Chapter 32
CHAPTER 32
PEN
I wake up in unfamiliar surroundings. The scent of laundry detergent lets me know exactly where I am. It’s the same as it always was. He’s a man of habit.
Before I open my eyes, I reach sideways, letting out a sigh of relief when I don’t come into contact with a body. My dreams were vivid. Strong lips, a teasing tongue. My dream last night of being held in powerful arms, which I’ve desired for so long, has left me wet and wanting, and it has to stop. This is not what I need, not what I want. Being around him is bad for my mental health.
I have a fiancé, we are happy.
I have my future planned.
I will not send that into free fall over a man who’s never looked at me the way I look at him, whatever people like Leah and Kat and Gabriel say. Their opinions are biased. There was a moment when I thought… but I was wrong. There was always Darra.
Who spends fifteen years pining after a man they never had, have never even kissed?
I throw back the covers and clamber out of bed. I make my way into the attached bathroom. Stripping out of my clothes, I step into the enormous walk-in shower.
I let the hot water and shower jets wash away the grime of the police station and the stress of the past forty-eight hours. It may not be my company under attack, but when someone I care about is being made a target, I’ll fight tooth and nail to help them. I heed the warning of The Seamstress. Something is coming, and I need to be ready.
As I leave the bathroom, there’s a knock on the door.
“Come in,” I say.
“Morning, Ms Dawson.”
“Chrissy,” I say grinning. “It’s good to see you.”
I’ve met Chrissy on a number of occasions when I’ve collected Lottie or delivered her home. My relationship as Lottie’s godmother is screwed up. But I’ll forever be grateful to Darra for allowing me to be part of her daughter’s life. I’m not sure why she agreed. It may have been because she wanted a babysitter initially, but for me, having no siblings allowed me to direct some love her way. It’s also meant we’ve developed a strong bond over the years. One I cultivated when it became clear her mother and father’s marriage was in trouble. She’d done nothing to deserve being caught in the middle.
“Elijah sent up some fresh clothes for you.”
“Thank you. A fresh set is very welcome.”
She grins at me.
“I’ll leave you to it.”
“Thank you again. Do you know where Elijah is?”
“Last time I saw him, he was heading to his gym.”
“Thanks.”
Chrissy leaves, and I open the bag of clothes Elijah sent up. I look at the sizes. Smooth, Mr Frazer, realising he’s guessed my size perfectly. I pull out the black jeans, laughing as a pair of brightly coloured socks drop onto the floor at my feet. I dip my hand back into the bag and pull out a jade jumper. I bite my lip. One way to get me into colour, Eli. The wool is soft, and I rub it against my cheek. I look in the bag, my mouth dropping open. Inside is a matching set of bra and panties, the lacy, satin scraps the same colour as the jumper.
My heart does a flip.
I know Elijah didn’t realistically choose these. He can’t have done. But I imagine his face. What would he think if I paraded into his gym wearing only them?
Stop!
I pull on my new clothes, ignoring the sensitivity of my nipples against the satin of the bra, and the panties resting against my fiery core.
I find a new toothbrush in the bathroom and clean my teeth before making my way downstairs. The apartment is immense, covering two floors. It’s bigger than most houses.
I head to the gym. Lottie gave me a tour on one of my visits.
I enter the room and freeze.
Loud music pumps through the speakers, hiding my presence despite the door closing behind me with a click. Elijah is in front. His back glistens in the light as he pulls himself up in a perfect chin-up. His muscles contract and relax beneath his skin. Growing up swimming made him lean and muscular. Age and gym work have filled him out further. His biceps bulge under the assault as he lifts himself up and down. His body is an art form, perfectly sculpted. I stand and watch in fascination.
Eventually, he drops to the ground with a grunt, stretching out the muscles, before grabbing a towel from the bench next to him.
It’s then he notices me.
His eyes give me the once over before a slow smile appears as he takes in my appearance.
“Did you sleep well?”
“Like a top,” I say, moving further into the room. “That’s a very comfortable bed you have in your spare room.”
I refrain from licking my lips at the sight of his exposed and ripped chest.
Down girl.
He moves to the bench.
“Did you?”
“Did I what?”
“Sleep well.”
“Not really,” he says.
Something flashes through his eyes, but I ignore it.
“Not surprising, everything considered,” I say
He grunts as he picks up his t-shirt and pulls it on.
My gaze fixates on his abs until they’re finally covered. A hot flush overtakes me, and I move to the water fountain and get us some water.
“Thank you,” Elijah says, taking a cup from my outstretched hand.
Our fingers brush. I hold myself steady, not wanting to jump at his touch and throw water all over the floor or him.
“I just wanted to say thank you for letting me stay last night,” I say. “My work here is done, so I’m about to head home before I go to the airport. Kris has the plane ready and waiting.”
A shadow passes over his face, but he corrects himself and smiles.
“Thank you for all your help. If there’s ever anything I can do to help in the future, you only need to ask, and it’s done.”
I smile.
“Thank you, but hopefully, my life is going to become boring and mundane in the near future.”
I look up, and our eyes lock. Elijah’s softening.
“Good luck, Pen, I hope you have everything you wish for.”
“You too,” I say, my heart sinking. “Will I see you at the wedding?”
He purses his lips and shakes his head.
“I don’t think—with Lottie.”
I hold up my hand, stopping him.
“It’s fine,” I say, even if my heart feels like it’s being ripped from my chest.
He doesn’t say any more, instead grabbing the towel and wiping his face. When he removes it, he says, “I’ll let you know if Peter gives up any information.”
I nod.
Before I can stop myself, I step forward, pressing my lips to his cheek, holding them there for several seconds. I close my eyes briefly before pulling back.
“Take care of yourself,” I say.
His hands move, gripping my upper arms. He drops his head, resting his forehead against mine, his own eyes closing for a moment before he reopens them, holding my gaze.
“Goodbye, Pen. Take care of yourself,” he says, pulling back.
I bite my lip and grip his damp forearms, squeezing them once before I turn and leave the room.
“Be happy, my beautiful friend. Time and fate never were on our side.”
His whispered words reach my ears, and I freeze as the door clicks shut behind me.
I drop my chin to my chest and inhale deeply. “Goodbye. I hope you find the happiness you deserve, too.” I whisper back, before kicking myself into motion. It’s time to go.