Chapter 4 #2
The summer before grade nine. That was before I met Emmett and became obsessed with him, therefore making anyone who asked me out irrelevant and not worth my time.
He’s so genuine and sweet, like a real-life Prince Charming, and I feel like a better person whenever I’m around him.
No other guy has ever measured up. No one’s had his kind smile or passion for art or been so genuinely nice.
Emmett’s the kind of guy who would go out of his way to return a missing wallet or help an elderly person cross the road and sit and talk with them for thirty minutes just because he knows they’re lonely.
He’s actually done both of those things.
The last guy who asked me out told me old people are gross and he hates visiting his own grandmother.
I shrug. “I don’t know.”
“You haven’t been on a single date throughout high school!
Come on, Carina! You never put yourself out there!
” She’s uncrossed her arms, flinging them around as she talks and the passion builds.
“Go on a few dates; you might meet someone you really like. And who knows you better than your best friends? With Emi and I setting the dates up, you’ll meet someone perfect in no time. ”
“I don’t want to go on any dates, Kal.”
Her frown deepens. “Why are you so insistent on not going on a date? You haven’t expressed interest in anyone since . . .” She hesitates and glances away. “Since Emmett.”
I freeze. I’ve literally stopped walking in the middle of the hallway. My blood stops pumping, and my lungs stop breathing air. Maybe if I freeze long enough, the universe will decide this conversation doesn’t need to happen.
Kalani stops too, turning to look at me. People continue to walk around us, but I’m only focusing on the way Kalani studies me with her intense brown eyes that have possibly been seeing too much.
“What . . . what are you implying?” I ask, even though I know exactly what she’s implying. And she’d be right. She’s thinking I’m a terrible person pining after my best friend’s boyfriend, and that’s why I haven’t gone on any dates, because the person I really want is taken.
She shrugs and bites her lip. “I don’t know.”
Alarm bells go off in my head. This is bad.
Really bad. Kalani can’t think I’m still in love with Emmett, even though that’s the truth.
I told her I was happy for them when she announced they were official and promised myself to never mention my feelings for Emmett again, because she means more to me than any crush.
But if she found out my real feelings, it would ruin our friendship; it would ruin everything.
She’d never believe that I can be in love with him but also wish her and Emmett the best; feelings don’t work that way.
How could she believe that I’m not planning on stealing him from her, even though I’m not?
I wouldn’t believe it if the roles were reversed.
She’ll never believe my true intentions when I’m around her and Emmett, and all trust in me will shatter.
I need to save this, and I need to do it fast, before the thought has time to simmer in her mind and the truth absorbs into her brain.
Forcing myself to breathe, I continue walking with her to class.
“You’re right. I haven’t gone on any dates because I’m too shy to put myself out there.
Maybe you’re right about needing to set me up too.
Obviously, I’m not meeting any guys with my current tactic of ‘wait for people to come up to me.’” It’s a straight-up lie, but I say it with enough conviction to be believable.
The wait-and-see tactic is working. I’ve been asked out plenty of times, I just turn everyone down because none of them are Emmett, and I’m not in any rush to date someone just for the sake of dating them.
My lie seems to work because she perks up. “I knew it! I’m a genius. Emmett, Emi, and Daphne all agreed that this was a great idea.”
They’ve all talked about this? They’re all annoyed with me?
It shouldn’t, but hearing that Emmett thinks I need to be set up hurts.
I know he’s in a happy relationship and doesn’t feel the same way about me.
I should stop being so pathetic. Maybe this really is a good idea.
Maybe I will meet someone I connect with, someone who will take my mind off Emmett, someone even better than Emmett.
Plus, if Kalani suspects my feelings toward Emmett, going on a successful date will help ease those fears.
“Who’s Jay, and when’s our date? Am I supposed to, like, text him?” I’ve never been on a blind date before, and the protocols are confusing.
“I’m so excited!” she squeals and jumps up and down.
“It’s this Friday at Murphey’s. I figured that was a safe bet because it’s casual but not too casual; that way there’s not a lot of pressure on the date, you know?
And it’s not safe to get in a car with someone you’ve never met, so I told him you’d meet him there at seven. ”
I’m taken aback by her eagerness. “Wow, you put a lot of thought into this.”
