Chapter Nineteen Han
CHAPTER NINETEEN
HAN
I invited Leti and Tatiana over that night so I wouldn’t overthink why the hell Kenny really didn’t want to kiss me. As soon as there was a knock on the door, I went right over to answer it.
“So you and Kenny got over your fight I see…” Leti said loudly enough for Kenny to hear from the living room. They put finger quotes around the word “fight.”
“What do you mean fight ?” I said, mirroring Leti’s finger quotes.
Tatiana laughed. “There are less creative ways to bail from a party.”
Shit. Was I that bad of a liar? If I couldn’t be convincing about the fight, who was to say I’d be convincing about any part of this? Was that why Kenny didn’t want to kiss me anymore? Was I not believable enough?
“What are you talking about? It was a real fight… and we… made up already…” I realized now that inviting them over wasn’t the best move, but smarts weren’t exactly my forte.
“Sure you did, Ale…” Leti winked.
“Was it that obvious?” I asked, giving up the charade.
“Nah, I just know you. You don’t go picking fights. I’m sure Kenny’s fam was convinced, though.”
I sighed in relief, remembering our fake fight with amusement, trying hard not to replay the conversation afterward. No more kissing. Why the hell did that bother me, anyway?
I cleared my throat and stepped aside so they could come in. Tatiana headed for the bathroom, and I followed her down the hall. She glanced at me behind her shoulder and raised an eyebrow. I put my hands on the sides of her arms and let out a shaky breath.
“I need you to be straight with me.” I lowered my voice to a whisper. “Am I a bad kisser?”
Tatiana burst out laughing. “What? Why? ”
“You can tell me. If I am.” The idea never crossed my mind before. I’d never kissed someone who didn’t want to kiss me. At least, I hoped I hadn’t. As far as I knew, I was a great kisser. Then again, maybe everyone was just sparing my ego.
“Did Kenny tell you you’re a bad kisser or something?”
“Shh!” I glanced down the hallway to see Kenny distracted with Leti. He didn’t hear. Kenny hadn’t outright said it, but he might as well have. How gross of a kisser must I have been if he didn’t even want to do it for my citizenship? Then again, why did I care so much about whether Kenny wanted to kiss me?
“Of course not. Just be real with me. You don’t have to spare my feelings.” I sighed, dreading the response I might get. No one seemed to have any issues in the past, but maybe I was blessed—or cursed—with polite lovers. What else was I terrible at that no one bothered to tell me?
Tatiana covered her mouth and laughed again.
“Fuck… I’m terrible, aren’t I?”
“No!” she let out through a laugh. “Trust me, I would tell you. It’s just funny how random this is. You’re usually so confident.”
Relief washed over me, but it left just as quickly. If I was a decent kisser, then why didn’t Kenny want to kiss anymore?
“Well, thanks… Uh, you can go to the bathroom now.” I ducked my head and went to the kitchen.
I grabbed a bottle of wine and a few glasses, then made my way to the couch and sat between Leti and Kenny. They’d already put some movie on, but I couldn’t stop thinking about what I’d done to cause a full halt in such a key aspect of our fake relationship.
Kenny wasn’t the type to flake for any small thing. I rubbed my temples, wondering if I’d done something to upset him. As the movie played in the background, I replayed all our recent interactions in my head, looking for a clue. What the hell had I done wrong?
After Tatiana came back to join us, Kenny moved to sit on the ground between my legs. Luna sat next to Kenny with her head in his lap, and he leaned his head against my left thigh. Would he lean his head on me like that if he was mad? Maybe I hadn’t done something wrong then… but that just made the new rule make even less sense.
Once the movie and another bottle of wine were through, Leti stumbled forward when they tried to stand to reach for their keys.
“Whoa, I don’t think you should drive,” Kenny said.
I looked over to Tatiana, who was sound asleep on the edge of the couch. My fault for bringing out the wine.
“Why don’t you stay the night? You can have my bed, Leti,” I offered.
“But where would you sleep?” they slurred.
“With me, obviously.” Kenny said it like it was a no-brainer. Okay, so he probably wasn’t mad if he was offering to share his bed, right? We’d slept in each other’s beds a bunch of times before, so it wasn’t too big of a deal. Then again, that was before we were getting married. And before the no-kissing rule.
When we got into Kenny’s room, I stared at the bed like it was lava.
Kenny nonchalantly stripped down to his boxers.
Kenny undressing brought my mind back to that dream I’d had of us practicing a lot more than kissing, and my cheeks burned hot. This time I was under no illusions about where the burning feeling came from. Like, if I was really homophobic, wouldn’t all the fake dating stuff have bothered me? But somehow being seen in that way with Kenny, however fake it was, felt more natural than ever.
The burning in my cheeks and fluttering in my stomach only happened when we were alone. Even if my romance with Kenny was an act, it didn’t mean seeing him in only his boxers did nothing for me. Especially after that dream.
Kenny’s eyes moved from my face, down to my sweatpants, which were still very much on (and I intended to keep them that way), and his cheeks went red. It wasn’t like Kenny had never seen me catch a boner before, but he’d usually tease me or something. He never got flustered.
As soon as I realized this time was different, I all but threw myself on the bed facing away from Kenny.
“Um, g’night,” I mumbled, quickly pulling the covers over me.
“Night.” Kenny let out an awkward laugh, and then the lights were out.
I curled up as far away from Kenny as possible, pretending to sleep to avoid any potential weirdness. All I wanted was to ask what I’d done to cause the no-kissing rule, but Kenny seemed so chill. He even kept rolling over like he wanted to cuddle, but maybe that was just in his sleep? Still, other than the new rule, nothing had really changed. Maybe I was overthinking it.
Then again, Kenny wasn’t always the type to willingly face confrontation. I could remember plenty of times when he was upset with Jackie and never said anything until things got monumentally worse.
But this was Kenny and me . I wasn’t Jackie. Kenny had never been afraid of telling me when I’d done something to upset him, because I didn’t abuse his trust.
I was not Jackie. And we would be fine.