Chapter 6 Constantine #2
“No, I just had lunch.” I wouldn’t mind her cooking, but she always went overboard and made more than I could possibly eat. A feast for literally one person. Now that I lived nearby, I guessed I could take the leftovers home.
We went into the kitchen, where she had a six-seater table. She had a full dining room, but she used this space as her office when she worked at home, probably because it was closer to the microwave to reheat her coffee. It took her a couple hours just to finish a single cup.
I took a seat and watched her work in the kitchen to make me a latte that I didn’t ask for.
She brought it to me along with a saucer of biscotti, even though she knew I didn’t eat sweets.
She made herself a latte and sat across from me, paperwork and her laptop on the table like she was doing the books at home.
“It’s been nice having Aurelia at the restaurant.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah, she’s great in the kitchen. But she’s a better waitress. Easy on the eyes, you know.”
“Trust me, I know,” I said with a slight smile.
“She’ll give you beautiful children, Con,” she said. “She has the perfect hips for childbirth.”
She had the perfect hips for other stuff too.
“Whether we do or whether we don’t, I’m very happy.
” Aurelia wasn’t adamant about having children, like most women her age, and I’d never really cared either way.
I didn’t want to put that pressure on her, because some women couldn’t have children and she might be one of those women.
The last thing I wanted her to think was that I’d love her less if that were to happen.
“Seeing you happy makes me happy,” my mom said with those emotional eyes.
“You’re a fine young man who deserves a good woman.
I’m glad you finally found her. The fact that she doesn’t have to work but chooses to get her hands dirty at the restaurant says a lot about her character.
That she doesn’t mind hard work like washing dishes or doing her best to integrate with your family says even more. ”
“Yeah, I know.” I’d known for a long time. Even when I’d been pissed at her and walked out, I still knew. I just needed to wait for my anger to pass like a gray storm cloud to see the sun again. “I wish Beatrice felt the same way.”
“She doesn’t?” she asked in genuine surprise.
I didn’t want to throw Aurelia under the bus after she’d confided in me. “That’s my perception.”
“Well, I think your perception is wrong, Con. She’s just overwhelmed with work and the kids and all that. She asked me to babysit so she can work, but I’m running two restaurants—what makes her think I can babysit?”
“True.” She wouldn’t need a babysitter if that piece-of-shit ex of hers hadn’t run from his responsibilities. Didn’t abandon his family like worthless scum.
She tapped her fingers on the rim of her mug as we fell into silence.
The few times in my life when I felt overwhelmed, I’d come to her and she always made me feel better. But now I didn’t know how to start, how to confide in her when she didn’t want to know about my life in Rome in the first place.
She took a drink of her coffee before she studied me across the table. “Something’s on your mind.”
“Yeah.”
“You know I’m always here to listen.”
My eyes drifted elsewhere, to the open window that let in the sunlight, to the colored plate that hung on the wall.
It was something I’d made when I was little, but she still had it up, even in her new villa.
“Been feeling lost . . .” I swallowed, feeling a swell of emotion that seemed to come from nowhere.
I’d barely said a few words, and I was already drowning in my misery.
I questioned who I was as a man, something I’d never done before.
She didn’t ask questions. Didn’t pry for more. Just listened.
“I left Rome because I had to—not because I wanted to.” I swallowed again, feeling guilty for destroying my mother’s fantasy, that I’d come home because I wanted to be close to her and the rest of the family.
“I was outsmarted by my enemy, and I had to choose between my world and Aurelia. I chose her. Obviously.” I kept my eyes on the window because it would be too hard to look at her.
“I let everyone down. My men, my friends . . .” The thought of Rocco made my throat tighten, remembering our final conversation with bone-splitting pain.
“My people, my country. Aurelia . . .” I didn’t look at my mother, because I knew I would succumb to the sadness that I carried like a bag of bricks in my chest.
I could feel her eyes on me, feel her pain waft across the room like smoke.
“I fucked up . . . and I can’t fix it.” I felt the distant rim of moisture at the bottom of my eyes, but I took a breath, held it for a couple seconds, and then I felt the tears drain back into my head like they’d never been there.
My mother didn’t ask for specifics or clarification. She just listened to me. Was present with me. “I’m proud of you.”
My eyes flicked back to hers quickly, surprised by what she’d said.
“You put her before yourself. You put her before everyone else. And that’s exactly what a man does.
I wish your father had done that for me.
I wish Beatrice’s husband had done that for her.
You’re exactly the man that I raised you to be, that I dreamed you would be.
” Her eyes started to water. “I’m very proud to call you my son.
” Her hand moved to the center of the table, her palm slightly turned up.
“Ma . . .” My hand moved to hers, and I grabbed it, felt her squeeze me. It was the deepest, most heartfelt thing she’d ever said to me, and I didn’t know how to accept such a beautiful love. “Everything I am . . . is because of you.”
Her eyes watered further, like receiving the credit meant the world to her. “I wish there was something I could do to absolve your guilt, take it for you, carry it for you. But only you can let it go. And I think you deserve to let it go, son.”
I gave a slight shake of my head. “A lot of people will suffer. The consequences of this will last for decades.”
“And nothing can be done?”
I gave another shake of my head. “If I didn’t have Aurelia, I would try. But I can’t risk her.”
She nodded in agreement before she pulled her hand away.
“It’s done. And I have to find a way to move on. Just not sure how.”
“Cosa Nostra?” she asked.
“I was there last week. I’ve considered it. Just seems like a step down, a much slower pace than what I’m used to. Not to mention, it’s a two-hour drive, so I’d have to be there days at a time and leave Aurelia here.”
“She can always stay with me or Antonio.”
“I mean I don’t want the kind of relationship where we’re apart like that.
” I wanted to be home with her every night.
I’d just asked her to move in with me, just told her I loved her, but I already felt like we were married.
Or maybe that was just how committed my heart was.
“She’d move to Palermo with me, but I know her heart is here. ”
A small smile moved over her lips. “I’m glad this place is already home to her.”
“I know a big part of that is you. You’ve been so good to her, and I really appreciate it, Ma.”
“You love her, so I love her.” She shook her head. “No questions asked.”
No one had my back like my mother did. None of my men. Not even Rocco. She was the first one to show me the meaning of loyalty. It marked my skin like a tattoo, and I’d carried it with me ever since.
“Every man needs a purpose. Perhaps you should consider opening a restaurant here in Taormina. Could be an addition to Rosticceria Da Cristina, or perhaps you could do something else. Aurelia is smart and learns quickly, so I’m sure she could help you run it.
I know you’d attract a lot of customers with her as a waitress. ”
“No doubt,” I said with a smile.
“And if you’re thinking about the future, about having a wife and maybe a family, perhaps that’s the better fit than returning to Cosa Nostra.”
“I suppose.” I remembered when I’d left Taormina when I was a young man, excited for something new, to get out of the kitchen and do something more professional.
But the older I got, the more I realized how special my family and our restaurant were, the kind of impact we had on people through our love of cooking.
Now I was proud of it. “Just thought I’d do something more exciting. ”
“What’s more exciting than a family of your own?”
“Ma, I told you kids may or may not happen for us. Please don’t put that pressure on us, especially Aurelia.”
“You misunderstand me, honey. When you marry her, you’ll become a family of two.
Or I guess three, if you include Medusa,” she said with a smile.
“Whether you have kids or not, she’ll take your last name and be a part of you forever.
And that’s more exciting than anything you could do with Cosa Nostra. ”