29. Chapter Twenty-Nine
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Bellarose
I did my best to create distance and avoid Cade over the next couple of days. But now, Adrien was leaving in a few hours, and not only was Elim going with him, but so was my excuse to avoid Cade.
I was doing fine while I busied myself with work. Cade was pretty busy during the day with all the preparations for his new pack grounds, too, so that helped. I didn’t even know where they were moving to, only that they were going to be in Arizona.
I wished things were simpler. They had been. Before him, I was struggling with the financial aspect of the pack, but my heart was safe and the goal was clear: I was going to convince the council to make me Alpha and everything would make sense again. It would be worth being so far away from everyone, and I could feel the Moon Goddess hadn’t abandoned me, or forsaken me, if I had a purpose.
Now, my feelings were all over the place. I didn’t want to be alone anymore. I wanted someone in my bed who cared about me. I wanted family around to love and support me. In a way, it might have been easier if Cade had been my second-chance mate. I knew now, I wouldn’t have been able to push against the pull of the mate bond. Cade was a good man. Hell, I gave in without one.
No good was going to come from this conversation we needed to have. He was either going to ask me to be his luna and merge packs or not.
Not asking would crush me. Asking would put me in a position I didn’t want to be in. I worked so hard to become alpha, to gain the respect my pack gave me. What was going to happen if I just threw it away for another alpha? I was going to just settle back into being in the background, waiting hand and foot for Cade to give me instructions on what he needed me to do. I wasn’t sure I could do it again. And if he asked, and I said no, both of us would be hurting.
And, what if I said no, and didn’t get the position of alpha? What would happen, then? My pack would be dissolved and I would run back home with my tail tucked between my legs. Or would I try to see if Cade still wanted me? I didn’t think that a man like Cade would take me back.
It felt like an impossible situation. One that would leave me heartbroken no matter the end result.
Getting involved with Cade had been a mistake.
And thinking that made me feel like shit. It wasn’t Cade’s fault. He’d been amazing, and that was the problem. Things would have been more simple if he turned out to be an asshole like Brandon. Then, my heart wouldn’t have gotten involved.
“Luna, where do you need these?” Hugh brought me out of my thoughts as he entered the wine cellar carrying two boxes.
“What are they?”
“Labels. They just got delivered.”
“Perfect! Put them over there at the end of the assembly line.”
That was the last item on my list. We’d be able to start bottling tomorrow now that they were here.
I worked until lunchtime, then headed to wake up Adrien. He wanted to have lunch with all of us before they left this evening. They were leaving shortly after sunset, so he wouldn’t be here for dinner.
I walked up to the alpha room and headed toward the end of the hallway. When I passed by Cade’s room, I heard the door open, and before I could do or say anything, I was picked up and pulled into his room. Cade closed the door behind him and caged me against the door.
“You’ve been avoiding me, Princess,” he whispered. His lips were so close, all I had to do was move an inch and I would be kissing him. His scent of chocolate and orange was making me lightheaded, and other parts of my body were standing up and clamoring for attention.
“I’ve been busy,” I muttered a little too breathily.
“I went to your room last night. The door was locked, and you didn’t answer.”
“I was asleep.” Liar liar, pants on fire. I heard the knocking and my phone ringing, but I held my breath until both stopped.
“Why are you avoiding me, Bells?” he asked again.
“I’m not. I told you. We need to be careful,” I lied.
Cade took a step back. He turned and walked further into his room, running a hand through his hair.
“Why can’t people know about us? I’ve been patient, Bells. I’ve let you dictate everything about this relationship, but I’m beginning to wonder if I’m the only one invested here. Why can’t people know we’re together? Is it really so bad to be with me?”
“What? No,” I said immediately, taking a step away from the door. Whatever turmoil I had going inside me, I couldn’t let him believe it had anything to do with him. “You’re a great man, Cade. Any woman would be lucky to be seen with you.”
“But, not you.” The hurt in his eyes was a dagger in my heart.
“I don’t have that kind of luck,” I answered bitterly.
“What does that even mean?”
