Chapter 37
CHAPTER 37
PEN
“ P enelope Dawson, open this door and let me in.”
There is another bang on the door, followed by incessant ringing as someone holds their finger on the bell.
I throw open my front door.
“Bloody hell, Kat, I was downstairs.”
“What? In the cellar?” she says, brushing past me and into the house.
“I was checking something out,” I say vaguely. “Why don’t you come in?”
Kat turns and winks at me.
“I will,” she says, continuing her journey towards my kitchen. “Now, where’s that coffee machine Gabriel bought you?”
She makes her way across the kitchen and sets the coffee machine going.
“You and your brothers are coffee addicts,” I tell her, grabbing two mugs out of the cupboard.
She turns and grins.
“And you’re not? I think we should totally blame Gabriel. He set us all on this path. Even Harper now agrees with us, though she always preferred tea, like our father.”
My heart pinches at the mention of Robert. We still feel his loss all these years on. His advice and support stretched beyond his family. I owed that man a lot. I owe Franny a lot.
“How is H?” I ask.
Kat smiles. Harper is eleven years younger than she is, but over recent years, the gap has closed.
“She’s loving her university course. It’s as if it was made for her. She’s also enjoying the anonymity.” She nods, her eyes glowing. “I think she likes not being a Frazer for once. Enrolling under our mother’s maiden name was pure genius. She’s toned down her makeup and returned her hair to its natural colour. Even I nearly didn’t recognise her when she turned up on my doorstep. I’m pleased for her. This is what she needs.”
Harper took Robert’s death incredibly hard. She was only seventeen when he died in a car accident. He was on his way to pick her up. Since her father’s death, she’s been hiding behind a mask, something I recognise. I’m pleased to hear she’s finally moving on.
“I agree,” I say. “Good for Harper.”
“Now we have got that out of the way. How are you doing?”
Kat moves closer, her eyes lock onto mine, her eyebrows drawn together.
I sigh and bite my top lip to halt the quivering.
I lead her into a room off the kitchen. It’s a small sitting room with a large television and the world’s comfiest sofa.
Tissues and chocolate wrappers litter the coffee table and floor.
“That good, huh?” Kat says, taking in the scene.
Moving up behind me, she squeezes my shoulder.
“I had a marathon movie fest. All the saddest, most depressing love stories I could muster,” I admit. “I’ve cried a lot and eaten my weight in chocolate and ice cream.”
“You should have called me to join you,” she says, spinning me around, her hands on my upper arms, squeezing. “I would have come.”
“I know,” I say, giving her a watery smile. “However, it was something I needed to do out of sight.”
Kat, out of everyone I know, understands that concept. As successful businesswomen who’ve fought to be at the top of our game, we do not want to show weakness. At least not in public. Even sometimes to our friends and family.
“Fair enough. But I’m here now.”
She grabs the bin from the corner near the door and begins scraping all the rubbish into it.
We work in silence, removing all evidence of my mini meltdown.
After I flew home, I barricaded myself in the house for a few days, telling Mum I needed some space. As she was already due to visit my grandparents, I told her she needed to go. She reluctantly agreed, but I know Kat is here because Mum called her. Mum will have given me time, but not enough to wallow completely before she called in the cavalry.
I smile. As a mum, she’s always known what I need.
“Now you’ve eaten all that chocolate and ice cream and cried yourself a river. How are you feeling?”
“Like I need a workout.”
Kat grins at me.
“Good thing I packed my running gear. Let’s go. The weather is perfect.”
I look outside. The sky is overcast, but it’s not cold.
“Let’s do this.”
Kat heads to her usual bedroom to get changed before we head out.
We run the first couple of miles in silence.
“Is it completely over? You and Kris,” Kat asks.
I nod.
The pressure in my chest has eased over the past couple of days, along with the nausea I felt at the thought of all I’ve lost.
“How are you? I mean, really?”
I turn my head to look at my bestie.
