Chapter Nine
Cameron
Things were great right up until the moment they weren’t.
I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t bring myself to invite Jasper to any of the Christmas events I was expected to attend. And I couldn’t back out of those commitments because that would’ve drawn attention to myself.
Claiming to have the flu was definitely a possibility.
Until Jasper figuratively kicked my ass to the curb.
We didn’t break up exactly. We just…agreed to take a hiatus for a few days. I told him I’d see him on the twenty-seventh and that I’d dedicate five days entirely to him.
He’d smiled and told me he understood.
The worst part was that he probably did.
Well, no. The extra-worst part was that he’d be alone for Christmas.
I’d tried to feel out Everett and Rayne—but they were taking Champ to Everett’s parents and staying for three days.
Taryn had plans with her family.
Wally had plans with his family.
FP was busy.
Orlando and Knight were in Costa Rica.
Thanks to all the time Jasper spent with me, he didn’t have any other friends.
I sat in Kade’s kitchen, late on the twenty-fourth, as we wrapped presents.
June had been particularly fussy last night. Tanner had taken baby duty, and by seven o’clock this evening, he was completely wiped.
Kade kissed him and ordered him to bed.
The baby was quiet.
So my best friend and I were drinking rum eggnog.
“Do you think anyone will notice if these presents aren’t wrapped properly?” I frowned. “Because I’m a little buzzed.”
He snorted. “Mom will think it’s adorable. I’m not certain being hungover Christmas morning is a good idea, though.”
I frowned. “We won’t be hungover.”
Kade tapped the rum bottle—which was suspiciously less full.
Truthfully, we weren’t drinkers. Kade’s problem with alcohol had, in our third year of university, culminated in an incident with campus police. From then on, he stuck to one or two drinks. Even the night he’d hit on Tanner—who’d been very receptive to his forever crush finally noticing him—Kade hadn’t been drunk.
Same for his bachelor party. And his wedding.
Tonight seemed to be a different story.
Kade glared at me. “Okay, what the fuck is up with you, man? Last week you were sappy happy. I thought you might’ve met someone, except you were all quiet. Which is sort of you, except I honestly thought hey, maybe there’s a new person in his life and he just doesn’t want to subject them to his massive family.”
“That’s a lot of thinking.”
The glare didn’t lessen. “And now you're as miserable as ditch water and fucking getting on my nerves. What happened, you get dumped?”
I blinked. I adored Kade, but he’d never seemed…overly attuned to me. But then, I was a pretty even-keeled guy. I didn’t have a lot of highs and lows. High when I got into dental school. Lower when I had to move my dad to the retirement community. Happy when my dad settled in so well. Upset when a young patient of mine with cancer died. In my personal life? Never someone who moved the needle.
Until now.
“Uh…I sort of did the dumping. Well, it’s a very long story.” Because I hadn’t really dumped Jasper. Just hidden him in the closet along with the fact I was—without an iota of a doubt—bisexual. I shouldn’t have been hiding either Jasper or my newly discovered status…but I was.
“So what was her name? We can drink and curse it. Curse you for letting her get away. I mean, unless she wasn’t the one. Like, you know, Tanner’s my one. We’re even talking about getting a dog and, in a couple of years, adopting another kid. June…she’s our everything.”
I did know. I’d never seen my best friend so happy. Same with Tanner. And, with their love, the baby flourished and blossomed. “Uh…well, fuck. His name was…is…Jasper.”
Kade blinked.
And blinked again.
And rubbed his face.
“I’m way drunker than I thought because…did you just say the person you sort of but didn’t really dump is a guy?”
“Yes. And I know I fucked up. I tried it and I got scared and I don't fucking know what's going on in my head and you will hate me and Tanner will hate me more and I hate myself.”
Kade blinked again. Then took a gulp of his rum eggnog.
God, I loved eggnog. With or without rum. I loved Christmas extra because I got eggnog.
“Okay.” Kade took a deep breath. “You tried gay? Like for the first time? With a guy.”
“Yeah. First time. Ever. I wanted to see what the fuss was about. I mean, you’ve been carrying on about how awesome gay sex is since, I dunno, we were teenagers? And now Tanner drops hints about how good things are in bed, even though you have a kid—"
“And did you like it?”
This time, I blinked. “Uh, well. Look. Put it this way. At first it was just getting off. And then I liked it. And I wanted to keep doing it. And I fucked up.” Even the thought of Jasper alone in his studio apartment made me sad. I’d offered to let him stay at my townhouse, but he’d said he needed time to think.
Right, like thinking is ever a good thing.
“You like it or you liked this guy?”
I rubbed my eyes. I hadn’t made lunches, turned on heating blankets, and cuddled just because of the blow jobs and anal.
Right?
“Shit. Fuck... I think I like this guy. I mean I think I really like this guy. You must hate me.”
“So maybe you're a little less absolutely straight than we thought. It's okay. And I could never hate you.” He held up his mug in salute and took another big gulp.
Pretty soon we’re going to need to pour more.
Kade eyed me. “So when do I get to meet this guy?”
“I fucked up. I told him I couldn’t see him until the twenty-seventh. Who the fuck abandons someone they really care about so they’re alone over Christmas?”
“There’s a lot to unpack in that sentence. Or was that two sentences? Three?”
I squinted. “I’m not sure that’s what we should be focusing on.”
“Well, this seems pretty simple to me. You call him up and tell him you've reconsidered.”
“Just like that? And what, bring him to Christmas tomorrow with the entire family? Won’t that, I dunno, overwhelm him?”
