Chapter 33
CHAPTER 33
MARIAM
A rland’s eyes were fixed on my brother’s, his expression serious but also almost derisive, as if he couldn’t believe Brian was really accusing him of something so ridiculous as being in a relationship with me. After all this time, now that it had come right down to it, Arland was straight up denying being with me.
It hurt. Badly, actually. Every one of his words cut to the quick, and the look on his face didn’t provide any consolation whatsoever.
Sure, we’d agreed to keep our relationship a secret, but his ex-wife had just made me look like a dirty little fool and he hadn’t stood up for me. He hadn’t pointed out that I wasn’t a teenager or that being with me couldn’t do a shred of harm to the family’s reputation.
Instead, he’d denied any relationship between us and made it seem like any real connection would’ve been impossible. Laughable.
My mind raced as I tried to make sense of it, doing my very best to understand what his motivation might’ve been. Even if it hurt his image , he could’ve claimed to be with me. He could’ve stuck up for us. At the very least, he didn’t need to make it seem like the mere thought was so absurd.
I drew in a deep, quiet breath. My heart pulsated in my chest as the first cracks started breaking it apart. Maybe Lisa had been right and I was a dirty little fool. It certainly wasn’t beyond the realm of possibility that, when faced with the reality of admitting to our relationship, Arland had realized that the age gap was too big.
Or maybe he’d even known all along that he would never publicly claim me. In the time I’d been in town, I’d heard whispers about him. Heck, Gabby had even come right out and told me about his reputation at our movie night. Sure, she’d followed it up by saying he’d never looked at another woman the way he looked at me, but what did that really even mean?
I already knew that physically he was attracted to me. He’d never tried to hide how much he wanted me and the nights we’d spent together had more than proved that he was perfectly okay with fucking me. Maybe he just looked at me that way because of that. Maybe it had never been love at all.
The worst part about it was that the longer I stood there, watching their tense stand-off continue, the more it dawned on me what our age gap actually meant—and none of it was good.
Arland had lived so much more life than I had, which made him so much more experienced, established, settled down, and so completely sure of himself. It also meant hard conversations about a future family as well as having weird interactions when people thought he was my dad—and that wasn’t even to mention the judgment from my family in the long run.
I’d thought I’d let go of my own insecurities about his age, but did I even really want any of that? Did I want to spend my life with someone feeling somehow less than only because I was younger?
For these last few weeks, I’d convinced myself it wouldn’t be that way, but if Arland still had his misgivings, then perhaps it was time I pulled the wool from my own eyes.
Things would never be easy for us as a couple. Regardless of the intensity of our connection, we would always face challenges others would never have to.
Arland still hadn’t even glanced at me, his attention remaining entirely focused on my brother, but as I stared at the side of his face, it occurred to me that perhaps he thought he was protecting me. Maybe he even thought he was doing this for me, but if that was the case, he was sorely mistaken.
Opening weekend was over and he’d been directly confronted about our relationship, and he hadn’t risen to the challenge. Despite everything, if our roles had been reversed and the accusation had been aimed at me, I would never have denied him after everything we’d been through together.
Keeping things quiet was entirely different from blatantly lying in response to a direct question. Plus, I certainly never would have gone so far in my denial as he had.
Brian stared back at his friend, his jaw still tight and his muscles bunched, but my parents had now also entered the fray. Dad scoffed at Brian, reaching out to put a hand on his son’s shoulder. “Think about who you’re talking about here. Your sister would never get involved in something so sordid and unsavory.”
“Excuse me?” Lillian’s head reared back, her eyes as wide as saucers. She pressed her hands to her hips and narrowed her eyes at my father. “How exactly would getting involved with my brother be either sordid or unsavory ? I know you’re not from around here, Mr. Walker, but my family and Arland in particular are held in pretty high esteem in these parts.”
Dad sighed as he waved her off. “I didn’t mean that your family is either sordid or unsavory, young lady. I was referring to the situation .”
I hadn’t had much of an opportunity to spend time with Lillian yet, but I knew enough about her from Arland to know that she wouldn’t back down easily. Apparently, she was like a real lioness protecting her cubs when it came to her family—all except for Smith—and she proved it now when she held her ground.
“The situation ?” She scoffed. “First, you’ve been assured that there is no situation, and second, what would be so wrong about it if they were in a relationship with one another?”
Exactly. Why is it so wrong? If we love each other, then what business is that of anybody else?
The argument became a full family affair when my mother stepped in as well, standing shoulder to shoulder with my father. Unsurprisingly, she backed his point of view wholeheartedly and without even sparing so much as a glance at me. “What would be so wrong about it? He’s almost twenty years her senior. Closer to our age than hers. I think the better way of phrasing that question is, how could it be right ?”
My eyelids slammed shut, my chest feeling like it was closing up until I suddenly felt a gentle hand on my elbow. “Come with me.”
I turned to look at the person trying to come to my aid, and it turned out to be Arland’s brother, Grant. I appreciated that he was trying to pull me away, but I couldn’t go. Not now.
I had to see how this played out, so I shot him a tiny smile and shook my head, keeping my voice quiet so no one would overhear us. “Thanks, but I’m okay.”
Worry darkened Grant’s eyes. He had a deep furrow between his eyebrows, and it looked like he was going to say something until Arland finally spoke up again. Defending himself and once again denying that anything had ever happened between us, he looked my entire family right in the eyes but focused on Brian more than anyone else.
“Would all of you please calm down? This is supposed to be a celebration and it’s turning into a complete fiasco, which I’m sure is exactly what Lisa wanted when she brought this up.” He shook his head. “Bri, if there was anything going on between Mariam and me that was worth telling you about, I would’ve come to you. I respect you too much to let Lisa be the one to break the news, and especially in the way she did tonight.”
My brother looked shook and clueless, but he still didn’t seem to be ready to let it go. “Look, man, I know your ex is a piece of work, but you’ve got to admit that was a pretty random accusation to make if it was completely baseless.”
Arland didn’t hesitate. “Don’t give her what she wants, Brian. She said it to stir some shit up just like she always does. Your sister isn’t even thirty yet. What the hell would I want from her?”
Brian’s eyebrows shot up. “I can think of a few things. A few body parts, to be more specific.”
“Is that really how little you think of me?” Arland’s chin came up as he held my brother’s gaze. “You think I would go after your baby sister just for that ?”
He sniffed, even letting out a dry little chuckle as he shook his head. I realized that this was becoming way too much of a mess. Besides, Arland had made himself perfectly clear in the few short minutes it had been since Lisa had asked if I was his mistress.
If I’d thought he was in love with me, I’d been dead wrong. The man had wanted to get into my pants and he’d said whatever he’d had to in order to get himself there. He’d really had me fooled.
I hadn’t gotten that vibe from him for even a moment but there was no denying the look in his eyes right now. The hard set of his jaw or the derision in his tone.
Arland Stone had never had feelings for me that hadn’t stemmed from his dick, and he was never going to. In that sense, I supposed it was a good thing we’d kept our relationship on the down low.
At least there weren’t too many people who would even begin to guess that I’d lost my heart to a man who’d only ever been interested in my vagina. It wasn’t much in the way of comfort, but it was better than nothing.