30. Chapter Thirty
Chapter Thirty
Bellarose
S omehow, I managed to work the entire day without breaking down, skipping lunch and dinner so I wouldn’t have to talk to anyone. I could feel Cade’s eyes in the back of my head as I walked past the dining room, picked up my monkey and put him to bed. Instead of heading to my room, I crawled into bed with Adam and read to him again until he was fast asleep. I stayed there for hours, combing his hair and watching him sleep, trying my best not to think about anything.
I heard steps going down the hallway late at night and guessed it was Cade. Minutes later, I heard them walk back down the hallway with urgency. My phone was on silent, and it lit up over and over as he looked for me. Text messages came through and I ignored them, too.
I closed my eyes and tried to fall asleep, but just as I was dozing off, I felt someone pushing through the mind-link.
‘Fire in the cellar!’
I bolted out of the room. I ran down the stairs two at a time, almost falling down when I stepped on the edge of one. My ankle stung, but I ran out of the pack house as fast as my feet would take me.
Several people were running toward the wine cellar. Eric was a few hundred yards in front of me, trying to get to the building. Flames were licking at the few windows above ground. My heart sank as I watched the first one shatter under the heat.
‘Wait, Eric don’t go in there,’ I warned him. If the fire was intense enough to shatter windows, it had the potential to cause him a lot of damage.
‘It can’t reach the wi—’
An explosion sent both of us and a few people behind me flying back. I landed hard on my back, my head hitting the solid ground beneath me. I shook my head to clear the stars dancing in my vision, and scrambled to my feet.
“Eric!” I screamed, trying to find where he landed.
Coyo pushed forward so she could enhance my eyesight, and I saw his slumped body against some dry stalks of grapes.
Goddess, that’s really far, I thought and began to run toward him.
I didn’t like how he wasn’t moving. I couldn’t see if he was breathing. The damage to his body became more evident the closer I got and by the time I got to him, I knew he was dead. I even hoped so. I sank down beside him, not daring to touch him. If he was alive, touching him would be so painful. Burns covered his body, blood oozing from various places.
I dared place my fingers on his jugular, and sobbed when I felt no heartbeat. At least he died quickly. I stood and checked on the rest of the people who had been running behind me. A few sprained wrists and head wounds. Nothing that required serious medical attention.
I finally turned back to the wine cellar. It was engulfed in flames, any chance that anything could be saved went up with the explosion, along with any chance of saving my pack and the tatters of my life. As we watched, people began to gather around us as we watched it burn in silence.
“Bells! Bells!” I heard Cade calling from behind me, but I was unable to tear my eyes away as I watched my life go up in flames before me.
“Over there!” I was surprised to hear my sister’s voice. I turned around to make sure she was okay and watched her pushing people aside to get to me. “Goddess, I thought something happened to you. What happened?” She hugged me tightly when she reached me.
“The wine blew up.” My voice sounded odd, even to myself. I felt numb. “Eric is dead.”
“Your friend that taught you how to run the vineyard?” she asked, pulling back.
“Yes, my friend,” I answered, as I felt Cade’s hand on my shoulder.
Tears left my eyes as I realized Eric was my friend. He was my friend even though he never even called me by my name. One of the few I ever had here.
“Should we call the fire department?” John asked.
“No. Let it burn. It’s all gone, anyway,” I answered.
“Don’t you need it for insurance?”
“No. There are cameras everywhere.” I pulled on my gift and covered the entire building in a dirt grave to suffocate the fire, along with my dreams. “I need to get Eric, and get him ready.”
“Let us do that, Bells,” Cade replied, squeezing my shoulder.
I wanted him to hug me right now, but after how we left everything, I didn’t blame him. At least I could take comfort in the hold Violet had around me. But, even though I wanted nothing more than to curl into a ball and have her continue to hold me, I pulled away.
“No. Eric was my friend. I’ll do it.” I lifted Eric in my arms, walking toward where Cade, John, Violet and Chris were still waiting.
“Alpha Cade,” someone called out.
