53
GAbrIELA DUARTE
Noah began screaming at two thirteen in the morning.
He’d been waking more often since seeing Luca again. I’d put his restlessness down to the trip and Camila’s tests. That night, I heard his sister’s name and ran to their room.
Noah was sitting up in bed, gasping. His screams had woken the other two.
“It was a dream,” I said, wrapping my arms around him. “Everyone’s here.”
He grabbed my shirt.
“Luca sent us away.”
“From where?”
“The big house. He said he wasn’t our dad. Camila was outside in the rain.”
I knelt beside the bed.
“Did you hear someone talking about that rain?”
“You. On the veranda. I went to get water.”
I remembered the noise upstairs. Cris had gone to Camila; Noah must have reached the stairs while he was with her.
“I thought you were asleep,” I said. “That was a conversation between Luca and me. I’m sorry you heard it on your own.
“That isn’t going to happen.”
“How do you know?”
“We’re in our own home. I’m here with you, and I won’t let anyone split us up.”
“But do you believe him?”
“I know you’re scared. We’ll stay right here together until you feel better.”
“It happened to you.”
Camila climbed out of her bed and up beside him.
“I’m here,” she said, holding out her hand to her brother.
Noah took her fingers, still looking at me.
I brought all three into my bed. I offered them water, arranged the pillows, and told a story until Heitor and Camila fell asleep. Noah’s eyes stayed open.
“I want to ask him.”
“Now?”
“If he’s going to throw us out.”
I asked if he wanted to talk on the phone. He said he wanted to see Luca. I sent a message explaining what had happened. Luca called almost immediately.
“What happened?”
“Noah had a nightmare. He wants to talk to you.”
“Can I come over?”
I hesitated.
“Yes.”
Luca arrived twelve minutes later, wearing a coat over his T-shirt, sweatpants, and shoes without socks. I opened the door before he could ring.
“Did the others wake up?” he asked quietly.
“They’ve gone back to sleep. Noah’s in the kitchen.”
“I’m staying with him,” I added.
Luca nodded and took off his wet coat before going into the kitchen.
Noah was at the table, his hands around a mug. I pulled a chair up beside him.
He sat straighter when he saw Luca.
“Were you asleep?”
“I was.”
“You came fast.”
“Your mother said you needed me.”
“I did.”
Luca sat across the table. Noah leaned against my arm.
“I dreamed we went to your house in Italy,” Noah began. “You got mad and said you weren’t our dad. You made everyone leave.”
“The door disappeared,” he went on. “Mommy couldn’t get in. You were holding me and wouldn’t let me go with them.”
Luca rested his hands on his knees. I waited until Noah had finished.
It took Luca a few seconds to answer.
“I’m not going to take you away from your mother, Noah.”
“You did it to Mommy.”
Luca didn’t look to me.
“I did.”
“We were in her belly.”
“You were.”
“So you threw us out too.”
Luca looked at the mug in Noah’s hands.
“I made your mother leave when she was pregnant. It was wrong. She hadn’t done anything to deserve being treated like that.”
“What if you get mad again?”
“I can be angry and talk about it without sending anyone away.”
“You did before.”
“I did. I need to do things differently.”
Noah held the mug with both hands.
“How do I know you won’t do it again?”
Luca leaned forward a little.
“I’ll keep coming. Even when you’re angry with me. You and your brother and sister won’t be sent away.”
“What if I do something bad?”
“We’ll work out what happened. You’ll still be my son.”
“Even if I break a window?”
“Even then.”
“What if it’s a really expensive window?”
“Even if it’s expensive.”
Noah ran a finger along the mug’s handle. His hand had stopped shaking.
“What about Mommy?”
“Your mother stays in her home with you. I come to visit and help, just as we agreed.”
“We’re not going to Italy now,” I added. “Our next trip is to S?o Paulo, all of us together, to take care of Camila.”
Noah looked at me. I nodded.
“Uncle Cris too?”
Luca paused just long enough to breathe.
“Him too,” I answered. “We’ve already arranged it.”
Noah relaxed a little.
“Are there ghosts in the house in Italy?” he asked Luca.
“No. But my grandmother knows some hiding places I still haven’t found.”
A tiny smile appeared on my son’s lips.
“Is she our great-grandma?”
“Yes. Her name is Sofia. I’ve told her about you.”
“What does she hide?”
“The cookies she doesn’t want me eating before dinner.”
Noah smiled. I poured Luca some coffee and sat beside my son again. The kitchen was cold. I pulled my pajama sleeve over my hand; Luca pushed my mug closer to me. For a few minutes, we managed to talk about cookies.
“Will you stay until I fall asleep?”
Luca looked at me.
“Stay.”
I took Noah back to my bed, where his brother and sister were sleeping. Luca sat on the floor beside the head of the bed. My son reached out his hand to him.
I settled the blanket over all three pairs of feet and sat in the chair beside the bed.
“Don’t go yet,” Noah murmured.
“I’ll wait until you’re asleep.”
Noah closed his eyes.
“Luca?”
“Yes?”
“If I don’t call you Dad, will you still come?”
“Yes.”
“Tomorrow too?”
“Tomorrow when school finishes, just as we agreed.”
“Even if you’re tired?”
“Even if I’m tired.”
“Okay.”
His hand closed around Luca’s fingers. It took him a long time to fall asleep. I was still in the chair when his breathing slowed.
I found Luca in the hallway afterward. He leaned against the wall and covered his eyes with one hand.
“He’s dreaming about what I did.”
“We’ll talk to Marina tomorrow. Tonight he was able to go back to sleep.”
Luca lowered his hand.
“I’ll tell the therapist,” he said.
“So will I. I need to know how to answer when he asks again.”
I heard Heitor turn over and waited. The room fell quiet again.
“Are you all right?” Luca asked.
“Tired. And sad that he heard us.”
Luca collected the mugs we’d left in the kitchen. I waited by the door while he rinsed them.
He dried his hands on a towel and looked toward the stairs. I could already hear one of the first cars going by outside.
“Thank you for calling me.”
“Noah asked for you.”
“You opened the door.”
He left as the sky began to lighten. I went back to the chair beside the bed. Noah was still asleep, facing his brother and sister.
I took the children to school that morning and spoke to their teacher.
I also arranged to talk to Marina before the trip.
At pickup, I stopped to hand in the remaining forms and saw Luca arrive at eleven forty, squinting in the sunlight.
When the three children appeared, Heitor ran; Camila followed, and Noah walked slowly.
“You came,” he said when he reached him.
“I said I would.”
“Even though you’re tired.”
“I slept a little afterward. Did you?”
Noah didn’t smile or offer his hand. But he gave Luca his backpack and let him carry it to the car. That afternoon, Noah showed me a drawing: two houses, a bridge, and a dinosaur almost as big as the sheet of paper.
“Where does he live?” I asked, pointing to the creature.
“On the bridge.”
“Doesn’t he get in the way?”
Noah picked up a pencil and added a path underneath.
“Not anymore.”
He left the drawing with me and ran off to find his brother and sister.