31. Chapter Thirty-One
Chapter Thirty-One
Cade
T he moment the words left my mouth, I knew I made a mistake. Her soft surrender turned to stone, and then I heard words that broke my heart.
“I will never submit to an alpha ever again. I won’t be anyone’s luna ever again.”
“Bells, that’s not what I—I’m not like him. I love you,” I pleaded. I didn’t care if I had to grovel. I knew she loved me. She showed me every time we were together. I understood she couldn’t say the words after the mate she got, but I was willing to wait.
"You are, though. You’re an alpha."
"That’s not fair. I wouldn’t treat you like him. Please, at least tell me you’ll think about it."
She shook her head. "I can’t do it again. I won’t."
"Bells. It won’t be the same. I’m not him. If you come with me..."
"I won’t."
"Please. There’s nothing keeping you here anymore. You don’t have to take my mark right away if—”
“Did you have anything to do with the explosion, so I had no reason to say no?” Bells suddenly asked.
Her eyes widened, as if she hadn’t meant to ask, but the words were out there now. If she had plunged a dagger into my heart and kicked me in the balls, it would have hurt less than her words. I stood up, and she took a step back, afraid, putting the proverbial nail in the coffin of what I thought could have been an amazing relationship. I closed my eyes, trying to steady my breathing.
I felt the cracked pieces of my heart shatter and scatter across the winds. Bells was accusing me of sabotaging her. She was afraid of me. In that moment, I knew everything was lost. I may have thought I held her heart, but without trust, it was worth nothing. I couldn’t compete with an asshole ghost. I couldn’t live my life trying to convince her that I wasn’t like him, when I’d done nothing to show her I was.
“After dinner, I looked for you, and when I couldn’t find you I went to talk to Violet. I was hanging out with her and Chris until we felt the explosion,” I said, my voice cracking as I cursed myself internally for not being able to keep the emotion from it.
I opened my eyes, and could see the regret written on her face, but she said nothing. I waited for what felt like forever but was likely only a few minutes. When she still didn’t say anything, I broke the silence.
“We’ll be out of here by the end of the week.”
I walked to the door and opened it, but before I left, I had to say one last thing.
“I never asked or wanted you to submit to me. I only wanted a chance to show you how much I loved you.” How much I’ll love you for the rest of my life, I thought.
I walked away, my heart pulverizing into dust when I realized she wouldn’t follow. That wasn’t my princess. It was one of the reasons I loved her so fucking much. She was proud and stubborn.
‘Get everyone ready to leave by Friday,’ I told John, cutting off the mind-link before he could answer and sitting down on my bed.
I looked around the room. I’d barely spent any time in here since I started sleeping with Bells. It felt cold and empty now. I walked into the closet and pulled out one of my suitcases. There was a knock on the door, but my small glimmer of hope fell as I heard John asking to come in.
“What’s going on? I thought we were leaving next week?”
“There’s no point. She’s not coming with me,” I answered as I started dumping most of my clothes in.
I started grabbing the small little bobbles I was too much of a sentimental asshole to put in storage when I came here. Keepsakes and photos of Mom and Dad.
“But—”
“She doesn’t want me, John. Let’s just leave at that and move on, yeah?”
“Yes, Alpha. I’ll get started on making sure everyone is packed and ready to go by Friday.” John answered and left me to my misery.
I paced the room, wondering where it’d all gone wrong. Nyko took that moment to speak.
We could stil—
There’s no hope when there’s no trust. We were fools to think we could overcome whatever trauma she went through for eight years in a couple of months, I interrupted him.
Maybe we can woo her again when she’s in Crescent Moon? We’ll be close enough, he asked, unable to keep the desperate hope from his voice.
She never planned to accept us, Nyko. Didn’t you notice she never bothered to ask where our new pack grounds were? She wasn’t even curious, because she never considered taking us as her chosen mate. We only le—
That’s bull! You felt the same connection as I did with her. There was nothing like making love to her. She is it. We just have to give her more time, He growled.
And what? You think a relationship will survive a rejected proposal? And one like the one we just had? I growled back.
We c—
Enough! It’s over. She made that very clear.
Nyko whimpered and retreated to the back of my mind. I left the room, needing to run out my heartache. I shifted the moment I was out of the pack house and ran through the woods, the silence from the lack of life was deafening. I just kept running, her words repeating over and over in my head. Her face filled with suspicion flashed in my head, making the heartbreak worse. Just yesterday, I thought I saw so much love in her eyes as we made love. Was it all just my imagination? Could I really have been so delusional?
