15. Nathan
Afew days after getting back into town, I find myself buried in paperwork at my desk, my mind focused on the new deal I’m working to finalize. My heart races as I draft the last of the contracts, knowing that this could be a game-changer for my company.
“Hey, man.” Corey’s voice interrupts my thoughts, and I glance up to see him leaning against the doorframe of my office. “You up for grabbing lunch?”
I hesitate for a moment, considering the mountain of work still waiting for me. But the thought of fresh air and a break from the office is too tempting to resist. Plus Corey and I haven’t had any time to just chat since my getting back. It’s been endless meetings and work, with talking to the police and lawyers in between. This whole shitshow with my competitors really got me behind on work, but at least everything is falling back into place.
With all the evidence my security team dug up, the men who wanted to get rid of me will be behind bars for quite a while. The bonus is that it’s several rivals less for me to worry about.
“Sure. Why not?” I push my chair back and stand up.
As we walk through the open workspace towards the exit, I notice Maria’s empty chair. She must be on her lunch break already. The sight of her vacant desk stirs up an uneasy feeling inside me. It’s only been a few days since we returned from Montauk, and the memory of our night together still lingers, haunting me.
She used to eat lunch at her desk most days, so what gives? Is she somewhere alone, or is she having lunch with someone else?
The question gnaws at the back of my mind like a splinter. I want her to forget about me, to move on and protect her heart like she always has, but the mere thought of her with another man sends a sharp pang through my chest.
“Everything okay?” Corey’s voice pulls me out of my thoughts as we step into the elevator.
“Fine.” I force a smile. “Just got a lot on my plate at the moment.”
Corey nods in understanding, and we ride the rest of the way down in silence.
As we walk across the lobby, my thoughts drift back to Maria. I know I have no right to feel this way, especially when I’ve made it clear that I’m not interested in pursuing a relationship. But I can’t help the possessive tightness in my chest at the thought of her with someone else.
Maybe she’s just having lunch alone. Or perhaps she’s meeting a friend.
But no matter how much I try to convince myself otherwise, the image of Maria laughing and sharing a meal with another man stays etched in my mind like an ugly scar, a constant reminder of what I’m trying to push away.
Stepping out of the office building, I squint against the harsh sunlight filtering between skyscrapers. Corey leads the way to a nearby restaurant with an outdoor patio, its colorful parasols providing some shade from the midday sun.
“You doing okay?” Corey holds his fingers up to the hostess, gesturing that we need a table for two.
“Fine,” I mumble.
He knows about the plot to kill me, but other than that I haven’t shared any details. Everyone in my life who knows about it has been champing at the bit, desperate for info, but Corey has actually given me space. It’s what makes me want to share with him.
We’re seated quickly, and I take a deep breath, trying to push aside my concerns and focus on the present moment. Over appetizers, I find myself opening up to Corey about what happened: the kidnapping attempt, our escape to Montauk, and ultimately, the night I spent with Maria.
“Wait, you were with Maria? As in, your assistant Maria?” Corey’s eyes widen in shock, a piece of calamari halfway to his mouth.
I swallow against a lump in my throat. “Yes, her.”
“Damn, Nathan. That’s not like you at all.” He pops the calamari into his mouth. “Dating an employee? Getting romantically involved with a woman who knows your darkest secrets? Sounds risky.”
“Yep,” I grumble, picking at my salad. “But somehow, with her, it just… happened.”
Corey studies me for a moment, his brow furrowed. “You think maybe this is a turning point for you? That you’re finally ready to get involved with someone?”
My jaw clenches involuntarily. “No!” I snap, perhaps too forcefully. “I don’t have time for that, and I’ve never been interested in pursuing a relationship. And she knows that. At least I’m honest about it.”
“All right, all right.” He raises his hands defensively. “I just thought maybe Maria was different. She’s smart, talented, and from what I’ve seen, she can handle your moods better than anyone.”
“Corey, drop it,” I warn him, the knot in my stomach tightening.
“Fine.” He takes a sip of water, clearly trying to change the subject. “How did you guys even end up in Montauk? Why’d you pick that place?”
“It’s her family cabin.” I rub my temples, trying to fight off an oncoming headache. “But we managed to avoid the people who were after me, and now we’re back to business as usual.”
