Tears
My eyes fluttered open at the first crack of dawn. Heavy, groggy, tired, swollen, one look at me, and anyone could tell that I had spent the whole night crying. I pushed myself up, managing to hold back from falling off Celine's high bed where I had found the comfort to drown myself in my sorrows.
After the long drive, I gave the driver a handsome tip to drop me off on the sidewalk, telling him I would go back home on my own.
He seemed skeptical but obliged after I gave him another heavy wad of bills from my purse.
Bribery had never been a way of mine, but tonight there was no zest for virtue, just the aching, overwhelming need to getaway.
An hour's walk brought me to the one place, the one person whose shoulder was always ready to carry the heavy brunt of my tears.
Without knocking, I pushed the door front door open, thankful that I had walked in before she and Alexander went beyond the kissing stage.
I already felt guilty for ruining one happy occasion tonight, I was not about to ruin my best friend's make-out session.
Without sparing them both a glance, I threw the Louboutins over my shoulder—I took them off the minute I climbed down the Limousine and walked barefooted all the way here, I was too miserable to care about all the people looking at me like I had just been stood up at a wedding alter—and made my way to her bedroom.
"Don't stop because of me, I'm just going to borrow your bed and bedroom for the night C," I said as I walked past them, ignoring their stunned expressions. "goodnight."
After locking the door, I threw my purse and shoes somewhere, too hazed to care if either of them broke, though I doubted the Louboutins would break on the bedroom floor.
I pulled the pins holding my hair and sighed as it fell over my shoulders.
And then I collapsed with my stomach to the mattress, shutting my eyes and trying to find the solace of dreamless sleep to push my mind away from all the thoughts—painful thoughts—dancing from one corner of my brain to the other.
But of course, that could not be attained without the damn tears.
I adjusted my sight to the rays of light that crept into the room slowly, and like it was waiting all along to crush me, the memories flooded back to my memory.
I had a sister. She was an evil witch, the mother of the two kids I had come to adore most on the planet, and the wife of the man I could not live without.
It sounded like I really was the monster in this story. Tearing a happy family apart.
Only. They were never a happy family. Lucas did not love Sarah anymore, the kids did not even know her, and I was the one his family supported and wanted for Lucas. I was good for him, we were good for each other, perfect in our own little way.
So why was I sitting here, o the other side of town away from him, leaving him as worried as I imagined he would have been since last night. Why was I not delving back in his arms, kissing his lips, and reassuring him that Sarah was not worth tearing us apart?
Because he lied to you.
The reminder ripped open the wound in my heart and I found myself sniffling back tears with no use.
It was not the fact that Lucas was still married to Sarah that hurt—okay that part hurt a little—it was the fact that he still kept this from me after all we had been through in the last few days.
He had every chance to tell me.
If he had told me once if he had just...
There was no need to think about it now. I already heard it from someone else. The worst person possible.
I wanted to gather my things together, and go back to him right now and hug him and forgive him and act like last never happened. But I was scared. Damn terrified.
What else was Lucas hiding from me? What else about his past—or present was being tucked away from me in an unwitting attempt to keep me in the dark?
I could not, would not handle it anymore. I needed a clear head, void of all the pain I was feeling right now, because if I ended things with Lucas this time, it would be for good, never to return to this world of deception again.
My phone vibrated in my purse and I stared down at the purse.
I knew it was him calling, I knew he was now worried, probably terrified because I had not returned home last night, hadn't called either, and now I was ignoring him too.
But it had to stay this way, at least for now.
Thankfully the kids were away at their grandparent's house, I would use that time to come to a decision, but for now, I could not speak to Lucas, not yet.
I wanted to ignore the calls coming into my phone until he would stop calling and leave me alone, but it was on the seventh ring in less than 10 minutes.
I leaned over the bed, reaching for my purse.
I took my then out, turned it off, and tossed it into the pile of unattended laundry Celine had in her room.
With any luck, it might just be dumped into the washer along with my phone and I could have some peace for a while.
"Bess?" C's voice called from the other side of the door. I had forgotten that I locked her out of her own bedroom last night. Her voice was soft, careful like she was stepping on eggshells. "Chris are you in there?"
"I'm fine." I sighed, realizing that as much as I wanted to I could not hide away from the world forever.
"I don't mean to disturb you bess, but I really need to use the bathroom, I promise I won't bother you but I really have to go."
"Shit!?" I muttered under my breath, rushing to open the door for her. After we both said a quick, "sorry" to each other, she breezed past me and slammed the bathroom door shut as she dashed inside in a hurry."
I walked back to the bed, pulling the covers over me and willing myself back to sleep before she came out of the bathroom. She took a shower, from the water running heavily I knew, and maybe brushed her teeth too. When she came back into the room, I was still awake, but my eyes were clamped shut.
After a small rattle in her closet, she finally came around the bed and sank next to me. She smoothed her palm over my head and made comforting circles over my shoulders.
"I will not even pretend to understand what you're going through bess. But I know that the one thing you need right now is time to figure shit out by yourself, still, you need to know I'm right here, always here for you, so you really do not have to go through any of this by yourself."
"When did I ever forget that C?" I mumbled dreamily, with my eyes still shut.
"Just a reminder,"
"Thank you. That's more soothing than you know. I love you bess." I turned to her and smiled.
"I love you more." she got to her feet, "get some rest,"
"Thank you."
As she turned to leave, I realized that the first place Lucas would go to find me was here.
The first place anyone would try to find me any day was at my best friend's house, but I did not need anyone to find me.