It was daytime by the time I walked back into the pack house. I caught Violet and Chris on their way out, and I figured I may as well rip the band aid off all at once.
“Hey, just thought you should know. I talked to Bells last night. I’ll be leaving on Friday.” I called out.
“Oh, but did—”
“Not happening,” I interrupted her question.
“I’m sorry,” Violet whispered, making me swallow hard.
I nodded and entered my room. I took a shower and got to work. I had a lot to do. I needed to get more temporary housing and schedule more of the permanent houses to be built. I went downstairs to the conference room John and I had been working from over the last few months, and opened my laptop. Once I had what I needed, I called Alpha David and placed the order for more houses. I called the place where I’d bought the modular homes, placed another order and set up a delivery date. Then, I called Cory.
“Good morning,” Cory answered on the second ring.
“Hey, good morning. I wanted to see if you’d be able to hold a few of us over after Friday until the modular homes get delivered.”
“We’ll figure it out. Evie, Meli and Zi have been working with Guardian Moon. We’re finding the room. Some of Bells’ pack will probably be coming down, too, once she’s ready, so we’re preparing for a few more hundred people flooding in. I might even reach out to David to see if he’s got room.”
“Thanks, Cory. I owe you big time.”
“That’s what friends are for. After everything you did for Bells, it’s the least I could do.”
“We’ll keep in touch.”
“Sounds good.”
I guess it’s a good thing Bells never wanted to tell anyone about our relationship, I thought after I hung up talking to her twin.
At least my pack wouldn’t suffer the consequences of me being a love-struck fool, and got turned away and deserted by the few allies we had, because it didn’t work out. It wasn’t like we had enemies or were unfriendly people. We were just busy. Cattle ranching was time-consuming and we didn’t leave the pack grounds very often.
I dove into work. The pack grounds we found weren’t a hundred percent ideal. A big portion of it was all woods so I was hiring a logging company to clear out a portion of it for houses and for the cattle. Since the property was huge, It would still leave a lot of untouched forest for my pack to run in.
I tried my best not to think about Bells and my broken heart throughout the day, but it was a futile endeavor as I heard and smelled her walk to and from her office, as she talked to the remaining members of her pack and arranged things.
John went to and from the pack grounds with a couple of warriors, picking up and dropping off the rental vehicles I’d booked for the big move. The last set was from a company almost an hour away. We’d cleaned out the entire region.
It was well past dinner by the time he got back, and I was still sitting in the same damn chair, wallowing in my self-pity.
“Let’s go eat. I’m starving,” John stated, closing my laptop.
“You go. I’m just going to go to bed. I didn’t sleep last night,” I grumbled, standing and stretching.
Maybe Bells had a point. Maybe being alone for a whole day was the way to go. Maybe that’s where I went wrong. I should have left her alone instead of trying to get her to open up to me. But I wanted to be the damn hero that held her and comforted her. Look where that got me.
“Did you eat lunch?” John asked, skewing an eyebrow as he took in my crinkled clothes from sitting all day.
“Yep. Sure did,” I lied, and John sighed.
“Don’t make me call your mother.”
“Stop threatening to tattle on me. I’m in my thirties,” I growled, pushing past him.
“I’ll stop when it stops working,” he called after me, but didn’t stop me from leaving.
I dragged my feet up the stairs, but stopped at the top, when I saw Bells coming toward me as I reached the alpha floor.
“Sorry,” she whispered.
I wanted to believe that she was apologizing for yesterday. That she was going to tell me she didn’t mean it and she was going to become my luna, but when she stood there waiting for me to move away from the stairs, I turned right and headed toward my room. Tears tried to sting behind my eyes but I blinked them away. I sat on the bed, pulled off my boots and pants and then slept on top of the covers. I was out in an instant, grateful for a moment of respite from the fucking heartache.
I wanted nothing more than to get away from where everything reminded me of Bells, and life finally granted me my wish. I blinked, and suddenly it was Friday morning. My bags were packed, and my pack members were waiting and eating breakfast downstairs. The new pack members were initiated last night, though admittedly with a bit of resentment. I felt like they were the straw that broke Bells’ back.
