Chapter Twenty-nine
June once again stood at the door to the guesthouse with a warm plate in her hands. She rapped lightly on the door and glanced around while she waited. Darkness had fallen and the temperature had dropped, the breeze warm. The ranch was quiet, save for the occasional cluck of a chicken or the neigh of a horse. Noises that June found soothing after having been surrounded by them all these years.
The door opened and Natalie welcomed her with a soft smile. Though her hair was wet from a recent shower, she still looked worse for wear. The child appeared gaunt, and her eyes were red-rimmed and swollen. It was obvious she’d been crying some more and June’s heart ached for her. The poor child had been through so much and it seemed she was still fighting some sort of demons, if not Vaughn and the situation with her. But June didn’t pretend to know, because at this point, with Vaughn’s continued silence, she really didn’t have any idea what was going on between the two of them.
Natalie welcomed her inside. They walked to the small table in the kitchen where June uncovered the plate of meatloaf and mashed potatoes with steamed vegetables. It was what they’d had last night, but it was still a good, hearty meal and the boys and Vaughn had gobbled it right up. Which was why June had had to make Natalie a plate ahead of time so the boys wouldn’t eat it all, leaving Natalie with nothing.
June set the plate down and retrieved a fork from the drawer. She sat and motioned for Natalie to join her. Natalie eyed the plate as if was unappealing, but she didn’t argue. But rather she slowly sat and began to pick at the food with her fork.
“That’s a good meal now,” June said, trying to coax her to at least take a bite.
Natalie forked a bite of meatloaf and brought it to her mouth. June watched as she finally ate it, closing her eyes as she chewed.
“Well?” June said.
Natalie swallowed and opened her eyes. “It’s good.”
June nudged the plate closer to her. “Well, eat up now. Before it gets cold.”
Natalie forked another bite and ate it slowly, carefully, as if she were trying to decipher the taste of each tiny morsel. When she finally swallowed, she set her fork down. “I’m sorry, I just don’t have much of an appetite.”
“It’s not the food?”
“The food is good. I’m just not in the mood, June. I’m sorry.”
“It’s alright.” June rose and plucked her a bottle of Lipton iced tea out of the fridge. She brought it to her and sat once again. “At least drink something, darlin’, and stay hydrated. You look like death warmed over.”
“Thanks.”
June squeezed her shoulder. “I don’t mean nothin’ by it. I’m just worried about you.”
Natalie pushed the plate away, but opened the bottle of lemon-flavored tea. She took a delicate sip, then another, and twisted the cap back on.
“I’m sure you are. The way I’ve been acting…” She shook her head as tears flooded her eyes. “I’ve been such an ass.”
“Shh,” June said. “You have a right to be an ass every now and again. Everyone does.”
“But I—it’s more than that, June. I can’t seem to shake it.”
“Well, why don’t you tell me what’s going on, and I’ll see if I can help.”
Natalie exhaled and rested her cheek in her hand. “I’m cranky. All the time. And lately…jealous. Like really jealous. And I’ve never been the jealous type. And on top of that, I’m scared. Terrified that Allen will find me.”
“Well, no wonder why you’re so torn up inside, child. You’ve got a lot going on.”
“Which is exactly why Vaughn says we can’t explore anything together, which saddens me like you wouldn’t believe. But she’s right, isn’t she, June? I’m just too messed up.” She stood and paced, hand to forehead. “God, I’m just so overwhelmed.”
June remained seated, watching her helplessly. “Why don’t we take things one at a time and see if we can get somewhere?” She patted the table, encouraging her to sit once again.
Natalie paused mid stride, seemed to think about it, and then joined her. June rubbed her shoulder.
“Tell me what’s bothering you the most.”
“Right now?” She looked at June with wide eyes.
“Mm-hm. Right at this moment.”
“The jealously.”
“Okay. What are you jealous over?”
She glanced away, as if ashamed. “Vaughn,” she let out. “And the new girl. Em, or whatever her name is.”
June reared back. “Em? Lord, why in the world would you be jealous of her?”
“Because she looks…I don’t know, like she could be gay. And she laughs at everything Vaughn says like some lovesick schoolgirl. It just…it…infuriates me.”
June lowered her hand. “So you have strong feelings for Vaughn.”
“Yes.”
“Does she know?”
“I don’t think so. I mean, she knows I’m obviously very attracted to her, but as for my feelings…no, I don’t think she knows.”
“You thought about telling her?”
Natalie shook her head. “No way.”
“Why not?”