I was going to answer when I heard footsteps coming close. The owner of the feet passed by us, and when I couldn’t hear anything else, I looked at Cade again. But, then my phone started vibrating, so I sighed and pulled it out. It was Adrien.
“Can we leave this for another time? I have to go find Adrien for lunch.”
Cade’s jaw ticked, but he nodded. I left quickly, blinking back the tears that threatened to fall. I made it to my room and called Adrien back.
“Hey, where are you?” he answered.
“I’m in my bedroom washing up. Meet you downstairs?”
“Sure thing.”
I splashed some water on my face and took a deep breath. I could do this. I had no other choice.
I pulled my hair up and into a bun, and hoped to the Goddess he couldn’t tell I was so close to crying. I walked down to the kitchen and approached where Adrien was chatting with Lindsay and Charles. When he turned, he stopped and smiled.
“You look so much like your mother right now.” His words brought a smile to my face.
“Now, I just need to be more like her.”
“You don’t even know how alike you are to her, Bells. You have her strength.”
I took a deep breath, forcing myself not to cry. I didn’t need to have a breakdown and let everyone know just how overwhelmed I felt right now.
“Let’s go see my monkey,” I said when I was back in control.
I had all the paperwork filled out to officially adopt him. Next month, when the council arrived, I would be giving it to them personally. At my words, Lindsay put a bag full of food on the counter for me, but as I went to grab it, Cade walked in and took it.
“I’ve got it,” he said, walking away before I could say anything back.
We met John outside and walked together toward the daycare. Chris was waiting at the door, taking one of the bags from Cade, and walking over to the table where things were already set up.
We made small chat as we ate, then Cade, Chris and John walked off to play with the kids after they were done eating.
“How do you watch that every day and not have it make your ovaries twitch?” Adrien asked.
“Talent?” Violet giggled.
“Violet, you got lucky. He’s going to be an amazing father to your pups. Seriously, how cute is that?” Adrien gushed as we watched Chris picking up a kid so the little one could throw his trash away.
“Don’t look at me. He’s not mine,” I answered.
“Let’s try to get me to where I’m actually able to have sex, before we talk about me having pups,” Violet hissed. “No need to remind me of what I’m missing.”
Adrien and I both went quiet at her words. I hadn’t considered Violet wasn’t able to do any of that with Chris because of her trauma. I felt like a shit sister at the moment.
“Sorry. I’m just frustrated. It’s nothing to do with either of you,” she added with a sigh.
“So, you can’t...”
“I don’t know. We’re working up to it. I’ve freaked out a few times when things get heated,” she answered, looking down at her hands.
“Is he pushin—”
“Goddess, no, Bells. Chris should get the Nobel peace prize with the patience that man has. It’s all on me. I push. I need to push past it. I want a life with him, and I feel like I’m holding us both back.”
“You’re worth the wait, Violet,” Adrien tried to soothe her worries.
“I hope so,” Violet sighed, slumping in her seat. Her eyes glazed over, and then a small smile came to her face before they cleared.
“What was that?” Adrien asked, eyeing Chris as he was letting a couple of girls play with his hair. He was the only one who could have mind-linked her after the potions wore off.
“He wanted to know what was wrong,” Violet answered, making Adrien sigh dreamily.
“Is he always that observant?”
“Are you kidding? That man’s gravity is anchored to Violet. Even when they were fighting, he followed her around like a puppy,” I laughed.
“That’s the sign of a good mate,” Adrien added.
His words made my eyes flick over to Cade for a moment, who was helping a couple of kids tickle John on the ground.
“We’re not second-chance mates,” Violet muttered.
“Second-chance or not, a man like that will be a good mate.”
Violet smiled but shortly after fell off.
“Adrien, can I ask you something?” she asked, sitting up nervously.
“Of course.”
“You know Mom and Dad better than I do. Do you think there’s a chance they might react negatively, when I tell them I chose Chris?”
“You’re sure of it?” I asked her.
Taking a chosen mate could be a gamble. One even I was petrified to make.
“I am.” When she answered, we both looked at Adrien, who was looking at Chris pensively.