“Yes?”
“Can I join your pack?”
A sob threatened to slip out of me, but I swallowed it back and began making my way to the pack house, walking past where Cade was looking at me. Aware of the many eyes watching me, I blinked back the tears and kept my chin up.
“You have a pack,” Cade growled in response.
“Without the wine, we have nothing.”
“Bu—”
“They’re right, Alpha Cade. Without the wine and the grapes, the pack won’t survive. If they want to join your pack and you have the capacity to grow, go for it. Just give me a list of people you accept so I can reach out to the rest to find them a place to go.”
“Luna, how can I help?” Hugh pushed forward.
“Build a pyre so we can send Eric back to the Moon Goddess.”
“Bells...” Cade’s soft whisper was drowned out as people swarmed toward him, asking if they could join his pack.
Violet and Chris pushed through and walked with me to the basement. I placed Eric on a bed there.
“There are white shrouds and washcloths in the linen closet there. Can you grab me some?” I asked Violet.
She nodded and ran towards where I pointed.
“I’ll grab some water so we can clean him,” Chris said, heading toward the bathroom.
“You should have left when you had the chance, old man. Maybe we all should have left when we had the chance,” I whispered to Eric, not bothering to blink back the tears any longer.
We worked in silence as Violet and Chris helped me clean away the dirt and blood from his burnt skin. Once he was ready, we wrapped him in the white shroud, and Chris carried him outside.
I found a line of people coming out from the conference rooms and I chose to look ahead instead of at the people running from the sinking ship. I couldn’t fault them for wanting to get the hell out of this nightmare.
I found Charles, Cade and Hugh finishing the pyre. Cade looked at me like he wanted to talk, but I had nothing to give him. Everything was gone. All of my hard work, my pack, the fucking magic I pulled out of my ass to keep the pack afloat month after month. And, now I had to say goodbye to one of the few people that made the years of misery here lighter.
Violet and Chris stayed by my side as I watched Eric burn, a small part of me envying the peace he must be feeling now. As I watched the fire consume him, I felt the mind-link pull from Cory.
‘Can I reach out in a little while? One of my pack members died and I’m watching the pyre burn,’ I answered him.
‘Of course. Take your time. I’m sorry for your loss.’ Cory cut the mind-link off just as I wanted to snort.
You have no idea just how big a loss, brother, I thought.
“Bells, can we talk?” Cade asked quietly when there was nothing but embers left.
“No. I need to check on my child and then I’d like to be alone. We can talk in the morning.” Cade nodded, though I could see the hurt in his face when I asked him to leave me alone.
We walked back to the pack house and separated.
Cade headed toward the conference room, where I imagined he’d left John grabbing the names of his new pack members. Charles bade me goodnight and told me not to wake up for breakfast, that he and Lindsay would have it covered. I nodded, not having the energy to argue. All I wanted was to sleep right now and hope when I woke up in the morning, this had all been a dream.
“Bells, are you sure you want to be alone right now? I could stay with you,” Violet asked when we got to the top of the alpha floor, hesitating as she watched me walking the opposite way of her room.
“I’m sure. Thanks, though.”
I walked back and gave my sister a hug, hoping it spoke the gratitude I felt that she fought her fears and pushed through a crowd to find me. I watched her and Chris walk away hand in hand, then walked toward Adam’s room. Thankfully, my child was sound asleep, so I gave him a quick kiss on the forehead and went to my room. I locked the door, ensuring I was left alone for the night.
‘Cory?’ I reached out to my twin.
‘I’m here,’ he answered right away.
‘I’m coming home,’ I told him, finally letting the tears flow.
‘What happened?’
‘The wine cellar blew up.’ My voice broke as an image of the explosion flashed through my head.
‘Shit. Bells, I’m sorry. I wanted you home, but not like this. What can I do to help?’
‘Grab any of the pack members that want to join.’
‘There’s no salvaging it?’
‘No. The grapes are gone, the wine is gone. Some of the pack didn’t even wait for the flames to be out before they started asking Cade if they could join his pack.’
