Chapter 44
CHAPTER
FORTY-FOUR
Mascen
Two weeks back at school and things should feel normal, but they’re anything but. Even with baseball practice in full swing and Coach nearly shitting a brick over every little thing it doesn’t feel right because I’m not talking to her .
After Cole confronted me it felt wrong to keep things going. I fucked everything up with my best friend and since I screw everything else up as well it seemed like I might as well end things with Rory too before it got too far. But instead of being a man and telling her that I’ve given her the silent treatment. I haven’t been to Marcelo’s. I haven’t even seen her on campus—purposely avoiding the areas I know I’m most likely to run into her.
Cole isn’t speaking to me either, which means the most socialization I get is with Teddy on the random times I see him, and in class with Mallory. I deserve to suffer in solitude so I’m not complaining.
“Wade, see me in my office after you finish.” Coach’s hand slaps down on my shoulder, surprising me. Normally I’m more aware of my surroundings but the past couple of weeks I’ve been zoning out a lot.
I give him a chin dip in response and finish changing into my regular clothes after my shower.
“You wanna go to the bar?” Teddy flicks his damp hair from his eyes, looking up at me as he yanks socks on.
“Not in the mood.”
“You never want to go out anymore,” he points out. “Come on, it’ll be fun.”
“Maybe next time.” I grab my phone and wallet from the top of my locker and stuff them both in my jeans pocket.
“You said that the last two times.” He stands up, closing his locker.
“Well, maybe one of these days I’ll agree. For now, no.”
“Fine, your loss,” he shouts after me as I walk toward Coach’s office.
I rap my knuckles against the back of Coach Meyer’s door. “Come in.”
I push the door open and he swivels around from his desk to face me. “What the fuck was that today, Wade? Forget today, this whole goddamn week.”
I clench my teeth together. I knew this was why he wanted to see me, but it still sucks to hear. “I don’t know. I’ve had a lot on my mind.”
“Get it off your fucking mind then. Whatever it is isn’t as important as the game, you hear me? You’re the best pitcher I got but don’t think I won’t take you out and put Henderson in your place.”
Henderson doesn’t have half my speed or technique. He’s sloppy and has a lot to learn, but I don’t blame Coach for the threat. “Understood.”
“Tomorrow I expect you here early in the weight room and to be the player I know and expect you to be out on the field.”
I jerk my head in a nod. “I will be.”
He reaches for his reading glasses. “Good, now get out. I don’t want to look at your ugly mug anymore.”
Closing the door behind me I return to the lockers and grab my bag. Tossing it over my shoulder I head out of the locker room and gym building to the parking lot outside. My car sits there alone now, everyone else having left. Climbing inside, I’m tempted to change my mind and text Teddy to see what bar they went to, but I know being around that crowd and drinking away my sins isn’t going to solve my problems.
Instead, I decide to torture myself by pulling out my phone and bringing up the last text messages from Rory.
Princess: Why are you ignoring me?
Princess: It’s been a week. What the fuck is your problem?
Princess: I know we weren’t dating, but Jesus Christ Mascen if you didn’t want to see me again you could’ve said so. I’m a big girl.
Princess: Seriously? Nothing? Real mature.
Princess: I hate you—and not in a like you way.
The last text hurt like a bitch, like being sucker punched square in the face. But it’s nothing less than I deserve.
Sighing, I put my phone in the cup holder and drive away.
“You know, I really don’t know what to make of this pouty sad version of you. It’s kind of weirding me out.” Mallory drops down into her seat beside me. “Here I got you this.” She holds out the tea for me. “It’s what you always order.”
I take it from her, mumbling a thank you.
“What’d you do?” she continues. “You must’ve done something to be sulking like this. Don’t worry, this is a no judgment zone. I’m assuming you fucked it up with a girl and it doesn’t take me much guessing to figure out which one.” She winks at me.
“I really don’t want to talk. Besides, class is going to start.”
“After then?”
“No,” I bite out.
“You should talk. Talking is good.”
I narrow my eyes on her and lift the tea to my mouth, taking a sip. “Are you my shrink now? Because I didn’t ask for one.”
“You might not have asked, but it doesn’t mean you don’t need one.”
I stare steadfastly ahead. “I’m not good at talking.”
“Cool, then you can buy me lunch to make up for my generosity with the tea and I’ll do all the talking. All you have to do is sit there and look pretty and listen. You can at least do that, can’t you?” I make a noise that is neither agreement nor disagreement. “Perfect. We’ll go to the diner. I’m in the mood for burger.”
Mallory rips one of her fries into pieces then dunks one of the now smaller pieces into ketchup. “Thanks for lunch.”
“You kind of forced me into it,” I point out, staring at the BLT I ordered.
“I did, but you looked like you needed a friend.”
“I don’t need friends. I don’t need anybody.”
She arches a brow in surprise. “Whoa, I sense some aggression there. Who are you trying to convince? You or me?”
My lip curls and I pick up a fry, shoving it in my mouth so I don’t have to say anything. What could I say anyway? It seems like whenever I open my mouth I only dig myself into a deeper hole.
“You know, I get that you’re kind of an aggressive guy—total alpha male vibes, but there’s a difference in being a protector and a flat out jerk. I’m trying to help you.” She stares at me across the table like she’s trying to mentally drill her words through my thick head.
“I didn’t ask for your help.”
