58. Chapter 53
Perfect Imperfections
Sebastian
B as watched her in the warm glow of the fairy lights.
Evin sat on the blanket with her knees drawn up, her fingers idly playing with the hem of her top.
She looked like she wanted to say something, but the words seemed to linger in the silence, refusing to break through.
It was this moment—the quiet, the crackling tension in the air—that was driving him insane.
“Evin.” She looked up, her eyes gleaming as if she was surprised to hear him say her name.
“Hm?” Her voice was soft, barely more than a breath, but there was a slight nervousness in it that only drew him in more.
“I keep wondering if you even realize how much you mess me up.”
Her gaze flicked to his, startled, but she recovered quickly. “I think you’re just easy to impress.”
“Then explain why no one else has ever managed to do it.”
His voice was c alm, but beneath the self-irony was something else—something unspoken, something pressing that only heightened the tension between them.
“Bas…” Her tone was softer than before, barely more than a breath between them.
He lifted a hand, letting his fingers brush gently over her cheek, as if testing whether this moment was real—or if he was just imagining that she was finally looking at him like this.
“You have to tell me if this is too much.” His voice was quiet, deeper than usual, almost rough.
She shook her head, barely perceptible. “It’s not.” She wanted to say more, but the words remained unspoken.
That was all he needed to hear.
Bas let his forehead rest against hers, closing his eyes for a moment to soak it in—the soft electricity between them, the way her breath warmed his skin. A quiet heartbeat where the world seemed to pause.
Then she moved first. Just a little.
Her lips brushed against his—a tentative, uncertain beginning, barely more than a touch, but it hit him harder than any real kiss would have.
Bas gave her time. Seconds that stretched into eternity.
And when she didn’t pull away, he gently tugged her closer.
The kiss deepened—slow, but inevitable. A silent, inescapable realization. Her fingers curled into his shirt, as if making sure he wouldn’t disappear. His hands found her back, trailing over the thin fabric, as he tried to feel every bit of hesitation in her and push it away.
“What are you doing to me?” he murmured against her lips.
She let out a soft laugh, nervous but happy—one that lodged itself in his mind and made him want even more.
“Evin…” He pulled back for a moment, just to look at her. Her cheeks were flushed, her lips slightly swollen, and she was more beautiful than he could ever put into words.
“What?” Her voice was barely more than a whisper.
“I don’t know how I’m ever supposed to stop.”
Her smile was d angerous, utterly reckless. “Then don’t.”
Bas stared at her, his chest rising and falling heavily as if trying to hold onto some form of control. But there was no hesitation in her eyes, no doubt. She met his gaze—steady, unwavering—her hands resting lightly on his chest, as if she could keep him from pulling away.
“Evin…” His voice was hoarse, unsteady, almost a warning.
“Stop being so careful,” she murmured, and the quiet strength in her voice completely undid him.
“I don’t want to hurt you,” Bas said.
She laughed softly, almost teasing, and let her fingers glide over the fabric of his shirt until they found his buttons. “Maybe you’re underestimating me, Bas.”
Her eyes stayed locked on his, and he saw that she meant it. No hesitation, no walls. She wanted this—wanted him—as much as he wanted her.
“I never underestimate you,” he whispered, and this time, there was no more restraint.
He pulled her closer, his hands skimming over her sides, finding the bare skin beneath her shirt as he kissed her again. Deeper, more certain. She melted into him immediately, her fingers pulling him closer as he traced the warmth of her back beneath his palms.
Evin gasped softly against his breath, a sound that almost drove him over the edge. Her hands found the collar of his shirt, tugging at it slightly, popping the first button loose.
His lips left hers, trailing down to her neck, leaving heated traces along her skin as her nails raked lightly over the back of his neck.
“Don’t stop,” she breathed, her voice a little rough, as her hands slipped under his shirt, fingertips skimming over the tense muscles of his back.
His teeth grazed the sensitive spot at her collarbone, and she drew in a sharp breath. He loved her reactions, loved how raw and unfiltered she was, how she gave herself to him without a second of hesitation.
“Tell me if you want me to stop,” he murmured, pushing a strand of her hair back, his eyes searching hers.