“Surprisingly. I feel okay,” I say. “Yes, I’ve grieved because it’s over. But if I’m honest, it’s hard to explain. You know me, Kat. My life to date has been all about work. This was supposed to be a new chapter. I planned to change. For Kris and I to get married, start a family. Now?—”
I pause, not knowing how to put my feelings into words.
“What about Kris?”
I smile.
“He’s called me every day. Checked in. He’s always been my friend first and will remain that way. He made me face a lot of things.”
“What do you mean?”
“Kris is my friend, and as a friend, I love him dearly. On paper, he’s perfect. We both wanted the same things, someone who understood us, a family. We were lonely and for a while, we filled that gap for one another. But when he pointed out that was not the right answer—” I sigh. “I realised he was right. We were both settling.”
I stop and bend forward, trying to catch my breath. I stand and look up at the sky. Kat stops next to me.
“I can’t explain it. Now some time has passed, it’s almost a relief. Coming back here was like a weight lifting off my shoulders. I didn’t realise how much I would miss home until I moved over there.” I let out a laugh. “Who would have thought Penelope Dawson was a home bod?”
Kat inclines her head, and I chuckle.
“Okay, maybe you would. But it was when Gabriel called me. I would have jumped at any excuse to get on a plane and come home.” I run a hand down my face. “I think Kris saw that too.”
Kat looks at me. She knows about my past.
“What next?”
“I get on with my life,” I say truthfully. “I spent the weekend planning out a new game. It’s more intricate than anything I’ve created before. The team are going to want to part kill me, part kiss me, when I go through it with them.”
Kat laughs. “No keeping a good woman down.”
I grin. “You should know. What about you?”
She sets off down the road, looking over her shoulder.
“The hotel in the Maldives has hit a few snags. Nothing I can’t resolve, but I’m going to need to head out there if the onsite team can’t sort it out.”
“Worse places to go,” I tell her as we turn the corner and head back to the house.
After we’ve showered, I throw us some lunch together. My staff are still off, although all have jumped at the chance to come back when I invited them. I’m not supposed to be here, so I gave them an extended paid holiday. They all return next week. In the meantime. I’m in charge of my own destiny.
“Does Elijah know you’re back?” Kat asks, resting her hip against the kitchen island, a bottle of isotonic water in her hand.
“No. Neither does Gabriel nor Caleb and I’d like to keep it that way. At least for now.”
Kat turns her head to the side.
“Can I ask why? Did something happen between you and my brother?”
“No,” I tell her truthfully.
“But—”
“No buts. We’re friends.” I pause. “Hopefully, we can be friends again. The past fifteen years have been messy, but we did quite a lot of talking while I was helping him. Cleared the air. He’s mending. I don’t want him to think my engagement ending is his fault.”
“But it is—indirectly.”
I shake my head, and Kat sighs.
“Friends? Is that really all you want?”
I raise an eyebrow. She knows better than to go there.
“All I’m saying is—you’re both single. The chemistry has been sizzling between you for years. Don’t you think you should at least explore its possibilities?”
Not Kat as well.
It’s bad enough with Leah and Kris. Kris has asked me every day if I’ve spoken to Elijah. I made him swear he wouldn’t call him.
“Don’t say that. It’s not appropriate.”
Kat grips both my shoulders.
“We both know if Darra hadn’t got pregnant, you and Elijah…”
I shake my head. “No, we wouldn’t. Elijah didn’t see me like that. I was one of the boys, his partner,” I whisper. “ That was a lifetime ago. We’re no longer the same people.”
“You need to speak to him. Let him know you’re back. See what happens. You don’t need to tell him anything else. Not unless you want to. My big brother might surprise you.”
My chest aches at the thought of seeing Elijah again. I don’t tell her how many times I’ve picked up the phone and put it down again.
“It won’t help.”
“Why not?”
“Because—”
“Because what?”
“Because if he doesn’t want me. I don’t know what I’ll do.”
Kat pulls me into her arms.
“But at least you’ll know once and for all. This time, you’re both free. Maybe it’s your time.”
“And if it’s not?”
“Then we work on a plan Z.”