9. Leah
CHAPTER 9
LEAH
L eah stood outside the broad glass doors of the clinic and took a deep breath. How was this going to go? What if the other clients judged her for being alone? What if there was some problem that would keep her from having a baby at all?
You’re getting ahead of yourself, Adams.
The appointment she had today was going to be fine. It was just an intake appointment. There was nothing to worry about.
She took another deep breath and strode inside, as confidently as she could. She checked in with the receptionist, then took a free seat in the lobby to wait for the doctor to call.
Leah looked around the lobby as she waited. There were quite a few people here already, all of them couples. Couples holding hands and talking. Couples sitting beside each other, arms crossed. Couples in which the woman was visibly pregnant. There was even one couple holding an infant.
Leah was ready to do this on her own. She was strong and independent and prepared. But seeing all those couples together made her feel very, very alone.
Maybe she should have asked Dan to come with her. At least then she’d have someone to sit with and talk to in the lobby. But she hadn’t wanted to impose on Dan or his time. More than that, she worried that if she began to rely on him, she would be sad when their agreement ended and she was on her own with the baby. It was better to keep her distance now than feel betrayed later.
Leah waited. And waited. She tried not to look at the other couples. In retrospect, maybe she shouldn’t have gotten here so early, but she had worried about being late or getting stuck in traffic.
“Is this seat taken?”
Leah looked up from her phone. Her eyes widened. Standing above her was none other than Dan.
“What are you doing here?” Her hand flew to her mouth. “I mean hello — welcome. And what are you doing here?”
Dan chuckled and sat beside her. “I know you said you could do this on your own, but I saw the time blocked off in your calendar and I wanted to come and support you. If you want me to leave, though, just say the word.”
“I mean, you’re here now. So, you can stay.” Leah hoped her casual tone belied the way her heart soared at his presence. Suddenly, she felt like she was part of a team.
“Leah Adams?” A young nurse peered out into the lobby. “We’re ready for you.”
“Shall I come back with you?” Dan asked. Leah’s heart melted at the fact that he was checking to make sure she was comfortable, and she nodded.
“Come on through.” They followed the nurse to a back room, where he gestured for Dan and Leah to enter. Inside, the doctor was already waiting behind her desk.
“Good morning.” She got to her feet and circled to shake their hands. “I’m Doctor Jennings, but please call me Moira. And you must be Leah Adams?”
“Nice to meet you, Moira. Yes, I’m Leah Adams, and this is Dan Marley.”
“Nice to meet you.” Dan shook Moira’s hand as well, then they both took their seats.
“Once again, welcome to my office. We have an hour set aside here to get to know each other, go over the process, and answer any questions. Is there anything you’d like to ask me right off the bat?”
Leah shook her head. “We can get started and I’ll be sure to ask questions as we go.” Leah liked Moira’s straightforward, no-nonsense manner. It made her feel more confident in the process.
“Perfect. In that case, would you mind telling me a little about what brought you here?”
Leah felt a blush coming on. She knew she needed to tell Moira honestly — the fact that they weren’t a real couple was relevant to the fertility approach, since they weren’t sleeping together — but she felt hesitant to do so.
“We, um…”
“Do you mind if I tell it?” Dan smiled at Leah, and she nodded, relieved. “Leah and I are friends who are hoping to co-parent. I know it might be an unusual situation, but we’re really excited about this journey and hope that you can support us.”
It was a perfect way to describe what was happening without getting into the details of their agreement. Leah felt another wave of relief that Dan was here with her. That was quickly followed by a moment of self-recrimination. Yes, it was nice that Dan was here today, but she couldn’t rely on his presence or his support. At some point, she’d be more or less on her own.
“Of course.” Moira smiled at them both. “We have families coming together in all different shapes and sizes. I personally have experience supporting many different kinds of journeys. Is there anything else you’d like me to know, before we get into the details of the process?”
“Fertility issues run in my family,” Leah said before she could second-guess herself. “My parents struggled to conceive. I know there isn’t always a genetic component, but I did want to mention it.”
“Thank you. That’s good to know. Do you have any details about what the difficulty was?”
Leah shook her head. “My parents couldn’t afford much in the way of medical intervention, and they never knew exactly what was happening — only that they couldn’t have a child for a long time.”
“Understood. Anything else?”
Leah and Dan both shook their heads.
