18. Dan
CHAPTER 18
DAN
I ’ll come. Name the time.
Dan stared at the words for a long time. He was immensely relieved, not to mention impressed, that Leah was holding up her end of the bargain. If she’d refused to come, he would have understood after their months of silence and what had happened at the twelve-week ultrasound. The fact that she was willing to come spoke to her character more than anything.
And perhaps lingering feelings for me?
Dan shook his head to clear away the unwelcome thought. Leah didn’t have feelings for him. And even if she did, it wouldn’t matter. Dan was still the same person he always was. The last four months of hard work had only proven that.
He replied to the message, letting Leah know that he would pick her up at two in the afternoon on Thanksgiving Day. Then he put his phone down and looked up. Somehow, while checking his message, he’d almost forgotten that he was sitting with a roomful of executives, all discussing new paths for RMA Pharmaceuticals in the new year. Luckily, the COO was presenting, so no one had noticed that Dan was distracted. It was yet another reminder than he couldn’t be objective or logical when it came to Leah, though.
Over the course of the next few days, Dan found his thoughts wandering to Thanksgiving dinner more than once. His parents always hosted Thanksgiving for the whole family. Dan’s sister, Jenny, would be flying back to Chicago with her husband, Louis. In the past, Dan’s grandparents had often attended as well, as had various neighbors and friends. This year, Dan had requested to keep things small so that Leah wouldn’t be overwhelmed, but that might have been a mistake. Leah could easily sabotage everything with a few misplaced words. Although she was a perfectly lovely person, Dan wouldn’t have been able to blame her if she harbored some negative feelings towards him after everything.
When the fateful Thursday finally rolled around, Dan dressed in his usual slacks and a sports coat. He spent a little extra time in front of the mirror, smoothing his hair. He’d seen Leah around the office, but this would be the first time they’d spoken in months. He drove to Leah’s apartment to pick her up and texted her when he was outside, then got out to open her door for her. A few minutes later, Leah emerged from the front door and Dan caught his breath.
He’d known that she was pregnant, of course. In passing, he’d kept track of her growing baby bump. Yet seeing Leah up close today still came as a shock.
She was wearing a festive dark red maternity dress with tights. In the dress, her bump was on full display, and Dan saw just how much she’d grown in the last months. Her hair shone in the weak late-fall sunlight, and her green eyes sparkled, as always, beneath her round glasses. She gave Dan a wary smile, then slowly descended the three stairs down from the entrance. One hand held the railing beside her, while the other rested on her baby bump.
Dan had known from his study of baby books that Leah would grow bigger during pregnancy. But nothing had prepared him for the way she seemed to glow. Motherhood already suited Leah. She looked gorgeous and feminine.
“Leah. You look beautiful.”
“Hello, Dan.” Leah’s tone wasn’t cold, exactly, just distant. She could have been talking to anyone. His heart stuttered. Even though he’d played an equal, if not larger, role in creating the distance between them, her tone hurt.
“The drive isn’t far.” Dan opened the car door. Leah approached carefully, pivoted, and slid into her seat. Her movements were slower and more considered now that her due date was approaching. Again, Dan’s heart hurt at the thought of her going through her pregnancy alone.
She was better off alone than with him, though.
“I remember.” Leah fastened her seatbelt as Dan got into the car. “Let’s go?” She sat back in her seat and turned her gaze to the window, a clear dismissal. Dan put the car into drive and off they went. As he drove, he couldn’t help remembering their last trip to his parents’ home. It had been early summer and they’d rolled down the windows and sung along to the radio as they’d driven. It had felt like the beginning of something.
This felt like the end.
The closer they got to Dan’s parents’ house, the more his worries grew. Leah was distant — and rightfully so. But if she refused to speak to him during Thanksgiving dinner, it would be obvious that something was wrong between them, and all Dan’s chances would be shattered.
He considered saying something, but held himself back. He’d asked enough of her. He had to trust that she would help him one more time.
When they arrived, Dan parked, then came around to open Leah’s door for her again. This time, she struggled a little with getting to her feet, so Dan held out his hands to help her up. The feeling of Leah’s hands in his sent shivers down Dan’s arms. It felt so right to be holding her hands like this and helping her. This was what he should have been doing all along.
But no. It wasn’t. Once Leah was on her feet, Dan let her go. He’d chosen not to be a part of this pregnancy, and for a good reason. That reason held now.
“Shall we?” Dan asked.
“Give me your arm.”
“Hmm?”
