Chapter 4 #3
The portrait is from her shoulders up, and I painted her realistically but with unrealistic colors.
It’s a mostly monochromatic piece all in reds, with subtle hints of green and blue thrown in for contrast. Emi’s was in blues and purples, and Kalani’s was in oranges and yellows.
I’ve never painted Emmett because I’m scared that they’ll all see the emotion in the art and be able to tell how I feel, even though it sounds dumb and probably wouldn’t happen.
“You should’ve applied to university for art instead of business,” Emi sighs, sitting back beside Kevin.
I shrug, closing my paints and quickly cleaning up. “Probably wouldn’t have gotten in.” I had the grades to get in to a business program. It’s safe.
She scoffs. “You would’ve gotten a full ride. Stop doubting yourself.” She leans against the headboard. “You know, for once, I agree with Kalani. You should put yourself out there. Apply to OCAD.”
I don’t turn to face her, instead focusing on wiping up my workspace. “Art is . . . just for fun. I’m not good enough to compete with everyone else.”
If the Ontario College of Art and Design, the oldest and biggest art university in Canada, rejected me, I would’ve been crushed, maybe even so crushed that I never painted again.
My fears about not being good enough would’ve been confirmed, and I love art too much to give it up.
By not applying and not having to face rejection, I can keep blissfully doing art without the bad thoughts constantly looming over me, reminding me I’m not good enough and never will be.
“That’s bullshit and you know it!” Emi exclaims. “When I become a lawyer, I’m going to sue you for not living up to your potential and following your dreams.”
“I don’t think you can do that, Emi.”
“I’m the future lawyer here. I’ll decide who I can and can’t sue and for what.”
I roll my eyes, but a smile tugs at my lips anyway.
She’s joking, but I’m touched she believes in me that much, and a smaller part of me is thrilled she’s so confident we’ll still be friends after her eight-plus years in school.
She’ll still be in Ontario, like me, but she’ll be a few hours away from me.
Kalani, however, is moving an entire province away and going to McGill in Montreal.
“What do I need to know about Jay?” I ask. I haven’t really cared to ask for any details, but now that I’m about to meet him, the nerves are kicking in.
The distraction works, and Emi drops the art school stuff. “You’ll think he’s hot, and he thinks you are too.”
I pause cleaning to send her a quizzical look. “He told you that?”
“Not in so many words. Are you excited?”
No. Not at all. “Yeah, totally.”
“Did you know I met Daphne on a blind date?” Emi asks, fondness in her eyes as she remembers the night.
My eyebrows rise in surprise. “Really? You never told us that.”
She smiles sheepishly. “I was embarrassed. Vic and Tracy are the only other lesbians at Oakwoods, and I’m not interested romantically in either of them.
But Vic said she had a friend from Northbrook High School who she could set me up with, and I figured, what the hell, I have nothing to lose.
And that was the best thing I ever did, because now I’m with Daph. ”
“I had no idea. You should’ve told us; we would have supported you.”
“Yeah, well. I didn’t want you guys to think I was a loser for needing to be set up.”
I raise an eyebrow at her as her words sink in.
“Not that you’re a loser,” she adds quickly.
“Sure.”
Does Jay think I’m a loser for needing to be set up? I didn’t think I’d care about what this faceless guy thought, but I’m about to go on a date with him, the first one in years, and I don’t want him thinking I’m some weirdo who can’t get a date on her own, even though that’s exactly what I am.
Oh, God. Does Emmett think I’m a loser? Is that why he’s never been interested in me romantically? Not that it matters. I can’t be with Emmett anyway, and the sooner I get over him, the better. But I wonder if Jay has Emmett’s sweet smile, or his kind eyes, or his floppy, curly hair.
“You’re not a loser. I’m just glad you’re finally putting yourself out there! Stepping outside your comfort zone! Meeting new people! Exploring the—”
“Yeah, yeah, I get it.” I cut her off with a laugh. “Should we make a code word that I can text you in case the date is going horribly and I need to be bailed out?”
“I have a hairy possum.”
“What?”
“That’s the code. ‘I have a hairy possum.’”
I laugh. “You came up with that super quick.”
She shrugs, scratching the side of her shaved head. “There’s no way that would come up in a normal conversation, so we couldn’t misconstrue it for something else. But don’t worry about your date, it’ll be great, just like mine and Daph’s.”
My phone chimes. It’s a message from an unsaved number.
This is Jay, Kalani sent me your number and told me to check that you didn’t suddenly come down with the flu.
I laugh out loud. “You guys really have no faith in me.” I show her the text.
This is technically my out. I have his number now. I know he’s joking about me getting the flu, but it would be so easy to message him back and say, Yes, I have the flu, forever, and cannot meet you, ever. Emi’s glaring at me like she can read my thoughts, then she snatches my phone from my hand.
“Ha ha, very funny!” Emi says aloud as she types. “See you soon! Looking forward to it! I haven’t gotten laid in forever so I can’t wait to fuc—”
“Emi!” I rip my phone from her hands as she collapses backward on the bed in fits of laughter. Kevin sighs and scoots further away from Emi as she jostles the bed.
Emi didn’t send all that. Ha ha, very funny. See you soon is all she sent.
“You should see your face,” Emi says, wrapping an arm around Kevin, who struggles to get out of her grasp before settling on the opposite side of the mattress. “Why doesn’t Kevin ever let me cuddle her?”
“Because she knows you’re mean to me, and you can’t bribe her with chocolate.”
“I am not mean to you.” Emi rolls her eyes and leaves the bed to dig through my closet. She pulls out a tight, baby-pink short skirt and a white crop top. “Now put this on. I want you to look like slutty Carina, and right now you’re looking more like granny Carina.”
She throws the clothes at me, and they hit me right in the face.
“Fine,” I grumble, grabbing new underwear to match. “But only because I was going to pick this outfit anyway.” I was going to wear jean shorts. I guess I’m not supposed to dress casual.
“Perfect. Hurry now! We can’t be late!”
“I’m going, I’m going,” I tell her, closing the bathroom door and turning on the shower.
It won’t be that bad. Emi and Kalani are both excited about this, and who better to pick someone out for me than my two best friends?
This is a good thing. Maybe it will be the start of a beautiful relationship?
Maybe I can finally stop obsessing over Emmett, and maybe I won’t be the forever fifth wheel.