I was a kid, I wanted to be married and have the big family. But as I got older, that dwindled to nothing, The thought of starting a family scared me. I am just grateful I never had kids with Satan. That would have been a disaster. Marriage ruined me... until it didn”t.
I married Arizona King. Sure, it wasn”t ideal, but it felt pretty damn perfect and that factored with the twins... well, I feel like the luckiest guy in the world.
I had it all.
The dream that I once wished for that dwindled to nothing for years was slowly turning back to the way I always wanted it, where now, suddenly, I felt like I was going to lose it all again and I had no idea why.
The minutes slip by and she walks into the living room like a god damn goddess dressed in a soft white dress with knee high heeled boots. Black knitted jacket thrown over her arm, bag hooked over her shoulder.
“Hey,” she smiles, and I let my eyes do one last sweep over her body.
“Hey,” I stand slowly, placing my book down and closing the gap between us in four long strides. Four strides too long in my opinion. “You look beautiful as always,” I lean in, placing a soft kiss on her cheek. She smells delicious too. Fresh apples and elderflower and all I want to do is sink my teeth into her skin.
“You don”t look too bad yourself hubby,” she winks, stepping away and walking towards the door.
Hubby. I liked that a little too much.
I follow her out like a lost dog, not looking back as we walk along the sidewalk. My hand skims round her back as I gently move her over to the inside of the sidewalk so I can walk closer to the road. The urge to protect her is too strong. She gives a sweet smile, dimples presenting themselves in her cheeks.
“You excited?” she asks me, slipping her hand inside mine and everything feels right in that moment and the doom that once stormed deep inside of me slowly melted away with every step we took hand in hand.
“I am, a little nervous too,” I admit, my heart heavy for just a moment.
“Don”t be nervous. Everything will be perfect.”
It didn”t take us long to get to the Doctors office and I kind of wished it did. The walk was too short. I wanted to walk it three times over just so I could enjoy a little more of us time. Buzzing us in, we walk past the reception where Ari checked in. My eyes scanned round the waiting room, looking at the posters on the wall. Mad to think this will be us in a few short months. Two babies to love and cherish. Me and Kaleb didn”t have the best childhood, but I was going to make sure I tried my hardest to give my children the best damn childhood. That”s the thing when you come from a shitty background, you vow to never put anyone through what you had. You constantly try to do better. Sure, I am a sarcastic selfish prick when I want to be, but I still have a heart that beats and a body that bleeds. I still care. Deep, deep, down in the crevices of my heart is the light. Arizona is slowly pickaxing away at the ice that surrounds the warmth, edging closer and closer to finally releasing me from my iced heart.
“Arizona King.”
I lean across to her, my lips pressed against her ear, “You need to change your name to Mills.” A smile slips across her lips before we stand at the same time, fingers brushing as we walk closer towards the brown-haired doctor.
“Hi,” Ari says as the doctor steps aside, letting her walk into the room with me following. Nerves cripple me but so does excitement.
“Nice to see you again, how are you doing?” the doctor asks as she sits at her desk, Ari and me taking our seats and my face is turned towards her, eyes watching as she speaks to the doctor, answering her question.
“I feel okay, still some sickness lingering of a morning.”
“That should ease off in the next few weeks,” she gives Ari a warm smile before her eyes lock on me. “And you must be Keaton?” I blink a couple of times.
“Yeah,” I”m a little hesitant as I answer.
She constantly smiles, this woman. I haven”t seen her lips turn down once.
“Nice to meet you, I”m doctor Kyra. Just in case you hadn”t realized,” her eyes fall to the name plaque on her desk.
I nod. What am I meant to say back to that?
“Okay, another round of bloods today and scan. What do you want first?” her fingers lock as she focuses on Arizona.
“Bloods,” I watch as she rolls her lips and my hand slips onto her lap, rubbing my palms over her thigh.
Kyra pushes a button on her phone and an older nurse walks through a door to the side, pushing her trolley through with a tray topped with everything she needs.
I”m not queasy, but there is something about drawing blood that doesn”t sit right with me. It makes my stomach flip before bottoming out and my skin goes clammy.
“You okay?” Ari looks at me concerned as she shrugs her cardigan off, and letting the nurse get to the veins in the crease of her elbow.
I nod. How do I tell her that I am, in fact, not okay.
“Okay, you ready?” The nurse asks as she tightens a strap and taps the vein.
“Ready as I”ll ever be,” she focuses on me and that right there is when everything around me disappears into nothing but calmness. All I see is her and only her because she is all I care about.
