Chapter 23
Twenty-Three
Everyone stares at us while we eat lunch in the middle of the cafeteria like there’s a spotlight and a neon arrow sign pointing at me flashing the words Pukey McBarface is eating here!
If they’re hoping for a show, they’re going to be waiting for a very long time because I do not have shrimp for lunch.
In fact, Emi and I are splitting a very safe large pizza like we’ve done at least once a week during our four years attending Oakwoods.
It’s only Thursday, and the video just spread last weekend, so I’m not old news yet.
But it’s not the worst, mostly because I don’t really care anymore, and also because the timing is perfect.
If I had to decide when to be the laughingstock of the entire school, now would be my first choice.
I’m the latest hot piece of gossip, yes, but at least people are busy talking about prom, graduation, and exams, so me sticking my entire upper body out of a moving vehicle and puking all over Wyatt’s pretty BMW is one of many things occupying everyone’s minds.
“Do you think Kalani’s going to skip everything until exams?” Emi asks, picking a green pepper off the pizza and stuffing it into her mouth.
I haven’t seen her since we went our separate ways last night after we dove off the cliff. I’m not sure if she and Emmett are just avoiding us or if they aren’t here today at all, but lunch period is almost over and neither has made an appearance.
“She can’t avoid us forever,” I answer Emi, finishing my own pizza slice.
We have exams Monday to Thursday next week, prom on Saturday, and graduation on the following Monday.
Those are all events where running into Kalani will be inevitable, and I’m still processing everything she said yesterday.
Apparently, we had terrible communication and she was happy when I was miserable.
It makes me wonder if we were ever real friends at all.
Emi’s laugh is humorless. “Especially since it’s too late to change tables for prom. How awkward do you think it’ll be? Particularly for all our other friends at the table with us. Vic might pass out from the tension alone. Carson might place a bet on who starts a fight first.”
“No one is going to start any fights.”
“But—”
“No one,” I repeat with more authority this time. “There’s no need to make this unpleasant for anyone, including Kalani.”
Emi glowers at me, but the action isn’t half as threatening as it was intended to be when she’s scraping the bottom of the empty cardboard with her nail for the cold melted cheese that’s stuck to it. “After everything she said to you yesterday, she’d deserve it.”
“Maybe. Maybe not. But it’s our last week as seniors before we graduate and officially become adults, so let’s make the most of it while we can.
Besides, maybe she’ll win prom queen and be too busy running around to even spend time at the table anyway.
” I stand from my seat, gathering my garbage.
“I have to run to the art room to load some of my projects that were on display into my car. I’ll catch up with you later? ”
“Yeah, I’ll stop by the bakery tonight during your shift. Save me a zeppole, those go fast after soccer.”
“You got it,” I promise.
As I walk away, she calls out, “And I can make the most of senior year while also being pissed! I’m a great multitasker!”
I don’t doubt Emi’s multitasking abilities, and while I’m hurt and upset with Kalani, I’m also coming to terms with the fact that I’ve lost a ten-year relationship with my best friend.
It feels stupid to pettily squabble with Kalani when what we’ve both lost hurts more than any words we can throw at each other now that everything’s said and done.
I dump the garbage in a bin beside a table where a couple is sitting huddled over a book they’re sharing, and the boy looks up and catches my eye.
Arthur’s entire face lights up, and he excitedly points at the girl with the neat French braid beside him, silently mouthing, This is her! This is Monique!
Well, look at that. It is Monique, and they look mighty cozy together. Seems like Arthur took his shot and it paid off for him.
I send him an encouraging thumbs-up, and he grins from ear to ear before Monique glances up and pulls his attention back to whatever they’re reading.
I’m happy for him, and I sincerely hope he listened to me about not introducing Barbara right away, although Monique is definitely the kind of girl who has a five-year plan.
She’d probably hold up well under Barbara’s interrogation.
The thought makes me laugh to myself as I walk through the hall to the art room.
It’s sad to see it so empty. Throughout the year, the walls, shelves, and glass display cabinets slowly filled up with every art class’s projects.