“It’ll look weird if you let your pregnant girlfriend navigate the stairs alone. Give me your arm.”
Dan held out his elbow, and Leah threaded her hand through. Again, Dan’s attention became completely focused on the small place where they were touching. Together, slowly, they walked up the driveway and climbed the stairs to the house. As soon as he rang the doorbell, the door opened and they were engulfed by his family. Richard and Jane pulled Leah into a hug.
“It’s so lovely to see you again, dear,” Jane said. “You’re absolutely glowing.”
“Thank you for coming,” Richard added. “It means a lot to us.”
“I wouldn’t have missed it for the world!” Leah smiled, transforming in an instant from professional and distant to her usual warm, bubbly, friendly self. “Dan has told me so many stories about family Thanksgivings. Is it true that you always put out a bowl of barbecue potato chips?” Apparently, Leah hadn’t forgotten the trivia they’d learned while preparing for their fake dating plan.
Jane chuckled and nodded. “It was the only food Dan loved when he was three, and we wanted him to feel included. Please, come inside. Hi, Dan. It’s nice to see you.” She pulled her son into a hug.
“I get second fiddle, I see,” Dan pretended to grumble.
“Well, excuse me for hugging Leah and my grandbabies first.”
“Leah, let me introduce you to my sister, Jenny, and her husband, Louis.” Dan stepped to the front and gestured to Leah and Jenny. The two women shared a quick hug.
“I’ve heard a lot of stories about you, too,” Leah said. “Though not all of them paint Dan in a good light.”
“He was quite a prankster,” Jenny admitted with a wink. “But he was a good big brother.”
“I bet he was.” Leah threaded her arm through Dan’s again and smiled up at him. “He seems like the type. But I’ll need more stories to prove it.”
“And I’ll need more stories about you .” Jenny grinned. “I’ve heard only a little.”
“All these stories can take place over dinner.” Jane waved them towards the dining room. “I laid out some appetizers to start.”
Everyone filed into the next room, but Richard held Dan’s arm to keep him back. Once everyone had left, Richard turned to his son.
“It’s so nice to see Leah again.” The words were so genuine that Dan felt another stab in his heart. He was hurting everyone he cared about — but it was too late to change course.
“Yes,” Dan managed. “I’m glad she could come.”
“She’s really a special woman.” Richard gave Dan an approving nod, then a stern look. “Do right by her.”
“I will.” The words almost burned on the way out. Dan had never felt like such a fraud. But Richard didn’t seem to notice. He just smiled and gestured for Dan to enter the living room.
“Let’s not keep them waiting.”
The whole family sat down to dinner together. For a few long moments, there was nothing but the sound of plates scraping and requests to pass a little more of this or that. Once everyone’s plates were full, Richard tapped his glass to get everyone’s attention.
“It’s time for our most beloved tradition,” he said. “Leah, as you may know, on Thanksgiving we always go around the table to say what we are thankful for. Hopefully, this year, Dan will be thankful for something other than profits and work.”
There were giggles around the table at that, and Dan smiled sheepishly. It was true that, in past years, he’d mostly been thankful for work-related things — usually things he hoped might impress his father, although they rarely did.
“I’ll begin,” Richard said. “I’m thankful for the whole family, including our newest members, Leah and the babies. I’m especially thankful that our far-away members could join us today, Jenny and Louis, and that Leah could make it with her difficult pregnancy.”
Dan winced. He’d told his family that Leah was often unwell, to explain her absence. Hopefully, she would go with it.
But Dan needn’t have worried. Leah was next and, as always, she played her role perfectly.
“I’m thankful to be here today and for the new family I’ve found in you all. I’m thankful that the pregnancy has gone well, despite a few bumps in the road here and there, and that our babies are healthy. And most of all, I’m thankful for Dan.” She smiled at Dan, and he felt his heart stutter again. She had no reason to be thankful for him. He hadn’t been there for her at all.
“It looks like it’s my turn.” Dan smiled at his family. “As always, I’m thankful for this quarter’s yields… Only joking.” He winked and everyone laughed. “No, this year I’m thankful for my beautiful girlfriend, Leah, and for our babies. She’ll be the most wonderful mother.”
They continued around the table.
“I’m thankful for my whole wonderful family. I’m especially thankful that my big brother is finally settling down.” Jenny winked at Dan. “I thought it might never happen.”
“I’m thankful for this year’s Super Bowl champions,” Louis joked. “No, but really, I’m thankful for my beautiful wife and her family, of course.”
