52
LUCA BELLANDI
The word slipped out when he fell.
The next morning, before we left for school, Heitor called me over to see his red cape. Until then, he’d only used my name. He ran across the guesthouse yard and tripped on a root. I caught him before his face hit the ground, but his knee scraped against a stone.
He looked at the blood, opened his mouth, and cried out:
“Daddy!”
I held him against my chest. Gabriela broke off her conversation with a supplier on the veranda and hurried over. Heitor cried into my shirt; I could still hear the word he’d shouted.
“I’m here. Let me see that knee.”
In the kitchen, Gabriela fetched the first-aid supplies while I washed the scrape. She handed me a bandage, and I had to ask for another because I’d stuck the ends of the first one together.
“It’s going to fall,” Heitor said, looking at my face.
“What is?”
“Your tear.”
I touched it.
“It already has.”
He examined the dinosaur bandage.
“I called you Daddy.”
“You did.”
“I didn’t mean to.”
I held back everything that had burst inside my chest.
“That’s all right.”
“Did you like it?”
“Very much. But I like it when you call me Luca too.”
Heitor swung his legs.
“Can I say it whenever I want?”
“Yes.”
“Then, Daddy, I want ice cream.”
I laughed, my face still wet.
“After lunch.”
“Two ice creams after lunch.”
“One.”
“But they’re small.”
“Still one.”
I laughed. So did Gabriela, standing in the doorway.
“One ice cream,” she confirmed.
Heitor sighed. As we came out of the kitchen, Noah appeared in front of us, gripping the side of his shirt.
“He’s not Daddy.”
Heitor frowned.
“Yes, he is. I’m allowed to call him that.”
“He’s not my daddy,” Noah shot back.
Heitor looked at me, confused.
“But he stayed this time.”
“He’ll go away again.”
“He’s taking you to school today and picking you up afterward,” Gabriela said.
Noah looked toward the door, as if searching for Cris. He was helping Camila with her backpack in the living room.
I set Heitor down. Noah was still between me and the way out.
“I’ll pick you up, Noah.”
Noah turned his anger on me.
“That’s not what I mean!”
Gabriela crouched beside him.
“What do you think is going to happen?” she asked.
“Now you’re going to take Heitor away.
“And I’ll have to go too. And Camila.”
Gabriela moved closer.
“No one’s moving, sweetheart. You’re staying with me.”
Noah pulled away when she tried to touch his shoulder.
“I come here to see you,” I said. “You still live here.”
“But you buy everything.”
Gabriela went pale.
“Where did you hear that?”
“Júlia’s mom said it at the gate. She said you were going to buy everything and take us away.”
I sat on the kitchen step. I didn’t want him to have to tilt his head back to look at me.
“I’m not taking you away.”
Noah turned to his mother. She was still crouched beside him.
“She hasn’t arranged any of that with us,” Gabriela said. “That isn’t something someone else gets to decide at the school gate.”
Noah looked at Heitor.
“What if he calls you Dad?”
“You can keep calling me Luca.”
“I’m not calling you Dad.”
“That’s all right.”
Noah ran into the living room to find Cris. It still hurt to see him occupy that place. But when my son clutched his shirt, I stayed where I was.
Cris looked at Gabriela before going out to the veranda with Noah. She nodded and turned back to Heitor.
When they were out of sight, Heitor looked up at me.
“Did I do something wrong?”
“No,” Gabriela and I said together.
Camila appeared with a hair clip in her hand.
“Are we going to be late?”
I checked my watch. Gabriela picked the backpack up off the floor and said she’d call the school.
I stayed with Heitor while she made the call. He tugged on my sleeve.
“Can I keep the dinosaur?” he asked, showing me the bandage.
“Yes.”
He ran a finger along its edge to make sure it was stuck down.
That night, after the rest of the day passed without incident, Heitor asked me for a story. Gabriela brought the book and left us in the children’s room. I sat between the three beds.
It was about a bear lost in the forest. Heitor kept interrupting with questions, and the third time, Noah lifted his head from his pillow.
“He’s never going to get home like this.”
“The bear?” I asked.
“You keep stopping.”
I hid my smile behind the book and read on. Noah turned toward the wall, but he didn’t ask me to leave. By the end, Camila was asleep. Heitor yawned.
“Good night, Daddy.”
I closed my eyes for a second.
“Good night, champ.”
I didn’t insist on an answer from the others. I stood and left the room. Gabriela was waiting in the hallway.
“Did Noah say anything else in the car?”
“He asked if we’d come back here after school. I said yes.”
“I spoke to his teacher. She’ll let the principal know what he heard at the gate. I left a message for Marina too.”
I nodded.
“We’ll stick to the same times tomorrow,” she said.
I walked to the door. She called to me before I went out.
“You don’t have to pretend it didn’t hurt when Noah said he’d never call you Dad.”
I turned.
“It did. I didn’t know how to answer without asking him to make me feel better.”
Out on the street, I called Sofia. I needed to tell someone. My grandmother answered sleepily, then fell silent when she heard why I’d called.
“Heitor called me Daddy.”
“Oh, my boy.”
Hearing it in her voice undid me. I leaned against the car and waited until I could speak again. I told her about Noah too. Sofia listened to the end.
“Tomorrow you go back,” she said. “And the day after.”
“I know, nonna.”