13.
J ANIS
“Mornin’, cranky pants!”
I looked up and found Marley walking through the door in her street clothes, and I looked at the clock to see if she was about to go in or had already worked today. Honestly, I couldn’t keep track of her schedule. I had the same problem figuring out when Lawson was working, since their schedules seemed to change every few weeks.
“I’ll have you know that I’ve been nothing but pleasant to everyone I’ve encountered so far today.”
“You’ve stayed in the kitchen since the shop opened, haven’t you?”
“Maybe,” I hedged.
“That does raise your odds of success,” Marley said as she perched on her usual stool near the wall, which was placed there to not only keep her out of my way, but to keep her from sampling whatever I happened to be working on when she stopped by. “What are we working on today?”
“I’m filling these cupcakes with lemon curd before I ice them.” I looked up and saw that she was giving me puppy dog eyes, so I said, “And yes, you can take a container home with you.”
“You’re so good to me.”
“What are you doing today?” I asked.
Serana, my cake decorator, walked out of the freezer carrying a tray full of wrapped cake layers and sat it on the end of the counter. Rather than answer me, Marley greeted her and then offered to help her carry the other trays out of the freezer before they replaced the stock with the fresh cake layers I’d baked this morning that had been cooling on the side table and were ready to wrap.
“If you’re going to work, you’ve got to put your hair up and find an apron,” I ordered without looking up from my task.
“She’s such a stickler for rules,” Marley grumbled to Serana as she walked toward my office. She came back into the kitchen with her hair in a messy bun and an apron over her clothes, drying her freshly washed hands. As she stopped at the table next to me, she asked, “Can I order a custom cake?”
“Sure. What do you want it to say?”
“No, I mean something that’s completely custom.”
“Sure,” Serana said cheerfully, always up for a challenge. “What do you want?”
“I need it to have a gnome holding a sword with blood dripping off the end, and it should say, ‘Just the tip, just for a second, just to see how it feels.’”
“That’s oddly specific and morbid,” Serana said with a questioning look aimed at Marley. “Do you have a thing for gnomes?”
“It’s a get-well-soon surprise for my brother.”
“Which brother?” I asked, not ready to analyze why her words gave me such a jolt. “Who is hurt?”
“You didn’t hear about what happened to Brawley and Corey?”
“She’d have to leave the kitchen to hear gossip, Marley,” Serana explained.
“What happened?” I asked. “Are they okay?”
“Brawley thought he tweaked his knee, but it’s really just a bruise and not an actual injury. Corey got stabbed in the ass by a garden gnome and passed out before they could get him into the ambulance.”
“Say again?” I asked, sure that I hadn’t heard her correctly.
“I’m pretty sure that people of smaller stature would be highly offended if they heard you calling them garden gnomes,” Serana chided.
Marley laughed before she explained, “I’m talking about a painted statue that sits in someone’s flowerbed.”
“How did Corey get stabbed . . .”
“In the ass!” Marley crowed.
“In the ass by a gnome?”
“He and Brawley were grappling with a suspect and he fell on it or something. Get it? He fell on his sword!”
“The fact that your cracking jokes tells me that he’s okay,” I said in relief.
“He did lose quite a bit of blood, but they took him in for surgery and released him the same day. Mom’s been hovering, which is understandable because that’s what she’s always done when one of us gets injured, but I think she’s finally going to go home tonight and let him stay by himself.”
“When did this happen?” I asked.
“It was early Friday morning. When I started my shift at eight, they had just taken him to the hospital.”
“Holy shit! That’s why he hasn’t been back!” I whispered without thinking.
“Were you expecting him?” Marley asked in astonishment.
“After he kissed . . .” I stammered to a stop and looked up to find Marley and Serana staring at me with eyes as wide as saucers as they waited for me to finish that sentence, which I would not be doing. “So, tell me what you think the cake should look like. Are we talking about an elaborate fondant statue of a gnome or a drawing done in icing?”
“Oh, no,” Serana said as she shook her head. She turned back to the task in front of her before she said, “That’s not going to work.”
“Evasive maneuvers are for pussies,” Marley said with a grin. “Finish that sentence.”
“I’m not going to, and you can’t make me.”
“She’s blushing!”
“I’m getting over a lupus flare, dumbass! The rosy cheeks are gonna stick around for at least a few more weeks.”
“Don’t bullshit me.”
“Go buy your cake from another bakery.”
“Did she kiss my brother?” Marley asked Serana.
“It seems like she may have,” Serana hedged.
“You’re fired.” Serana had already heard that at least a dozen times this month, so she didn’t even blink at the threat. Since that didn’t work, I looked at Marley and said, “Get out of my kitchen.”
“She did kiss my brother!”
She pulled her phone out and started scrolling, and I knew that wasn’t a good sign, so I said, “Go sit down in the naughty chair since your hands are dirty again. Do you have any idea what kinds of germs are on a cell phone?”
“Please don’t tell me,” Serana begged.
“Studies have shown that a single phone can have over ten thousand germs, and that’s not including viruses and bacteria.”
“No, no, no. Don’t start this weird shit. Please!”
“Strep, staph, E. coli . . . all the things.”
“Hey, I’m at the bakery talking to Janis. Are you nearby?” I glared at Marley, trying my hardest to figure out who she was talking to. I hoped it was Corey, and I told myself that was just because I wanted to make sure he was okay, since it was my mission to befriend him. Marley listened to whoever was on the other end of the phone for a minute and then said, “That’s too bad. I’m almost positive that Janis made out with my brother, and I thought you . . . Okay. See you in a minute.”
Apparently, it wasn’t Corey, so I asked, “Who did you just call?”
