16. Dan
CHAPTER 16
DAN
D an knew that he needed to be strong.
On Friday, Leah had sent him a message letting him know that she was ready to talk and that everything would be okay. He had been too confused and upset to answer. Then, suddenly, the message had disappeared.
Good. If Leah was ready to keep her distance, too, it would make what Dan needed to do easier.
Yet the whole weekend, he struggled with himself. He wanted to text Leah, at least to let her know that he was thinking of her. Yet each time he reached for his phone, he stopped himself. On Friday, he’d decided that he needed to keep his distance from her, and that’s what he would do. Otherwise, he ran the risk of hurting her and their babies even more than he already had. Dan couldn’t let himself do that.
So, instead of reaching out to Leah, he’d spent the whole weekend deep in work. He’d gone into the office both days, from early in the morning until late at night. All his meals had been takeout that he’d ordered to his office. He’d only returned home to sleep — or try to.
The weekend at work reminded Dan of another reason he needed to keep his distance. Over the last few months, when Dan had been spending more time with Leah and moved around his work commitments to be there for her, his work had started to pile up. Tasks that he would normally have addressed right away sat on his to-do list for days at a time. So, he now waded into the backlog and, by Sunday night, he was on top of everything again. To keep his momentum, Dan packed his Monday full of meetings with various departments and contacts. Richard had hinted several times that Dan was almost ready to take over RMA. He needed to be prepared.
Yet nothing could prepare him for Monday morning. By some terrible happenstance, he arrived in the lobby at the very same time as Leah. Leah was wearing her usual blouse and slacks, seemingly oblivious to the summer heat outside. Her hair was pulled back in a simple, neat bun, and she was holding her briefcase. Her stomach curved slightly under her shirt with the beginnings of a baby bump.
As soon as he saw her, emotions welled up in him. Surprisingly, he was annoyed that she hadn’t tried to contact him either — shouldn’t he have gotten a chance to come to terms with the triplets before she cut him off? At the same time, he was angry with himself for not reaching out to her.
But more than anything, Dan felt a deep affection and a sadness at the distance between them. He wanted nothing more than to pull Leah into his arms and ask her to forgive him for his silence. He wanted to tell her that, even though triplets would be a lot, they could work it out together. He wanted to reassure her that he would still be there for her.
The urge to reach for her was so strong that Dan found himself lifting a hand towards hers before he could stop himself. But then, the elevator doors dinged open. Leah stepped inside, then turned and caught sight of him for the first time.
“Good morning.” Her tone was polite but clipped.
Dan stepped inside after her and pushed the button for her floor and his. The doors closed with a whoosh, and Dan turned to Leah. He needed to keep his distance. He needed to be strong. But he couldn’t do it. He reached for her hand.
“Leah, I?—”
“Don’t.” Her voice was cold, now. Cutting. Dan was surprised. Leah was always kind and understanding. He’d never seen her like this. He dropped his hand to his side.
“I think we should talk.”
“What’s there to talk about?” Leah crossed her arms. “Our deal is over, isn’t it?”
“I…” Dan trailed off. Leah was right. Their deal was over — and just this morning, he’d been ready to step away. Putting some distance between them was still the best thing to do. Even if Dan couldn’t forget his lo—his attraction towards Leah, nothing had changed. It was still best for both of them if he stepped away now, before he could hurt Leah and their children.
Work was always going to take priority, because Dan knew what he was doing at work. And he knew that the money he made would help his family.
“Yes. I agree. Have a nice day.” The doors opened, and Leah exited onto her floor. The doors closed again and Dan was alone, reeling.
Although he was the one who’d made the decision to pull away, it felt unfair that Leah wasn’t even willing to talk to him. He should have gotten a chance to come to terms with being a father to three babies. It wasn’t fair that, when he hadn’t been immediately okay with triplets, Leah had been finished with him.
In the back of his mind, Dan knew that what he was doing wasn’t fair either. Leah had needed him on Friday, and he hadn’t been there. She might need him again, and he wouldn’t be there, either.