‘Fuck. What the hell is wrong with them?’
‘Eric died trying to get to the wine. I’ve lost everything. I only have Adam left,’ I sobbed.
‘You have us, Bells. We’ll always have your back.’
Cory kept the mind-link open to talk to me until I was falling asleep. I didn’t have the energy to even shower or pretend to care.
My back hit the back of the desk painfully as I struggled against the blade that was inches away from my heart. My lower back spasmed in pain but I couldn’t give in to it. I’d lost everything, and now I was fighting for the life of my unborn pup. It couldn’t end like this. All the sacrifice, the tears, the struggle to be happy.
Coyo lent me her strength, and I recalled the training Brenda gave me growing up. I brought my knee up, connecting with sensitive flesh. The dagger was released and I plunged it into my attacker. He reared back in pain and I pulled it out and plunged it in again until he finally stilled.
I slid down to the floor, my hand covering my mouth. I sobbed quietly for a few minutes, my eyes focused on the desk in front of me before I finally allowed myself to look at Brandon’s body nearby. My mate was dead. I was alone, with a pup on the way.
I struggled to stand, the wound on my shoulder trying to mend itself, my back screaming at me in pain. My hand slipped on the hardwood floor covered in blood, making me drop to the floor again with a cry. I crawled toward the body, pulling the blade out of our attacker and plunging it back into his heart. Once I was sure there was no threat to us anymore, I let the tears fall from my eyes, wetting my shirt as I moved to cradle my mate’s head in my lap and sob, calling out for my brother to help me. To make this nightmare end.
A sudden sharp pain rippled through my abdomen. Coyo’s howl as I felt blood soaking my pants was deafening, as was the sob that tore from my throat.
“You’re just weak, aren’t you?” A disembodied voice thundered through the room.
“I’m not. I’m—”
“You are. You can’t even keep your mate or your pup alive. You’ve lost your pack to your pitiful lover. He’s not even a proper alpha.”
“That’s not true. Cade is a good alpha,” I argued, trying to find the source of the voice.
“Liar! He doesn’t even have an aura.” Martha stepped over the threshold of the office door. “Look at my baby boy,” she spat, forcing my head to look down at Brandon. “You’re the reason he’s dead. This is all because of you. The pack’s misfortunes only began when you came here. You’re worse than death. How many souls is your unfounded pride going to take?”
Eric’s spirit appeared a few feet away. Most of his skin peeled back from the burns. “I should have left when everyone died. I would have still been alive.”
“Eric, I’m sorry,” I cried.
More people began appearing in the small office. All the dead from the attack. I scrambled back from Brandon’s body, plastering myself against the wall as accusations flew out of their mouths. I put my hands over my ears, whimpering while Martha laughed at me.
“Pathetic!” she shouted over everyone.
Suddenly, a hand grabbed my wrist. I looked up at the source to find Eric looking down at me. “You need to wake up,” he said, but the voice coming out of his lips wasn’t Eric’s. It was Cory’s.
“Help me,” I whimpered.
“It’s not real.”
“It’s not real,” I whispered back. “It’s not real. It’s not real. You’re not real.” I looked up at the faces looking down at me.
“I’m very real and I’m going to kill you,” Martha hissed pushing past all the specters.
“YOU’RE NOT REAL!” I screamed.
I sat up, my breathing was fast and I was sweating, but I was awake.
‘Bells?’
‘I’m okay. I-I think,’ I replied calmly for once.
‘Do you want me to stay up with you a bit?’
‘No. N-no I think I’ll be okay to go back to sleep,’ I assured him.
‘I love you, Bells.’
‘I love you, too.’
After I cut off the mind-link, I sent a text to Violet.
Me
Can you look after my monkey tomorrow? I had a bad night of sleep.
I turned off the alarm to help prepare for breakfast but set another one for a little later just to double-check Violet was able to look after Adam. If she couldn’t, I would have to get up.
