Chapter Twenty-eight
Natalie settled back into the guesthouse and picked up where she left off, helping June with the website and emails, and helping out with the ranch chores. Each day ended with muscles she didn’t even know she had protesting in pain, but she felt fine nonetheless. She liked how a good hard day’s work left her feeling spent but accomplished. Besides, the pain was nothing a long soak in the shower couldn’t fix, and she made that one of her nightly habits, along with hot tea and some Advil. A nightly routine, that she knew, was probably very similar to Vaughn’s.
She hadn’t seen much of her since she’d come to fetch her at the end of the drive a few days before. They’d ridden Charlie back to the stables in silence. Natalie thoroughly enjoyed the feel of Vaughn’s arms wrapped securely around her as she steered the horse. She’d tried not to think much of the encounter, knowing that Vaughn had only meant the things she’d said in a general sense, but nevertheless her words had penetrated, as how the way she’d looked at her when she’d said them.
“I want you to stay.”
“Please.”
“I need you.”
The words replayed over and over in her mind, churning, with her trying to figure out what all they meant. Why did Vaughn want her to stay? How did she need her? She desperately wanted to ask, but she feared in doing so that Vaughn would retreat even further within herself. Or worse, she’d again reiterate how they weren’t ready for any sort of intimacy or relationship, bringing up not only her problems, but Natalie’s as well. Natalie didn’t want to think about her problems, even though she knew she needed to. It was just that when she did she ended up feeling anxious and hopeless, especially when it came to Allen. She feared she’d never be able to escape him. Just like he’d said.
She finished scrubbing the troughs, refilled them with fresh water, and got busy setting out hay and supplements for the next feed. The day was closing fast, nightfall coming quicker now that it was late September, which meant less daylight and time to do chores. So she started her days with Vaughn, rising at five to help muck the stalls and feed the horses. Though Vaughn seemed to appreciate the help, she remained mostly quiet, doing her work in silence, and focusing a lot on Miracle and her continued care. The mare was coming along nicely, but she still needed small, frequent feedings and Vaughn was intent on doing those herself.
Natalie finished preparing the feed and stepped back into the setting sun, wiping her brow. Voices carried to her from the house, and she saw a man and a woman walking with Vaughn. They were headed right for her. They must be more potential employees. They’d already had a few to the house to meet with and discuss the horses and the job. But so far, Vaughn hadn’t found anyone she was ready to trust.
“And this is Natalie,” Vaughn said as the trio approached. “She’s helping us out temporarily.” She didn’t bother to introduce the young cowboy and cowgirl.
Natalie said a polite hello, but the introduction had stung. Temporarily. Is that how Vaughn saw her? As just the temporary help? Had she not meant all the things that she’d previously said?
Natalie watched helplessly as the trio walked into the stables with Vaughn discussing some of the horses, while also showing them where most of the supplies were kept. Natalie followed, curious about the young cowgirl in particular. She was younger than Natalie was, that much was obvious, and she looked to have short, close-cropped hair, but it was difficult to see due to the ball cap she wore. She also had on a pair of tight Wranglers, Roper boots, and a snug fitting T-shirt, showing off a rather trim and athletic body. Her very presence felt like a potential threat and Natalie cringed each time the young woman laughed at something Vaughn said.
Natalie tried to focus on cleaning tack, but it was difficult when it seemed that the young woman was laughing every few seconds.
Laying it on rather thick, aren’t we?
Surely Vaughn would see through it.
Wouldn’t she?
Natalie continued cleaning, rubbing one of the saddles so hard her hands began to hurt. She tossed the lightly dampened sponge back into the bucket of water and rubbed the leather down with glycerin soap, all the while listening to the laughing.
She gritted her teeth and rubbed harder, moving from one saddle to another, squeezing out the sponge and starting the process all over again. First the damp sponge wipe down, then the glycerin soap. Over and over. Until her tortured mind could take no more. At last, she finished and she tossed the bucket and sponge out into the aisle of the stables, where it smashed against the wall and spilled onto the concrete floor. It caused a loud commotion and the trio looked over at her from down the row of horses. Vaughn in particular was giving her a confused look. But Natalie didn’t care, she just kept walking, leaving the stables behind.
She crossed to the main house, knowing that if she went into the bungalow she’d do nothing but wallow in self-pity and think about packing up again.
What was going on with her? Why was she so upset and jealous? Vaughn had told her they couldn’t be together. So why was she wigging out?
