12.
C OREY
“Approximately how long do we have to wait before we can start giving him shit about this?” I heard my sister ask.
“Marley, there are times when you test my patience so much that I feel the urge to return you to the zoo where I found you.”
“Mom, that quit working on me when I found out where babies come from.”
“Also a time in your life when I considered taking you back,” Mom reminded her.
I remembered when Marley learned how babies were made because she promptly shared that information with me and Garvey. Since most of our friends had younger siblings and we already had a million cousins running around, the three of us took that opportunity to cockblock my parents at every turn just to make sure we didn’t end up with another baby in the house.
My parents couldn’t even get within arm’s reach of each other for months without one of us finding a reason to get them apart, and that included when they were in bed together. Garvey suddenly developed night terrors and insisted that he should sleep on a pallet in their room, and Marley became deathly afraid of the dark and couldn’t sleep anywhere but nestled right between them. I played backup and made sure I was in and out of their room with every request under the sun and turned into the most well-hydrated kid on earth. That also meant I became the one with the most active bladder, and I required one of my parents to stand outside the bathroom so the boogeyman didn’t get me.
Mom and Dad discovered our scheme when they planned a romantic getaway and were intent on leaving us at Uncle Smokey and Aunt Martha’s for three days. I promptly came down with a stomach bug, Marley was stricken with a sore throat, and Garvey went a little extra and developed a mysterious limp. Somehow, our great-aunt and uncle were able to convince our parents that they should still go on their trip, probably because, by that time, Martha had already raised her four sons and was helping raise at least half a dozen grandchildren.
When our ailments suspiciously disappeared three minutes after our parents pulled out of the driveway, Martha and Smokey were onto us, but it took a few days for them to break us so that we’d give up the reasoning behind it.
Of course, they narced on us the second our parents came home, and from then on, none of us were allowed to step foot in their room, night or day, unless we were actively dying. They were so pissed that they turned into the monsters we’d all pretended to be afraid of - and there was no chance we would ever intentionally wake that beast again.
As if she’d read my mind, Marley asked, “Mom, can I sleep with you tonight? I’m afraid of the dark.”
“You should be more afraid of me, little girl,” my dad threatened in his “take no shit” voice. Of course, Marley wasn’t deterred. When she giggled, I heard my father growl before he started throwing around words like psychopath and diabolical, which just made my sister laugh even harder. When she finally got herself together, my dad asked my mom, “Are you sure they didn’t switch up our kids in the hospital? There might be some parents out there who are looking at their kids, thinking they won the lottery when, in reality, those kids should have been ours.”
“I called the hospital when they were toddlers, and they informed me that they had a strict no-return policy for that exact reason.”
Without opening my eyes, I said, “I’d almost believe that if I hadn’t seen your reaction that time we ran away from home.”
“You’re awake!” Mom gasped. I felt movement next to me and smiled when she brushed my hair off my forehead. “I was starting to get worried, son. You’ve been asleep a long time.”
“Why? Am I in the hospital?”
“You don’t remember what happened?”
“Brawley had a runner, and I caught up to them in someone’s front yard. We got him cuffed and then I was talking to the paramedics when . . . That’s all I’ve got.”
“You passed out!” Marley announced cheerfully.
“Why? Did I hit my head or something? I remember there was blood everywhere. Is Brawley okay?”
“Brawley’s just fine. He tweaked his knee, but there’s no major damage. And you have three stitches right by your hairline, but that’s not why you passed out.”
“Please let me tell him,” Marley begged. “I will be the model child for the rest of our lives. I’ll even find you a nice nursing home when you get older and never make you stay at my house.”
“Let the girl talk,” Dad said eagerly.
“When’s the nurse gonna come in?” I asked, ignoring my sister's enthusiasm and my dad’s obvious terror at the thought of Marley, or any of us, becoming his caregiver in his golden years.
“What’s wrong? Are you in pain?” Mom asked frantically as she pushed the button on the side of my bed. “What can I get you?”
“Give him some breathing room, Robin,” Dad warned.
A nurse appeared in my room, and I glanced over at Mom and then Marley before I asked, “Can you give me a minute to talk to her alone?”
“What’s wrong, son?” Mom asked.