“I think they’ll want to have a chat with both of you about it. They’ll want to make sure you’re serious about it. After what happened with your grandfather, Markus might be a little apprehensive about it, but if you’re asking if they’d try to stop either of you from becoming chosen mates...” Adrien shook his head as he trailed off. “Your parents want you to be happy, Violet. That’s all they want for their children. They won’t stand in your way. Especially when you’ve chosen a man like Chris.”
We watched the men play for a little while.
“You and I are definitely having a girl’s night tomorrow,” I told Violet, making her giggle.
“Aw man, I miss out on everything.” Adrien pouted.
“Don’t tell me you’re not itching to leave and see Elias. You’re leaving like two minutes after sunset,” Violet teased, and Adrien had the decency to blush.
Too soon, it was sunset, and Elim and Adrien were saying goodbye at the front of the pack house. I watched Chris’ reaction to the hug Violet gave Elim and as she got on her tiptoes to whisper something in his ear. Before Chris and Violet got back together, he was always frowning whenever Elim got close to Violet. Today, he wasn’t reacting and even gave them privacy to talk, before he walked up and gave the man a half hug with a smile.
"Take care of yourself, Bells," Adrien came over and hugged me.
"Thanks for coming to help. I really appreciate it."
"Don’t be a stranger anymore. Call me often. I miss you. Everyone does." He kneeled down to Adam’s level. "And you, little man. Take care of your mommy, okay?"
Adam nodded, a look of determination on his face. "And Violet. I promised Chris."
"Good man." Adrien leaned and gave him a hug.
I watched them leave, then turned to find Cade watching me with his arms crossed. I pretended not to notice, and walked in with everyone toward the dining room.
After dinner, I read to Adam until he was asleep. I looked down the hallway to Cade’s room when I exited. I should go talk to him, but I still didn’t have any answers to the questions he was going to ask. So, instead of being a grown adult, and go find him to have a difficult conversation, I chose to be a coward and hide out in my room.
I walked in, not bothering to turn on the lights, and plopped on the bed. Painful stars burst from my head as I hit something hard. I rolled and landed on the floor, dazed while that hard something grunted in pain. My lamp was turned on and two of Cade’s faces were illuminated above me.
"What the hell were you doing in my bedroom in the dark?" I groaned, plopping back down on the floor. My head was throbbing and my vision was blurry.
"I was waiting for you. Bells, get up. You’re bleeding."
"Maybe that’s what they mean by jaw so sharp it could cut glass," I snorted. I put a hand on my forehead and it came away red. This is the last thing I needed today.
"Are you drunk?" he asked.
"No, but that sounds like a lovely idea."
"Let’s go to the bathroom to clean you up."
"That’s okay. Just leave me here," I mumbled, closing my eyes.
“Bells, let’s go.”
“No,” I answered back, placing my arm over my face so the light filtering through my eyelids didn’t bother me.
I felt two arms push under my body, and then I was lifted into Cade’s arm. He carried me to the bathroom, where he sat me on the sink before he turned on the light. The sudden brightness made me nauseous, and I turned around and threw up my dinner into the sink.
“Shit. Sorry,” I said, wiping my mouth and hopping down to clean. The entire room spun and suddenly, Cade was in front of me again.
“I think you have a concussion,” he murmured.
“No. I can’t afford it.” I tried to slide down to the ground so it could stop moving, but Cade was holding me up. I looked up at him and ran my finger along his chin. “It’s red.”
“You have a pretty thick head, Princess.” Cade tried to smile but he still looked concerned.
“Don’t be a dick." A sudden face appeared over Cade’s shoulder, smirking at me, and I frowned at him. "You’re such a dick, Brandon. I’m glad you’re dead.”
“Me, too, sweetheart,” Cade mumbled, picking me up again and laying me on the bed.
He removed my jeans, leaving me in just my shirt and panties. Cade pulled the covers over me and then went to leave.
"Please don’t go, Cade," I whimpered.
"I’m just going to clean up the mess, Princess. I’ll be right back. I promise." Taking his promise to heart, I allowed myself to go to sleep.