“I called Gracy, and she was just down the street with Zoey and Lark, so they’re all going to stop by.”
“Right now, even the nice voices in my head are telling me to kill you.” Serana cackled, but Marley didn’t even react, so I said, “You’re not having a hen party in my kitchen. As always, I’m glad you got to see me, but I’m not sad to see you go. Goodbye.”
A timer went off in the back, and as I was walking that way to check the oven, I heard Marley ask Serana, “Does she fire you often?”
“She usually cans me at least three times before lunch, but since she’s started this campaign of being nice, she’s pared it down to once or twice a day.”
“Look at you, making progress!” Marley teased as I carried a tray of cupcakes to the cooling rack. “I’m so proud!”
“You’re quickly making me forget about my campaign ,” I growled.
Marley was meandering around the kitchen and gasped when she saw what was left in one of my mixing bowls. “Oh! Can I have some?”
Tad, Zoey, and Lark streamed in just then and made a beeline for her. The four of them put on a show of begging as they held their hands in front of them as if in prayer. I was impressed when Lark was able to muster a few tears and wondered when she’d learned that trick.
“I will give all of you a small bowl if you can make Marley promise not to ask me any questions.”
“Questions? Is that why we’re here?” Zoey asked.
“You’re gonna want to hear this conversation,” Marley assured her.
“But it’s the yellow cake batter,” Tad whined as she stared down into the bowl. “I really like that flavor.”
“I saved myself a pint of brownie batter this morning, and I’ll let you have it if you’ll get Janis to spill the details of . . . you know,” Serana offered.
“Serana, when I say that you’re my least favorite employee, I hope you know how much I mean that.”
“I’m good with it as long as I get to stay for the interrogation.”
“I’m not going to talk about what happened!”
“What happened?” Zoey whispered loudly.
She wasn’t looking at me though. Instead, she was looking at Marley because she knew there was a much better chance that she’d cave before I would. And, of course, she was right.
“Little Miss Janis accidentally let it slip that she kissed my brother.”
In unison, Tad, Zoey, and Lark turned their heads and stared at me in surprise with identical expressions of shock. I wished with all my heart I could catch their silence on video so I could play it again and again the next time I wanted to kill one, or maybe even all of them.
“You kissed Corey Forrester?” Zoey asked. “Were you high?”
Since the cat was out of the bag, I felt the need to defend myself and corrected her by saying, “Actually, he kissed me.”
“And now you need us to help hide his body?” Lark asked. She looked over at Marley before she asked, “How are you okay with this?”
“Oh my God! Are you the one that stabbed him?” Tad asked excitedly.
“That makes more sense than the gnome story I heard,” Lark said with a nod.
“No, he kissed her right before that, from what I understand. He got stabbed in the ass after he joined Brawley on that call.”
“Have you been playing with your Corey voodoo doll again?” Zoey asked with a frown. “I thought we agreed that you’d quit doing that.”
“I haven’t touched his doll in a while, but as soon as I get home this evening, I’m going to pull out the ones I have for the four of you because I’m feeling especially stabby.”
“If I didn’t know better, I’d think she was serious,” Serana said with a laugh. When the women looked at her and shrugged, Serana's eyes shot to me before she asked, “You don’t have one of me, do you?”
“How’s that pain in your side?” When Serana nearly choked to death on her own spit, I said, “Keep fucking with me, and you’ll lose more than your job!”
“If you don’t start talking, I’m going to start a video chat with my sister and Bella to get them involved. Then you’ll have everybody up in your shit instead of just us,” Tad threatened.
“Gracy, do not get Squid and Bella involved in this. I don’t have the patience to put up with you people right now. If you add in two more, I’m gonna lose my shit and go on a killing spree.”
“Until a few weeks ago, that would have just been a typical Tuesday,” Lark said with a smirk. “Try some new material, and the audience might be more receptive.”
“Tad borrowed the boots that you left in your office at the Castle, and she’s had them this entire time,” I tattled.
Lark narrowed her eyes and then looked down at Gracy’s boots before she growled, “I thought I recognized those!”
“A few years ago, Janis used your ID when she got detained after that bar fight, and that’s why they had a problem matching up your fingerprints when we were arrested,” Tad shouted.
“Tad is the one that put baby powder in the AC vents of your truck,” I yelled just as loud.
“And then that bitch put glitter in there and blamed it on me!”
Zoey was glaring at both of us while Marley and Serana looked like they were watching a tennis match. I had just opened my mouth to spill more of Tad’s secrets when Marley whistled loudly before she said, “Focus, ladies! Janis kissed my brother!”
All eyes were instantly on me again, and I knew the grilling was inevitable, so I said, “I did, and I liked it.”
“Are you planning to do it again?” Marley asked.
“Absolutely not!” I thought about it for a second before I said, “As soon as possible.”
“Well, I’m glad you’ve made up your mind,” Lark said sarcastically.
“Maybe he was just high on the smell of baked goods and lost his mind,” I suggested. When no one commented, I asked, “Am I crazy?”
“Is that rhetorical, or are we talking about in general?” Tad asked.
“I think she meant to ask if this is a crazy idea,” Zoey suggested.
“Exactly. I think I must be nuts because until Marley came in and told me he got stabbed by a garden gnome, I was a little miffed that he hadn’t even called me since then.”
“A little?” Tad asked. She knew me even better than the others and understood exactly what I meant because being ignored irritated her even more than it irritated me.
“Maybe that’s an understatement. I was kind of pissed.”
“You’ve really gotta let me call my sister and Bella,” Tad begged.
“Go ahead. Get them on the phone so I only have to tell this story one time.”
“This nice campaign is really working out for you,” Lark pointed out.
“It hurts my soul.”
“That’s understandable.”