Chapter 21
Twenty-One
My new be-honest-and-don’t-skirt-around-telling-people-how-you-feel attitude sticks when I wake up in the morning.
School is going to suck, and people are going to whisper and gawk and call me Pukey McBarfface, but Emi and Jay are right.
Who cares about those kids? If they’re making fun of me, they’re not really my friends anyway and their opinion doesn’t matter.
Plus, it’s already Wednesday, and exams start next week, then prom, then grad, then I never have to see any of these kids again.
So instead of wallowing as I’ve allowed myself to do for the last two days, I put on my uniform and matching black lace panties that make me feel badass, grab a pear-and-walnut muffin my dad baked last night for breakfast, and drive to school with all the confidence of a girl on a mission.
Because I am on a mission: I’m determined to get to the bottom of everything that’s going on between me and Kalani.
No more avoidance, no more pretending there isn’t an issue, no more fear of rejection, no more backing down to not hurt anyone’s feelings. This new and improved Carina Costella is here to stay.
Eyes are on me as I walk through the parking lot and the halls of Oakwoods, making it very clear no one has gotten over it yet and I’m still the latest piece of entertaining gossip for the student body.
I ignore it all and keep my head held high, even when I pass Steven, the boy who told me to stay away from his car Monday in case I puked on it.
He averts his gaze from me, probably still embarrassed Emi called him out for eating his own boogers, and I consider that a win.
I walk past my own locker and wait by Kalani’s instead, needing to do this ASAP before I lose my nerve. But Kalani never shows up. I’m debating going to the cafeteria to see if she’s there when I spot someone down the hall.
It’s Arthur. He’s talking with his friends at the other end of the hall, and I remember the part he played in the rumors about me.
We haven’t properly talked since I saw him in the library and he accused me of cheating on him then revealed Kalani gave him tips on how to win me over.
After that, he apparently talked about me to everyone, putting me down to make himself seem more interesting.
I can’t believe I heard him saying that he dumped me because I was a loser!
Before I can stop myself or think anything through properly, I march down the hall, my eyes zeroed in with laser-like focus on the blond boy with the black-rimmed glasses.
“Hey!” I call out when I’m close enough. Arthur and his friends turn to me, with the former’s eyes going wide. He looks around as if maybe I’m calling out to someone behind him before realizing it’s him I’m heading straight toward. “Yeah, I’m talking to you!”
His shocked face morphs into an expression of panic, and his friends scurry away as I near, leaving Arthur alone and frozen to the spot. He clearly never thought I’d actually call him out or talk to him again in school.
I stop directly in front of him. He’s my height, so we stare each other directly in the eye, his gaze panicked, mine determined.
“I should’ve done this a long time ago instead of chickening out to avoid the confrontation,” I start, my voice strong and unwavering, “but you and I are not going to work out, and that’s not entirely your fault.
I wasn’t ready to date anyone and shouldn’t have agreed to start going out with people just because it was what I thought I should do.
But also, if you think about it, I don’t think we were compatible anyway.
” My voice softens a bit when I add, “I’m sorry for not telling you earlier instead of leading you to believe we were a thing. ”
His eyebrows rise up so high they peek out from behind the rim of his glasses.
He was not expecting me to say that, but it’s all true.
I did owe him an apology. I should’ve been honest with him on the date that it wasn’t going to work out between us instead of trying to escape from the bathroom window.
And even if I didn’t say anything during the date, I should’ve told him afterward instead of avoiding him at school and asking Kalani to do it on my behalf.
Arthur bites his lip, unsure. “After the date, Kalani told me that you were interested in me and we were essentially a thing.”
Of course she did.
“I’m sorry you were led to believe that, and I should’ve set it straight. I’m sorry for hurting you, but what you’re doing in feeding rumors about me that you know are untrue isn’t right either.”
He looks down at his feet, ashamed. Around us, people gather at their lockers and talk amongst themselves as they travel through the halls. Some of them must be looking at us, but I don’t pay them any attention.
“I know. But I was hurt.” Scarlet blotches spread over his face.
“I’ve had a crush on you forever, and you never even noticed me.
When Kalani approached me about the date, she said you were really interested in me.
You’re, well, you know, you. You’re way out of my league, and I wanted to do everything I could to make sure the date went well.
So when Kalani gave me all those tips, I was so grateful. I wanted you to like me.”
“Arthur . . .” I start, not knowing what to say. In a way, he reminds me of myself. He had a crush on me and never said anything, and in the end that only made things worse. It’s similar to how I handled my crush on Emmett.
It’s not really Arthur’s fault he was dragged into this mess.
He was led to believe something that wasn’t true, and I feel bad that Kalani used him for whatever weird scheme she had going on to make my dates awful.
