Chapter 8
“Teddy, you’re crushing me.”
In truth, Teddy had wanted to hear Callum’s voice. To know that his friend was safe and healthy was something he’d been desperate for. He couldn’t imagine being locked into his animal form. He loved being a bear, but there were times when being a man had serious advantages. He shifted back and found himself naked atop an equally nude Callum.
“I’m sorry!” he muttered, then rolled off and stood. He held out a hand, grateful when Callum took it.
“Please, I beg you to forgive me,” Callum said softly, pain etched on his delicate features.
“There’s nothing to forgive. I know grief, and I understand it.”
“You could have killed me. I didn’t realize you were so strong.”
Teddy reached out and put a hand on Callum’s shoulder. “No, I couldn’t. You’re my friend, and I knew what I told you was so damned hard to hear.”
He took a moment to take in the sight of Callum. He’d been right. He was far too skinny. Teddy could see the ribs and shoulder bones protruding, and the sunken stomach. But Teddy could see the bull in the man. There was a strength there, buried, that called to Teddy.
“I can’t…. It was my fault. I ran for help when he needed me, and… and….”
The tears came then. Teddy wasn’t sure if any overture would be welcome, but he couldn’t let Callum break down without trying to help. He stepped closer, and before he could do anything, Callum wrapped his arms around Teddy’s waist and put his head against Teddy’s chest. Teddy slid his arms around the slight frame and pulled him closer.
“It wasn’t your fault,” Teddy assured him. “You couldn’t stop it from happening, and they took you too. Trying to get away, to find help, was the smartest thing you could do.”
Callum shook his head. Teddy guessed his words weren’t going to penetrate the haze of grief at the moment. He slid an arm under Callum’s legs and lifted him from the ground. Callum never stopped sobbing. Teddy carried him inside the compound, doing his best to avoid anyone. He made it to his room relatively unnoticed, and those who did see him were good enough to avert their gazes. He put Callum onto the bed, then climbed in beside him and drew the comforter up over them.
It wasn’t long before Callum’s sobs turned to whimpers, and then to soft snores. He had to be exhausted. Not that anyone could blame him. Shifting in either direction took a lot of energy, and so did the realization that your brother wasn’t coming back. Teddy knew he’d react the same way if something happened to Ivan.
He realized he should call Mal or Alp, let them know that Callum had shifted back, but Callum lay with his head on Teddy’s chest and his arm over Teddy’s waist. Teddy reached out and touched the coppery hair. It was every bit as soft as he thought it would be. Callum looked peaceful, and Teddy didn’t want anyone to disturb him. At least not now. There would be time later for Callum to meet the First and his mate. For now, he needed rest.
“Teddy?”
He startled a bit. “Yes?”
“Is this real? Am I actually here?” He inhaled. “Are you with me?”
Teddy squeezed Callum’s hand. “Do you feel that? It’s real. You’re truly back.”
He turned his face onto Teddy’s chest. “I never thought I would be human again. I thought I’d die in there.”
And Teddy knew he would have missed out on something— someone —special. “I wish we had gotten here earlier.”
“How did you come here in the first place?”
Teddy told him the story of Alp’s escape, of Mal finding him, and how Mal nursed the bunny back to health, and Alp’s eventual shift back to human. Then he explained about the packs getting together and storming the place.
“So you know, if you want, you’re welcome to stay. Alp and Mal are more than happy to have anyone who was subjected to these assholes as a member of their pack.”
“I don’t know if I can stay here.”
And that was understandable. When Damon bought this land and made Mal and Alp its leaders, they said they were going to make this place into a home, and Teddy thought they were insane. He was wrong, though. They’d transformed it. They’d taken what had been an ugly place and turned it into something filled with love. That was mostly Alp’s doing. Making sure he read to the kids, stopping at every room and giving them a hug or kiss good night. From the night they spent watching movies, Teddy could tell that many of the kids were putting the horrors behind them.
“Then you shouldn’t have to. Now that you’re human again, you can go anywhere you want.” Why did Teddy’s stomach clench when he said that? That was easy. He didn’t have many friends, and he had come to think of Callum as one of them. To lose him now would hurt, but after so many years locked into form, he had to get out and see how the world had changed. “So you know, I would miss you.”
“I’d miss you too,” Callum replied.
“Do you have something you want to do?”
He sighed. “I have to go home. My parents must be frantic with worry. I don’t know how I’m going to tell them about Coop. He was always their favorite.”