It made the large room feel vibrant and warm and alive.
With so much emotion and expression and color, the room never felt like a stuffy classroom and instead made me feel right at home beside the easels and stools.
This was the one classroom where I never struggled with keeping up or felt like it was a chore to show up, and now, because of my college choice, I’ll never have that experience again.
The thought is just as sad as the bare walls.
As I enter the storage room to grab a cardboard box, I freeze. Emmett’s here, box in hand, just as frozen as I am.
Because of my crush on him, I’m no stranger to experiencing awkward moments with Emmett, but none have ever been two-sided before, and none have been as tension-filled and uncomfortable as this one.
“Carina . . . hey . . .” he starts, shifting on his feet.
“Hey,” I repeat, doing nothing to help break the tension in the little storage room, so thick I can taste it.
“How are you . . . you know . . . doing?” Emmett asks, and it’s so weird that he feels awkward around me.
I was usually the one stuttering and getting stuck on my words because I was so in love with him.
But looking at him now, with the curly chestnut hair that falls over his forehead and bright blue eyes and the slight boyish flush on his cheeks, all things I would’ve drooled over before, I feel .
. . absolutely nothing. Not a single stomach flutter or heart palpitation or hitched breath.
I might as well be looking at a wall for all the emotion that arises while looking at Emmett.
Except maybe I feel some mild annoyance for everything his girlfriend has done.
There’s really nothing to be said to Emmett anymore. But at the same time, I have been going on a come-clean-to-everyone-about-how-you’re-feeling tour, and it has been making me feel better, so there’s no reason to stop now.
Instead of answering the question, I blurt out, “I had the world’s biggest crush on you.”
He blinks at me, stutters to come up with a reply, then anxiously looks around the small storage area like I’ve cornered him in here to jump his bones.
“Not anymore!” I amend quickly. “I had the world’s biggest crush on you, ever since we ran into each other in grade nine. I used to hope and pray you’d ask me out.”
I spent four years holding on to that secret, and the last few months terrified it would come out, only for it to be spilled unceremoniously in a succinct three-second admission in a closet in the art room.
Not that I ever planned on telling him at all, but that’s definitely not the way I ever envisioned it in my late-night fantasies before falling asleep.
But wow it feels good to get that off my chest.
Emmett’s eyes widen. “Really? You liked me?”
I have no idea how he didn’t know. I’d gaze lovingly at him any time he entered the room.
I’d jump to take his side in any debates.
I’d make any excuse I could to be around him, and, in my super young and desperate days, I even went so far as to let myself get hit in the face with a dodgeball in gym class so he’d run over to me and walk with me to the nurse’s office.
I laugh at my past self. “I think it was obvious to everyone but you.”
“Wow,” Emmett says, shaking his head in disbelief like he’s trying to picture a world where I actually had a crush on him.
I know Kalani said he wanted to ask me out, but in the spirit of getting everything out in the open, I ask, “Why didn’t you like me back? What was wrong with me?”
“Absolutely nothing!” Emmett rushes out.
“I did like you back. But you’re you, and I was too intimidated to ever make a move.
And then when I finally worked up the courage to ask you out, I approached Kalani first so I wouldn’t make a fool of myself in front of you.
She told me you only thought of me as a friend, and if I asked you out, you’d feel awkward and uncomfortable around me, and that’s the last thing I wanted.
” He pauses, considering his words before admitting, “Kalani told me that you really wouldn’t say yes if I asked you out because you knew how she felt about me. ”
My eyebrows draw together. “How Kalani felt about you?”
He nods. “Yeah. She told me that you knew she liked me, so you wouldn’t go out with your best friend’s crush.”
That little hypocritical liar! She said I wouldn’t go out with my best friend’s crush when that’s exactly what she did!
And I know what she said to Emmett is untrue because Kalani admitted yesterday that she only asked out Emmett out of spite, so that I couldn’t have him, and then real feelings formed afterward. She never had a crush on him when I did, even if that’s what she told him at the time.