Chapter 18 #2
She shook her head. “That’s absurd.”
“I stayed there a few years back, when this place was being done up.”
“That’s not what I mean. Why would you move out? There are more than enough bedrooms here, we don’t have to share, if that’s your problem.”
“It’s just better this way. You were the one who wanted clear lines.”
“And you were the one who insisted we live together!”
“That was before.”
“And what’s changed?”
“We discussed that last night.”
“So you’re saying you’re moving out so I can get married to Aaron?”
For the briefest moment, she thought she saw genuine emotion flicker on his face, something like anger, or jealousy, but it was gone again almost immediately.
“I don’t want to marry Aaron,” she dispelled. “For the same reason I turned down your proposal. We’re not in love, so I really don’t see the point.”
His jaw shifted visibly and silence stretched between them for just long enough for Elodie to wonder if she’d gotten through to him.
“I’ve already made the decision,” he responded, finally.
“I’ve organized staff, for this house. You will be well cared for.
Raul will stay as head of your security; he’ll oversee any trips you might want to make, to ensure you’re well looked after, not in any danger.
Naturally, I’ll come to your medical appointments, and if you should need anything, at all, you can always call, any time. ”
Her mouth parted at the calm manner of his speech.
“I’ve organized a credit card for you—there is no limit, please use it for anything you require. The trust documents will be ready in a week or so.”
Anger was making her skin flush. “I don’t want your damned money.”
He flinched then. “It’s appropriate.”
“It’s unnecessary.”
“You’re carrying two Santoros.”
She ground her teeth, hating that name then, hating the way it meant so much to so many people, when Elodie saw way beyond it, to the man, and the people, that were at its heart.
“I don’t give a shit.” She moved, standing up, flinching when he moved to be closer. “I’m pregnant with your children but I’m not your prisoner, I’m not yours to control. I get to say what I do in my life, and it’s not what you’re suggesting.”
His hands curled around her arms, offering support, but all she could do was think about how much she wanted to sway forward and press against him. She didn’t, though. She held herself rigid with the greatest force of effort.
“Then what do you suggest?” he asked, gently guiding her back to bed.
But she made a growling sound and shook out of his grip. She knew she’d been ordered to rest, but she felt so much better, so completely normal, that she took this one moment of freedom and rebellion and used it.
“If you no longer think we should live together, I’ll move out.”
“Where to?”
“That’s not your concern.”
“Don’t be so childish.”
She made a scoffing noise. “How dare you say that to me?”
“I can’t help it. You are acting ridiculously. I am trying to give you everything you want—,”
Another scoffing noise. “You have no idea what I want.”
“You’ve made it very clear that’s not me.”
“How, exactly?” she demanded. “By spending every spare moment these last few weeks with you? By craving you, needing you, laughing with you, waking up and thinking of you, by putting my entire life on hold just to be close to you? You think I don’t want you, Raf? You think I don’t want you?”
Their eyes held, locked in a silent battle, and then his hands were moving to her face, cupping her cheeks, his features twisted in a mask of pained sympathy.
“I think you might want more than I have to give, and I will never forgive myself if I hurt you, like I hurt her. I can’t do that again, Elodie.
I will not lead you on, I will not be the reason you are miserable. ”
She sucked in air, but it didn’t seem to reach her lungs. She collapsed onto the edge of the bed then, sitting down out of a fear that her legs would no longer hold her weight.
He was letting her go because he knew. He knew she loved him, and he didn’t love her back. Whether that was because he wouldn’t let himself, or didn’t want to, she couldn’t say, but it almost killed her, regardless.
All the fight had suddenly left her.
She pushed back the covers of the bed and slid beneath them, rolling onto her side and facing away from him, staring towards the elegant windows with their picture perfect view of the street.
“Okay, fine,” she whispered, her voice wet with unshed tears. “Have it your way.”
None of this was his way. None of it. He felt as though his life had randomly hurtled completely out of his control this past month and he had no clue how to fix it.
He had thought letting Elodie go, freeing her up to marry Aaron, or do whatever she wanted with her life, without factoring Raf into it, was the best thing for her, but hearing her brave, sad voice whisper have it your way had made him feel as though he’d taken some crucial, irreparable misstep.
But he was right. He was right to protect her, to stop her from hurting the way Marcia had hurt, and from the way she’d been hurt by Aaron.
So, what was, for the moment, an almost unbearable sensation in the pit of his stomach, radiating through his entire torso, would surely fade, with each day that passed, and as Elodie stepped into the happiness she deserved.
Surely the certainty that he’d done the right and noble thing, that he’d sacrificed his own happiness to ensure hers, was worth something?
Elodie barely met his eyes the next time they saw each other.
Four days after he’d left their house, when Raul brought her to the obstetrics clinic, the difference between their last hospital and this was like day and night.
He would even have preferred the first visit, when he’d brought her here to confirm the pregnancy, because at least then there’d been civility in amongst their treatment.
Now? She was cold to the point of doing everything but saying she wished he wasn’t there.
He stood back as the obstetrician performed another more thorough scan and talked through the rest of the pregnancy, including the various delivery options and the complications that might arise closer to the end of term.
He kept a respectful distance even when their babies’ hearts sounded in the room and Elodie’s eyes misted with tears.
He wanted to go and grab her hand and lift it to his lips, pressing a kiss there and promising he would move heaven and earth for his little family, but what right did he have?
