Chapter 31
CHAPTER 31
ELIJAH
I ’m still filled with a sense of unease as Pen, and I re-enter my apartment. It’s gone midnight. For the fact I’ve only had a couple of hours of sleep in the past forty-eight hours, I feel remarkably awake.
“A drink?” I ask, making my way to the kitchen.
“Please,” Pen says, following behind.
“Do you think he’s going to crack?” I say, motioning to my vast array of drink choices.
Pen points to a juice mix favoured by Lottie. Being the dad of a teenager, the house is well stocked. It’s often a conveyor belt of teens running in and out. My daughter, at fourteen, is growing up fast.
I pour myself a whiskey, grabbing some ice from the freezer.
I hand Pen her drink and follow her into the living room, both taking a seat on opposite sofas. I’ve spent a lot of time touching her in the past few days, and my body is getting used to her presence. It wants more, but she’s not here for that. She’s come to help, and before I can blink, she’ll be gone again. This time for good.
“There’s something off about this whole thing. Peter’s not a mastermind, and we know he received payment from someone. From what I’ve read in his file and after you called Todd, the coding was too advanced. Whoever wrote that code knew what they were doing.”
Pen presses her fingers into her eyes.
“There’s something…” she sighs, taking a sip of her drink.
It’s then I notice how tired she looks.
It’s my turn to lean forward.
“Pen, you’ve flown in and been on the go constantly ever since you arrived. When did you last sleep?”
She gives me one of her side smiles, although it doesn’t quite reach her eyes.
“I slept on Kris’s plane. The bed is surprisingly comfortable, but it’s never the same.”
She closes her eyes and drops back against the sofa.
I smart at the fact she slept in a bed owned by Kristophe Lansdown, even though I know I have no right. She’s engaged to the man. She does a lot more than sleep in his bed. Nausea hits at the thought. Every time Pen has dated over the years, it’s left me with a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. Not that I deserve anything else. She was never mine. I still remember the time she lost her virginity. The guy was hanging around for months. He’d been a complete nerd, and to this day, I don’t know what Pen saw in him. When she finally did the deed, he let the entire campus know he popped her cherry. Jaxson, Zach, and I made him regret that move. Pen was ours. In between sobs, he told us it was a dare, but he would not give up the person who dared him. Pen laughed it off, but I saw the pain in her eyes. Trust was not something she readily gave, and the fact he abused hers.
I made my choice. Duty to the family above everything else. I gave up any right to Penelope Dawson years ago. She deserves every happiness, and I should be excited for her. She works tirelessly for others. Mum adores her and all she does for the Frazer Foundation. As their fledgling recipient, she’s shown her gratitude over and over. Offering internships, scholarships. Not to mention the vast amount she personally donates to fund future projects. She’s their poster girl, their big success story. Mum and Dad couldn’t have been more proud if she was their own daughter.
“Shit, I’m surprised you can string two sentences together,” I say, standing up. “You can crash here tonight. It’s not like I don’t have the room.”
Pen remains silent, and it’s only when I look more closely I realise she’s fallen asleep. Not just dozing, either. She’s sound asleep. Soft little snores escape.
I smile at the memory of finding her passed out on the table in one of the computer labs after she pulled an all-night session. She’d made the same noises then. She was so mad when she woke to find me sitting next to her, continuing our project.
I move towards her. Her head is at a strange angle, and I know when she wakes up, she’s going to have a dreadful neck ache.
I grab one of the throws Lottie likes to snuggle under when she’s watching TV, but throw it back down. Pen deserves a comfortable night’s rest, and my expensive, handcrafted sofa is not going to offer her that.
Leaving her, I head upstairs and open the door to one of my many spare rooms. Chrissy, my housekeeper, has them all aired and laundered. I pull back the covers on the freshly made bed before making my way back downstairs. Pen hasn’t moved, although I can’t stop the smile at the tiny snorts she’s giving off.
She always was a great sleeper. When she went to sleep, nothing would wake her. It was like she hit a brick wall and needed time for her brain to recover.
Looking down, my heart clenches as I stare at my once best friend. I lost her once before, and now I’m losing her again. Before I can think, I stoop and scoop her into my arms. Pen is not small, although she’s all height and long limbs.
She lets out a grunt of protest before snuggling into my chest, her head resting on my shoulder, her breath teasing the skin on my neck.
I bite my lip to suppress a groan at the feel of her in my arms
I carry her up the stairs, manoeuvring her through the door before lowering her onto the bed.
Her arms snake around my neck, and she lets out a little moan as I go to pull away.
I freeze, with my hands going to where she’s locked hers behind my head. She’s surprisingly strong. She pulls my face towards her, and I close my eyes, letting her scent wash over me.
She’s sound asleep, but her body is calling to mine. She arches up towards me, trying to pull me closer. Before I can stop her, her lips find mine. Her tongue snakes out and dances along the seam of my mouth, asking for entry. My lips soften, and I groan, deepening the kiss before I come to my senses.