Her.
Only her.
The nurse finishes up and exits out the same door she came from. Ari has a small cotton ball taped where they drew blood. Hated it. Hated that they marked her beautiful skin.
“Come lay down, let’s get a look at the twins,” Kyra stands, ushering Ari over towards the bed. I move behind her, following her footsteps before taking a seat next to the bed. She lifts her top and Kyra squirts clear gel onto Ari”s little swollen belly. I feel like she”s only really started to pop over the last week or so and it makes my heart swell inside my chest.
My fingers lock with Arizona”s, her head turned to face the screen that the doctor is currently looking at, the probe pushed onto her lower stomach and that”s when I hear it. The sound of galloping horses.
“They”ve changed so much,” Ari whispers towards the screen, my eyes fixed to the flickering heartbeats. Two hearts. Two babies. Tears sting behind my eyes and as I blink, a tear rolls down my cheek.
“Wow,” is all I can muster, Arizona lets out a soft laugh as she squeezes my hand.
“It”s something right?” her voice floats over me like silk, my skin pricking in goosebumps as I focus on the two babies on the screen.
“It really is,” and only then do I pull my eyes from the screen and look at her. My wife. The love of my life. I have fallen hard. God damn, so fucking hard.
My eyes well and I tear them away from Ari and back onto the screen. I never want this moment to be over.
Right here, right now. Everything is just... perfect.
“Twins are measuring good, Twin A is a little bigger but that is normal. We will keep a close eye on them both to make sure each is growing, but right now, I am happy. Do you have any questions?” Kyra asks as she freezes the screen on the image, then hands Arizona some tissue to wipe the excess gel off her belly which means she has to drop my hand and I miss her touch already. I help her sit up, and she twists round to face Kyra. I watch as her brows furrow slightly, fingers locked but her face drops as she looks at her stomach before they”re back on the doctor.
“No, everything is fine,” she breathes out, but the tone of her voice is not convincing. At all.
She hops off the bed and walks towards the doctor’s desk to grab her bag and coat.
“Is everything okay?” I say quietly as I stand next to her, and she looks at me giving me a solid one nod response.
“Okay, so I’ll see you in December for your next scan, this one takes a little longer as we check all the babies heart, chambers, spine, neck fluid....” she rambles off but I know the doctor is telling me over Arizona because she already knows.
“Plus, you can find out the genders if you wish,” and my ears prick.
“Thank you, Kyra, I”ll see you soon,” Ari shakes Kyra”s hand then turns for the door.
“Oh, Ari,” Kyra calls out just as she gets to the door, she spins and waits for the doctor to continue. “If you have anything you want to ask before your next appointment, just give me a call and I’ll be happy to answer any questions you have,” she gives a soft nod and Ari nods back before walking out the door and there I am just standing there wondering what the fuck is going on.
Following Arizona out to the front desk, she talks quietly to the receptionist as she confirms her next appointment.
“Does that date still work with you?”
“Yes, fine,” her tone is clipped as she takes her files back and slips it under her arm.
She looks at me, and I don”t know what her eyes are telling me. They”re erratic but sad, searching my face for something, anything.
“Ready?” she asks before she turns on her heel and walks out the door, me right behind her. Only when we”re out on the sidewalk do I reach for her elbow, pulling her back into me.
“Hey, hey...” my voice trails off and I see the tears in her eyes. “Baby...” I pause and she shakes her head from side to side. “What”s wrong?” My fingers softening on my grip.
She looks away for a moment, arms folded across her chest. “You can talk to me baby, you know that.” My voice is calm, my eyes soft but when she looks at me, her eyes are red rimmed and filling with fresh tears.
“I wanted to ask about finding out who the dad was but then I freaked, because what if the twins are not yours Keaton? What if they”re the mystery guys?”
“I told you I don”t care, these babies are mine Ari, I know it.”
“You don”t!” she raises her voice at me, and I feel my heart crack. “You won”t love these babies like they”re your own if you find out they”re not yours. There will always be a voice in the back of your mind constantly thinking ”I wish they were mine”,” she pauses for a moment, angrily swiping a tear away with her palm. “I don”t blame you Keaton, I don”t blame you not wanting to be by my side through this, bringing up another man’s babies. I get it. So please, don”t hang around for my sake,” she scoffs and turns away from me, head down as she walks away.
And what do I do? I turn in the opposite direction and walk.
Because honestly? Maybe she is right.