Cory also asked if his new pack members could be escorted back with mine, so the journey would be slow going as we catered to everyone’s needs.
And now, I wasn’t sure I wanted to leave. If I left, everything would be real. Final. I would have to admit Bells would never be mine. She hadn’t said more than a few words to me in the last few days. Nothing more than what was necessary. There was no teasing, no playful words. No cries of my name as she came, and no cuddles.
John walked in the door without knocking, and shut the door behind him loudly. When I raised an eyebrow at his actions, he huffed.
“Are you seriously going to leave without talking to her again?” he asked and I thought my teeth would crack with how hard my jaw clenched.
“There’s nothing there. She’s had days to try and she’s barely looked at me,” I replied.
“You’ve been in love with her for decades and you’re just going to give up at the first fight? That’s not the Cade I know. That’s a coward, not my alpha.” He was goading me, and it was working, but not the way he hoped.
I threw the only thing I was holding against the wall and I watched my phone land in a few pieces on the floor, as I struggled not to punch my best friend in the face for what he said.
“What the fuck would you have me do, John? Beg her? I did. I pleaded with her. I implored her to remember that I’m not her first mate. I begged her to become my luna. She doesn’t want me. She doesn’t want anything to do with any alpha!” I roared at him. “You think you’re the only one disappointed? The only one gutted? You wanted her to be your luna because you admire her, and think she’d make a great one. I wanted her because I fucking love her!”
“You’ve had four days to keep trying. You told me you weren’t going to give up until you had her, and you gave up on the first sign of resistance,” he snapped.
I shook my head at his words, the fight leaving me, leaving nothing but that same fucking ache that settled into my heart since I left her room.
“You don’t know anything. The entire relationship was me fighting her resistance.”
“You’re right about that. I don’t know what’s happening with you right now. The council emailed you again yesterday about choosing a luna, by the way. I’ll be downstairs. We’ll be ready to go in twenty minutes.” John grabbed my two suitcases and left.
I walked over and picked up the pieces of my phone. I put the battery back in and hoped it turned on. It did, but the screen was cracked beyond repair. I couldn’t swipe in my code or do anything. I sighed, turned it off and put it in my pocket. Anyone who needed me, knew to call John if I didn’t answer. I’d have to get a new phone number, anyway. I’d get a new one when I got to Arizona.
I walked down when John let me know everyone was ready. I hugged Violet and Chris, who were staying to help Bells close up the estate. She’d already found a buyer and would be heading back to Crescent Moon in a few weeks. Not that she told me. I found all of the information through Violet.
“Take care of yourself, okay? And, if I haven’t said it before, I’m so proud of you. Look at all these people here. Not even a flinch,” I pointed out, genuinely happy to have been around to witness her progress.
“Well, I wasn’t paying attention, but now that you mentioned it,” she giggled.
I shook my head and gave her a kiss on the forehead before moving on to her better half. I clapped Chris in the back, a little jealous knowing he got the happy ending I’d been hoping for.
“It was good getting to know you. Don’t be a stranger and start calling me ’Alpha Cade’ again,” I warned him.
Chris chuckled and nodded.
I bent down to where Adam was looking very sad. “Don’t get sad, little man. You have to stay and take care of Mom.”
“Why can’t you stay, too?” Adam asked.
I’ve been asking myself a question too damn similar to that one. Why couldn’t I stay by her side?
“I’ve got to take all these people so they can have a place to sleep. But, here, you can have this.” I took off my hat and put it on his head.
It went down to below his eyes, making me laugh as I pushed it back so he could see. I stood and walked in front of the woman I’d dreamed I’d never had to say goodbye to, and did just that.
“Thanks for taking us in, Luna Bellarose. I really appreciate it.”
I was going to walk away, but I couldn’t. I wanted to beg her so badly to give me a chance. Instead, I leaned forward and tucked a strand of the hair she’d gone back to straightening. It was like her defense mechanism, I figured. A way to shield her inner girl from everything happening around her by trying to look more serious and grown up, as if nothing bothered her. I leaned down a little further and whispered, “One day, you’re going to be able to leave behind all the words that idiot mate of yours put in your head. When that day comes, I hope you find someone who can love you the way you deserve.” But no one will ever love you as much as I do, I refrained from adding.
I placed a kiss on her cheek and turned away. I didn’t look back as I turned over my engine and took off. If I did, I knew I would crumble.