Chapter 18 - Angelika
My heart is racing, my throat is dry and tight, and my hands are clammy with sweat as I try for the fifth time to intercept this madness.
My brothers are hell bent on ignoring me and being savages, but I refuse to let them hurt Diomid.
“You’ve got it all wrong!” I shout, demanding their attention, forcing them to look at me.
Jaroslav shakes his head and tries to turn away from me again. “Take him to the…”
“No,” I scream, slamming my fists into his chest.
“Angel, calm the hell down. He took advantage of you, and he has to pay for that,” Jaroslav growls, grabbing my wrist.
“But he didn’t,” I shout. “It was mutual.”
Jaroslav’s eyes flare, angry and dark. I watch the muscles ripple over his jaw, and he takes in a sharp breath.
“What?” Zakhar snaps in disbelief. “Mutual?” he repeats, narrowing his eyes, his fist still locked around Diomid’s bicep.
Diomid hasn’t even tried to fight back. I’ve seen what he’s capable of.
In all honesty, I think he could have put three of my brothers on the floor before they even scratched him—if he wanted to.
But he’s staying calm, letting them push him around.
This is all my fault.
“Get your hands off him, stop acting like a bunch of animals, and talk!” I say fiercely, my eyes boring into Jaroslav. He’s the oldest. He’s the one I need to convince. If I can calm him down, I can calm them all down.
I can feel everyone’s eyes on me. The Abashins. My family. My heart sinks to the pit of my stomach. Embarrassment flares over my cheeks. Of all the ways for our intimacy to be exposed, this is possibly the worst.
My eyes squeeze shut, I swallow away my fear, and take a deep breath.
“I mean it, Jaroslav. It was mutual. You can’t blame him for this. If you’re going to torture him, you have to torture me too, otherwise you’re no better than the mindless assholes who auction people.” My comment takes Jaroslav by surprise. He presses his lips together. Pausing. Thinking.
“Let him go, Zakhar.”
“Jaro…” Zak mutters, looking for confirmation.
“Let him go. And everyone needs to leave now. The alliance between the Shevchenko and Abashin families ends today.”
“What? No!” I shout in disbelief.
A murmur of shock waves through the room. My eyes dart to Diomid, and he smiles at me. It’s like he’s trying to tell me it’s ok, that it was all worth it. But it’s not worth it. I won’t be the reason he gets blamed and the alliance ends.
I have no choice. This is all my fault, and it’s time I stepped up and took responsibility for it.
“Get out,” Jaroslav shouts, spinning around the room to glare at everyone.
My heart sinks, my stomach knots, my body lurches with anxiety.
“I snuck out the night I was kidnapped.”
I can barely believe the words managed to come out clearly. Biting my lip, I wait for everyone to turn their attention back onto me. Diomid looks pained, worried, his jaw tense.
Zakhar releases him from his grip and turns to face me. “What did you say?” he asks, glancing between Jaroslav and me.
“I said, I snuck out. I was reckless. Impulsive. Going a little crazy. And I did something stupid and… I snuck out and went clubbing.”
“Go on,” Jaroslav says, dangerously.
“At the club, I saw an attractive man. That attractive man. I didn’t actually know who he was at the time.
He was just a stranger. I’ve never done anything like it before, but I was feeling trapped.
I know it’s not an excuse, okay, I know that now.
I put myself and my family in danger. But I saw a really attractive man, and I was the one who flirted with him.
I seduced him. I went home with him. I didn’t know who he was, and I had no intention of seeing him again. “
“Jaroslav glances at Diomid. “Is this true? She came on to you?”
“Look, man, I wasn’t innocent in this either…”
“Did she meet you at a fucking bar, yes or no?”
“Yes,” Diomid says, pulling his mouth tight.
Jaroslav glares at me. “What happened after that?” he snarls.
“I was leaving Diomid’s penthouse in the early hours of the next morning, and that’s when I was kidnapped,” I sigh, hanging my head. But then I realize, there’s so much more to the story.
“He saved my life, you know. He’s the one who found me at the auction, and he didn’t hesitate to take on that entire place to rescue me.
He could have died. But he didn’t stop to think about that.
He literally saved my life. And then afterward, he took care of me.
He was respectful, patient, genuine, and kind.
What happened between us was consensual.
I chose it. Not once did he ever put me in a situation that I wasn’t one hundred percent ok with. It was my choice, Jaroslav.”
The entire room is heavy with silence. Everyone is watching Jaroslav, except for two people. My eyes are on Diomid, and his eyes are on me.
Matvei walks close to my brother, speaking quietly, “Jaro, we can’t end an alliance over a consensual… uh… relationship.”
Jaroslav grinds his teeth together. He turns to Diomid. “Are you two in a relationship?” he demands.
