Chapter Forty Kenny
CHAPTER FORTY
KENNY
I knew Han and I were supposed to be waiting in separate rooms for our wedding to start, but after what we’d just shared, I didn’t want him to leave.
“Stay,” I said softly, taking Han’s newly freed wrist and kissing it tenderly. Since he’d been bound with a soft necktie, there were no rope marks. Still, I gently rubbed the skin where he’d been tied in case he was sore.
“Okay.” Han didn’t protest, and I was glad for it. What was the point of waiting in two separate rooms? We could hear Elisa ushering guests outside. The wedding would be starting in only fifteen minutes, and I, for one, couldn’t wait.
“Can I admit something weird?” Han asked.
“Of course.”
He sighed. “It feels so… I don’t know… maybe naive or something. But… I’m kind of bummed there’s no baby anymore.”
“What do you mean?” I asked.
“Like, don’t get me wrong. I’m thrilled Jackie isn’t in the picture. But I don’t know. I was kind of looking forward to raising a little you.” He chuckled.
“Really?” I asked, and Han looked embarrassed but didn’t cower away. I couldn’t hide the smile on my face. Han, who’d never wanted kids before, wanted one… with me? Was that what he was saying? I might not have been ready to have a kid right then, but I could totally see it happening with Han at some point in the future.
“So, do you still want to get divorced after I’m naturalized?” Han asked. I chewed on my lip. Things were definitely more complicated now, but I could deal with complicated.
“Let’s not worry about that right now. Right now I just want to kiss you.” I pressed my lips against his one more time and felt Han chuckling under the kiss.
“I just want to actually date you,” he said.
“Good thing we’re getting married, then.” I grinned.
Before I knew it, there were several knocks at the door.
“You boys ready?” It was my mom. We got ourselves together and opened the door, and were greeted by Tía Mary, Tío Nacho, Han’s dad, and both my parents. For the first time since Han came into the room, we allowed ourselves to be separated again so we could be walked down the aisle.
One of the guys from Nacho’s band played a slow acoustic version of “Cielito Lindo” as Han and I waited on opposite ends of the back of the aisle. I heard a few gasps and hushed whispers when we walked out. When our cue came, my parents and Han’s dad respectively walked us toward the aisle to meet each other. I could have sworn I saw Han tearing up.
Han had just one crutch to help him walk, and the other arm was wrapped around mine. We made our way up the aisle slowly, until we made it to the altar, every step increasing the speed at which my heart would beat.
I could hardly hear the words coming out of Leti’s mouth as they said their marriage spiel—I could only look at Han, who was staring right back at me. He was smiling contagiously, and I smiled right back. Finally, after all this time, it was happening.
Han was first to say his vows, but he stopped Leti from starting him off.
“Actually, I wrote my own vows.” He pulled out a folded-up piece of paper from his pocket and unfolded it shakily. He cleared his throat. “Um, I’m not great at writing speeches, so don’t go thinking this is gonna be good.” He let out a nervous breath of a laugh. “I just wanted to say thank you, Kenny. For everything. You’ve been there for me my entire life. Even when I didn’t want to talk about what was wrong, you were there for me. You were there for things as small as when we were ten and I didn’t make the basketball team, but also for the big things, like getting freaking married .” He smiled through his words. “And I’m so happy to be marrying you. Like, ridiculously happy. This isn’t some means to an end for me.” Han smiled as he wiped a tear from his eye. “So, I vow to do everything I can to make it up to you. I want to let you in, Kenny. To be vulnerable. To be real. I want this. I want you , so fucking bad.” He didn’t clear his throat or look away when I looked into his eyes during his speech. He held my gaze earnestly, and it absolutely broke me in the best way possible. “Um. Yeah. I just wanted to say thank you. So much. Thank you, Kenny. And I love you.”
I almost felt Han’s pain in saying all that without uttering the word “bro” even once. I didn’t realize I’d been crying until I found myself mirroring Han wiping a tear from my eye. What saps we both were.
When Leti was about to start me off for my turn, I interrupted them just like Han had.
“I wrote my own vows, too,” I said, trying to hold it together long enough to say what I had to say. Instead of reading the vows from the paper I had in my pocket, I spoke from the heart. “I know everyone thinks I don’t know how to make a decision to save my life. I’ve never been the most confident guy. I thought I needed someone else’s approval before saying what I really wanted, or even daring to think it. I was so afraid of making the wrong choice, and I thought if I let someone else make the choices for me, I couldn’t possibly disappoint them. Han, I told you before that marrying you was the easiest decision I’ve made in my life, and I meant it. I’m not afraid of being wrong. I don’t care who approves or doesn’t.” I let out a shaky breath to avoid audibly choking up. “I vow to choose you, Han. Today, tomorrow, the next day, and every day after that. I can’t wait to choose you over and over, for the rest of my life. There isn’t a single alternate universe or timeline or dimension where I won’t make the same choice. It’s you, Han. It’s always been you, and it always will be. I love you… bro .” I laughed through the tears, and Han did the same.
“Bro…” Han laughed, shaking his head.
“Okay, now kiss, you losers!” Leti said, grabbing both our heads and pushing them together.
We kissed, and at that moment, I knew things would never go back to normal. They would never be the same, but that was okay. It was more than okay. I didn’t want things to go back anymore. I wanted Han in a way I never would have thought I deserved, but now the possibilities were endless. I could be with him now. I could feel his lips on mine. We could make love and never have to say goodbye. The past with Han was incredible, but the best part? That’s what comes next.