At least not yet, so I turned to her before she reached the door.
"Please call Lucas and pretend to be worried about how I'm doing. "
She spun on her heels swiftly, "hmm?"
He's going to come here trying to find me if he does not think you are as clueless about my whereabouts as he is." I swallowed hard, "I really do not want to..."
"I understand," she nodded, "I'll do it."
"Thank you."
She gave a small smile before she slipped throygh the door and shut it close. In no time, my eyes fluttered, easing slowly into the peaceful feeling of unconsciousness.
The next day was no better. I had never felt so lazy my entire life.
I spent the whole day sleeping yesterday, got up, and managed to join Celine for breakfast, she was thrilled that I could be there with her, but I could see past the control she was putting up.
Deep down I had not a doubt that Celine wanted to drive a fork down Lucas's ball.
Alexander had not taken the overprotective best friend away from her just yet, and it did not look like that was something that could ever be taken away from her.
'How's Alex?" I asked as she smeared some jam onto my toast. In her opinion, jam on toast was one thing she would never tire of.
"Not too bad. He's a little still hurt since I sent him home that night."
"Shit you sent him home?" more guilt washed through me. Whose relationship was I sogging next?
"You don't expect me to be moaning when my best friend is sobbing?" she raised a brow.
"You could have just cuddled up with him, shit, he must hate me now."
"Nope he doesn't, if anything he loves me more for putting my best friend first," her eyes widened and she gasped like she just remembered something. "I think he's hurt coz he was going to propose."
"Shut the fuck up." I cried.
"Okay." she shrugged, amused and excited at the same time.
"No keep talking." I laughed,
"There's nothing left to say. We have only spoken over the phone since then also Mia called.
" I frowned and then she added, "to say she does not hate you for what Sarah did at her engagement and she hopes you would take some time off, but would also give Lucas a chance to explain when you're ready.
" she rolled her eyes, "I liked her a lot until the last part. "
I was in no mood to spoil my mood, so I diverted the topic, "well I'm glad Mia still likes me. But I want to hear all about how Alexander was going to propose."
"Dude, chill, he didn't" she laughed.
"But he was going to." I cried happily, finally thrilled at some good news in my life. "do you even know what that fucking means?'
"I get to be his wife?" she feigned nonchalance, but I could see the joy dancing in my best friend's eyes and I spent the rest of dinner pestering her about it until we finished washing the dishes and settled on the couch to watch something to lighten the mood.
Celine must have noticed the way I swerved the topic about Lucas because she did not bring it up and I thought, maybe, just maybe I would be fine again until she turned on the tv.
The first channel that popped up was an entertainment news channel and of course, the headline read: "Maxwell family Marital drama. "
And whoever had created the headline was so kind enough to make a collage of me, Lucas, and Sarah in one photo.
Lucas on the left, a thunderbolt/crack sign separating his picture from mine, then Sarah's picture on the right in the same fashion.
It gave off the impression that I stood in between them.
How sweet.
"I didn't know they were so well-known," Celine quickly skipped to the next channel, only to come up with more heart-ripping news. This one read:
War between millionaire ex-wife and mistress nanny, Via Billionaire Biotech company CEO Lucas Maxwell.
I could not help the burst of laughter that ripped through me, but they did nothing to hold back the tears. Celine had turned off the tv now, but the images were fresh in my mind and they would stay there for a while.
I got to my feet, wiping the tears, "you don't mind too much if I steal your room again. The bed seems to be the only place I would ever find any consolation."
Celine wanted to speak, but I could not listen to anything right now. I dashed into her room, leaving the door unlocked and hoping my best friend would not mind me kicking her out of her own room again.
"...get your lying ass out of here right this fucking minute." Celine's voice yelled at someone in the distance, pulling me slowly out of my sleep state.
"Is she inside?" Lucas's voice filtered through. I wanted to wake up and see if he was really here if he had really come to find me because even my unconscious self wished he was here to take me back home. I would protest, cry, push him away, and I would go back to him.
But then again, it could be a trap. A trap played on me by my hazy sleep-filled mind to draw me back to consciousness, back to the real world filled with pain, and away from this world where all I saw was what I wanted to see.
Where I got a small imaginary break from the pain I was going through right now. Where it was a Saturday morning with Lucas and the kids on the beach, making a sand castle like a perfect little family.
So I stayed, locked in that world, refusing to flutter my eyes open to take a peek if he was really here or not.
I awoke, sometime later, to someone tapping my arm lightly.
Celine.
Night had fallen. Again. What did she want, usually she didn't try to wake me up unless it was important.
Maybe it was.
"Yes..." I said dreamily, wishing the pushing would stop.
"It's the twins on the phone," she said quietly, still trying to wake me up.
I needed no further push. I bolted awake, easily slipping out of sleep mode, into confusion mode, then into panic mode as the voice of Abby or Aiden sobbing filled my ear when I took Celine's phone.
"Hey, baby, what's wrong?" I asked, trying to keep my voice collected as I jumped to my feet.
"Chris please come here to Grammy's" I realized it was Abby's voice, but why was she sobbing?
"What's wrong my love?"
"It's the scary woman, she's here at grammy's house and she's taking Aiden with her." her words were jumbled but I could make out that much.
Panic rose in my chest as I struggled to breathe through my words. "Abby please, calm down and tell me what's going on over there."
But I needed no further confirmation as someone's voice filtered through the phone from a distance.
"Sarah you will have to take them over my dead body," Martha screamed, clearly in a struggle, "over my fucking dead body do you hear me?"