Chapter Twenty-Four #2
and sunny and the whole area was crowded. Music played, the smell of burgers and sunscreen filled the air. Everywhere she
looked, groups of people were talking and laughing. Couples sat together. Families played and argued. Mothers chased toddlers
and Dads threw Frisbees.
She told herself to enjoy the moment, to relax and have fun. And speaking of fun, this should have been her week to do the
wild thing with Marcus, but that had totally blown up in her face.
Why did he care about love so much? He was a guy—weren’t they supposed to be immune to that kind of thing? Look at her ex—he
sure wasn’t interested in falling in love.
She found where Harris and the kids, along with Ryleigh, Alex and Noah had set up for the day. Blankets were spread over the
sand and big umbrellas supplied shade. As she approached, Alex stood and handed her a spray can of sunscreen.
“I’m tasked with making sure no one gets a sunburn. Spray it on, Jax. You have a legal obligation to listen to me.”
She grinned. “You’re a lawyer, not a cop. I don’t have to listen to you at all.”
“I’m an officer of the court.”
“Bite me.”
“Sorry.” He lowered his voice, as his eyes danced with amusement. “I only do that with your sister.”
“So I’ve heard.”
For a second she wondered what he would say if she flat out asked his intentions when it came to Ryleigh.
Only she didn’t want to step in anything and she was a little afraid of what his answer might be.
Because it was very possible that Alex really did just want the “friends with benefits” package and not anything more.
She sprayed on the sunscreen, then went to hang out with her kids. Unfortunately they were with their friends and after giving her a quick “hi” they went back to what they were doing.
“Tell me about it,” Harris said, coming up and handing her a beer. “They’ve been ignoring me all afternoon.”
She laughed. “I guess they’re at the age. We should be grateful they have friends.”
They went back to their blankets and sat in the shade.
“How are you doing?” she asked, taking in the dark circles under his eyes.
He shrugged. “It’s been hard. The kids were more upset than I thought they’d be.”
She pressed her lips together to keep from shrieking at him that of course they were. They’d bought into the lie that Shawna
was really going to be a member of their family.
“And Shawna officially ended things,” he added.
She looked at him. “What does that mean? You told her you didn’t want to get married. How much more breaking up could there
be?”
“I said I still liked her a lot and wanted us to go out. She refused.”
“You’re possibly the stupidest man on the planet.”
“I guess. She really lit into me, too. So we’re done.”
“Are you sad?”
“A little. I liked her. She was a lot of fun until things got so serious. Then she turned into some kind of bridezilla. Don’t
get me started on her mother.”
“Oh, please. You barely had to deal with the woman. I’m the one she was haunting.”
They touched beer bottles. She took another sip.
“So tell me, Harris. What did you learn from this experience?”
He sighed as he leaned back on his elbows. “That I’m never proposing again.”
“That’s probably for the best but not the real lesson.”
He looked at her. “I know, I know. Don’t play with people’s emotions. I was wrong about Shawna. I hurt her and I feel bad
about that. I hurt you, too, Jax. When I left. I’m sorry about that, too.”
“Thanks but we were doomed from the start. We let the passion blind us to what was important.”
“I know and when that faded, we didn’t have a strong friendship to help us keep things going.” He sat up. “I’ve been thinking
about us and what went wrong. We never learned to be a team, which is kind of crazy because teams are my world. I should have
seen the problem.”
“I should have wanted us to be a team in the first place.” She hesitated then said, “Why did you leave when you did? What
happened to push you to make the decision?”
He looked surprised at the question, then shrugged. “It had been on my mind for a while but I figured we could keep trying,
you know? Then Kim died. It was at her funeral. I saw how broken Alex was. He didn’t look like he could survive without her.
I kept thinking that if I died, you’d be relieved to have me gone. That’s when I knew I had to go.”
She flinched. “Harris, I never wanted you dead.”
“I know. But gone . . . that one worked for you.”
She wanted to protest that wasn’t true, only she knew it was. “I was so intent on getting my way.”
“You do enjoy controlling the situation.”
Not with Marcus, she thought sadly. With him, she’d been willing to let go. She hadn’t been so scared. He’d understood her
and she’d been learning to understand him. Only she’d messed up and now he was gone.
“So we suck at marriage,” Harris said. “But hey, we have great kids.”
She nodded.
Ryleigh joined them and conversation became more general. But even as she talked and laughed, Jax kept thinking about what
Harris had said—that they sucked at marriage. That wasn’t who she wanted to be. She wanted to be good at marriage. But even
as she thought that, a voice asked her why bother. After all, it seemed that her real goal was to be alone for the rest of
her life. And wasn’t that the worst?