I squeeze my eyes closed and resist. Pulling her hands from behind my head, I stare down only to find she’s still sound asleep. She groans in protest, but I place her hands down and pat them. Noticing once again the garish socks she’s wearing.
As always, Pen removed her shoes when she entered the apartment. She’s been no different. Her mum has a no-shoes in the house policy. I think because she worked such long hours, she didn’t have time to clean the floors as often as she would have needed to or liked. They may not have had much money, but Ms D always kept an immaculate home.
Pen rolls onto her side with a moan. The sound shoots straight to my cock, and I harden like a teenager.
I lean over and pull the duvet up to cover her, ignoring the increasing pressure between my legs.
She lets out another moan, and I pause.
As I stare at the sleeping woman, my chest constricts.
I pull back sharply as I begin to lower my head towards hers.
What the hell am I doing?
I need to go. Pen is probably leaving in the morning, and I have to prepare for Lottie’s return.
I move away, taking one final glance at her sleeping form, as I switch off the light before closing the door behind me with a gentle click.
I enter my room and seal myself in.
Shit. Pen.
I’ve spent years suppressing my feelings for her. Kept my distance. Now all those feelings are back, and I can do nothing about them. She’s no longer free. I have commitments. I’m a selfish prick. She came all this way to help me and what do I want? To sink myself between her thighs and make love to her until she’s screaming my name and coming hard around my cock.
Never going to happen, Elijah!
I drop onto the bed and lie back, staring at the ceiling.
I’m an idiot.
Who am I kidding? My feelings for Pen have never changed. They never had a chance to. They were always there, only I suppressed them. It’s why I’ve struggled. I could never simply switch off what I felt.
Yes, I married Darra. She was having my child. The moment she announced her pregnancy, my fate was sealed. But I never loved her, never had. The whole time we were dating, she was a convenience. She was quite happy to admit she never loved me either. She and her father wanted to form an alliance. Create a power couple, and I was what her father wanted.
My friendship with Pen was collateral damage. I look back now and realise one reason I distanced myself from my family, my friends, was because to have been around her would have been unfair to everyone. I would not have been strong enough to resist her. When she refused to go into business with me after university, I used it as an excuse to push her away despite what we planned. At the time, I blamed her, but I refused to be the reason she lost loved ones, even if it meant isolating myself from my own family.
My brain fires up. I wrack my brain.
Pen was positive about our business for months after Darra announced her pregnancy. Even after we got married. Or did I imagine that, want it to be true? I know what Jaxson said, but did Pen have feelings for me? We’d got close in the months after Christmas, but was it more than a close friendship? I suppose I’ll never know, as we never got the chance to find out.
The unfulfilled sexual tension between us, or at least on my part. Pen withdrew, put up a professional wall.
I sit up and swing my legs off the bed.
If they arrested Pen for hacking. There’s no way she would have been able to set up a cyber security firm. If it had come out, it would have ruined us both, and she would have known that.
I grab my phone.
“Elijah, it’s late.”
“Hi, Mum.”
“What is it? Is Lottie okay?”
“She’s fine. I spoke to her earlier. She’s loving the art school. Her Italian is improving too.”
There’s a pause.
“Mum, did you know?”
“Know what Elijah. I know many things, but I still sadly lack the ability to mind read.”
Her tone is dry, although I can hear the amusement in her voice. I could also dispute her ability to mind-read. I swear she has read mine more than once.
“Did you know they arrested Pen for hacking?”
“Ah. The lovely Penelope Dawson. How is she?”
“Mum.”
She chuckles.
“Of course, we knew. Why do you think we set up the Frazer Foundation? It was the only way we could help her. That woman is proud and always has been. She would not accept our help any other way.”
“But.”
“She made a mistake.” Mum’s tone takes on a serious tone. “But your father and I would not let her ruin her future.”
“Do you know about?—”
“Shhh,” she hisses down the phone, giving me all the information I need.
“She didn’t abandon you, but you two remaining together would have been a disaster.”
Mum always was far too perceptive, and she loved Pen. Although she tried her best with Darra, Darra never wanted that kind of relationship and kept my mother, father, and siblings at arm’s length.
“I heard there’s been trouble.”
“It’s under control.”
“I’m here if you need me.”
“Thanks, Mum.”
“I love you, Elijah. We all do. You don’t need to shut us out.”
There’s nothing I can say. I’ve spent years trying to protect them from my mistakes, but I know I hurt them.
“Night,” I say
“Goodnight, my darling.”
The line goes dead. My mother is a dark horse. She’s like an onion. You peel aside one layer only to uncover another layer.
I lie back down.
Pen didn’t abandon me. She had no choice.
Fuck.
All these years, I blamed her for leaving me, abandoning our company. Distanced myself from my own family as they wouldn’t let her go. They said she deserved better.
Damn you, Pen , why weren’t you just honest with me?
But in my heart, I know why.
That single tear, all those years ago, when she found me hiding in the bathroom at my wedding. When she held me while I quietly fell apart before telling me to suck it up and get back out there.
I fucked up.
Tomorrow, I will put her back on Kris’s plane and send her home.
I’m not going to fuck up her life again.