13. Chapter Thirteen #2
"That's the problem," Quinn says. "He's not saying much of anything. Just... He just seems stressed. Making mistakes in practice he wouldn't normally make. Distracted."
"Maybe he doesn't know what he wants," Lindy offers.
"Or maybe he does. Aaaand it's complicated," Paige says, looking directly at me.
I grab another cracker. "Can we please go back to watching hot men in period clothing? This is supposed to be fun girls' night."
"Who said anything about this not being fun?" Paige grins. "This is the most interesting conversation we've had in weeks."
"You're terrible."
"I'm his best friend’s wife. I have obligations to state facts as I see them."
We go back to Bridgerton, but I can't focus.
Kevin could leave Austin.
This thing between us — whatever it is — has an expiration date.
And that hurts more than it should if we're really just friends. We can be friends from anywhere, right? We’re friends while he’s on the road. So that’s totally doable.
So why do I feel like letting loose of all my emotions and crying right now?
"Sarah," Quinn’s voice comes from the speaker on the phone. "Can I ask you something?"
"Sure."
"Has Kevin talked to you about any of this? The contract situation?"
"No."
"What about anything else? Future plans, life decisions?"
Everyone's watching me now.
"We don't really... we're just friends. We don't talk about heavy stuff like that."
"Right," Quinn says, and she sounds completely unconvinced. "It's just that lately he's been asking me weird questions."
My heart hammers. "What kind of questions?"
"About timing. About knowing when something's right versus just being scared. About whether it's better to wait for the perfect moment or just take the leap." She pauses. "Doesn't really sound like contract questions to me."
The words sit heavy in the air.
"I think he's just stressed about hockey," I manage.
"Maybe." Quinn doesn't look convinced. "Or maybe he's trying to figure out what he's actually playing for."
Before I can process that, Paige jumps up with a hand over her mouth.
"Oh crap. Not again—"
She rushes down the hall.
Lindy pauses the show. "First trimester is brutal. My sister had hyperemesis gravidarum — had to be hospitalized twice from dehydration."
I watch the hallway where Paige disappeared, and something twists in my chest.
"Is it always this bad?"
"Depends on the person," Quinn says from the screen. "Some women barely notice. Others can't keep anything down for months."
Paige comes back looking pale and shaky.
"Sorry. Where were we?"
"About to start episode three," Lindy says gently. "But we can pause if you need—"
"No. I'm good. This is nice. Distracting." Paige settles back onto the couch. "Besides, if I have to stare at our bathroom tile one more time today, I'll lose it. Stupid Brett and his marinara sauce for dinner."
We start the episode.
About twenty minutes in, I realize I need to say something.
"Hey… Can we pause for a second?"
Two faces turn to me. Three, counting Quinn on the phone.
"What's wrong?" Paige asks.
"Nothing's wrong. I just—" I swallow hard. "Thank you. For this. For including me in girls' nights and Wing Wednesday and just...you know…making me feel like I'm part of things. Y’all didn't have to do that."
"Sarah." Paige reaches for my hand. "You know why we include you, right?"
"Because Kevin's on the rescue board?"
"No, you stubborn woman." Lindy grins. "Because we actually like you. You're funny and real and you don't kiss ass just because we work for the team."
"Plus, you're clearly sleeping with Kevin," Quinn adds, all the way from Utah. "Which automatically makes you interesting."
My face goes hot. "We're not… It's not—"
"Sarah." Paige squeezes my hand. "We saw you the other morning when you came in to look at the calendar proofs. The bun, Kevin’s sweatshirt, the no-bra situation. We're not judging. We just want you to know you’ve got friends who understand that this world is weird."
"I don't know what I'm doing with him," I admit.
"None of us did at the start," Paige says softly. "There are so many unwritten rules and expectations."
"I dated the quarterback at my university. At times it was wonderful, but at times, the unwarranted attention and speculation was absolutely terrifying. And every year with social media, it feels like things in that space get worse." Lindy agrees.
"It can be worth it," Quinn says softly. Then her voice barely registers through the video call. "When it works."
Before I can ask what she means, Paige jumps up again.
"Bathroom. Again. I swear this baby is trying to kill me and it's the size of a grape."
She rushes off.
Lindy pauses the show again, and we sit in comfortable silence for a moment.
"The best any of us can do is just figure it out as we go," Quinn says from the screen.
"But it's easier when you're not doing it alone," Lindy adds, looking at me. "That's what we're trying to tell you, Sarah. Kevin’s not your only friend in this crazy Stampede world. You’ve got girlfriends too."
I swipe at my eyes. "This was supposed to be fun girls' night, not a crying fest."
"Why not both?" Paige comes back, grabs tissues, and hands them to me. "Here. Cry it out. Then we can watch more attractive men and pretend our lives are simple."
I laugh through the tears.
We watch more Bridgerton. Paige falls asleep again before episode four begins, and we cover her with a blanket.
"She's exhausted," Lindy whispers. "Brett's worried about her."
"She seems happy though. Under the puking."
"She is." Lindy smiles and glances at Quinn on the phone screen.
"We should let her sleep," Quinn says. "I should go anyway. Team meeting in ten minutes."
"Good luck tomorrow," Lindy tells her.
"Thanks. Sarah?"
"Yeah?"
Quinn starts to fix her bun as she speaks. "Whatever's going on with you and Kevin — just talk to him. Life's too short for complicated."
That's the second time someone's told me that this week.
"I'll think about it."
"Good enough." Quinn waves at the screen. "Love you girls. See you in a few days when we're back."
She disconnects.
Just me and Lindy in Paige's living room, Bridgerton paused on a dramatic almost-kiss.
"You really care about him," Lindy says quietly. Not a question.
"Yeah," I admit. "I really do."
"Then why are you fighting it?"
"Because I'm not—" I stop. Start over. "Kevin's a serious relationship guy. The kind who wants forever, deserves forever. And I don't know if I'm that person."
"Why not?"
"Because I come from a long line of people who suck at forever. It’s all I’ve ever seen or known.
I can’t subject Kevin to my mess. He’s got too much riding on him for me to screw things up.
Look at what Quinn said — he already seems distracted.
And I didn’t even know about the contract stuff.
What if it doesn’t work with us? Then I’m the reason he doesn’t get the contract he wants — and it was all for nothing. "
Lindy's quiet for a long moment.
"Sarah, you're not protecting him by playing it safe.
You're just choosing a different kind of hurt for both of you.
The slow kind instead of the sharp one." She pauses.
"And here's the thing — you're already in it.
Whether you call it serious or casual or friends with benefits or whatever. You're in it."
"Yeah." I stare at the cracker in my hand. "I know."
Damn it. I do know it and I hate it. Because I can’t do anything about it.
We clean up quietly, being careful not to wake Paige.
Lindy texts Brett that he can come home. We gather our stuff.
She hugs me at the door. "You're one of us now. No takebacks."
"Even if I'm a mess?"