She must’ve known about Arthur’s crush and his reputation for moving a little fast and still gave him tips to make our date awful without caring about how that would affect him.
Even though at the time I was obsessed with Emmett, I went into every date wanting it to work out and giving them a fair shot. Maybe without Kalani’s tips, I could’ve gotten to know the real Arthur. Who knows, maybe I would’ve liked him?
But that ship has completely sailed. In fact, it’s on another continent, never to return again.
He rubs the back of his neck. “Yeah, well, when I didn’t hear from you after, and then I heard the rumors of you dating other people that you confirmed when I saw you at the library, I was hurt. I’d told basically everyone that we were together, and I had to save face somehow.”
“I wanted to tell you, but I chickened out,” I admit.
“Kalani said she’d tell you, which she obviously didn’t do, but either way it should’ve come from me.
I hate confrontations and wanted to avoid one with you, but that’s something I’m working on, starting .
. . yesterday, I guess. And that includes apologizing to you and confronting you about the rumors. ”
Arthur’s shoulders slump. “I’m sorry about starting rumors about you and making the gossip worse. And I’m sorry for saying . . . not nice things about you. That was all uncalled-for, and it was really petty of me. That’s not the kind of person my mom raised me to be.”
I have to bite my tongue from agreeing that Barbara would indeed not approve of this behavior. Or maybe she would? It’s hard to know with that woman. For all I know, she’s pissed at me for not liking her son back and would encourage the slander. But regardless, I do believe his apology.
He straightens up a bit when he says, “If it helps, I’ll tell everyone that nothing I said about you was true.”
He looks like he means it too. He’s watching me eagerly, excited to help put everything back together again.
“At this point, that probably won’t help, but thanks, Arthur.”
He nods, frowning slightly. “Well, I’m still going to set the record straight with the people I told and say something if I hear people talking about you.”
The warning bell rings, signaling we have five minutes to get to class.
“It’s nice that you care enough to tell the truth. Thanks, Arthur,” I say, turning to leave but then stopping. “And no one is out of your league, not even me.”
There’s a hopeful look on his face, and it makes him appear younger, like a kid being told their favorite action hero is coming to town. “You mean that?”
Oh shit. I hope he didn’t interpret that as me saying, Hey, I’m open for another shot with you. Because I am definitely not.
I’m immediately filled with relief when he adds, “Because there’s this girl, Monique, and I really want to ask her out, but I’m worried she’s going to laugh in my face if I do.”
I know Monique. She’s on the debate and chess teams and was accepted to one of the most competitive programs at U of T, which almost guarantees acceptance to med school as long as she does well. She’s a serious girl, but oddly enough, I can see her and Arthur working out.
“Well, Arthur,” I say as we walk down the hall together, “as I’ve learned the hard way, you’ll never know unless you say something.
Go for what you want and ask her out. But, piece of advice, don’t bring your mother.
And don’t mention baby names. And don’t tell her what she can and can’t do with her future career. And don’t—”
I cut myself off when I notice Arthur nodding attentively. “Yes? Go on. Should I be taking notes?”
“You know what? Don’t listen to any advice from anyone. Ask her out and be yourself. That’s what’s important.”
“Yeah, okay. I can do that.”
We stop walking, and I turn to face him. “But seriously, don’t bring your mom. That’s the one piece of advice that trumps all other pieces of advice you’ll ever get from anyone. Don’t bring Barbara on first dates.”
“Okay, of course. Makes perfect sense.”
I smile at him, the tight ball in my chest loosening now that I’ve cleared the air with Arthur.
“Good luck, Arthur. See you around.”
I turn and head down the hall, which is close to empty now that everyone’s gone to class.
The conversation wasn’t as terrible as I thought it would be, and we sorted everything out.
I feel good, great even. That confrontation wasn’t horrible at all.
Maybe I’m getting good at this “being honest with my feelings” stuff.
Arthur calls after me, “How about the second date? Should I bring Mom then?”
I turn around and send him my best glare. His eyes widen, and he nods like he’s received the message loud and clear even though I’ve said nothing.
“That’s a no . . . which is cool . . . because I was totally joking . . .”
“Leave Barbara at home, Arthur!” I exclaim as I turn and resume my journey to class.
I’ve done my duty to Arthur’s future dates by saving them from the absolute force that is Barbara. It’s up to Arthur to do the rest.
I make it to class before the bell, and despite everyone turning to stare at me and whisper as I walk through the aisle to my seat, I’m in high spirits. I feel like I’ve regained a sense of control by talking with Arthur, and there’s no bad blood between the two of us now.
This has only motivated me even more to talk with Kalani. I’m going to tell her exactly how I feel, and we’re going to sort everything out between us. Even if it doesn’t end the way I want, at least I won’t feel like there’s something hanging over us.
Now all I have to do is find her.