Chapter 10
The smell of pine hung rich and heavy in the air as they trudged through the woods, looking for the perfect Christmas tree.
The only sound was the soft thud of snow shaken free by the breeze.
Sarah yanked her red scarf higher around her ears.
Ryan walked ahead with the boys, chainsaw hanging from a strap around his shoulder.
She enjoyed looking at the three of them.
“See anything you like, boys?” she asked.
Bundled into their jackets, only their faces were visible. Against Nathan’s protests, she’d made them both wear snowpants today.
“Not yet,” Nathan said very seriously. You’d think they were shopping for a car, not a tree. The idea of having a fresh tree this year had excited the boys. She pictured one a little taller than she was with thick heavy branches. In the attic were boxes of family ornaments.
“The trees are so big.” Justin’s voice was filled with awe. Sarah totally understood. Most of the pines towered above them. She didn’t know how they’d ever drag one of these out of the woods owned by Stanley Branson, Phoebe’s father-in-law.
Turning, Ryan smiled. Cheeks red from the cold, he was in his element out here. Snowflakes dotted the mane of hair that wouldn’t be contained by his green cap. “You look like Paul Bunyan,” she teased. “A mountain man.”
“Do I?” He shifted his shoulders, as if he liked the compliment. “What kind of tree do you have in mind, guys?”
“We don’t know yet.” Nathan continued to survey the trees.
“This is a new experience for them,” she whispered to Ryan.
“Sorry, Sarah. I should have suggested this sooner.”
“We’re not your responsibility, Ryan.” She didn’t want to be a burden.
“Yes, you are.” His intense gaze brought back last night’s dream. Blushing, she looked away. “I don’t want you to feel that you have to look out for us.”
Well, that didn’t sit well. Ryan stopped and she bumped right into him. Turning, he cupped her elbows in his gloved hands. The boys had wandered up ahead. “But what if I want to?”
She blinked up at him. “Want to what?”
“Do a lot of things. For you. With you. If you’ll let me.” His eyes pleaded.
The cold air must be getting to her. Ryan probably was talking about shoveling her sidewalk, not the vivid, body melting dreams that had kept her sleepless since the movie in South Haven.
“Sarah?” He lowered his head, as if to kiss her.
Oh, give me a sign, Jamie.
“Mom!” Justin’s voice brought them back to reality.
“Coming.” She could barely push the word through her trembling lips.
Ryan scorched her with a glance. Snow fell from a nearby tree. “Come on. Let’s catch up.” Taking her hand, he pulled her forward. Good thing because her legs had turned to cookie dough.
They’d come to a patch of smaller trees. “These look about right, don’t you think, Nathan? Justin?” Sarah called out. The boys had wandered up ahead.
“No, not these.” Nathan glanced back and saw their hands clasped. Elbowing Justin, he gave his brother a pleased smile. She wiggled her hand from Ryan’s grasp, not that she wanted to.
They kept walking. Whatever the boys had in mind, these trees weren’t passing muster.
“You have to shake the snow off,” Ryan told the boys. “That way you have a better idea of how it will look in your house.”
Sarah chuckled as the boys got busy, grabbing limbs and shaking. Most of the snow ended up on them. As she stood there enjoying the sight, a snowball hit her right in the back. Turning, she found Ryan laughing, his smile gleaming in the sun.
“You stinker. All right. You asked for it.” Scooping up some snow, she packed it tight and aimed. Ryan didn’t know, but she was pretty good at this. The snowball exploded against one broad shoulder.
“Game on, Sarah.” Unhooking the chainsaw, Ryan reached down.
Giggling, Nathan and Justin joined in the fun.
Snowballs whizzed through the crisp air and some found their mark.
Sarah packed hers light and lobbed them toward Nathan and Justin.
But Ryan? He got the full force of her aim.
The boys shrieked with laughter, cheeks rosy as they threw haphazard mounds of snow at Ryan and Sarah.
The craziness lasted for a few minutes, until they were all gasping for breath.
“Snow angels,” Sarah called out, not wanting the fun to end.
Falling back, she worked her arms to form wings.
Nathan and Justin joined her, arms and legs flailing in the snow.
But Ryan only watched, as if he were taking it all in, a big smile on his face.
But they’d come on a mission. “Back to work,” Sarah finally said.
Holding out a hand, Ryan helped her up.
“That was the most fun I’ve had in a while,” she admitted, brushing the snow from her green jacket.
“You need more fun.”
I need more of you.
But of course she couldn’t say that.
Ryan retrieved his chainsaw. “Guess we should get that tree.”
As they moved on, Ryan fell in beside her. “Your cheeks are all red.”
“I must be a mess.” She jabbed at her headband.