I woke early the next morning and slid out of bed, leaving Cade asleep with my pillow. I walked into the bathroom, finding it clean of vomit and blood. My forehead was healed now and although I felt like I was a little hungover, the dizziness and nausea were gone. Thank goddess for being a werewolf.
I walked back into the room and sat on the chair in my room, watching Cade sleep.
What am I going to do about you? I thought.
You know my thoughts, Coyo provided.
I can’t just give up everything we’ve been working for over the last year, I answered.
Then, I guess you have your answer, Coyo sounded sad, but non-judgmental.
I guess. It’s going to hurt like a bitch, though, I replied, already feeling the sting of tears behind my eyes.
I’ve got your back. No matter what.
I know. Let’s make the best of the time we have left. I don’t want any regrets after he leaves, I said, standing and walking to the edge of the bed.
There will always be regrets with a love that doesn’t make it. - Coyo answered, curling up in the back of my head.
I swallowed hard, and pushed everything down. The only thing I wanted to do right now was spend these last moments with Cade. I didn’t want to overthink my decision. I couldn’t afford to. I had a lot of lonely nights in my future in which I could dissect the would have, could have, should haves.
I removed the pillow I placed in my stead and crawled up Cade’s body, kissing any part of him that I could. Cade’s eyes fluttered open when I got to his face and I smiled.
“Morning, sleepy head.”
“Head sounds good,” Cade answered, making me grin.
“It does, doesn’t it?” I crawled back down his body, taking the blanket as I did and nipping on his exposed nipple on my path down to his cock, making him hiss and moan. I pulled his boxer briefs down and released his hardening cock. My mouth watered as I watched it continue to harden in my hand. Unable to deny myself, I licked the head.
“Goddess,” Cade whispered, when I took as much of his cock as I could, so I could use my mouth to lubricate him.
I used my hand and my mouth to bring him to full hardness after that.
I looked up to watch his face as I pulled on his balls and pushed him to the back of my throat, making him curse and throw his head back. I loved watching Cade when I was giving him pleasure; liked seeing his chest heaving and his hooded eyes looking at me. I loved the way he bunched the sheets at his sides as he tried to restrain himself, and even more when he finally lost control and used one hand to guide my mouth on his shaft.
“Fucking hell, Bells. Your mouth is so wickedly wonderful,” Cade whispered, pulling the curls from my face and bunching them into a fist around his hand.
I pulled him to the back of my throat, swallowing so I could take him further. When I moved to pull up, Cade put a bit of pressure on the back of my head to keep me there. My eyes watered, and I gagged a little when he began to thrust up into my mouth. After a few moments, he dropped his head back and released my hair, moaning. I gasped for breath, pulling on his balls as I did to keep his pleasure going.
Before I knew what was happening, Cade was pulling me up, dumping me beside him and covering me with his body in the time it took me to blink.
“I need you, Princess. Before I lose my damn mind.”
“I’m yours,” I answered without thinking.
A triumphant look passed over Cade, but I didn’t have time to examine it before he ripped my top off. My panties followed next. Cade looked over my body hungrily before he pressed his lips to mine. He licked, sucked and tasted my mouth with his. He bit my lips as he thrust inside me, making me cry out as pain and pleasure wracked my frame.
“Cade!”
“That’s right, say my name. I want to hear you scream it every time I fuck you, Bells. I need to hear and feel how much you want me,” Cade rasped as he pulled back and slammed back inside me.
I arched back, pleasure like I hadn’t known lighting up my body.
“More!” I gasped.
“I’ll give you everything,” he promised.
Every time I felt him retreat, I wanted to weep. Every time he pushed back in, I felt like everything in the world was right. When his mouth closed over my nipple, I thought I might die. I was a live wire. Everything felt heightened, amazing, and right. I sobbed out his name as the first orgasm crashed over me. Cade slowed down, pushing my ass up a little so he was slamming the head of his cock on my g-spot every time he pushed in, catapulting me into another orgasm before I had come down from the first.
