Chapter 38 Owen
OWEN
I once got tackled by a three-hundred-pound drunk guy who tried to hug me after a show in Little Rock, back when I was just starting out in stand-up.
He was really nice and complimentary. It was surprisingly awesome, really.
But being tackled by Frankie Hogan after she ran off stage just now was better.
She was mad and happy, and people were clapping and hollering.
I could tell she didn’t know if she wanted to kiss me or strangle me.
But she settled on hugging me, and it was great.
And now I’ve brought her back to the owner’s office so I can talk to her in private. Her hand is warm, but I can feel her trembling. She’s still got the performance jitters. Or maybe she’s just excited to see me. Either way, it’s cute and I can’t stop touching her.
“Is Sam with Ashley tonight?” she asks.
“I love that you asked that. Yes. I told him I was coming to see you though.”
“Is it okay for us to be back here?”
“I talked to the owner before I came tonight. It’s fine.”
“Baller… Although this room does not smell great.”
“No kidding. This is where I was when I realized I’d have to hire a nanny for the tour. After Sam barfed up all the dessert I let him eat right before bringing him here for my set.”
“Awww. I heard about that. Poor thing.”
“I got over it. Wasn’t that hard to clean up.”
“I was talking about Sam.”
“Right. That’s one of the many reasons why I don’t think you’re terrible. Or one of the least terrible things about you, I should say. You care about my son so much.”
“I love your son so much.”
“I love that you love my son so much.”
She punches my bicep. “I’ve really, really missed seeing him every day.”
“I know. He misses you too. You were great out there, by the way. So funny and so cute.” I kiss her forehead.
I can tell she wants to complain about how condescending that is, but she holds her tongue and says, “Thank you. It was fun.”
“They loved you. Everyone does.” I kiss her left cheek. “I talked to Marty tonight.” I kiss her right cheek.
“Don’t call him Marty.”
“I told him I want to start seeing you again. I told him that I want people to know we’re in a relationship and that I will say and do whatever I have to—to make it clear that you were hired as a writer’s assistant based on your sense of humor and talent.
That any success that comes your way is because of who you are.
Not because of who you’re schtupping.” I kiss her sweet, quivering lips. “Is that okay with you?”
“Yes.”
“Good. Because I want to call the Funny Business guys tomorrow to tell them. Is that also okay with you?”
She rests her forehead against my chest. “Yes.”
“Good. This isn’t an easy career we’ve chosen, but if we stick together, I think we’ll be okay.”
She nods and makes a little kitty cat sound.
“By the way, I think Martin might have a crush on your roommate because he asked if I’ve met her and if I can set him up with her.”
“Unacceptable. Absolutely not.”
“Fair enough.” She’s exactly the right amount of annoyed and adorable right now, so I pull something out of my jacket pocket. “Hey. Why do melons have to have weddings?”
She looks up at me, confused for a second, and then I watch as she realizes it’s a corny joke. “Because they cantaloupe.”
“Hey, that’s right.” I hold up the little velvet box between us.
Her jaw drops, even as she grabs it from me. “Are you out of your fucking mind?!”
“I did tell you that you drive me insane, but I’m not actually out of my mind, no.”
She opens the box and finds the very tastefully designed promise ring in there.
“It’s a promise ring, not an engagement ring. I don’t even know your birthday month, so I got one with Sam’s birthstone. I figured we should probably celebrate at least one birthday together before getting engaged.”
She seems so relieved, even as she slides the ring onto her left ring finger. “Good.”
“This is just to show you and everyone else that I love you and I’m serious about you.”
“Uh-huh.”
“You don’t even have to move in with me right away.”
“Now you’re talkin’!” She twists her lips to the side. “I mean, I wouldn’t mind living with you. Especially when Sam’s there.”
“Wow. Take it down a notch, will you? I can only take so much adoration.”
“Well, that’s too bad because I’m sensing a lot of adoration coming your way tonight.” She starts kissing me all over my face. “I don’t know if you’ll be able to handle it.”
“I think I can handle you.” I give her ass a squeeze. “We should probably go back to my place to do the adoring though. The sofa in here is nasty.”
She cups her ear, pretending she didn’t hear me. “Come again?”
We know all the same jokes, and our timing is perfect.
“Exactly. And a few yogurt stains too.”