I looked at Dad, who always had our backs in situations like this, and saw him bite his lip to keep from smiling. He stood up and started herding Mom and Marley toward the door just as the nurse asked, “Let me check your stitches and make sure your swelling is under control.”
Marley burst out laughing, and I asked, “Fine! What the fuck happened to me, Mar?”
“You almost got your dick cut off by a garden gnome!”
“What?” I asked in confusion as I used my arm without the IV attached to put my hand on my junk to make sure it was all still there.
I looked at the nurse and raised my eyebrows. She managed to hold in her laughter but grinned as she said, “It’s all there, and I’m sure it is in perfect working order.”
“Oh, thank God,” I whispered in relief.
“What really happened?” I asked Dad before he got out the door.
He turned around and said, “The gnome thing is true, but he didn’t come close to your dick. He did, however, stab you in the ass and nick something important, which is what caused you to pass out.”
“I got stabbed in the ass by a gnome?” I asked in shock.
“I’m afraid so, son.”
I let my head fall back on the pillow and moaned before I said, “I’m gonna have to quit my fucking job and move to Timbuktu because nobody is ever going to let me forget about this.”
“Technically, your injury is right below where your butt cheek meets your thigh,” the nurse explained.
“Still.Timbuktu.”
“I think it’s pretty hot there, so if I had to go on the lam, I’d probably find somewhere with a better climate,” the nurse said helpfully.
My dad’s laughter trailed behind him, and I could hear my mom and sister join in even through the closed door. I let them laugh because I knew that they were relieved that I was okay, but I didn’t have to be happy about their reason why.
“A fucking gnome? Really?” When the nurse just shrugged, I shut my eyes and let her do her inspection, glad that I’d just been stuck in the ass and it hadn’t come close to my dick.
I was going to make Marley pay for that terror somehow, but I knew that until I did, she’d give me shit about the gnome thing. As I started to relax, I wondered how long I’d been here. Since it was still light outside, I assumed I’d only been here a few hours. I was just so exhausted.
My final thought before I drifted to sleep was about Janis - and not how much she’d enjoy teasing me about my injury. No, I was thinking about that kiss we shared and wondering when I might have a chance to get another one.
◆◆◆
“Mom, I promise I’m gonna be fine.”
“You say that, but I’m having a hard time wrapping my mind around it since I opened my door at the crack of dawn to find Sergeant Gonzales standing there wringing her hands as she told me that you were being rushed into surgery after being taken to the emergency room.”
“It was nice of her to come get you, especially since Dad was out of town.”
“Your father swears he’s never leaving town without me again because every time he does, something big happens and he can’t get home quick enough to help.”
“It was just a little stab wound.”
“There’s no such thing as a little stab wound. Besides, you lost a lot of blood, and that’s concerning.”
“Mom, come on. You know it’s not as bad as you’re making it out to be. Jewel couldn’t even keep a straight face when she was giving me my marching orders.”
“I almost lost it when she gave you the amulet to ward off evil gnomes.”
“It wasn’t an amulet,” I grumbled.
“What was it?” Mom asked. “I still don’t understand why you wouldn’t show me.”
“It was a Ring Pop tied to a piece of dental floss.”
Mom burst out laughing before she sputtered, “Was it at least mint-flavored dental floss?” When I just stared at her, she laughed even harder and then leaned back against the headboard and said, “I thought having three toddlers who were into absolutely everything was terrifying, then I had three teenagers who were intent on giving me as much grief as possible, but I’ve found that having three adults is even harder.”
“I thought parenthood was easier once your children grew up.”
“It gets easier, but the bigger the kid, the bigger the problems. I worried every day that Garvey would run his Forrester mouth in prison and end up getting shanked by some guy named King Bubba and . . .” Mom smiled when I burst out laughing and then continued, “And while I was busy worrying about that, you and your sister decided to join the police force, so I had to worry about the two of you doing things like stopping an armed robbery in progress and getting stabbed in the ass by a rogue garden statue.”
“I’ll be careful to avoid those in the future.”
“I’m sure the amulet will help,” Mom said with a grin.
“You want to know what you should really worry about?”
“What’s that?”
“My mental health.”
“Honey, you’ll be back on the job before . . .”
“I’m not talking about what happened with Brawley, Mom. I’m talking about what happened right before I joined him on that call.”
“What?”
“I kissed Janis Grissom.”