“Stop talking, Bas. I want you.” Her words were quiet but firm, and the conviction in her gaze nearly knocked the air from his lungs.
He smirked slightly, letting his lips find hers again as his hands trailed up her back, pulling the thin material of her top along with them. She let him, her fingers gripping his shoulders as if grounding herself.
“You drive me insane,” he murmured against her skin as he carefully laid her back onto the blanket.
She gave a small, knowing smile before pulling him back to her, their kisses turning more urgent.
He let her guide him—her hands, her touch—as they slowly stripped away the last barriers between them.
The night was warm, the soft glow of the fairy lights casting shadows on their skin, and for a little while, everything else faded away.
__________
He watched as Evin twisted the phoenix pendant between her fingers, her gaze lost deep in thought.
The warm glow of the fairy lights cast a gentle light across her features, but he didn't feel the relief he'd expected.
It was as if something was building up between them, something impossible to ignore any longer.
He ran a hand through his hair and took a deep breath. “Evin…”
She looked up, eyes wide and questioning. “Hm?”
“I have to... We need to talk about the party. The event.” His voice was steady, but the tension beneath it was unmistakable.
Her fingers stopped moving, and she regarded him silently for a moment before nodding. “Okay.”
Bas searched for the right words, yet everything he thought of felt insufficient. “I didn't reach out. Not really. And I owe you an explanation.”
She remained quiet, her eyes briefly dropping to the pendant in her hand before returning to him. “I've been wondering why.”
“It was my fault,” he began, feeling his voice crack slightly. “After the party… when you left… I took it as a sign that you didn't want me anymore. That I... was too much for you.”
Her brow furrow ed, and she opened her mouth to speak, but he raised his finger to stop her. “Let me finish first, okay?”
She waited for him to continue.
“I got drunk. Completely wasted. I couldn't handle the thought that you might not care about me. And… naturally, I overslept. It was a stupid, unforgivable mistake.” He laughed bitterly, a sound that stung him as well. “And after that, when my head cleared, there was this feeling... fucking guilt.”
“Guilt?” she asked softly, her voice hesitant, almost disbelieving.
“Yes, guilt. It's all my fault. About Sergej.
About what happened. I didn't see it. I didn't protect you.
Not even when Ben noticed something was off, I didn't act. Because I was too blind, too confident, too... convinced that no one could ever hurt you like that. And now… now I feel like everything that happened rests on my shoulders.”
His words hung heavily in the air, oppressive yet oddly liberating. Evin looked at him, her eyes filled with emotions he couldn't decipher.
“Okay, wow, Bas, wait…” she began, clearly taken aback. “You aren't responsible for what Sergej did. You're not.”
“But I pushed you toward him,” he countered, his voice raw with emotion.
He couldn't look into her wide eyes. “I hurt you by not being there.
And after the fight, I thought you needed space, time to recover…
to process everything. But maybe that was just another excuse because I thought I didn't deserve you.”
She shook her head rapidly. “Bas, I don't need space.
I don't need distance. What happened didn't happen yesterday.
You're not to blame!” She took a short breath before continuing, “It happened months ago. And I dealt with it in my own way. Maybe not perfectly, but… I found a way. Honestly, I think you were the one who needed space to process everything.”
He wanted to respond, but this time she raised her hand to stop him.
“I thought you didn't want me anymore. Because I'm not perfect anymore.
Because I'm… broken. I never felt like I fit into your perfect world, and now I fit even less.
And I felt ashamed. Because I didn't protect myself, because I didn't say 'no' clearly enough. I thought you were angry at me for… for not being strong enough to prevent it.”
Bas felt his heart clench painfully. If only she understood how perfect he found her.
Yet, at the same time, something dark stirred within him—a feeling both frightening and exhilarating.
The realization that Evin wasn't flawless, that she sat broken and vulnerable before him, awakened something he'd kept hidden deep within.
Something that made him want to possess her even more.
Her supposed imperfection made her infinitely more desirable, intense, and unquestionably real.
It felt wrong, but he couldn't stop the heat that spread through him at the thought of claiming her exactly as she was—vulnerable, imperfect, and entirely at his mercy.