“Then I’ll tell you a little about the process before us. Today is an informational session, primarily. I want you to understand exactly what we’re going to do, and I want to understand exactly what brings you here and what kind of support you need. The next appointment we’ll schedule is a general physical and a bit of testing. Once we have that information, we’ll be able to design the best course of action. Since neither of you have any known fertility issues, and you haven’t been trying to conceive yet, that could make things a little easier on us.”
Leah and Dan both nodded again, and Moira continued. She laid out in detail what they could expect over the coming weeks, from the time commitment to the kinds of testing they would need to undergo. Finally, she asked if either of them had any more questions. Both Leah and Dan shook their heads.
As they left, though, Leah turned to Dan with wide eyes. “I actually do have a lot of questions.”
Dan chuckled. “So do I. But there was so much information coming at us at once that I couldn’t quite process what I wanted to ask.”
“Same. Moira seems great, though. I’m sure she would have answered our questions if we had asked them.”
“What are you wondering about?”
“Well, for starters, I probably should have told her that I’m taking Forenal. It totally slipped my mind, though. I also want to ask, I don’t know, about the chances. I know that she can’t just make guesses, being a medical professional, but I’d like to know if we have a real shot at me getting pregnant.”
“Hey.” Dan took Leah’s hand in his and pulled them both to a stop on the sidewalk. “I’m sure we have a great chance. Not only are we both healthy, but you’re taking Forenal, which is proven to help in this kind of situation.”
“Yeah, but with my parents’ fertility issues and the fact that IVF isn’t a hundred percent for anyone…” Leah sighed. “I’m just worried.”
“Don’t be. Really.” Dan squeezed her hand. “Remember, Leah, money isn’t an issue. Even if it takes a few cycles for an embryo to stick, we can do that. And you’re an amazing scientist. I’m sure if there’s a problem, you can just whip something up in the lab to fix it.” He winked to show that he was joking, and Leah laughed. She felt lighter.
“Thank you, Dan. For your kind words and for coming with me to the appointment.”
“Hey. I wouldn’t have missed it for the world. And I’m not planning to miss any other appointments, either, so please tell me when they are so I don’t have to stalk your calendar like a creep.”
“You’re not a creep.” Leah squeezed his hand. “And of course I’ll tell you about all the upcoming appointments. You’re more than welcome.”
As the moment came to an end, Leah realized with a sudden flash that she was standing in the street, very close to Dan, holding his hand. Worse than that, they were talking about particularly tender topics, which made Leah feel all soft and pleasant.
She needed to get past this, fast. Dan was nothing more than her partner in a strange deal. There was no need to be exchanging reassurances or savoring how wonderful it felt to have her hand wrapped in Dan’s large one. And certainly there was no need to remember how magical their night together had been.
Leah quickly released his hand and stepped back to a respectable distance.
“Anyway, are you heading back to the office?”
Dan nodded. “Yes. And you?”
“I am, too. But we’d better get moving. I have a lunchtime meeting and it’s almost that time.”
“Make sure not to work through lunch. You need to take good care of yourself so that you’ll be ready for pregnancy.”
It was the kind of comment that Leah might have usually found annoying — obviously she knew she needed to take good care of herself — but the look of concern in Dan’s eyes was enough to hold back any snarky remark she might have made.
“I’ll take an extra break after lunch and go for a walk.” She smiled at him. “Don’t worry.”
They walked back to the office together. Leah took care to keep the conversation light and easy, mainly focused on their shared work and a few colleagues they both knew. When they reached the office, they said their goodbyes and went their separate ways.
Leah knew she needed to be strong, but it was difficult not to find her thoughts wandering during her lunch meeting. She thought of the baby she might well have this time next year — Moira seemed confident, and Dan’s words had helped Leah feel confident, too. She imagined nights spent rocking a sleepy infant, slowly wearing a hole in her living room floor as she walked him to sleep. She imagined a pair of big eyes looking up at her from the crook of her arm and the adorable babble of baby talk. She imagined pushing a stroller on her runs with her baby inside. She imagined coming home and finding Dan?—
You’re getting ahead of yourself, Adams.
She didn’t have a baby yet. She needed to be careful not to get her hopes up. And more than that, she needed to keep Dan firmly out of her imagination about her future. He had no place in her daydreams, no more than he had a place in her life — that one magical night and the fact that they were having a child, and a fake relationship, aside.