Chapter 10
IT WOULD HAVE BEEN a lot easier to argue with him if she could pull her thoughts together clearly, but his arms around her waist made it impossible to do anything but feel.
Not just his touch, though that was causing her pulse to fire erratically, but also his grief, his decency, his hurt.
The way he carried the responsibility for his ex-wife’s actions, admitting to his part in her decisions, even when, from Elodie’s perspective, the lying had been inexcusable.
Like Raf, she could still understand the desperation the other woman had felt.
Suddenly, the way his family had grilled him on Elodie’s pregnancy made so much sense, she couldn’t hold it against Raf or them. In fact, she was glad he had people in his corner, who wanted him to be safe. Who were worried about him.
She inhaled a deep breath; it smelled of orange blossom and Raf.
Her insides clenched in recognition, and her eyes lifted to his and clung there.
Overhead, the sky had shifted from the hues of dusk to an inky black, and the stars were beginning to sparkle against the velvety backdrop.
It was the most magical setting, and it was doing something strange to Elodie.
Or maybe that was the man in front of her, who’d just stripped his soul bare for her to see, even though she recognized that went against the grain for him.
Elodie couldn’t say what was happening to her, only that she was suddenly walking a dangerous path.
Not just of believing Raf, but of liking him—two things that were huge warning signs for her, after what she’d gone through with Aaron.
After all, he’d been her safe choice, the man who’d never hurt her.
A friend first, and everything else after.
Yet he’d used her and discarded her when it suited him.
“You know, I was in a similar situation, in a way. Except, I was Marcia,” she admitted with a twist of her lips.
“Looking back, Aaron never really wanted to get engaged, much less married. I was the one who just presumed that we were moving in that direction, because that’s what’s meant to happen, right? ”
“It’s not the same,” Raf murmured, so close she could feel his words rumbling in his chest. Her hands moved of their own volition to his chest, pressing to his heart.
She closed her eyes on a wave of feeling, of connectivity.
She knew she’d have to break the contact, but for now, it just felt so good—so right—to stand like this, every part of her locked into him.
“Isn’t it?”
“Did he tell you, from the outset, that there would be limits to the relationship?”
Elodie considered that and shook her head after a moment. “But he showed me.”
“All the while, he had his hand out for your hard-earned money,” Raf said with obvious derision.
Something inside Elodie flared with gratitude—that he understood what she’d been through and felt as angry about it as she had been.
“He was selfish,” she admitted.
“Understatement.”
She laughed then, a soft sound, but Raf moved quickly, one hand shifting from behind her back to her chin, tilting her face to his, so that sense of connection exploded into something else entirely. Her breath snagged in her throat and her heart began to race far too fast to be safe.
“You deserved better.”
She clamped her lips shut, hating the way his words were zipping through her chest cavity like a pinball, lighting up every single part of her. Hating the way warmth seemed to flood her body and make her all soft and gooey.
“I really thought he loved me,” she said softly. “I’m just glad he broke it off before the wedding…”
He nodded slowly, but she could see something in his eyes, thoughts he was holding back.
“We both had regrettable experiences,” he said, slowly. “That makes it hard to trust.”
She shifted her head slightly, in a half-nod.
“So why don’t we make each other a simple promise?”
She waited; breath hitched in her throat.
“We will not lie to each other, ever.”
Her brows knit together. “I wouldn’t lie to you, Raf.”
His smile made her knees go weak. It was the most beautiful smile she’d ever seen. “You know, Elodie, I really believe you wouldn’t. Is it possible that you are the only person I’ve ever met who is truly goodness personified?”
If his smile had made her knees go weak, then his compliment cut her off at them. She honestly doubted she would have been able to stay standing had it not been for his arm, wrapped tightly around her waist.
“We should eat,” she mumbled, without making any attempt to move. Her brain knew she had to break this connection, but her body was desperate to stay right where they were. Perhaps Raf understood that, because he didn’t move either.
“Even from that first night, I knew you were different,” he murmured.
“Yeah?”
He made a growling sound she took to be agreement.
“You didn’t seem like you belonged in that bar at all.”