He'd always known this life wasn’t for him; nothing had ever changed his mind.
So he’d stood like a stone statue, until it was finished, and then, only because he wasn’t yet ready for it to be over, he’d said, “Shall we have lunch, to discuss—,”
“There’s nothing to discuss,” she’d cut him off. “You’ve made the arrangement you want perfectly clear. Let’s just get on with it.”
A moment later, she’d slipped into the back of the car, and was driven off by Raul, leaving Raf standing on the footpath, staring after her, wondering how the hell he’d made such a mess of everything.
“Jesus, it’s true.”
Elodie was in no mood for whatever this was.
She’d been staring at the TV without seeing, all afternoon, and now that it was dark out, and the weather had turned cool, she knew she should contemplate having something to eat—for the babies’ sake—but it was almost impossible to even think of food, despite the gourmet offerings Raf’s chef kept providing.
She was all over the place, a mix of heartbreak and love—love for Raf, for their babies, for the life she’d secretly wished for, and couldn’t have.
I think you might want more than I have to give.
She should have let one of the dozen or so staff members Raf had organized answer the door instead, but the knock had been loud and persistent enough to make her think something was wrong.
“Can I help you?”
The woman, very beautiful, slim, with dark red lipstick, pulled a face that could best be described as a sneer before pushing past Elodie, into Raf’s home.
Elodie pressed a hand to her stomach, a frisson of fear running through her at this woman’s intrusion. Raf’s warnings, about the danger that came with being a part of the Santoros, sounded in her mind too late.
“You actually live here?”
Elodie tried not to show her fear. There were staff members aplenty in the house, and Raul in the garage. If she screamed, someone would come. Besides, even pregnant, she was pretty sure she could take this woman if it came down to a fight.
“I can’t see that’s any of your business.”
“That’s where you’re wrong. Everything to do with Raf is my business, and always will be.”
Elodie’s frown deepened. She spoke like family, yet she knew this wasn’t Sofia, for the simple reason Sofia’s marriage to King Ares had made world headlines, and she knew, therefore, what she looked like.
Then, with blinding clarity, the penny dropped. “Marcia.”
The other woman’s eyes narrowed, her lips flicking with distaste. “Of course.”
Elodie looked at her with renewed interest, this woman who’d pushed Raf to propose, who’d broken him in a way that Elodie was now suffering for. A man who was already tentative to trust, because of his upbringing, had suffered the final blow courtesy of this woman’s dishonesty.
“Raf isn’t here,” Elodie said, staying close to the door.
“I know.” The woman’s eyes swept over Elodie. “I’ve just come from his hotel.”
Something panged in Elodie’s gut, as she noticed other details for the first time. The woman’s skirt, slightly askew, the low cut of her blouse, a hint of pink at her throat, as though stubble had been rubbed over it. “His tattoo is new. I like it.”
Elodie blinked away, shocked by the sting of her jealousy, of how easy it was to visualize Raf and this woman together.
“We stayed there together a while ago, when this place was being done up. I chose the interiors, you know,” she added.
Elodie hadn’t known. She couldn’t say if it made a difference.
Except, of course it did. Every room in this house had been styled by Marcia.
It explained so much. Funny that even without knowing Marcia, or the full story of the relationship, Elodie had felt the cold implacability of the furnishings.
“I am in every aspect of his life.”
She tamped down on the searing pain, focused on keeping her voice level and calm. “Why did you come here?”
Marcia crossed her arms over her chest, nostrils flaring. “To meet you, and to warn you. Raf is very angry with me, but his heart is still mine. He’s just starting to remember that.”
Elodie blinked quickly. “I don’t want his heart,” she lied, her voice trembling a little from the emotion of this confrontation. “As far as I’m concerned, you’re welcome to him.”
Surprise showed briefly on Marcia’s features, but she controlled it quickly.
Elodie had never in her life met a woman who seemed to be truly catty.
The occasional argument, when she was in high school, where things had been said that weren’t meant, but nothing like this.
She could feel the woman’s anger radiating off her in waves, and it was seething towards Elodie.
“You should know, though, that I met Raf a long time after the two of you had broken up. Whatever might be going on with the two of you, my life is not your concern.”
“Just remember to keep it that way. Remember who you are, and who I am, and we won’t have a problem.”
Marcia sashayed back towards the door, at the exact moment one of the housekeepers appeared.
“Ma’am? Can I help with something?”
“No,” Elodie said breathlessly, forcing a weak smile. “My guest was just leaving.”
Marcia’s look was one of pure hatred, which Elodie supposed she could understand. If she’d once lived in this house, it would have been hard to come here now and be referred to as a guest.
But the second Marcia had breezed past and stepped out, Elodie closed the door and pressed her back against it.
“Ma’am?” The young housekeeper rushed forward. “Do you need help? Shall I call Mr Santoro?”
That had her forcing herself to stand, even when her legs were badly trembling.
“No,” she blurted out quickly. “I’m fine.” She cleared her throat. “Excuse me.”
She slipped upstairs to her own room, her mind whirring with one thought, and one thought only.
She needed to get away. Out of Raf’s orbit, and the orbit of someone like Marcia.
Away from the jealousy that was snaking through her, as darkly determined as Raf’s tattoo, at the uncertainty of her life, her future, of her place in Raf’s.
Whatever else she knew, she knew this: staying here would just keep hurting her, especially now she knew she was in a house of Marcia’s creation.