I fell asleep again, dreamless this time, thankfully. I woke up to my alarm, but when I saw Violet’s text letting me know not to worry, I shut off the alarm and went back to sleep. I had no pack. I had no duties anymore.
I woke up to pounding on my door. I couldn’t tell what time it was. The curtains were shut and I couldn’t even see if the sun was out. I slumped back in my bed, hoping whoever was knocking would go away.
“Bells! Please open the door, Princess,” Cade’s worried voice reached me.
“I’m trying to sleep.”
“It’s noon, I’m worried. Please talk to me,” he pleaded through the closed door.
“I’m fine. Just let me sleep,” I whined. There was silence for a bit, and then a big sigh from the other side of the door.
“I’ll bring you food in a little while.” His tone was defeated, and I hated hearing it in him.
It felt like I had only fallen asleep for a few minutes, before I woke up to knocking again.
“Bells, it’s five. I have food. Open the door or I’ll bust it down. I’m worried. Your sister is worried,” Cade tone told me he was serious, so I groaned and got out of bed.
I unlocked the door, but walked back to bed and crawled back under the covers.
“Bells, talk to me,” Cade growled as he stormed into the room, placing a plate of food on the nightstand.
“I’m trying to sleep,” I argued.
“You’ve slept a long time.”
“I don’t have a pack anymore. I can sleep as long as I want,” I argued from under the blankets.
The blankets were pulled from me and I glared at Cade. My anger faded away when I saw the worried look on his face. I sighed and closed my eyes.
“I just want to sleep, Cade. Aren’t I allowed to have a fucking pity party for myself for at least one day?”
“You can’t shut everyone out.”
“Just for one day. Haven’t you ever wanted to be alone for one day?” I asked.
“It’s not healthy, Bells. You need to let it out.”
“I don’t want to,” I answered, my bottom lip quivering.
Cade sighed and pulled me out of bed as if I weighed nothing. He sat down on the bed and cradled me in his arms. I huffed, but couldn’t deny I felt better just being hugged.
“Then, we’ll just hug for a little while,” he conceded.
I let it be, knowing this was one of the last times I’d get to hold him. I was the one that finally broke the silence a while later.
“How many are you taking?”
Cade tensed at my question, then sighed.
“Ninety-five.”
A lump formed in my throat. That was more than half the pack.
“Can you email the list?” I asked, trying to keep my voice even.
“I can say no, Bells. These people haven’t appreciated anything you’ve—”
“I don’t need you to fight my battles, Cade. These people have been through the wringer. They deserve the stability you’re offering,” I cut him off.
“Will you come with me?”
And there it was. The question that I’d been avoiding.
“What am I supposed to do in your pack?” I answered bitterly.
“Be my luna. I love you, Bells. I want you to take me as your chosen mate.”
I pulled away from his hug; his warmth. I couldn’t face him, so I picked at the plate next to me as I finally answered.
“I can’t Cade.”
“You don’t love me?” The hurt in his voice almost made me turn around and give in to him.
“Love has nothing to do with it. I’m a disgraced ex-luna who couldn’t keep a small pack afloat. Who couldn’t keep her pup alive before it was even born. I can’t face any of them. Not my ex-pack, not yours. I’m a joke.”
“The fuck you are! You’re the hardest-working woman I’ve ever met. You’ve given them your blood, sweat and tears and they’ve thrown it away. They’re the ones who are a joke. My pack admires you, Bells. They would accept you as my mate.”
Cade pulled me back into his arms, and I closed my eyes, tears threatening to fall as I breathed in his scent.
“I love you. Say yes. Come home with me. I’ll treat you like the queen you are. You’ll never have to do anything you don’t want ever again,” he whispered.
His words were the cold bucket of ice over my wavering resolve. I pushed him away and stood, pacing as memory after memory of Brandon telling me I didn’t have to do anything flashed into my head. Memories of the anger on his face, telling me that I was just there to please him and bear him a pup. No. I wouldn’t be that person ever again.
I stopped pacing and crossed my arms, making my decision.
“I will never submit to an alpha ever again. I won’t be anyone’s luna ever again.”