“Now you’re being silly,” Teddy said, tugging on a stray red lock that had dipped onto Callum’s forehead.
A sad smile crossed Callum’s face. “Nah, I’m not. Their lives revolve….” He swallowed hard. “Revolved around Cooper. He was the first son, the special one. I was an oops baby, which I was reminded of fairly often.”
He put a hand on Callum’s wrist, hoping to give him strength. “Callum?—”
“No, it’s okay. Yeah, it hurt a lot when I was growing up, but I had plans, and they were going to get me out on my own, you know? Then we got taken, and all those dreams went to hell.”
Uncertain what to say, Teddy asked, “Do you want to get some food?”
Atop him, Callum shuddered. “It’s going to sound awful, especially after finding out my brother died, but I’m starving.” He made to sit up, but Teddy held him in place. Callum fell back onto the bed, his strength seeming to desert him. “Maybe in a few minutes.”
Teddy held fast, enjoying the feeling of protecting someone once again. “Okay, we’ll wait. I just want to be sure you’re okay.”
His eyes crinkled. “No, not really. I’m lost, adrift. I’ve got no idea what I should do. I—what’s the date?”
“March twenty-fourth,” Teddy answered, then added the year, because he had no idea what Callum knew.
His eyes widened. “You mean I missed eight birthdays?” He gave a rueful chuckle. “It sucks, especially since I had no idea until right now, how old I was. Happy birthday to me, I guess. At least I missed out on acne, awkward dating, and things like that, I suppose.”
A pit formed in Teddy’s stomach. As bad as things had been for him and Ivan, it wasn’t eight lost years that he could never get back.
“Callum, I—” He had no idea what to do or say that would help. Teddy hated that Callum needed something, and he couldn’t provide it. “I’m sorry.”
“Hey, no. I’m not upset with you. I mean, I was angry. I still am. None of it has to do with you, though. I hate Hyde, and every damned person who worked in this place.” He nudged Teddy. “How’s the cut?”
It had already become nothing but a memory. Teddy and Ivan tended to heal faster than most shifters they knew, even the First. Ivan said it was because of their strength, and Teddy could never find a way to argue it. Their wounds became nothing more than mottled pink skin within hours of being hurt, then faded as though they were never there. “What cut?”
When Callum burrowed in deeper, Teddy sighed.
“Am I hurting you?” Callum asked.
“No. It’s just….” He grinned. “When I was a kid, my family used to huddle together as bears to keep us warm. It made it easier on our bills, because we didn’t need the heat, so we saved a lot of money. It was one of the reasons Ivan and I left. We wanted a life where we didn’t have to pinch pennies, where going out and grabbing food wasn’t a blaspheme. Now we have money, and I still find that cuddling with a friend is a balm to me.”
They were quiet for several minutes. Teddy lay there, enjoying the feeling of having someone with him. He sniffed Callum’s hair as quietly as he could, but of course that didn’t work out too well.
“Are you smelling me? Do I stink?”
Far from it. An odd combination of lavender and grapefruit tickled Teddy’s nose. He hadn’t noticed it before, but then again, he had been doing his best to not breathe as he washed Callum down. “No, you smell fine. Good, in fact.”
That seemed to make Callum happy. “I know bears have one of the best senses of smell of all shifters, so I didn’t want to offend you.”
“No, you’re definitely not offending me,” Teddy replied, tightening his grip.
His bear demanded to be let out. At first, Teddy thought it was angry over the fight, but that wasn’t it. There was anger there, yes, but it wasn’t directed at Callum. His bear seemed to sense… danger, and it wanted to stand between Callum and whatever was out there in the darkness.
Even though he had no desire to be a bodyguard anymore, Teddy knew he’d give his life to protect Callum.
And that kind of startled him.
Teddy was far more forgiving than anyone else Callum had ever met. He had gored the bear with his horn, after all. Still, it seemed Teddy wasn’t angry, and the fact that the two of them lay together, with Teddy holding tight, was more than welcome.
Callum tried to figure out what he should do. He couldn’t stay in this place, that was certain. Even if it had been sanitized from top to bottom, the labs had originally been filled with terror and fear, and it rippled through Callum.
How strange was it, though? His bull, who’d been tortured and beaten, felt at peace right now. Probably because of Teddy’s strength. Callum had never known anyone, not even Cooper, who was as powerful as Teddy. He grinned to himself, because when he’d caught Teddy sniffing him, he was grateful Teddy hadn’t noticed Callum doing the same thing.