“Sounds like quite the adventure.” He studies me, almost like he’s looking for a hint of the man he used to know.
“More than you’ll ever know,” I mutter, my mind drifting back to that night with Maria, her body pressed against mine, her lips tasting of the salty sea air.
“Hey.” Corey snaps his fingers in front of my face. “You still with me?”
“Sorry.” I shake my head to clear my thoughts.
“I can tell you’re thinking of her. Maybe you should?—”
“No,” I interrupt. “I can’t. That’s out of the question.”
He looks disappointed, like he wants to say more. There’s nothing else to be said, though. I know who I am, and if Maria and I were to take a go at a real relationship, I would just screw it up. I’m too much like my dad. My work ambitions come first, and I’m just not willing to compromise for someone else. It’s that simple.
Yet as we finish our lunch, I can’t help but feel unsettled, wondering if Corey is right about Maria being a turning point in my life. But I refuse to let my emotions get in the way of logic. I’ve made my choice, and now I have to live with it — no matter how much it hurts.
“How much did you share with Maria?” Corey asks out of the blue, his brow furrowing with concern. Just a moment before, we were talking about inflation, but obviously the Maria thing has stayed on his mind the whole meal.
“I was upfront with her from the beginning. We both agreed that neither of us makes a habit of getting into close romantic relationships. We’re similar in that way.”
Corey sighs, clearly disappointed. “That’s a shame,” he says. “I know Maria well enough from work, and I really think you two would make an amazing match.”
His words hit me like a punch to the gut, and for a moment, I’m speechless. But then my defenses kick in, and I shake my head. “I appreciate your concern, but it’s just not possible. I can’t let my emotions get in the way of logic.”
As we leave the restaurant and begin walking back to the office, I find myself feeling more unsettled than ever. My thoughts are consumed by Maria — her warm smile, her intelligent eyes, the way she seemed to understand me better than almost anyone else. And yet, the thought of pursuing a relationship with her is terrifying.
As I approach the office building, I’m torn between wanting to see Maria at her desk and hoping that she’ll be gone — still out on lunch or some errand, anything to keep me from having to face her. But as fate would have it, she’s right there, sitting at her desk, typing away as if nothing out of the ordinary has happened.
My heart leaps into my throat at the sight of her, and I have to force myself to keep walking. This is what I wanted, after all — for things to go back to normal, for Maria to move on and forget about our brief time together.
“Hello.” She nods at me, the movement tense. “How was your lunch?”
“Fine,” I manage to say, swallowing hard. “Just catching up with Corey.”
“Sounds nice.” Her brown eyes meet mine for a brief moment before she returns to her work.
I continue on to my office, struggling to keep my composure. It’s clear that Maria is doing her best to be professional, and I know I should do the same. But seeing her, hearing her voice — it’s like a siren song, calling me back to her even as I try to resist.
I close the door behind me and lean against it, my heart pounding. I need to get ahold of myself.
Especially considering what I’m about to do.
I’ve been putting it off for the last couple of days, what with the frenzy of getting back into work and dealing with the aftermath of the attempted kidnapping. Now, though, I shouldn’t wait any longer.
Taking a deep breath, I push away from the door and open it once more. “Maria, could you join me in my office for a moment?”
She looks up from her computer, eyebrows raised in surprise. “Sure.” She stands up and smooths down her skirt.
As she approaches my office, there’s a charged moment where our gazes lock, and it takes every ounce of my self-control not to lean in and capture her lips with mine.
“Please, have a seat.” I motion toward the chair across from my desk. My palms are sweating, but I remind myself that I’m nothing if not a professional. This is just another business matter that needs to be addressed.
And she deserves this, too.
“Is everything okay?” Maria asks, her voice laced with concern as she sits down.
“Of course.” I force a smile. “I just wanted to give you something.” Reaching into my drawer, I pull out an envelope and slide it across the desk to her. “It’s a bonus, for your help in Montauk.”
For a long moment, she just stares at the check, which is for several times her salary. Her jaw drops, and I can practically see the gears turning in her head as she processes the amount. Finally, she looks up at me, confusion etched on her face.
“Nathan, are you trying to buy me off? Do you want me to quit after what happened between us?”
My chest clenches at her words. “What? No! That’s not it at all. I just wanted to thank you. You went above and beyond to keep me safe, and this is my way of showing my appreciation.”