Because she’d also said she needed me and wanted me to stay.
But the young woman? There was no reason to be jealous. Vaughn wasn’t Natalie’s and the young woman was no threat. She was a potential employee. Someone who would work for Vaughn. And Vaughn would keep that professional.
Wouldn’t she?
God, I’m so confused. So distraught. Vaughn’s right. I’m too much of a mess to even think about her that way.
She knocked on the kitchen door and entered when June called out. The kitchen smelled of boiled chicken, a scent that always bothered Natalie’s delicate stomach. She tried not to think about it.
“I told you you don’t need to knock,” June said. “Don’t tell me you’re gonna be as stubborn as the others are around here.” She was scrubbing vegetables at the sink. Natalie stood next to her and washed her hands. Then she took the washed veggies and asked if June wanted them diced.
“I’d appreciate that,” she said.
Natalie retrieved a knife and took the vegetables to the cutting board. She began dicing the carrots.
“So what’s troubling you?” June said, walking to the stove where the boiled chicken sat on a platter cooling. She grabbed a bowl and began separating the chicken from the bone, placing the shreds into the bowl. She worked quickly and expertly with hands as red as a ripe tomato.
“Nothing.”
“That’s the biggest bunch of bullarkey I’ve heard in a while.”
“Well, it’s the truth.”
“Child, if that’s the truth, then those pigs Vaughn raised when she was little could fly.”
Natalie finished with the carrots and started in on the celery. “What is this for anyway? Chicken soup?”
“Yes, and don’t change the subject.”
“Isn’t it a little late to be cooking soup for dinner?”
“It’s for tomorrow, smarty-pants. Supper tonight’s leftovers. They’re warming in the oven.”
Natalie sliced harder. She could feel June’s eyes on her.
“Well? Am I gonna have to hang you up by your toenails or are you gonna tell me?”
Natalie stopped chopping. “I was just thinking about the man and woman outside with Vaughn.”
“Oh. That’s Wyatt and Em.”
“Right. Possible employees.” Vaughn would move on from them and interview more. She was sure of it. No need to worry.
“No, they’re the new hires.”
“New hires?” Natalie whipped her head around to look at June. “Since when?”
“Since about an hour ago.”
“What happened to having them meet the horses first and all that?”
“They have met the horses. Did that yesterday evening when you was already holed up in the guesthouse.”
“But I just saw them. In the stables, talking about the horses.”
“That’s because they had questions after Vaughn’s discussion with them today. And they wanted an extra visit with Miracle.”
Natalie felt sick. The stench from the boiled chicken sat in the back of her throat, nearly gagging her as she thought about Vaughn working closely with the young woman.
Em.
What kind of a name was Em?
She dropped the knife and clenched her eyes. It was too much. All of it was too much.
“I’ve got to go.”
“Where you going?” June asked as Natalie hurried to the door.
“For a walk.”
“Now?”
“Yes.” She opened the door and paused, realizing just how rude she was being. She wiped a stray tear and spoke. “I’m sorry, June. I’m just…having a hard time.”
“You’re not going to try and leave again are you?”
Natalie laughed. “And go where?”
She felt a soft hand rest on her shoulder. “Child, I hope you’re not staying simply because you have nowhere else to go.”
Natalie fought back sobs. “I’m—not.”
“Then look at me. Look at me, child.” She lightly tugged on Natalie’s shoulder and Natalie turned to face her. June wiped her tears and pressed her wrinkled lips together in concern. “You are wanted here,” she said. “Needed here.”
Natalie laughed again. “That’s what Vaughn said.”
“And it’s the truth.”
Natalie stared into her eyes, wanting so badly to believe her. But she was having such a hard time. She didn’t feel wanted anywhere. Needed by anyone. She knew it stemmed from her childhood, but she didn’t know how to make it stop.
“I’ll stop by after supper,” June said. “We’ll talk.”
Natalie shook her head and tried to argue. “I just want to be alone.”
“Being alone is the worst thing for you right now.”
“It doesn’t matter—”
June pulled on her, making like she was going to shake her. “Course it does. I’ll be by after supper.”
She palmed her cheek and smiled at her.
Natalie finally gave in and nodded. “Okay.”
June gave her a light pat with her palm. “You go on your walk, now. Before the others see you. There’s no telling the questions they’ll ask once they get a look at ya.”
Natalie turned and walked out the door, grateful to be alone, even if it was the worst thing for her.