“I’m thankful that I’m finally becoming a grandmother!” Jane grinned as everyone chuckled. “And I’m thankful for all the gifts this year has brought us.”
Since Jane was the last to give thanks, everyone picked up their forks and turned to their food. But Richard held up a hand.
“There’s one more thing I want to give thanks for. My son. Over the last years, he’s been the best CEO RMA Pharmaceuticals could ask for. He’s always steered the company with a clear head and a firm hand. Now, this year, he’s become a family man and welcomed the wonderful Leah into our hearts. I am thankful for all he’s done — and all he’ll continue to do. I am ready to retire, and I know that Dan is ready now to take over for me. All the paperwork is ready. Dan, as of Monday, RMA Pharmaceuticals is yours.”
Dan had hoped for this, even expected it, but it still caught him off guard. His mouth opened in surprise and, instinctively, he turned to Leah. He wanted to share this moment of success with her.
Sure enough, Leah was smiling, although her eyes were a little distant.
“Congratulations. I’m so happy for you.”
“I couldn’t have done it without you,” Dan said honestly.
“Oh, come on.” Jenny shook her head disparagingly. “This is a big moment. You guys can kiss.”
Dan began to shake his head, but Leah nodded slightly.
“It’s okay,” she said softly.
So, Dan leaned forward, slowly, and planted a soft, grazing kiss on Leah’s lips. They were only kissing for a split second — Dan didn’t want to make this any harder than it had to be — but in that second, all of Dan’s feelings came rushing back. He remembered that night he’d spent with Leah seven months ago. He remembered all the times they’d brushed hands or caught each other’s eyes. He remembered every hope he’d had and the joy of hearing a heartbeat for the first time.
Then they both pulled away, and reality came crashing back in.
The rest of Thanksgiving dinner was something of a blur. Leah was on point throughout the afternoon, making jokes and sweet comments, smiling, and being her usual charming self. Dan did his best to keep up, but he was distracted.
When they left, a little after darkness had fallen, Leah hugged everyone goodbye, then took Dan’s arm for the walk back to the car. He opened the door for her and helped her in, then crossed to his own side. Leah waved goodbye as they backed out of the driveway and turned onto the road. Once they were out of sight, though, she turned back to the window and fell silent. Clearly, she was planning to spend the drive home just as they’d spent the drive out — in silence.
After the conversation and warmth of the afternoon, the silence felt even more stark and cold. Dan couldn’t bear it.
“Thank you for doing this for me.”
“It was our agreement.” Leah paused, then turned to him. “Congratulations. You got what you always wanted.”
It was true. This was what Dan had always wanted. So why did his big victory feel so hollow? In his heart, Dan knew the answer. Without Leah, without their babies, every victory would feel hollow. If he wanted to do something about that, this was the moment. He needed to tell her how he felt. He needed to apologize for everything he’d done and ask for a chance to make things right. He needed to confess that he loved her and that he had all along.
If Dan didn’t speak up now, it would be too late. He might never get another chance to tell Leah how he felt now that their agreement was finished. They would be nothing more than colleagues after this. A vision of his future without Leah flashed through his mind. This afternoon with his family had reminded him of how much he cared about her and how perfectly she fit in with the others he cared about.
Dan opened his mouth. He wasn’t sure exactly what he was going to say, but he knew he needed to say something before it was too late.
“Thank you for all your help.” What? Dan had not expected those words, as professional and distant as they sounded, to come out of his mouth. “I couldn’t have done this without you. If there’s anything you need going forward, please don’t hesitate to reach out.”
“I don’t expect I’ll need anything else from you.”
They’d pulled up in front of Leah’s apartment block, and she reached for the handle of the car door and opened it. Dan quickly made a move to get out so that he could help her, but Leah held up a hand. “It’s okay. I can manage on my own.”
Although she was speaking about the car, Dan felt the words like a dagger to his heart. She could manage on her own, without him. Not just today, but in every aspect of motherhood and her future going forward. Dan knew that Leah was more than capable — but once again, the thought of her alone was impossible to shake.
Dan opened his mouth to say something, but it was too late. Leah carefully levered herself out of the car, caught her balance by placing a hand on the roof, and shut the door behind her. Slowly, carefully, she crossed the sidewalk and climbed the stairs to her building. Dan waited until she was safely inside. Even then, he wasn’t quite able to drive away. Once he left, he was closing the door on any possibility for a future between the two of them.
He sat outside of Leah’s home for a long time, wrestling with himself. But in the end, the logical part of him won out, and, with a heavy heart, he drove away.