“Yep. For the love of Christ, don’t overthink this. Just get on the fucking phone and call the fucking guy. Did you say his name was Jasper? That’s a nice name—”
I grabbed my phone. “Fuck it all. I will.”
After unlocking my phone, I found Jasper’s number was the first on my call log. I hit it. Well, it took me two tries, but I managed.
The phone rang. And rang.
Finally, it answered. “Sorry, baby, I was in the bathroom. What’s up? Are you okay? Looking forward to—”
“I’ve reconsidered.”
A long silence.
“Did you hear me?”
“Cameron, are you drunk? You sound drunk. You’re not alone, are you?”
“No, I’m here.” Kade grinned.
I gazed at my phone. Huh. Speaker. Oops.
“Hello, whoever you are.” Said with a chuckle.
“Kade. Cameron’s best friend. The one who kicked his ass and told him to call you right away.”
A soft chuckle. “Are you both drunk?”
“No. Just miserable. Miserable without you.” I rubbed my eyes. “Okay, maybe a little drunk.”
“Well, I’ve been pretty miserable too. But we talked about this. You need to be with your family. I need…to think about things.”
No. Thinking is highly overrated. “So what the fuck do we do about this?”
“Did you just…swear?” He laughed.
“I do swear. Just not that much.”
“More when you drink?”
I squinted. “That’s entirely possible.”
“That’s entirely true.” Kade grinned.
“I miss you too. I understand where you're coming from, though. Being seen as gay can be hard. I'm sorry I pushed you into a situation you weren't ready for.”
“Uh, but I think I am. I mean. That's what I'm saying. I've reconsidered. I think I'm ready now. “
Another chuckle. “Cameron? Are you sure you're not drunk?
“No. Not drunk. Not this time. Probably not sober enough to drive, but not drunk enough not to know what I’m doing.” I squinted at Kade. “Did that make sense?”
“I'm coming over.” Jasper cut the line.
I stared at my phone. “That felt…easy.”
“Because it was. You told your man how you feel. Sometimes, when it’s the right person, it’s easier than you think.”
“Wait…” I squinted. “Does Jasper know where you live?”
Kade frowned. “Okay, how would I know that? Five minutes ago, I didn’t even know there was a guy—let alone his name.”
“So…oh shit.” I tapped my phone. Then tried to hit redial.
The phone demanded my password.
And because my cop friend Seth said to only use passwords and never facial recognition—because then cops could easily get into my phone—I’d done what he’d asked.
Except it seemed counterintuitive that a cop would tell me how to evade detection.
He must consider me a friend. Well, his dentist and a friend.
And why am I thinking about a cute cop when I need— “What the fuck is my password?”
Kade blinked. “Seriously, dude, you’re asking me? I barely have the alarm code to your house. And I’ve known you almost thirty years.”
“Jasper has the code.”
“Well, I guess that tells me how much he means to you.”
I waved the phone. “He’s coming to my house and I’m not there.”
“Oh shit.”
“Fuck! I need someone to drive me home. Because I’m way too drunk.” I might be way over the legal limit, and desperate to see Jasper, but no way was I getting behind the wheel.
Kade blinked for the millionth time. “Fuck—I'm not sober either.” He held up his index finger. “I know! Fuck…Tanner's upstairs asleep. He'll have to drive! Tanner! Tanner! Wake up! You need to drive Cam home so he can make up with his boyfriend and they can have sex.”
My eyes shot open. “Did you just yell for Tanner to get up?”
“Oh shit.”
We held our breaths.
To our relief, June didn’t start screaming. She was a heavy sleeper, but Kade had bellowed pretty loudly.
Tanner came down the stairs. “I was reading on my phone because I couldn’t get to sleep. What the fuck?” He eyed the rum bottle. And the poorly wrapped presents. Evidently he figured it out, because he put his hands on his hips. “What the fuck?”
Kade gestured wildly. “You heard me. Get out of bed and drive Cam now!” He winced. “Uh, please…?”
Good save.
“Fuck you two. I would do this for no other reason apart from the fact I'd love Cameron to have a boyfriend.” He frowned. “Boyfriend?”
“It’s a very long story.” I rubbed my face.
“Right.” He gazed down at his plaid pajamas. “Let me put on a coat, hope I don’t get pulled over, and I’ll drive you.” He turned to his husband. “Are you sober enough to watch our child?”
Instantly, Kade sat up. “I’ll put on a pot of coffee. And yeah, I am.”
“I can call a cab—” Because that was the right thing to do. Rather than making Tanner drive me.
He glanced at the wall clock. “On Christmas Eve? Just get dressed and let’s go. The sooner I get you there, the sooner I can come home and ensure my husband makes this up to me.”
“As many blow jobs as you want, sunshine.”
“I’m going to hold you to that.” Tanner headed for the coat tree.
I ensured my keys were in my pocket, tucked my phone into my back pocket, and then joined him.
Kade helped me into my coat.
I didn’t bother to tie my boot laces.
In mere moments, we headed into the frigid night.
We made the drive in silence. Because what was there to say? Tanner and Kade both seemed pretty chill about me having a boyfriend. And I’d make the rest of this up to them. I had the rest of our lives to do it.
Tanner turned left into Glencairn Estates, slowed his speed and, eventually, pulled up in front of my townhouse. He put his car in park, unclipped his seatbelt, unclipped my seatbelt, leaned over to open my door, and shoved me.
I managed to get out of the car.
“Don't fuck this up or else I'm banning you from the house! And don't ring Kade until at least nine am. Thank God June’s too young to understand Christmas. She’ll still be up at six—but I’ll take care of it. Coffee, Cameron. And honesty.” With that, he yanked the door shut, put the car in gear, and drove away.