She nods. “We’re all really excited,” she says, reminding me again that apparently all my friends hate my fifth wheeling.
“You’ll like Jay if you give him a chance, I’m sure of it,” Kalani continues. “And if it doesn’t work out, I already have the next guy lined up—not that I don’t have faith in Jay, but you know, just in case.”
She already has a lineup of guys for me? Obviously, it’s important to them that I’m no longer single. But she says it weirdly, almost conspiratorially. I am giving Jay a chance; I’m going out with him Friday night.
“I can’t wait to tell Emmett!” Kalani exclaims, and my stomach twists.
I hope for everyone’s sake Jay is as great as Kalani is making it seem.
I don’t know if I can go on a bunch of dates and pretend to be interested in guys who aren’t Emmett, but I’ll try, with three guys maximum.
That sounds like a good number. Then I can say I tried and call it quits.
—
The week flies by, and I’m so swamped with work and school that I push the date out of my mind, even though it’s basically all my friends talked about for the first few days. Friday after school, I’m working on my painting when Emi rings my doorbell.
“Why are you in paint-splattered overalls?” she asks, patting Kevin on the head when she sniffs her.
“Because I’m painting?” I say, closing the door behind her.
“You’re going to Murphey’s like that?” She makes a show of checking me out with a grimace.
My hair is thrown in a high ponytail, and I’m wearing my painting overalls paired with fuzzy socks decorated with unicorns and ice cream. “Well, I’ll probably get changed and wash the dried paint out of my hair. What are you doing here?”
She shakes her head at me and scoops Kevin up, though she quickly starts wiggling out of her embrace.
“Kevin, I’m trying to give you some love,” Emi scolds, but Kevin doesn’t enjoy getting picked up by non-family members. To me, Emi says, “I’m here to help you get ready. Plus, I wanted to see if you suddenly ‘got the flu’ and canceled.”
“I would never!” Although the thought did cross my mind three times in the last hour. The only thing stopping me is that I don’t have his number and didn’t want to stand him up.
“Uh-huh.” She raises an eyebrow and gently places Kevin on the floor. “You’re going to get dressed up, right? You’re cute, don’t get me wrong, but this is a first date, and you need to bring your A game instead of looking . . . washed out.”
I wasn’t planning on it, but I guess now I have to. “You come to my house, insult me, and harass my dog? Why am I even friends with you?”
“Because I bring snacks and good music.” Emi laughs and opens her bag to reveal it’s stuffed with different chocolates.
“Ah, that’s why. Come on up then.” I lead her up the stairs, and Kevin trots along behind us. Once in my room, I pick Kevin up and place her on my bed, where she curls up and promptly falls asleep.
“Where are your parents?” Emi asks, sitting down beside Kevin and scratching her head. Kevin growls and scoots over on the bed. She tolerates Emi only slightly more than Kalani.
“They went out for dinner.” And I’m glad for that. I didn’t want to tell them I’m going on a blind date. They’d ask a million questions, my mom would do that truth-inducing stare thing, and I’d spill my guts about not wanting to come clean to Kalani. It’s a whole situation I’d rather avoid.
Emi turns on the Bluetooth speaker sitting on my nightstand and pairs her phone.
“‘Emi and Carina’s Ultra Cool and Fun Playlist’ coming right up!
” she says, and a Metallica song fills my room.
Emi created that Spotify playlist after we met in grade nine, and we’ve been adding to it ever since.
She literally titled it “Emi and Carina’s Ultra Cool and Fun Playlist.” It’s currently fifteen hours long and growing since we put all our favorite 70s, 80s, and 90s rock songs into it and play it on shuffle whenever we’re together.
“Wow, that’s really good.” Emi jumps off my bed and inches closer to the easel in the corner of my room. “Better than good, it’s gorgeous. Daph is going to freak when she sees it.”
The portrait is a gift for Daphne, whose birthday is next month. I haven’t known her for long, but she’s told me many times that she always stares at the portrait I painted of Emi and would love one of herself. I figured she’d like it, plus I needed a new subject, and painting is fun for me anyway.
“Thanks. It’s not done yet, though.”