Chapter 45
Chapter Forty-Five
Thea
Silently, I stood before the looking glass and drug the tip of my index finger against the smooth skin of my collarbone, staring at the movement in my reflection.
Even after all this time, it was still so strange to see the bare skin.
Every so often, I would catch sight of myself and have to double back, narrowing my eyes to search out what was wrong with me only to realize I was still looking for the Mark of Hyrax stamped across my skin.
The second I came into my own divine power, that mark on my skin faded away.
Goddesses didn’t have Descendant's Marks.
It was one way we determined that my theory about Camilla had been correct. When she checked the skin on the back of her left calf, the Mark of Hypatia was gone.
Clay moved to stand behind me, kneading at some of the tension in my shoulders.
“We haven’t talked about your magic yet,” he noted, as if sensing my thoughts.
I took a deep breath, focusing on the quill sitting on the desk in front of me. With narrowed eyes, I sent all my concentration and effort towards it, groaning from the strain.
And it lifted half a centimeter off the wooden paneling before falling weakly back down.
“You might think that’s not very impressive,” I quipped sarcastically, leaning further into his touch. “But this is quite an improvement from last week.”
He bent down, nuzzling against my throat before pressing his lips affectionately to my cheek. “You don’t need any powers at all to impress me, love.”
Sweet words.
Words that didn’t change the fact that I didn’t stand a chance of fighting back against Hyrax without magic.
They needed me in this war. They were counting on me.
And yet, I had very little to offer them.
Sighing, I lay back on the bed, letting my too-long hair fan over the sheets. “Well, maybe now that Camilla has joined the divine ranks, she can fight this war and I can go find somewhere quiet to relax.”
Clay snorted, moving to crawl next to me and rest his head on my stomach.
His arms on either side of me squeezed gently, as if he was reassuring himself that I was still here with him.
I ran my fingers through his hair as I did the same.
I think we were both still worried that this was all a dream and one day we’d wake up and I’d be back at that castle.
I wasn't sure when that feeling would go away.
“I’m not sure I even remember how to relax at this point,” he mused.
“We could find a cottage in the middle of nowhere.” My voice took on a soft, dream-like quality. “I could spend my days tending to a garden while you read those mystery books you like so much.”
He stared into the distance, picturing it all with a slight smile. “We could get a dog.”
I pictured a shaggy-haired beast bounding towards him, tongue lolling out of its mouth and tail swinging wildly from side to side.
“I’d like a dog,” I agreed, before pausing against a sudden wave of nervousness. “And maybe we could build a nursery in the cottage?”
Clay stilled, before lifting his head to stare at me with gold-flecked eyes. “Yeah?”
Heat rushed to my cheeks, and I found myself chewing on my bottom lip as my fingers in his hair stilled. “I mean, it’s just an idea. I don’t even know how their genealogy would work. I don’t know if they’d be Descendants of Zion or Hyrax or… well, of me but—”
He lurched forward, wrapping a hand around the back of my neck and pulling my lips to meet his. His kisses came rushed and happy, and I felt myself smiling against them.
“It’s a good idea,” he said, pulling back and resting his forehead against mine. “Maybe, one day, when this is all over, we consider making that particular fantasy come true.”
Warmth burst in my chest, my grin coming naturally as I ran a hand through his overgrown hair.
His golden eyes fell over my face, leaving a tingling wake behind and for the first time in an eternity I felt the urge to pull him to me.
A burning desire, yes, but more than that.
I needed him. I needed to feel him closer to me than anyone else had ever been.
On its own accord, my leg lifted, hooking around his hip and tugging him even more flush against me.
“Clay,” I breathed.
His eyes focused on mine, a burst of light flashing undeniably. “Yes?”
I moved to grasp his hand, and the movement sent a rush of icy cold as the metal of my iron bands pressed against my skin.
My movements halted.
Always the unwelcome reminders of reality.
I sighed, feeling the desire in my belly dry up as I pulled myself into a seated position. “I think we'll have lots of things to look forward to when this is over, but sadly, I don't think Camilla will be in fighting shape anytime soon.”