Mom blinked a few times before she asked, “What are the odds that there are two women in Rojo named Janis Grissom?”
“Luckily, there’s only one.”
Mom reached up and put the back of her hand on my forehead before she asked, “Are you having a mental health crisis?”
I barked out a laugh as I asked, “What?”
“You’re clearly being reckless and doing things that might put your life in danger. I could go back to that walking into an armed robbery situation, but . . .” Mom cleared her throat and lowered her voice before she continued, “You trying to kiss Janis Grissom is like walking a tightrope over the tiger exhibit at the zoo and fully expecting to live through it. Janis and the tigers would play with you like a chew toy before they ripped you to shreds, but at least Janis wouldn’t eat you. Hopefully.”
“I’ve realized that she’s not really that bad.”
“How would you know? The two of you have been fighting since . . . I can’t even remember a time when you weren’t mortal enemies, Corey!”
“She’s trying something new and is using me as her guinea pig.”
“As if those girls don’t already know the right way to hide a body,” Mom mumbled. When I burst out laughing, she said, “Tell me that’s a lie.”
“You’re probably right.”
“I know I’m right. I’ve known the Forresters and their entourage my entire life, and when I married your father, it was like buying a first-class ticket on the crazy train where Janis was the conductor. What kind of experiment is she trying on you?”
“She’s decided to be a nicer, gentler Janis and thinks that if she can be nice to me, then she can be nice to anyone.”
“But why?”
“The guys said she’s lonely and afraid she’s never going to find someone to spend her life with.”
“So you stepped up to the plate? Are you mental?”
“I thought you liked Janis.”
“I love Janis. She’s been a good friend to Marley forever and ever while making your life a living hell every chance she got. Do you really believe she’s trying to be nice or is she luring you closer so she doesn’t miss the kill shot?”
“Did you know she’s got lupus?”
“I remember how relieved Nichole and Hank were when they finally found out what was making her so sick.”
“I guess she’s on some sort of medication that really helps stave off her flares, but nothing is foolproof. She had one about a week ago, and the twins and I helped her out at the bakery so she didn’t get behind. I learned things about her that night that I never would have imagined.”
“Like what?”
“She gives food to people in need out of the back door of her bakery. She’s got a whole system in place to let them know when she’s got food and when she’s run out.”
“That’s nice of her,” Mom said in shock.
“She gives them food, a few bottles of water, some wipes so they can clean up.”
“Hmm. I would have never imagined her doing that. Now, running over someone who got in her way, whether they were homeless or someone’s grandma - that I could see, but feeding people in need? Not so much.”
“I found out why she has hated me for so long.”
“Why? I’ve always wondered!”
I told Mom what Lawson and Jonas had explained to me, and she was just as shocked as I was that such a misunderstanding had gone on so long and caused so many problems.
“You broke her heart, and she’s been fighting through the pain of that for all these years,” Mom said sadly.
“I didn’t, though! That’s the kicker. And I’m pretty sure that what she thought she heard Garvey say wasn’t really what he was talking about. It was all just a big clusterfuck that snowballed into her making my life miserable every chance she got for years on end.”
“She really liked you.”
“I think she did.”
“So, what are you going to do? Become her guinea pig so that she can finally get past all of her anger and find someone to love?”
“I’m not sure when or why, but I decided that not only am I going to help her get past it, I’m gonna be the guy she finds at the end of her rainbow.”
“And I always thought you were the smart kid.”
“I guess we’ll see, huh? However this works out, I’m glad that I’m finally getting a chance to know her, which is shocking because I’ve done everything I could to avoid her for half of my life.”
“And now you want to be in her space all the time?”
“I might.”
“You better figure it out before you kiss her again.”
“Most definitely.”
I was almost sad when Mom’s phone rang and she had to get up and take the call. It had been ages since I got to sit and talk to her like this, and I made it my mission to make sure it happened again sooner rather than later.
But first, I needed to focus on finding a way over that giant wall Janis had been building for years. When I got to the other side, I was going to enjoy every second of it. Maybe when that was done, I could hang out with Mom again and tell her all about it.
Or, if things didn’t go the way I wanted them to, we could have a nice chat while she visited me in the hospital after Janis tried to decapitate me and throw me down a mine shaft.
I guess we’d just have to see.