“Fuck, Bells. Just like that, Princess. Strangle my cock like you can’t get enough of it.”
His dirty words were fuel to the fire inside me. When I finally came down from my orgasm, Cade pulled out and flipped me on my stomach. I bunched the sheets by my head and I was sure my eyes rolled to the back of my head when he pushed in again. How could this feel so right?
Cade pulled my body up until it was flushed up against his chest. His hands went to my breasts, tweaking and pulling on both hardened nipples as he continued to thrust up into me. His panting breaths and moans in my ear a testament of how much he enjoyed making love to me. Cade sucked on my neck, the sensation of his lips so close to my marking spot was making me fly so close to the stars, and I felt like I was going to die if he didn’t mark me. The two desperate words I wanted to cry out as he laid tiny love bites on my shoulder were at the tip of my tongue.
“Cade!” I cried out instead, in pleasure and frustration.
He wasn’t mine, but he felt like he was mine. It wasn’t fair. I pulled on his hair, making him growl. One of his hands dropped down to my mound, in search of my clit. When he found it, Cade pulled on the little bundle. I gasped and he growled as he felt me teetering on the edge of the precipice. He continued working on my clit, pinching, pulling and flicking all the while thrusting into my core in an unrelenting rhythm that promised paradise.
“Come for me, Princess. I want to feel your pussy milk my cock.” Cade bit the sensitive piece of my earlobe and I detonated.
I sobbed out a cry and I threw my head back. The light burst behind my eyes and I could swear I had an out-of-body experience, watching the way Cade pumped into me until he roared his release.
It felt like hours, but was probably minutes, before I felt my soul return to my body. I was back on the bed, cradled against Cade’s body, one of his legs possessive over mine, his arms caging me to his body.
Reality crashed around me as my heart slowed. How was I supposed to tell him no? How was I supposed to let this man go? He was so deep in my soul, that I didn’t know where mine ended and his began. His scent was so embedded in my pores that I wouldn’t be surprised if I no longer smelled like me. A tear left my eyes before I could stop it, then another.
“Bells? What’s wrong?” Cade tried to turn me so he could look at me, but instead, I pulled away. I needed time to get myself together, so I got out of bed. “Where are you going?”
“I need to shower and go down to help with breakfast.”
“Princess, we need to talk,” Cade answered, trying to follow me to the bathroom.
I stood at the entrance and shook my head.
“When are you leaving?” I asked.
Cade stopped, his concern increasing.
“Ten days. I need to be back in Arizona to oversee the construction and the installation of the temporary housing.”
My heart broke into little pieces. I thought I had more time. I thought I’d be able to hold him out until the council arrived to let me know if I could become alpha. I was out of time, and I had no answers that would satisfy us both.
“I have to shower.”
“We need to talk about this, Bells.”
“There’s nothing to talk about, Cade. We knew what this was from the start. You agreed to it.”
“Like hell, I did!” Cade’s voice was full of anger, but his face revealed the hurt under it, and I couldn’t bear to see it there, so I turned away.
“I need to shower. I’ll talk to you later.”
I walked in and locked the door. I felt the door jiggling for a moment. When it stopped, I wondered if he would try to break down the door.
“We’re not done, Bells. Sooner or later, you’re going to have to talk about this. I’m not giving up so easily, Princess.”
I turned on the shower and when I heard the door to my bedroom slam shut, I let out the sob I’d been holding back. I sank down to the floor, covering my face with my hands. But, I didn’t even have time to grieve properly, so I pulled myself up and took a deep breath before I went into the shower, hoping the water would help my raw emotions settle.
Instead, I began to feel the rage building inside me and I let out a scream and punched the shower wall. The tempered glass wasn’t able to take the hit and shattered into a million little pieces. I stood there in shock, the irony that my heart felt like the glass did at the moment, not lost on me. I continued to shower, not caring about the mess. I was numb by the time the water ran cold and I walked over the glass shards without feeling it dig into my heels. I picked out the shards, wiped my feet of blood and threw the towel into the bathroom as I exited. I changed into clothes for the day and walked down to help prep for breakfast.