She studies me for a moment, her brown eyes searching mine. I can tell she’s trying to figure out if I’m being sincere or not. Swallowing hard, I wait for her response, my hands in my lap.
“Thank you,” she finally says, her voice soft and uncertain. “This is… very generous of you. But… are you sure you don’t want me to leave the company?”
The thought of her walking out through the building’s front doors and out of my life forever is enough to make me panic. Plus, she’s the best assistant I’ve ever had. Hell no, I don’t want her going anywhere.
“Absolutely not.” I shake my head. “Do you… want to leave?”
She seems to consider this. “No.”
I have to fight to not sigh with relief.
“Consider this check a token of my gratitude,” I reply, managing a small smile. “You deserve it, Maria.”
Finally, she nods her head once. “Then thank you for it,” she says quietly, her eyes downcast as she clutches the envelope in her hand.
And that’s all. She turns and walks out of my office without another word, leaving me alone with my thoughts and regrets.
As soon as the door clicks shut behind her, I collapse into my desk chair and let out a heavy sigh. A part of me wishes that things had gone differently, that she had put into words what we both seem to be feeling but are too afraid to admit. Was she planning on telling me that she wanted us to be together?
But even if she had, would it have made any difference? I’ve built my life around work, and I’ve been honest about my inability to commit to anything more than a fleeting romance. As much as Maria has come to mean to me, I can’t let my emotions dictate my actions — especially when they threaten to derail everything I’ve worked so hard to achieve.
Part of the reason I’m so successful is that I’ve never let my personal life get in the way. I’ve made decisions for myself and myself alone. Having to take another person into account would mean living a completely different life. I highly doubt I would have come this far in the world if I’d done things that way.
“Back to work, Nathan,” I mutter to myself, forcing my attention back to the deal I’m finalizing. But as I stare at the numbers and figures on my screen, my thoughts keep drifting back to Maria — the way her eyes searched mine for answers, the hurt in her voice when she thanked me for the check.
“Damn it,” I whisper, unable to shake off the feeling that I’ve made a terrible mistake.
The air in my office feels heavy, filled with the weight of my decision to push her away. I glance at the closed door, trying to ignore the hollow feeling in my chest. This is who I am, I remind myself — a man focused on his work and incapable of commitment. These walls I’ve built around my heart have been there for so long, and I know Maria deserves better.
“Okay,” I mumble, rolling up my sleeves and leaning forward to focus on my computer screen, “let’s get back to it.”
But as I sift through emails and financial projections, my thoughts keep drifting back to that moment when Maria’s eyes were filled with confusion and hurt. I’d told her, hadn’t I? That I wasn’t looking for anything serious.
Our time together was nothing more than a brief escape from reality.
So why does my conscience nag at me now?
There’s a knock on the door, and I nearly jump in my seat. “Come in.”
“Hey.” Corey pokes his head into my office. “You left your phone at the restaurant. They just called me about it.”
“Damn. Thanks.”
He comes over and sets it on my desk. “You… doing okay?”
“Fine, just busy,” I reply, forcing a smile as I stare at the paperwork scattered across my desk. But Corey knows me too well; he raises an eyebrow, clearly not convinced.
“Look, man.” He stuffs his hands into his pocket and twists his lips. “I know you’re not one to wear your heart on your sleeve, but you can’t ignore what you’re feeling. It doesn’t matter if you’ve always been this way — maybe it’s time for a change.”
“Corey, I appreciate your concern, but…” I trail off, shaking my head. “This is the way it has to be. And besides, I was honest with her about not wanting a relationship.”
“Being honest doesn’t mean it’s the right decision,” he counters, crossing his arms. “Sometimes, honesty can be a shield we use to protect ourselves from getting hurt.”
I sigh, tapping my fingers on the desk. “I can’t afford distractions, okay? I’ve got a deal to finalize and?—”
“Life isn’t all about work, Nathan,” he interrupts gently. “You’re allowed to have feelings. And you’re allowed to act on them.”
He leaves me with those words hanging in the air, and I’m left alone once more in my office. As much as I try to focus on the tasks at hand, Maria’s face keeps appearing in my mind, her perfect smile on replay.
And this is it, I realize. For the rest of my life, I’ll be haunted by what we shared.
Unless, somehow, I find a way to forget.