He remained reclined on the bed as I shifted away from him, confusion clear on his features at the change in subject and obvious rejection. But after a moment of consideration, he let it go, lifting his brows in an expression of agreement before rising.
“Yes, I suppose it's up to us.”
He turned, moving to strap weapons to himself. More and more forces were trickling in from Rankor and Kent’s journey, and many of them had never even held a blade before. Clay spent every morning on the field with his generals training his men and preparing them for what was about to come.
While Clay trained the army, I trained Camilla.
It had been a slow process so far. Getting her to summon her powers had been relatively simple—we’d even mastered enough that she could summon her animus on command and have it walk circles around us.
Getting her to control that same magic, though?
Well, that had been a different task entirely.
We had to sequester her at the end of one hall in the main manor, far from where anyone could accidentally walk past her room and fall to their knees with temporary bouts of insanity.
Still, we were making progress. At least, that’s what I kept reminding her every time she looked ready to burst into tears with self-hatred.
Her powers would regulate in time. I believed that. In time, she would even learn to accept that being the Goddess of Madness didn’t mean she needed to hold herself responsible for Pasnia’s crimes.
“I don’t know how Elaina isn’t more affected by her,” Clay mused, sitting on the edge of the bed to tug on his boots and begin fastening the laces. “I walked past that hall two days ago and swore I heard my mother singing.”
A smile played at the edges of my lips as I pictured the way Elaina doted on Camilla. “Well, it’s a little different for Elaina.”
He frowned. “How so?”
“Well, I would never hurt you with my magic.” I shrugged, finding it all rather obvious. “My powers would never lash out or attack you, even if I felt out of control. I imagine Camilla’s magic is functioning similarly with Elaina.”
Clay’s frown deepened as his fingers stilled on the laces of his boots. His head tilted awkwardly as he thought through the implications of my words. “You don’t mean that—”
I raised a brow, giving him that same smug smirk he used to give me all the time back at the palace. “You didn’t notice?”
With a surprised huff, he ran a hand over his jaw, scratching at the patch of overgrown stubble. “I guess they spend a lot of time together.”
Clay, for all his wonderfully admirable qualities, was apparently just as oblivious to the thoughts and feelings of women as any other man would be.
“I’ve been here for only a matter of days and I found it to be rather obvious.
” I scoffed, rounding the bed to lift his jacket and pass it to him.
“You’d have to be blind not to see how hopelessly in love with each other they are.
And it’s a good thing, too—having Elaina by her side while she comes to terms with this change in her identity will be good for Camilla. ”
A slow grin spread across his face as he took the jacket from my outstretched hand and tossed it aside, choosing instead to wrap an arm around my waist and pull me close.
“Speaking from experience, my Goddess?” His gaze darkened as he pressed me tightly against him, attention dipping to my lips for a moment, and I felt a wave of heat roll off his skin.
“Of course,” I laughed, melting into him for a moment.
His thumb traced at the circles under my eyes. "Did you sleep okay?"
I averted my gaze, dipping under his arm rather than answer his question, even as I felt his eyes trailing my movements. It was easier to focus on the movements of dressing myself for the day than it was to face the concern in his gaze.
Since returning, I had insisted that I was okay, and that I didn’t want anyone to treat me like I was broken. I had put on a brave face. I started eating again. I smiled and told jokes.
In the nights, though, when it was just the two of us alone in this bed, I turned away from him, closed my eyes, and pretended to sleep. I laid there for hours, wide-awake while my mind worked endlessly.
Maybe all that time alone in the castle under Hyrax’s rule had broken me.
Now I was some changed version of myself, and I didn’t even recognize the person I saw in my reflection.
How could I possibly get my mind to quiet enough to be present with him when my own thoughts felt like those of a stranger?
“Thea,” Clay’s voice was sharp, and I braced myself for his concern. He would disguise it as he always did, try to make light of it, but I knew how worried he was.
But when I turned to meet his inevitable scrutiny, it wasn’t me he stared at.
“There’s something you should see,” he said over his shoulder, from where he watched the front lawn through the window.
My throat tightened with the sudden surge of anxiety as I darted across the room, not bothering to put on my own boots before I forced him aside so I could look out at the landscape.