Ryan stopped and helped her adjust it. “You look cute.”
Sarah felt the crazy impulse to kiss him.
“Sarah,” he said, his eyes holding the kiss she wanted imprinted on her lips.
“The boys,” she whispered.
He edged away. They kept walking.
Gradually, her pulse stopped hammering in her ears. “Thanks for bringing us.” Up ahead, the boys had gone back to shaking snow from the trees.
“It’s fun for me too, Sarah.” He smiled down at her.
Dazed, she murmured, “I’m glad.”
His steps slowed. “You know what I’d like to do, right?”
Heat flushed Sarah’s face. “Yes. But the boys.”
“Right.” He looked around. “It’s so peaceful here.”
Away from the bakery, she felt responsibilities fall away, like the snow dropping from the trees. “Before we came out here, it didn’t feel like Christmas, know what I mean? The real Christmas. The holiday of peace and...love.”
“Not even during the Holiday Walk?” Forehead furrowed, he looked puzzled.
“Don’t take it personally.” She gave him a poke. “Santa won’t even give me a clue about what my children want for Christmas.”
Ryan glanced up ahead where the boys were circling smaller trees. “Some things are sacred. Kind of like scout’s honor.”
She narrowed a glance at him. “You were a Boy Scout?”
“Heck no.” He looked horrified.
Ah, that bad boy look was back. “Way too tame for you, right?”
“Sort of.” But Ryan didn’t look as if he wanted to own that. “Do you think we’re getting closer?”
“Sorry.” She drew away.
Grabbing her hand, he tugged her toward him. “I meant closer to the right tree.”
“Maybe. Who knows what they have in mind?” Their linked hands felt way too good and she broke away. “Nathan and Justin might see us.”
He nodded up ahead. “Looks like they’re plenty busy. Would that be so bad, Sarah?”
“Not really. I guess.” The feelings running through her were real, not from a feverish dream. Reality shook her. She drew in a frigid breath. “Did your parents bring you and Jamie here?”
His chuckle echoed in the quiet woods. “Are you kidding? My mother hated the cold so Dad had to get the tree. She gave him strict instructions. One year he even had to take a tree back and exchange it.”
“No way.” Now, that got her laughing. “That poor man.”
Looking down at her, he smiled. “You see the good in everything. Everyone.”
“That’s very sweet.” The urge to kiss Ryan twisted inside her, and she felt relieved when Nathan called out, “I see it! I see it, Uncle Ryan. The perfect Christmas tree.”
“I can’t wait.” Her breath froze white on the air as she hustled to catch up. Then she skidded to a halt and shot Ryan a glance. His surprised expression mirrored her own amazement.
This had to be the most pathetic tree she’d ever seen. Just a few inches taller than the boys, the poor thing listed to one side, its thin branches reaching for the ground. “Oh, honey. Are you sure?”
“This is it,” Nathan said and Justin nodded his agreement.
Sarah swallowed. “It’s kind of small. Maybe we’ll come back in a couple of years. Meanwhile, we can take one of the other trees home.” She glanced around. They all looked better than this one.
“Make that ten years,” Ryan muttered from the corner of his mouth.
But her sons didn’t agree.
“The tree needs us, Mom.” Nathan gently fingered the needles of a scrawny bough. “We can make this the best Christmas tree ever.”
She seriously doubted it. “Might take a lot of work.” Leaning to one side, the tree had maybe ten branches, if that. And they all aimed in different directions.
Nathan's lower lip came out. “If we give it a lot of love, it’ll grow, like those flowers you brought home last summer.”
Kate had given Sarah a flat of zinnias that had gone without water too long. Sarah nursed them back to life. “But this is a tree, sweetheart. Trees don’t grow that quickly.”
Nathan didn’t look convinced.
“This is our Charlie Brown tree,” Justin chimed in. “Like the TV show.”
They seemed so certain. She hated to disappoint them. Sarah glanced over to Ryan, who lifted his shoulders. “Looks like the boys have made up their minds.”
“You’ve gotta have hope, Mom.” Something in Nathan’s voice pinched Sarah’s heart.
Had she lost all hope after what had happened to her family?
She sure hoped not. Did the size of the tree matter?
After all, the Christmas tree was for the boys.
And it sure wouldn’t take much time to decorate. “Okay then. Let’s take our tree home.”
When Ryan pulled the ripcord on the saw, the boys’ eyes lit up like Christmas bulbs. Sarah hadn't seen them this excited in a long time.
“At least I can drag this one to the truck without too much trouble,” Ryan said above the rattle of the saw.
“Are you kidding? Even I could carry this tree.” One disapproving look from Nathan and she shut up. Before too long, the tree surrendered with a graceful swoosh.