“Because she made it clear that she doesn’t feel the same way. She said what happened between us was a mistake and a one-time thing. That we both have too many problems for it to be anything more.”
“Ah.”
“Yeah. So, no, I’m not going to tell her how I feel. It would be torturous.”
“I still think she ought to know, darlin’. For your own peace of mind and well-being.”
Natalie looked at her pleadingly. “I can’t, June. I just can’t. I’m not strong enough to face the rejection.”
“What if she doesn’t reject you?”
“She already has, by saying what she did.”
“What if she’s changed her tune?”
“What do you mean?”
“What if the things she said to you were just a defense mechanism? Ones said with the sole purpose of keeping you at bay?”
“Why would she do that?”
“Fear, Natalie. I guarantee you that Vaughn is just as afraid as you are.”
“But—”
“I’m not saying I know exactly how she feels. Lord knows she hasn’t shared anything with me. I’m just saying that I’ve known that child since she was born, and I know how she gets when she’s afraid of something. Instead of facing it head-on, she runs. Always has.”
June continued as Natalie took her words in. “Now as for Em. She’s not a threat to you, Natalie. She’s a child. And an employee at that. Vaughn will never see her as anything more. Ever.”
“But the way she acts around Vaughn, it’s sickening.”
“She’s young and she probably looks up to Vaughn. Or she may even have a little crush. But I can tell you right here and now, that Vaughn will never take advantage of that. Em is an employee. And not that it matters, but she’s not Vaughn’s type.”
“What is…Vaughn’s type?”
June smiled. “I think you know the answer to that, child.”
“Me?”
June kept her smile.
“But I’m so weak. Messed up.”
“You’re wonderful,” June said. “Bright, funny, heart of gold. You’ve got so much going for you, Natalie. And I’m not the only one that sees that.”
“I wish I could see it.”
“Once you get past your fear, you will.”
“My fear. Ha.”
“Have you heard from your ex? Has something happened there that I don’t know about?”
“No.”
“Then why the fear? He hasn’t found you so far.”
“Because I dread the moment he does. And he will.”
“What makes you so sure?”
“Because Allen doesn’t give up. He always gets what he wants. And what he wants, ultimately, is me.”
Her hands shook and she gripped them tightly together as if to stop them. June rested her hand over them to help calm her.
“Maybe you should go to the police again. Tell them your fears. Tell them you are terrified and why.”
“I have told them. I even spelled it out for them. So, I can’t. Not again. He’ll…hurt me.”
“That’s exactly why you should go. I’ll even go with you and you can continue to stay here, where you’re safe, while the justice system does something about him.”
But Natalie shook her head. “June, I could never do that. I could never put you and Vaughn in danger.”
“But you’re staying here. Isn’t that the same thing?”
“The second he finds out I’m here, I’m gone. He’ll follow me, his interest in you two will leave with me.”
“Child,” June whispered. “You must do something.”
“All I can do is hide.”
“You can’t hide forever.”
Natalie stared off into the distance. “I’ve thought about it. Thought a lot about it. Maybe I can hide forever. Just start over new somewhere now that he can’t find me.”
“You really want to do that?”
“It’s the best thing I can come up with.”
June opened the bottle of tea and handed it to her. “Here, drink some more.”
Natalie took the bottle and sipped.
June continued. “I think you should go to the police and face him. But that’s just my humble opinion. The decision, of course, is yours. And I’ll stand by you either way.”
Natalie played with the label on the bottle. “Thanks.”
“Just think about it,” June said. “That’s all I ask.”
“I will.”
June sighed and covered the plate and placed it in the microwave. “You feel any better?”
Natalie rubbed her eyes. “I think I’m too tired to care.”
June returned to her and embraced her from behind. “You look too tired to care. You want to come sleep at the house tonight in the guest room?”
“No. I prefer to crash here. Alone.”
“Okay.”
“But thanks for the talk. And the advice.”
“I wish you would heed it.”
“I promise I’ll think about it.”
“That’s enough for me. Your food’s in the microwave. Heat it up if you get hungry sometime soon.”
“Thanks, I will.”
June kissed the top of her head and walked to the door. “I’ll see you at breakfast tomorrow, yes?”
Natalie nodded.
“You sure you’re gonna be okay tonight?” She hesitated at the door, wondering if she should offer to stay the night with her. “I could…stay. If you need me to.”
“I’m okay, June. Really.”
June blew her a kiss. “Alright then. Night, Natalie.”
“Night.”
June walked out the door, trying to believe Natalie when she said she felt better, but in no way feeling better about things herself.