Once he reached his floor, Dan walked quickly to his office. He raised his hand in greeting to a few coworkers, but didn’t stop. When he reached his office, he shut and locked the door, then sank into his chair. It was really over. Whatever it was that he and Leah had shared, it was over now. Finally and irreparably.
Dan knew that he wouldn’t be a good partner for Leah. And Leah couldn’t forgive him for not supporting her when she needed it. Neither of those things were ever going to change.
So, Dan would do what he was good at. He took out his checkbook. He and Leah had agreed on a sum each month while their child was growing up. Dan hadn’t paid it yet, since Leah was still pregnant and he was covering all her healthcare expenses, but he knew it was time to show that he was going to support her, at least in that one way.
Dan wrote the amount they’d agreed on, then paused. He tore the check in two and took a new one, on which he wrote triple the amount. Leah was carrying three times as many babies, so Dan would offer three times what they’d agreed. It was only fair.
Dan filled out the rest of the check, then paused. Perhaps he should deliver the check in person, as a kind of peace offering. But then he decided against it. He didn’t think he could handle seeing Leah in person again right now.
Instead, he sealed the check in an envelope and called for his assistant. It was better this way.
Once the check was on its way, Dan turned to his work. He needed to focus.
As if on cue, his phone began to ring. Dan snatched it up, hopeful for a fraction of a second that it might be Leah calling before he saw that it was his father. He was more disappointed than he’d expected.
Dan answered. “Hi, Dad.”
“Good morning.” Richard sounded as cheery as ever. “I’m swinging by the office this afternoon to review a few new projects. Maybe one of the last times I’ll have to do that! Anyway, I wanted to ask if you and Leah would care to join me for lunch.”
Dan’s stomach twisted. It was almost physically painful to still pretend he and Leah were dating when they’d never been more distant, but he knew what he had to do. If Dan told his father that they weren’t really dating now, before Richard had handed over the company, it would all have been in vain.
“I’d love to join you,” Dan said. “But Leah isn’t feeling well today. Morning sickness.”
“Oh, no.” Richard sounded genuinely disappointed. “I’m sorry to hear that. Well, I’d still love to see you. And please let Leah know we’re thinking about her.”
“Sure, Dad. Shall we meet at Oloyo’s Steakhouse around twelve?”
“It’s a plan.”
They said their goodbyes and hung up. Dan put the phone on his desk, then rested his head in his hands. This had all seemed so straightforward when he and Leah had agreed on their plan. Now, it seemed anything but.
Dan worked for a few hours, his mind wandering frequently, before it was time to meet his father for lunch. Oloyo’s was a short walk from the office, so Dan headed over a few minutes early. Richard was waiting in the lobby of the steakhouse. When he saw Dan coming, his smile grew.
“Hello there, Son.”
“Hi, Dad.”
They were escorted to a table, where they sat across from each other. Richard launched into a lively story about his morning misadventures on the commute to the office. Dan did his best to nod and laugh at the right times, but his mind was far from the restaurant. Thoughts and memories of Leah swirled through his head. The way their conversation in the elevator had played out was bothering him deeply. Maybe he should have said something different. Maybe he should have pushed for them to talk.
But maybe Leah should have been a little more accommodating. It was understandable that Dan needed a little time to come to terms with such a life-altering change.
More than blaming either of them, though, Dan just felt… sad. He missed Leah already. She would have elevated this lunch with her kind smile and humorous insights, just as she always did. They could have met after work or he could have brought her a snack in her office. They could have joked about baby names or planned a trip to visit her parents, as Leah had mentioned once.
Dan knew all the reasons why he couldn’t be with Leah. But that didn’t stop his heart from aching or his mind from running through all the moments they’d spent together.
“Son.”
Dan was startled to see that his father had stopped talking and was looking at him intently. Maybe Dan had been staring off into space a little too intensely.
“Sorry. It’s just been a long day.”