“We… Um, we…” Diomid stammers, looking to me to answer.
“No,” I say. “No, we aren’t really in a relationship.” There’s no point in lying to cover a mess as big as this. It might have been less offensive to my brother if Diomid and I were dating in secret. But I’m done hiding the truth.
Jaroslav’s face twists with anger.
Matvei tries again to calm the tension. “Let’s call it a day, without making any big decisions. Tomorrow, or the next day, we can have a meeting to sort this out when everyone is calmer,” he says, his brows raised.
“If you want this alliance to stay intact, Diomid will marry my sister.”
“What?” I blurt out. “No, I won’t!”
He spins to glare at me. “Yes, Angelika, you will. Because you lied to me, you lied to your whole family, so you will marry the man you’ve been fucking behind our backs.”
Anger surges like wildfire in me. “You can’t force two people to get married when they’re not even in l…”
“I’ll do it.”
Diomid’s voice comes clear and calm over the panicked bubble of other voices in the room. It silences everyone.
My mouth hangs open in disbelief, my brows knotted, trying to figure out why he would so easily agree to marry me.
“Diomid, you don’t have to do this,” I stammer, almost whispering.
“I’ll do it,” he says again.
I shake my head, suddenly realizing what’s going on.
He’s making the right choice to protect his family.
To protect the businesses and the alliance.
He’s not thinking for himself. But I can’t allow that.
I won’t let my brother trap him in a marriage with me when he doesn’t have feelings for me.
I don’t want that for him. Or for me. I want my husband to love me.
I want something real. And sure… I would choose that with Diomid.
But the feeling isn’t mutual, and I’ll forever be second-guessing his happiness, wondering if he’s drowning in regret.
“No,” I say, shaking my head. My voice quivers, shaking, as I try to swallow away my emotion and block off the tears stinging my eyes.
I could easily imagine a life with him. Adventurous, full of laughter.
A spontaneous, happy, sexy, wild, beautiful life.
I find it so easily to feel things for him. I find it so easy to fall for him.
But the pain of knowing those feelings aren’t reciprocated would destroy me over time.
No.
I won’t let this happen.
“Please, Jaroslav, just let everyone go home,” I ask quietly.
Jaroslav sighs. He turns to look at Matvei.
Matvei reaches out and touches Jaroslav’s shoulder. “We’ll meet when you’re ready to talk. We’re still on your side, man. The alliance is still strong from our side.”
Jaroslav sighs again. “I’ll be in touch.”
Matvei nods, his face flooded with relief. “Come on, guys, that’s enough excitement for today,” he says, gesturing for everyone to gather their things.
Valery gently touches my arm. “Are you ok?” she whispers. “Are you staying here?”
My eyes drift to Jaroslav, but he turns away in anger. I steal a glance at Diomid. My heart sinks, tears sting my eyes again. A tight, sad smile curves my lips, then I turn my back on him and hurry up the stairs to my bedroom.
Stef runs after me and follows me into the room.
She sits on the edge of my bed and tries to talk to me.
She asks questions, trying to make light of things.
Usually, she’s good at it. But today my heart is breaking.
My body is heavier than usual, and my head is looping with all the mistakes I’ve made to earn the hurt I’m struggling with right now.
“Angel?” Stef murmurs, gently touching my hand.
“Sorry, sweetie, I just don’t feel like talking now,” I say, barely a whisper.
She nods. “I understand. But if you do… I’m here, okay?”
“Me too,” Valery says. I didn’t even realize she was in the room, standing close to the foot of the bed. “Remember, I also went against my family and got involved with someone I wasn’t supposed to. Not all stories have bad endings,” she smiles.
“This one probably does, though, because for a story to work, you need two people to want it,” I laugh bitterly.
Stef glances nervously at Valery. Neither of them has anything to say to that.
Both girls hover around me for a little while longer, but when it’s clear I’m too withdrawn to function right now, they say goodbye and leave me to my own misery.
I’m drowning in my own thoughts.
Thoughts that refuse to leave me alone as I lock myself away in my room to hide from everyone and everything.
Annoyingly, I keep checking my phone, hoping for a message from Diomid, but when I realize how pathetic I’m being, I switch it off, tossing it into the back of my draw where I can hopefully forget about it.
But I can’t.
The next morning, the first thing I do, after a sleepless, long night, is switch it on again and find no messages from him.
Fresh tears roll down my cheeks, and I lecture myself on being naive and young, trying to convince myself that this is my first lesson in love. My first heartbreak. Everyone has to go through a few of these in their life, right?
Shit. I don’t know if I’m going to survive this one. Never mind another one when I get older. If this is the pain that falling in love brings, then I don’t want it. I’d rather be single forever.