She narrows her eyes. “You know what, enjoy your lunch.” She tosses her hands up, huffing in exasperation.
She starts to slide from the booth and I grab her wrist. “Wait,” I plead, coming to my senses. I can’t keep doing this to myself or other people. “I’m sorry. I don’t know how to do this … ask for help … talk about things.”
“Really? I hadn’t noticed.” Despite her sarcasm she gives me a small smile, sliding all the way back into the booth like she was before. “Usually you just start with words, that’s what helps me.”
“I didn’t know you were such a smart ass.”
“Well, since I think we’re kind of sort of friends at this point I figured it was best to let my true colors shine through. Now cut to the chase, we don’t have all day. I’m sure whatever major fuck up you’ve made to put you in such a dismissal mood requires a long story and my burger is getting cold.”
I hate to admit it, and I’ll never say it out loud, but talking to Mallory made me feel better. But as soon as I got home and saw Cole’s car my mood soured. After I filled Mallory in on my past with Rory, taking her home, and then her staying with me over break, she said I needed to be honest with Cole about Rory but it’s easier said than done. My best friend thinks the worst of me now and I know anything I say to him will be interpreted as just another lie and manipulation.
It’s been beyond uncomfortable between us these past few weeks. Cole leaves a room almost as soon as I enter it and I know he purposely left his laptop open in the kitchen the other morning so I would see that he was searching for a new place to live.
Climbing the stairs from the garage I open the door. Cole isn’t immediately visible but then the deck door opens, the scent of grilling burgers wafting into the townhouse behind him.
He looks up after closing the door to find me across the room. We make eye contact but no words are exchanged. I know I should say something but my mind is empty of words. He shakes his head, a humorless laugh passing through his lips, and heads into the kitchen while I take the stairs.
At the top, I stop looking back down but I can’t see my friend—or former friend, more like.
After showering, I get in bed, torturing myself by looking at Rory’s last text.
When my mom Facetime’s me I nearly don’t answer, but this is my momma and I can’t ignore her.
As soon as her face appears on the screen I find myself blurting out, “Mom, I fucked up.”
“What?” She blinks in shock at me.
I feel bad for catching her off guard and honestly don’t know what made me say it. “Don’t worry about it.”
“No, no, no. I don’t think so. I heard what you said, now tell me what you did?”
I prop my phone on the dresser, trying to think of the best way to explain the clusterfuck I’ve landed myself in to my mom. Rubbing my jaw, I decide to jump right into it.
“Cole was kind of dating Rory before Thanksgiving. She broke things off with him and while we were home things kind of…” I gesture with my hands, unsure how to phrase it properly. “Escalated,” I finally settle on. “You know she spent all of winter break here and he happened to see her leaving and now he’s fucking pissed at me, rightfully so, because I didn’t tell him about her. He thinks I did it on purpose to be a dick to him, but that’s not it at all, Mom. I care about her, a lot, and now I’ve really fucked things up because I haven’t spoken to her in weeks.”
She stares at me through the screen, blinking slowly. “I never realized what a dumb ass I’d raised. You really are your father’s son.”
“What?” I sputter.
She shakes her head, blowing out a breath. “Maybe it’s a man thing in general, but you guys truly make some of the dumbest decisions ever. You’re what? Punishing yourself by pushing Rory away? Then not being honest with Cole? He’s been your friend for over two years now, and a good one at that, stop being such a cry baby and talk to him. Tell him how you really know Rory, because I doubt you’ve said anything about that either, and explain your feelings for her. I can’t guarantee he’ll forgive you easily, but I think he’ll at least understand.” She exhales a weighted sigh. “As for Rory, get on your knees and grovel, Mase, because you’ve really messed up there ignoring her. She cares about you, a lot, maybe even loves you. I saw that when you guys were here in November. Don’t throw away a good thing because you’re stubborn and scared. Being a decent human being means facing your fears, owning up to your wrong doings, and doing what’s right.”
She presses her lips together, but I know more words are on the tip of her tongue so I keep my mouth shut.
“You kids know the story of how your dad wasn’t honest with me in the beginning of our relationship. Though, I guess honest isn’t the correct term, but he didn’t tell me he was in a band. I had no clue he was famous. I was a clueless teenager who didn’t pay attention to that kind of stuff. I played piano and listened to classical. I didn’t read magazines or watch any kind of celebrity television. When I found out I was hurt because I felt like I’d been lied to and used. Rory’s probably feeling the same right about now. Find the way to talk to her, or do something, so she knows your real thoughts, feelings, and motives.”
“She might not forgive me.”
She shrugs, sipping her mug of tea. “She might not, that’s her prerogative, but you owe it to her and yourself to apologize and explain. It’s better to know than spend your whole life wondering what would’ve happened if you just said something. Regrets don’t tend to go away. They fester in your mind, plaguing you as you go through life. It’s better to face things head on in the moment.”
I swallow past the sudden lump in my throat. “I’ll figure something out.”
“Mascen,” she says my name softly. “remember, things that are meant to be will be, but that doesn’t mean we don’t have to work for it.”
“Thanks, Momma.”
“I have to go for now. I love you.”
“Love you too.”
She blows a kiss and like always I grab it, pressing it against my heart.
I don’t know how to make things right. Not with Cole. Not with Rory.
But I know my mom’s right. This isn’t a regret I want to live with.