“It’s only midday.” Richard smiled kindly, though there was a bit of worry behind his eyes. “Is everything all right?” He leaned forward slightly. “Is everything okay with Leah?”
An urge to confide in his father rose up in Dan. He remembered going to his father as a teenager, heartbroken by an unrequited crush or disappointed by a bad test score. Richard had always listened as though Dan’s teenage problems were the most important thing on his mind. Then he’d offer advice — always good advice. Even as a slightly rebellious teen, Dan had believed in his father’s wisdom and had almost always followed it.
Now, two decades later, Dan wanted nothing more than to confide in Richard again. He wanted to tell his father the whole story, from the deal to the pregnancy to the fake relationship. He wanted to explain that, somewhere along the way, he’d developed undeniable feelings for Leah.
But Dan knew that he couldn’t say any of that. Not only would it ruin his chances of inheriting the company — ever — but he already knew what Richard would say. His dad would say what he always had: people are more important than profit. If Dan loved Leah, he should win her over. And no matter what happened with Leah, Richard would tell him that he needed to be a part of his children’s lives.
Then Richard would probably chastise him for lying about his relationship in the first place.
So, Dan didn’t confide in his father. He just nodded.
“Yes. Everything’s fine with me and Leah.”
“I remember when your mother was pregnant with you.” Richard leaned back in his chair. “She was hormonal, and I started getting stressed about becoming a father. It was probably the most difficult time in our relationship.”
“You were stressed about being a father?” Dan asked. Richard had always spoken so highly about his children and about the importance of being a family. Dan had never suspected that he hadn’t always felt that way.
“Of course. Every man is, I think. What’s important is that you do the best you can — and know that once your baby is in your arms, everything will be different.”
The best Dan could do was support the babies, and Leah, financially. He knew that. Nothing else mattered. And the part about holding his baby in his arms… well, maybe that just didn’t apply to him.
“Thanks, Dad. That helps.”
“Anytime. Now, eat your food. It’s getting cold.”
Dan kept his father’s words with him throughout the next weeks. Each time he saw Leah in the office, her stomach growing steadily to accommodate their triplets, he reminded himself that he needed to do the best he could: support them financially. Every time he saw a child running down the street, every time he walked home alone, each time Leah walked past him in the hallway without saying a word, Dan reminded himself of the same thing.
He expected that it would get easier to keep his distance as time went by, but it didn’t. When he saw the next ultrasound pop up on their shared calendar, it almost broke his heart not to go. Dan wasn’t ready to be a father to triplets or a real partner to Leah. But he still wished that things were different. He wanted to be the kind of guy who could be by her side through every moment of pregnancy and parenthood.
Late summer turned to fall. The leaves turned a myriad of reds and oranges and yellows, then drifted to the ground. Dark clouds rolled over the city, turning the lake into a steely mirror. Cold wind swept the city.
Dan worked.
He focused all his attention on his job, working later and longer and harder than ever. RMA Pharmaceuticals was thriving under his leadership. Forenal was selling even better than expected and the early results were very positive. It seemed Leah wasn’t the only person who’d gotten pregnant much faster than expected while taking the drug.
The revenue numbers were higher than ever. Usually, that would have filled Dan with pride and purpose, but now he just felt empty. Nothing meant as much to him anymore without Leah in his life. Time and time again, he wanted to reach out to her, but time and time again, he held himself back. He wasn’t good for her. He wasn’t good for their babies. The best thing he could do was ensure that none of them would ever want for anything.
The end of October arrived. Pumpkins lined the stoops in Dan’s neighborhood, and kids in costumes began their yearly circuit of the city. In his penthouse, Dan never got any trick-or-treaters, but this year he found himself outside in a nearby park, watching a line of tiny ghosts and princesses and pirates race past with baskets full of candy. In a few years, those would be his children.
Dan knew he’d made the right choice. Yet the thought of his children growing up without him hurt. Even more painful was the thought of Leah. She would find someone else eventually, someone who could support her in ways he couldn’t. That was for the best.
If only he could believe that.