“Are you saying I was bad at my job?” she responded with an attempt at levity, because the way he was staring at her, and how that was making her feel, was pulling at every single temptation inside Elodie, so she wanted to lift up onto her tiptoes and kiss him, to feel his lips ravaging her as they had that night.
She wanted to succumb to the strong force of desire that was bursting between them and beg him to make her his.
“Where did you see your life going, Elodie, before you got involved with him?”
Her eyes flicked to Raf’s, surprised by the question, but also, gratified by it. It was something no one had ever really asked her—especially not Aaron.
“Honestly?”
“Haven’t we just promised we’ll always be honest?”
“Technically, I didn’t promise,” she said, with a weak smile.
“You didn’t need to.”
His faith in her made her lips part, her insides twisting.
“So?”
“I just don’t want you to think this is me asking you for anything.”
His eyes flared. “I won’t.”
Her smile quirked again. “You can’t say that.”
“Try me.”
“Okay. I always loved business. That’s what I was enrolled in, at university, but then, Aaron got an audition, and we thought his career was going to take off.
I needed to help at first, with a regular income, so I put off university, got a job, and then, year after year, it was the same deal…
” She cleared her throat and moved on quickly, before she could hear the indictment of Aaron she could see on Raf’s features.
“I’d actually enrolled in a business course, when I met you.
That’s why I was in London. It’s not a university degree, just a diploma, but I thought that, combined with my work experience, might open some doors. ”
“You know, I have some experience with business,” he said, his tone lightly teasing.
“And that’s relevant how?” she prompted, reminding him of their deal.
Frustration was obvious in the way his lips tightened. “So, you won’t let me help you, even though that would be the easiest thing in the world for me?”
“I don’t want any favours,” she said. “And besides, everything’s different now. I’m going to be a mum. I’ll think about what comes next later.”
His eyes held hers, probing, for a long time, and still, Elodie didn’t move. Even when she knew she should. Even when they were standing so close, so intimately, as though they were a couple, and not a pair of strangers who’d had sex and gotten pregnant.
“I thought of you, after that night,” he said, quietly, his hand moving from her chin to her cheek, his knuckles running over it softly before curving over her ear and into her hair. “That’s not normal for me.”
“It’s not?”
“No. Nothing about that night was normal. I don’t know why, but you got under my skin, Elodie Finch, and I’m starting to think I don’t hate it.”
This time, it was Raf who kissed Elodie, Raf who claimed her mouth, who made Elodie realise that the reason her body had refused to move was because she’d been hoping and praying for this with every single part of her.
That no matter what she’d said earlier that day, this was what she needed.
She didn’t know if it was because of the baby inside of her, or the explosive sex they’d shared, but kissing Raf felt like everything she’d been designed for. It felt like heaven.
It was a waiter dropping a knife to the tiled ground that broke through the sensual fog.
The noise was loud and unwelcome, an intrusion into a moment that Raf had been wanting all day.
Holding Elodie in his arms beneath the starlit sky felt like a thousand shades of wrong even when it felt so beautifully right.
It was everything he usually ran from—intimate, meaningful, important in some way he couldn’t explain—but it was also imperative and necessary, so he just wanted to sink into it and revel in the perfection of this moment.
Obviously, the fact she was pregnant with his baby had a powerful effect on Raf. That was what was doing something strange to him, making him question so many of his thoughts and wishes.
But Elodie had been so clear that morning.
She didn’t want this. It would complicate everything.
Though it was hard for Raf to see any downside to what they were doing, at the moment, Elodie had been very specific.
He had to respect that. What the hell was he thinking, to be kissing her like this?
And why wasn’t he stopping? Why wasn’t she?
With a groan and a sense of breathlessness, as though he’d run a marathon, he pulled away from her, his eyes glittering when they met hers. “I’m sorry,” he said, with a small shake of his head. “That shouldn’t have happened.”
Elodie’s lips were parted and bruised, her eyes widened, and when she lifted a hand to tuck some hair behind her ear, he saw her fingertips were trembling.
“Come,” he forced himself to act naturally, as though that kiss hadn’t been a big deal, when it had started the beating of a drum inside of him that he couldn’t stop hearing. “Let’s eat.”