It was weird. In all his years—well, at least until he was taken—Callum had never once noticed anyone who smelled like a bed of wildflowers. When he was in school, the smell of perspiration and perfumes had Callum wrinkling his nose, but he had to admit, Teddy’s sweat was… warm and sweet. In fact, it was quickly becoming something Callum would say he was addicted to.
His thoughts jolted to a stop. His brother was dead, and here he was, lying in bed with a bear shifter, thinking about the man’s sweat? What the hell was wrong with him?
“Callum?”
“Hm?”
“You hungry?”
He was. “Yeah.”
“Well, I should talk with Mal and Alp, let them know you’ve shifted back. I wouldn’t want anyone to get freaked out by someone they didn’t know. Plus, we need to see about getting you some clothes. I doubt anyone would be shocked by nudity, seeing as how we’re shifters, but I wouldn’t want you to feel uncomfortable.”
Which Callum would. He’d caught a glimpse of himself when they entered Teddy’s room, and the realization that he had lost so much weight scared him.
“I used to be chunky. It’s a thing with bull shifters,” he said. “Unless we work out constantly, there isn’t going to be a lot of muscle tone. What I saw freaked me out, because now I look like a walking skeleton.”
“Well, we’ll get you fed up and start you on some good, wholesome food.”
That sounded fine to Callum.
“Why don’t you lay here a bit longer? Let me give Alp a call.”
“Okay.”
Callum was quite comfortable in Teddy’s bed, surrounded by the smell of daffodils and dandelions, of the lushest green grass, and the heavenly aroma of fresh cut hay. He curled up, his arm under his head, and smiled when Teddy covered him with the thick comforter.
A flash of light when Teddy opened the door, followed by a quiet snick as he closed it.
“What are you doing?” he whispered to himself. “You know what happened in this place. You should be trying to get out.”
He’d been out, though. Teddy had taken him on a run through the woods, had brought him vegetables, had bathed and brushed him. Why was the terror he’d always felt now waning? He knew the answer, but didn’t want to examine it too closely. With Teddy, Callum felt safe, protected. He tried to think back. Had he ever had those feelings before? Not that he could recall.
He was sliding toward sleep again when the door opened.
“Callum?”
“Hm?” He was so exhausted, he couldn’t even make his mouth work to answer.
“Did you want to sleep some more?”
Yes! Sleep sounded delightful. He pulled the cover up to his chin and heard Teddy chuckle.
“Okay, why don’t you get some rest? Mal is busy with Damon right now, and Alp is getting ready to do a bedtime story for the kids.” The bed dipped when Teddy sat on the edge. “Did you want to listen in on the story? Alp has a soothing voice.”
At the moment, Callum didn’t care about anything. “Sure.”
Teddy leaned forward and flicked a switch. A few moments passed, with Callum sliding closer and closer toward sleep, when a gentle voice invaded his mind, talking about wolves and rabbits, of family, of peace, of home. Then Callum was surrounded again by Teddy’s warmth as he lay behind him, his face buried in the crook of Callum’s neck. The gentle breath, the sweet smell, and the knowledge Teddy had him safe helped Callum fall asleep.
How can you lay there, especially knowing I’m dead because of you!
The voice was unmistakably Cooper’s. It pounded in Callum’s brain, the fear slamming into him once again. The acrid scent of sweat after a workout hung in the air.
You left me there to die while you saved yourself! I looked for you, I yelled, I begged you to stay and help me, and you ran like a coward. When they locked me in that cell, I was so pissed off. I would have killed you myself if I could have gotten to you.
It wasn’t Callum’s fault. He couldn’t have helped Cooper, and he knew it. He’d never been a fighter, never had Cooper’s aggression. Callum preferred sitting in the fields and peering up at the clouds to going to the gym and building up his muscles. Cooper was the big guy, the strong one, the….
And what did all my muscles do? Got me killed saving your stupid ass.
Fear Callum had never known flooded his body. Even the harshest of experiments had never brought on this level of trauma. It was like he was watching Cooper fighting for his life, feeling what Cooper did, experiencing it all firsthand. The terror of knowing the fight was going to end with him losing. The fear that they’d do something to him. When they slid the hood over his head, it became hard to breathe, and his heart hammered so hard, Callum feared it would burst.
You did this to me, you son of a bitch! Cooper snarled. I died, and it’s your fault!
Callum jolted up and screamed. It was torn from his very depths, and he was afraid it would never stop.
But even more fearful of what it would mean if it did.