“You need help?” Alex asked as Ryleigh stood and brushed off sand.
She grinned at him. “I’m going to the bathroom, so no.”
“I thought you were making a food run.”
She laughed. “You’re hungry again? Didn’t you have a giant burger for lunch?”
“That was hours ago. Doesn’t funnel cake sound good?”
“Sure. Let me do my thing, then I’ll come back and we can go get funnel cake. In the meantime, ask Noah what he wants.”
His son was a couple of blankets away, playing with his friends. He’d already been in the water five times and was demanding
his dad teach him to bodysurf. He was growing up so fast, she thought as she walked toward the bathrooms.
She was about to get in line when she heard someone call her name. She turned and saw Dustin walking toward her.
She froze where she was, not sure what to do. She hadn’t seen him since she’d turned down his proposal and the last time they’d
been in contact had been when he’d texted to ask if Alex was the reason they’d broken up. This encounter had “awkward” written
all over it.
“Dustin, hi,” she said, hoping she sounded friendly rather than uncomfortable. “How are you?”
“Good.” He stopped in front of her. “Great crowd today.”
“It is. The weather’s cooperating.” Because sometimes it could be cloudy and cool on the Fourth. “So, ah, how are you?”
He gave her a faint smile. “You just asked that. I’m still good.”
“Right. Sorry.”
He looked past her. “You’re here with your sister and her kids?”
“Yes, and Harris and Alex and Noah.” She waved her hand. “You know. The usual.”
“I remember.”
Right, because he’d been part of the group last year. She felt herself flush and tried to think of something to say. Before
she could come up with a safe topic, he said, “You look good.”
“Thanks. So do you.”
They stared at each other. Without thinking, she blurted, “You were right. About Alex. I didn’t know it at the time, but I’m
in love with him.”
She thought Dustin might get mad but he only nodded. “I wondered.”
She suddenly realized what she’d said and slapped her hand over her mouth. After all, Dustin and Alex worked together. In
the same office. Every day! “No one knows. I mean he doesn’t. I don’t think Alex feels the same way and . . .” She silently
screamed at herself to stop talking.
He offered her a gentle smile. “I won’t say anything. Thank you for telling me. Things make more sense now.”
She lowered her arm to her side. “I swear I had no idea. I only figured it out a little while ago. We really were friends.
I mean we still are, but . . .” No way she was going to mention they were sleeping together. “So I guess that’s what went
wrong with us,” she added.
“It wasn’t just you,” he admitted. “I was settling.”
Ryleigh involuntarily took a step back. She might not have been in love with Dustin but wow. Settling.
“Sorry,” he added quickly. “I didn’t mean it to come out like that. I meant . . .”
She touched his arm. “First, there’s no fixing that and second, I get it. We were lonely and we wanted to find someone special. Kim’s death hit us both hard. We were hoping we were each other’s ‘the one’ and we weren’t.”
“You’re right. That’s what it was. We wanted to have those feelings and we didn’t. I’m sorry, Ryleigh. You’re great.”
“You, too.”
“I hope it works out with—” he nodded in the direction of the sand “—you know who.”
That made her smile. “Thank you. I hope you find your one as well.”
He walked away. She got in line for the restroom, all the while thinking about what he’d said. Although it wasn’t fun to hear
he’d considered being with her “settling,” at least she didn’t have to feel guilty about turning down his proposal. They’d
never been right for each other, which was a relief. Sort of. She supposed she was left with the bigger question which was
why she had wanted to keep going out with him if she didn’t see a future with him. Somehow she’d convinced herself there was
more than there was. Probably because of how she secretly felt about Alex.
The heart was a complicated organ, she thought as she washed her hands and started back to the beach. As she got closer to
where her family was, she was surprised to see Cheryl talking to Alex. Their heads were bent together and their conversation
seemed intense.
She had no idea what the older woman would have to say, but as she approached, Cheryl only smiled and waved.
“Having fun?” she asked.
“We are.”
“Excellent. I need to get back to the store.”
She walked away. Ryleigh glanced between her and Alex. “What was that?”
He looked away. “Ah, nothing. She just had a quick question about something.”
She waited but he didn’t seem inclined to say anything else. Before she could push, Noah ran up and grabbed her hand.
“Dad said we could go get funnel cake. Can it be now?”
She grinned at him. “It sure can. Let’s go.”
He pulled her toward the stands. She went with him, thinking that later she would ask Alex about the mysterious conversation.
She wasn’t worried so much as concerned that he was all right. Because he mattered so much more than he knew.