Epilogue One
MAMA brODIE: Is my girl all moved in yet?
FRANKIE: One more box of old joke notebooks and he’s all done carrying my stuff in.
Fortunately, my jokes are very light. For instance: How many pretty-boy comedians does it take to change a lightbulb?
There’s only one pretty-boy comedian, and he changes all lightbulbs as soon as they burn out because he wants to make sure everyone can always see how pretty he is.
MAMA brODIE: Ahahahahaaaaa!!! I just spat my drink out on my shirt!
POPS brODIE: Let me wipe that up for you, darlin’.
MAMA brODIE: Oh my, Mr. Brodie. Use a towel next time.
OWEN: That lightbulb joke could use a little editing, babe. But I actually want all the lights to work so I can always see YOU ;)
FRANKIE: Awww. We’re all so ducking adorable. I love us. I wish Sam had a phone.
DYLAN: Could you guys keep your ducking adorable couples text conversations to yourselves? Some of us are single again over here.
MILES: I knew it. You all owe me ten bucks. Each.
POPS brODIE: Pretty sure you all owe ME twenty bucks each. I had *breakup the day after the show closes*
MILES: You’re right. Can I Venmo you?
POPS brODIE: You know it.
FRANKIE: I’m really sorry it didn’t work out, Dylan
DYLAN: Thank you, non-asshole person who isn’t related to me by blood.
OWEN: I am also really sorry it didn’t work out, Dylan.
DYLAN: Thank you, nicer brother who’s only being nice because his girlfriend is nice.
OWEN: She’s not that nice.
FRANKIE: It’s true. I’m not.
DYLAN: In other news, my shrink has just informed me that he’s retiring and I’ll have to start over with someone new. So that is also fucking awesome.
MAMA brODIE: Oh, sugar. I’m so sorry about all of it. Why don’t you just come stay with us for a spell before going back to LA? I will make aaalllllll the chocolate pecan pies you can eat.
DYLAN: I actually have to do a commercial in a couple of weeks so I can’t eat my feelings. But thanks. Also, I’m gonna try to win her back. I think she still loves me.
MILES: Who had *immediately tries to win her back and isn’t even ashamed of it* ?
OWEN: That was me. I prefer Zelle to Venmo or PayPal now, thanks.
DYLAN: I can’t wait to tell my next therapist about all of you.
FRANKIE: My best friend actually has a really great therapist if you need a recommendation.
FRANKIE: Actually, never mind.
OWEN: Mia is the most well-adjusted person I’ve ever met. Besides Sam. Give him the info.
FRANKIE: It’s just that Mia’s always talking about how beautiful her therapist is. But she is prone to exaggeration.
OWEN: Never mind.
MILES: That’s a HELL NO. I can get you some names, bro.
DYLAN: Hook me up, Frankie. She sounds perfect for me.